Is No One Going To Mention That The Guys Shirt Says ‘LETS EAT KIDS!’

Do you guys ever just look at your phone and mindlessly scroll for a bit and then you look back up and you’re an entirely different person?

-idk who this is rn

Waves!!

I see you in our notes on @crow-collective15 a lot and wanted to say hello!!!

Hi! Hope you are doing well.

-Apollo

Update, we went to the doctor and she was very concerned by our symptoms but didn’t actually do a POTS test like we hoped she would. She told us a cardiology would do it but we don’t have the money to see a specialist. So instead we’re going to see if we can get tested at our local health department tomorrow. Will let you guys know.

I did put on my old Apple Watch to track my heart rate and it has such a high range. Just through the day my hr will jump from 86-130 cause I stand up.

Ha ha, doctor’s appointment in the morning to see if I have a chronic disease. Let’s see how this goes.

-Apollo

Just realized I have a sensory issue with sweat running down my face/neck. So whenever I have to mow the lawn and it’s like 90 degrees out (not an exaggeration) I always have a mental breakdown because of the sensory issues of sweat and bugs and having pots making the whole fucking experience miserable. And to top it all off, I get inside and my parents yell at me for taking more than one day to do it cause our yard is big and I always want to cry the entire time I do it. Like come on, if you want it done faster go fucking do it yourself, this is how I have to do it, if you have a problem with how it happens then find someone else who will do it your way.

I’m on a roll with posts today, so I’m going to keep going.

To those who have already interacted with my post on amnesia thank you so much for the information and suggestions, I really appreciate it. But I do have another question for you guys.

When you switch, what does it look like? For me I start to find it really difficult to focus on anything when I switch out. I go into a dissociative catatonic state where I’m processing everything but I can’t move anything -not my eyes, not my fingers- unless I am fighting very hard. Once I get to that point no one can break me out of it but myself and I don’t usually try very hard because I’ll only come back for a minute or two before dissociating again.

But when I switch back in, it’s totally different. I am fully functional the entire time and it can really hard to notice unless I realize I’m acting different.

It maybe important to state that I don’t typically lose control or consciousness when I’m not in the front. I am still very much there, my personality and everything about me is gone. But I still retain my memories. It’s basically PDID but I try not to use that term because I live in the states and it isn’t recognized here.

I just wanted to know if anyone experiences something similar when it comes to such a big functional difference between switching in and out.

Thanks in advance.

-Apollo still

This is the point we’re constantly trying to get across.

-Apollo

I do not care what alignment you have with syscourse right now.

Harassment isn’t something that should be encouraged. If someone does not align with your views, block them and move on. If they’re harassing people, no matter what alignment you have, keep other people safe.

Don’t go spilling trauma to people either, it can trigger people.

Just block and move on. It does better for everyone.

We are anti-endo, but if someone comments that there is a blog that is harassing people even if they’re also anti-endo, I’m not for it. I’ll tell everyone no matter what. They’re harassing people, they don’t need to interact with anyone if they’re doing that.

Please stay safe.

I'm watching Good Omens and they happened to make a GREAT analogy for amnesia. Or at least how I often experience it. I've adjusted it to better explain, but this is the outline.

I've moved into empty house that someone used to live in. I don't know who lived here before or what they did, but I can see the evidence that something did. The paint is discolored where the furniture used to be against the walls, there's outlines in the dust where things sat on the shelf, scratches on the floor and doors from over the years.

I don't know what happened, but I can piece together some things by the evidence left behind. My unexplainable triggers and reactions to things give me hints as to what my trauma may be.

I don't know what happened. I'm just looking at where the furniture used to be.

Before you judge me, please read the whole thing.

I’m not sure how I feel about this. It’s definitely true that fictives aren’t their source, and you can’t judge a fictive based on their source, that being said, isn’t it okay for a fictive struggling with being triggered by source trauma to set healthy boundaries?

It’s like if you have medical trauma and you don’t like going to the doctors because of a bad experience. You aren’t saying that all doctors are evil because you don’t want to get a check up. You’re just admitting that you aren’t in a healthy spot to deal with that trauma or any reminders of it.

There are definitely situations where people misuse the “DNI” and make blanket statements, but I believe it’s totally plausible to believe fictives aren’t their source, and still put down a boundary to help you feel okay.

If that boundary is put down so you can villainize alters with specific sources, then yeah you’re being problematic. But otherwise I see no issue with distancing yourself from something triggering for you

"fictives aren't their source" and "(source) fictives DNI" do NOT belong in the same bio.

Okay, so on amnesia, there’s this game that I’ve apparently played with my bf FOUR times now. And I don’t remember any of them. Until he told me today I didn’t even realize that I had played a fourth time. And I only knew about the first three because he had told me about them some point after we played.

It is absolutely insane to me how fully I can forget something like that. How totally absolute my brain is when blocking it out. I don’t remember us planning to play, getting ready to play, playing, wrapping up, or whatever we did after that. It’s absolutely insane. And apparently I’ve beat my boyfriend at it several times now.

It’s not an obviously triggering game either, it’s a basic fantasy monster slayer type board game using cats and other furry animal characters. I assume, I don’t remember ever playing it.

The weirdest part to me is that I don’t even remember missing anything. I have no clue when we played, or what we were doing before or after. It legitimately feels like it never even happened and all I have to go off of is my boyfriend’s word, which I do trust, it’s just so bizarre. It’s almost hard to believe any of it happened because of my complete and total lack or recollection of it.

Anyways, I’ve decided next time he brings it out we’ll have to record at least part of the game so I can look back on it.

That system feeling when you’re an alter with a popular source and you don’t tell people and go by a name that isn’t actually yours so that no one can judge you for existing or the host for splitting you.

-Angelo