I'm Watching Good Omens And They Happened To Make A GREAT Analogy For Amnesia. Or At Least How I Often

So, the host’s boyfriend came and talked to us, made sure we were okay, that was cool. I ended up talking it out and feeling much better afterwards.

So that’s nice.

-renfield

I’m out and masking so hard, even though we’re among friends who are aware I’m just not super comfortable.

And let me tell you, masking a British accent in an American environment is so not the best.

Especially when everyone keeps asking you if you’re okay cause a second ago the host was out having a panic attack.

This is my life at the moment.

-renfield

Me: goes through trauma

My alters: split just to hide it from me

Me: finds it again

Me and my alters:

Oh how I wish I would just split a Loki fictive already

-Apollo

Ha ha. I’m out now because the host had a mental breakdown and now I’m super dysphoric cause I’m a male alter. Fml.

-Tyler

Our friend is so good at telling us apart, sometimes he catches on before we even realize we’re switching.

We have the right to pretend to be the host don’t take that from us.

-Angelo

tiktok can be really toxic to systems, if you do make the channel be careful!

Thank you so much for your input/gen

I’ll be sure to take precautions and not spend too much time on it if I decide to do that. I mainly just want a place where I can look back at my experiences and possible help others find themselves as well.

-Apollo

[Text: This system is really good at masking, and it doesn't make them any less of a system.]

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Okay, so on amnesia, there’s this game that I’ve apparently played with my bf FOUR times now. And I don’t remember any of them. Until he told me today I didn’t even realize that I had played a fourth time. And I only knew about the first three because he had told me about them some point after we played.

It is absolutely insane to me how fully I can forget something like that. How totally absolute my brain is when blocking it out. I don’t remember us planning to play, getting ready to play, playing, wrapping up, or whatever we did after that. It’s absolutely insane. And apparently I’ve beat my boyfriend at it several times now.

It’s not an obviously triggering game either, it’s a basic fantasy monster slayer type board game using cats and other furry animal characters. I assume, I don’t remember ever playing it.

The weirdest part to me is that I don’t even remember missing anything. I have no clue when we played, or what we were doing before or after. It legitimately feels like it never even happened and all I have to go off of is my boyfriend’s word, which I do trust, it’s just so bizarre. It’s almost hard to believe any of it happened because of my complete and total lack or recollection of it.

Anyways, I’ve decided next time he brings it out we’ll have to record at least part of the game so I can look back on it.

USA people! Buy NOTHING Feb 28 2025. Not anything. 24 hours. No spending. Buy the day before or after but nothing. NOTHING. February 28 2025. Not gas. Not milk. Not something on a gaming app. Not a penny spent. (Only option in a crisis is local small mom and pop. Nothing. Else.) Promise me. Commit. 1 day. 1 day to scare the shit out of them that they don't get to follow the bullshit executive orders. They don't get to be cowards. If they do, it costs. It costs.

Then, if you can join me for Phase 2. March 7 2025 thtough March 14 2025? No Amazon. None. 1 week. No orders. Not a single item. Not one ebook. Nothing. 1 week. Just 1.

If you live outside the USA boycott US products on February 28 2025 and stand in solidarity with us and also join us for the week of no Amazon.

Are you with me?

Spread the word.

Rant below the cut. Tw for parental abuse and gaslighting.

Incredibly depressed and not sure what to do about it. Can’t reach out to others. I don’t want to come off as needy. Not to mention I’ve isolated myself pretty well and just about everyone I used to call a friend I can’t really talk to. And it’s my own fault.

I’m on the edge of a panic attack. My parents are coming home soon and I don’t want to pretend it’s okay. But that’s all I can do.

Fuck, why won’t anyone switch out with me. Isn’t that the whole point? I hate them so much. I hate that they refuse to acknowledge just how terribly they hurt me. That they STILL gaslight me into believing that my childhood was fine. I hate that I believe them when they say that. I hate that after all of it they still expect me to do anything more than keep my distance.

Why do I have to get over all the crap that THEY put ME through? Why is it my responsibility to move on and not theirs to apologize and try to help.

Fuck. I hate them, I hate me, I hate everything.

I don’t want to be here.

I can’t tell if I want to change my name because I hate my old one, if I’m questions my gender again, or if there’s a new alter who needs a name.

-Apollo (for now)