Arched Brows, Lush Lips, Or Just Be An Unabashed Alien Echinoderm?

Vampire Psychologist For Hire

Human recruiter filling position for psychologist:

You left your gender checkbox blank. It's our fault that the system controls were not fully in place, but I do expect meticulousness from my psychologists.

Vampire graduate who majored in human psychology:

My pronouns are they/them.

Human recruiter:

Ah! I really have to tell the technical team to update the form. I have absolutely no problem with your gender identity or your species. But you only have textbook and secondhand insights into human psychology.

Unlike human psychologists, you don't know what it feels on the inside to be human. Observations and textbook knowledge don't tell you everything. Many things are left unspoken.

Vampire graduate:

While I cannot pretend to know exactly how it feels to be a human, I am willing to work as hard as I can to try to understand the complexities of the human mind and heart, perhaps even harder than the average human candidate. Through studying human literature, observing my own relationships with humans, and developing a strong emotional bond with my human friends and classmates, I have already developed a deep appreciation and understanding of the human psyche that goes beyond mere textbook knowledge or casual observations. While there are certain aspects of the human experience that I do not share, I am confident that my empathy and dedication to the field of psychology more than make up for any lack of firsthand experience.

Human recruiter:

Why should I recruit you when I can just recruit a human top scorer with the same grades?

Vampire graduate:

While a human with the same qualifications may also have a great understanding of humans, they are likely to be inherently biased by their own perspective. I, however, also have the advantage of being able to objectively analyze humans' strengths, weaknesses, and motivations from an outsider perspective.

Additionally, as a member of a paranormal race, I have the ability to manipulate human minds and feelings to improve mental well-being.

Human recruiter:

Mind manipulation? By now, you're stark raving bonkers! How do I know you won't put it to bad use?

Vampire graduate:

As a vampire, I understand the importance of being self-aware and responsible when it comes to my ability to manipulate the emotions and actions of others. I take care to only use this power in situations where it is necessary or beneficial, and to never misuse it for personal gain or at the expense of others. I also make sure to seek consent before using my ability on individuals, and I always prioritize their safety, comfort, and well-being.

Human recruiter:

That's what you'd say of course. I have no reason to trust you.

Vampire graduate:

I understand your skepticism and reticence. In a world dominated by humans, it is often difficult for vampires like myself to be seen as anything other than predators or manipulative. However, while it may be challenging, this does not mean that it is impossible for you to trust me. In the end, trust is built through communication and understanding, which is why I have been open and honest with you about my ability to manipulate minds and my intentions in using this ability.

Trust is also earned over time. I think if you give me a chance to prove myself on the job, with ample supervision at the start, you will be able to put aside your hesitations about working with a vampire by and by. The best way to find out if i'm good at my job is not through urban legends, groundless hearsay or unscientific mob opinion but to give me a shot and see how things work out.

I can even agree to a contract outlining specific guidelines for how I will use my vampire abilities, and what steps we can take to ensure that my mind manipulation is always used in a beneficial way.

Human recruiter:

Hmmm. Excellent pitch. But it sounds too good to be true. For one thing, I need to review the clinical evidence and adverse effects records later. And why should I be the first to hire a vampire as a psychologist? I prefer someone tried and tested.

Vampire graduate:

If you would like to work with experienced practitioners, that is certainly your prerogative. However, it is often beneficial to have a fresh perspective on a problem, and working with a vampire psychologist can provide that. Please consider what I have to offer.

Human recruiter:

It's true. We have clients who remain unyielding to all the therapy regimes out there. Psychology has improved by leaps and bounds but is still an inexact science. We do need fresh ideas.

Vampire graduate:

Please also remember other positive traits of the vampire race. For example, I can live for millennia in the absence of mishaps. During my long lifespan, I can examine numerous times more clients than human colleagues are capable of. The synergistic effect of that extensive experience and my unique perspective will empower me to generate breakthroughs in therapeutic innovations.

Human recruiter:

Cool, but the manner in which you're comparing yourself against your human colleagues before you even start your job is concerning. Psychologists are not melodramatic lone heroes. We often need to engage in teamwork with one another in order to serve clients in a therapeutic setting. This can be in the form of team discussions about a client's treatment plan or case, collaboration on the research of a particular issue or hypothesis, or even simply supporting each other as we help clients through treatment. Are you sure you'll be a good team player?

Vampire graduate:

That is a valid point. I apologize for the misimpression. While professional independence is important, collaboration and teamwork are equally essential. I don't view my vampire heritage as something that makes me better or worse than my colleagues, it's simply a part of who I am and a source of unique strengths and flaws. As a member of the greater psychological community, I am committed to collaborating with my colleagues to help our clients in the best possible way. Thank you for the reminder to be a supportive team player.

Human recruiter:

OK. A critical question: HOW do I know you won't succumb to the temptation of your overworked co-workers' and vulnerable clients' blood? You may have excellent grades for your degrees in human psychology, but what about vampire psychology? I can risk neither the life of whichever assessor I assign for your probationary period nor those of all the appointees you see in the reception area outside, who have entrusted their welfare to our practice.

Vampire graduate:

I can understand that the possibility of a vampire drinking human blood is a concern, especially in a field like psychology that works so closely with humans. However, you have nothing to worry about in that regard. I have testimonials from my professors—

Human recruiter:

Ah, yes. But the academic world is nothing like the messy real world of full-time working adults. Our educational system in Typingland is so infantile it requires hardly any practical experience like internships to earn a PsyD. Your self-control may be stretched to its limits by manipulative patients, vitriolic parents and unsuccessfully forestalled suicides, although I must say most clients in our practice are incredibly sweet in spite of their personal difficulties.

Vampire graduate:

The work of psychologists is indeed strenuous. Nevertheless, my lifestyle has given me a strong foundation for coping with the stress.

Human recruiter:

The lifestyle of a vampire?

Vampire graduate:

As a vampire, I understand that I have certain physical and psychological needs, but I have taken many steps to ensure that these are met in a safe and ethical way that don't involve living humans. My physical needs can be met through a diet of donated blood, while my emotional needs can be met through strong professional boundaries, self-care practices, and maintaining a strong support network.

I regularly engage in personal wellness practices such as meditation and physical activity to maintain my emotional and mental vitality. I also check in with my psychologist for vampires at least once a month, adjusting the frequency with the stress I experience and the intensity of the blood thirst at any given time. This helps to provide a safe space for me to express and process my thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It also gives me the opportunity to practice managing my blood thirst through a variety of behavioral and mindfulness techniques.

If you would like, I can arrange for my psychologist to send you an evaluation report.

Human recruiter:

I'm deeply impressed. (Claps and shakes head in awe.) I must say that I've never met a candidate, human or vampire, with your level of dedication. Quite a number of the psychologists I know have undergone depression themselves in the course of this emotionally draining and underpaid work but were late in seeking professional intervention. They need to learn a thing or two from newbies like you.

Vampire graduate:

Oh, why, thank you!

Human recruiter:

However—I'm afraid our clientele and the public won't share my sentiments.

You may think I've been demanding and prejudiced, but the others? They won't even sit down like this to sift through your personal history or examine your well-crafted arguments. Public attention to the fanciful layers and facets, okay, just layers and facets, to marginalized demographics like yours has been fleeting to start with and pretty much vaporized in a Tiktokified economy. Social media?? It's a wasteland made up of countless virtual enclaves out there. Every phone zombie just scrolls past news and advocacy messages that don't amuse them or address their own problems. And algorithms?? Gawd! Don't. Even. Get. Me. Started. On. Algorithms.

What people out there will get with their precious microseconds for us, though, is that our practice is employing a dangerous and powerful person, if they would even see you as a person at all, to work on fragile humans in despair.

Look, we don't need bloody fangs and the bat wing stuff to further complicate the ongoing uphill battle of getting psychological condition sufferers to walk through our doors.

Welp . . . I'm sorry for my bluntness. I tend to let down my guard when I'm not in front of clients. You're a fine young vampire who deserves better.

Vampire graduate:

(Momentary silence.)

(Soars over to fan human recruiter with their bat wings while slightly frowning to themselves.)

Those are indeed tough challenges. How about this? Let's start by offering virtual sessions for clients who would feel more comfortable initially meeting with me through a video conference. This can help to gradually introduce me to them in a non-threatening environment and allow them to get to know me better before they agree to meet in person.

We can complement that with an on-site "try-out" session for clients who remain hesitant to work with me or lack technological access or digital literacy. A try-out session could involve a brief, low-stakes meeting where clients can meet me, ask questions, and get a sense of my approach before deciding whether to continue with therapy. This can help to build trust and rapport with them, and give them a chance to see that I am interested in helping them and can provide effective treatment.

As we graduate to proper therapy sessions and make good progress on cases, we can highlight statistics, success stories and testimonials from past clients who have worked with me, and emphasize my ability to provide effective treatment. That is, with their consent and proper anonymization of course. Given your practice's reputation for integrity, the credibility of anonymized feedback should not be a problem.

Perhaps, I can even make up for the reputation risk at the beginning by offering fun, one-of-a-kind indoor levitation experiences that are a soother of the nerves and a break from the mundaneness of everyday life. The experiences would also attract potential clients otherwise resistant to treatment because of public perceptions of psychotherapists as rigid doctrine-driven professionals, who they think won't understand their unique struggles and decision rationale, like reasons for investing all their time in an unstable line of work or sticking with a violent spouse. They are stress relievers no one can find in self-help books or chat responses from even the best of AI technology!

Human recruiter:

W—ow. I'm tempted to try that levitation myself. I have to think about your proposals and discuss them with the others.

There's just one last thing that I don't understand, and anyone, whatever the temperature of their blood, can sense this coming from miles away.

Vampire graduate:

Please go ahead.

Human recruiter:

Why a career in human psychology? Wouldn't you face less discrimination and be more at home with vampire psychology?

Vampire graduate:

I've always been fascinated by humans and their unique abilities to adapt and survive without paranormal powers, especially the human capacity for empathy. It's been my dream since I was young to study the human mind, to explore the depths of their emotions and figure out what truly motivates them.

Many people think that clinical counselling is about entering broken minds, but it is simultaneously about tapping the power of the marvelous human stores of mental resilience, mental flexibility and boundless optimism.

The wonders and possibilities of human psychology energize me. They keep me going every day despite the uncertainties of my chosen career path and the suspicion and taunts I get. I am one of those who believe that you can flourish in the long term only if you are emotionally invested in what you do.

Human recruiter:

Even if you don't end up on our team, I have no regrets taking time to interview you. It's been a great pleasure exploring the awe-inspiring sides and possible futures of our field with you. This sounds cliché but I sincerely mean it: I wish you the very best in your psychologist career.

Cast

Human recruiter Human (with two AI -dubbed lines)

Vampire graduate AI (with human stand-ins in various instances)

[Hey, That’s Her] The Riemann Sphere is Her Mirror on the Wall

                                   MBC 드라마 《신입사관 구해령》 (2019)

There may be such a woman.

For at least eleven hours a day, her analytical, artistic, emotional and ethical minds are collectively locked up in a Taylorist cell block where the mantra is familiarly simple: Don’t question, don’t tell. Every reasonable client is aware that this is a dog-eat-dog world, so it is up to him or her to look out for personal interests not yet covered by contract law or even fiduciary law. If you value your principles and dreams over your corporation’s needs, you are a selfish hypocrite. Oh, and complain all you want at the water cooler; just remember to put back your angel mask and keep your head low at meetings.

That much is not really astonishing. No one in this place is a one-day-old. What stuns more is the utterly dim calaboose she toils away at her daytime lockup to return her body to every night, where broken bottles and suspicious pools of liquids bedeck the streets, literal rock concerts never cease, homeless druggies openly spread their limp bodies on pavements, and drunken Cinderellas and Cinderfellas bang on random doors when the clock strikes twelve. 

Change might come with time but, given a burgeoning workload and an increasingly creepy cardiac rhythm, it must come soon. So, one night, she decides that if all jobs are this suffocating, she might as well take the best-paid one. It’s time to head back to graduate school, except that, this time, economic logic shall prevail over passion and intrigue.

As part of her research on Wealth and Investment Management MScs, she hunts down sample class videos from different business schools. Nestled among the suggested clips accompanying one search result, though, is a familiarly curious title that hypnotizingly whispers to her, Shopaholic Louis-style. It is the name an adviser, frowning over yet another overloaded course plan from her, pressed her into canceling out all those years ago right when meeting times for the semester did not conflict with those of her core classes. And soon, before her eyes, is an entire playlist for her narrowly missed destiny.

What harm could playing the introductory video at 2x do? Business schools’ admissions websites would not vanish in 30 minutes’ time. Ah, that was a collegiate equivalent of a soulful tearjerker but covered mostly basics she learnt in other classes. Application deadlines are half a year away, so there is ample room for a second lecture. Cool! The plot thickened pretty fast. Her college and graduate school debts are still badly in arrears. Can she be certain that she truly understands everything without attempting an unseen problem? Fetch homework sets from the official homepage tomorrow. Had she been bolder in imagination, she would have gotten question 7 right. Try harder for lecture three’s assignments. She has run out of eligible guarantors for a third loan. Lecture 11. Course completed. What a satisfying visual feast! Hey, the blurb of the follow-up course sounds fascinating too. It is not that she does not love investment banking. How about challenging herself at that course while the material of this course is still fresh in her mind? It is that she loathes investment banking. Mathematical logic has trumped economic logic. 

  How do you hold every number up to infinity in the palm of your hand without a poetic soul? Scoop out a round piece of dough and fancy being able to spread it so thin that it stretches to infinity. But instead of actually spreading it, roll up the edge to form a sphere. Let the bottom tip represent zero and the top tip represent infinity. As a point on the surface moves up from the bottom, it can have components that are each positive or negative, real or imaginary, depending on which pairs of opposite longitudes you assign the real number line and imaginary number line (recall: e.g. …, -10i, -9.99i, … , 0, … , 9.99i, 10i, …, where i is the square root of -1) to. The rise in value of each component accelerates with height, such that the physical gap representing any given numerical difference shrinks infinitely on the surface of the sphere as infinity approaches, making it harder and harder to advance and actually reach infinity. You are now cradling a physical version of the Riemann sphere.

© Jean-Christophe BENOIST, modified under the permission of CC BY-SA 3.0. P(A), around 1.5 in value, on the sphere corresponds to A on the grid, which represents the same numerical system in a typical boundless, regularly spaced 2D format. Similarly, P(B), around -0.5 in value, on the sphere corresponds to B on the grid.

 The macrocosm of universal random structures, infinite products, manifolds and many more is a dearly missed oracle that reveals her inadequacies for what they are, without miserliness, patronizing sugar-coating, or, ironically, calculation: her inflexibility, her inattentiveness, her impatience and her indolence. “Shortcuts and cookie-cutter approaches cannot be your default,” it states plainly. So long as they do not cross a certain line, tactful hypocrites, on the whole, seem to be treated better by their surrounding adult peers than sharp-tongued, straight-talking observers with pure intentions in her circle. Yet the more she experiences of the grown-up world, with the heightened stakes and heightened awareness of interpersonal dangers that deter verbalization of contrarian opinions on the one hand and massive clots of intractable ills on the other, the more she wishes to cherish many of those straight talkers. The ideal living beings are, of course, the severely scarce breed who efficiently marry the circumspection, civility and altruistic strategizing that come with tact with the determination to convey, where necessary, uncomfortable truths. 

For all its uninhibited criticism, mathematics gives credit where it is due and those who converse with it are frequently safe in the knowledge that it means its flattery. It reassures this corporate internee who feels increasingly stuck in her ways that she still has what it takes to master new grammars and vocabularies. It rewards her finesse at plugging gaps in background knowledge by improvising from scratch techniques taught only in later, simpler courses. What if these skills could let her pivot directly to some sector slightly less lucrative but also less odious to her than investment banking, never mind exactly how competitively relevant her prior higher education and corporate experience are?

Far more certain is that her deliciously madcap approach to this discipline with a matchingly rebellious streak has magically quietened the rock concerts and the intoxicated fairy tales and almost erased the jail bars. Nonetheless, as the faded bars unveil more and more vistas stretching beyond the horizons, she starts to wonder if she will live long enough to look a little further, if she will ever squirrel away enough bucks—after all those deductions for debt payments, taxes, food, rent, basic maintenance and transport—to hike a little closer, and if her wrinkled, financially secure self will continue to have the visual and cognitive acuities to deconstruct or even remember the sights a little longer. The jail bars resolidify to some degree.

Still, if positive infinity and negative infinity have been rendezvousing in a dimension invisible until intrepid mind adventurers outed them, and if functions as diverse as trigonometric functions, inverse polynomials and logarithmic functions share the same class of undercover identities, i.e. infinite sums of terms with increasing powers, maybe, she thinks, escape hatches exist somewhere nearby after all.

There may be such a woman. There may be such a snowless ending by a grilled window.

Note: This work of fiction commemorating Pi Day was inspired by an old Dramabeans guest post campaign, a few heartfelt entries of which have appeared in the admin’s Twitter feed. There is no intention, however, to establish any kind of association with the site. Interested readers can find slightly similar math-life themes in the book versions of Kim Ji-young, Born 1982 (82년생 김지영) and The Devotion of Suspect X (容疑者Xの献身).

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PSA from Blobby. Something we should talk about more ❤️

Weather aesthetics and environmentalism in relation to She Was Pretty (via Of Sky Waltzes and Rain Dancers)

More sculptures of dance attacks inspired by Ban Ji-eum's moves and the show's spotlight on Min Bok-jin's sculpture.

Human was shaking head as usual at the two-headed, three-legged zombies overpopulating their AI junkyard when it suddenly dawned on them that our perceptions of aestheticality and anatomy are not always valid. Oversized lumps and truncated limbs, for instance, are very much a part of our own reality. Although this insect artist did not intend to represent disability or real-life physical "deformities," some of the outcomes are all the same motivation to think about dancers who do not quite fit the mold.

Diffabled (Human is more uncomfortable with the adjective "disabled") arts practitioners would tell you that they are not some helpless, lowly class of denizens doomed to live on donations and empty kind words. They see the freedom to be more talented than even their "normal" colleagues they love and appreciate and can be more ebullient than anyone else, not least those not resolute in deciding for themselves what to do with their "complete" bodies.

Check out the previously inspired sculptures here if you've missed them.

U.S.

Brazilian ballerina born without arms soars with her attitude

When Vitória Bueno's mother first dropped her off at ballet class, she worried about her five-year-old fitting in.