“If You Promise To Stay Alive Just A Little Bit Longer I Promise That We Are Going To Make This World

“We were grabbing a bite of lunch at a small cafe, in a mall, right across from a booth that sold jewelry and where ears could be pierced for a fee. A mother approaches with a little girl of six or seven years old. The little girl is clearly stating that she doesn’t want her ears pierced, that’s she’s afraid of how much it will hurt, that she doesn’t like earrings much in the first place. Her protests, her clear ‘no’ is simply not heard. The mother and two other women, who work the booth, begin chatting and trying to engage the little girl in picking out a pair of earrings. She has to wear a particular kind when the piercing is first done but she could pick out a fun pair for later. “I don’t want my ears pierced.” “I don’t want any earrings.” The three adults glance at each other conspiratorially and now the pressure really begins. She will look so nice, all the other girls she knows wear earrings, the pain isn’t bad. She, the child, sees what’s coming and starts crying. As the adults up the volume so does she, she’s crying and emitting a low wail at the same time. “I DON’T WANT MY EARS PIERCED.” Her mother leans down and speaks to her, quietly but strongly, the only words we could hear were ’… embarrassing me.’ We heard, then, two small screams, when the ears were pierced. Little children learn early and often that ‘no doesn’t mean no.’ Little children learn early that no one will stand with them, even the two old men looking horrified at the events from the cafeteria. Little girls learn early and often that their will is not their own. No means no, yeah, right. Most often, for kids and others without power, “no means force.””

—

from “No Means Force” at Dave Hingsburger’s blog.

This is important. It doesn’t just apply to little girls and other children, though it often begins there.

For the marginalized, our “no’s” are discounted as frivolous protests, rebelliousness, or anger issues, or we don’t know what we’re talking about, or we don’t understand what’s happening.

When “no means force” we become afraid to say no.

(via k-pagination)

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When my mom and aunt were younger my aunt was in high school and my mom in middle school. A group of girls were bullying my aunt and one slapped her in the lunch room. The principal met with my grandma and the other mom. He said they weren’t punishing the other girl because he didn’t get involved in “girl problems.” My grandma asked if that meant my aunt could retaliate the next time it happened and he said no then it would be a fight and they’d both get in trouble.

So my grandma turned away from him and to the other mom and said “I have another daughter. She doesn’t go to this school and she’s a star softball player with her own bat. You can tell your daughter to stop bothering mine or you can drive her to the hospital with a shattered jaw. That’s your choice.” And walked out.

Few months later that girl stole a necklace from my aunt. My grandma called the cops and they all drove to her house to get it back. The cop came outside with it and said he told the family my grandma wouldn’t press charges if they gave it back. My grandma took the necklace and said “Then you’re going to have to go in and tell them you lied because I am pressing charges. She’s a thief and I want her treated like one.”

My grandma was a single mom in the 70s with two daughters and she took no shit from men who tried to undermine her and her daughters.

On the topic of being obsessed with introspection and “self discovery”, i recently read something by Viktor Frankl which I feel fits the whole following of astrology/mbti/personal discovery etc very well. He said that, because life has become void of meaning for many, because there is an “existential vacuum”, we compensate by “psycho-analyzing” ourselves, sharing our psychological problems and insights with others, discussing them, etc (and he predicted this development in the 40s!). An existential vacuum leads to an obsession with the own psyche that can be the cause of neuroses and its pseudo-therapy. Self-reflection can in itself be the root of many problems. I had a talk with someone about how phases of self-reflection and lots of journaling are often the least mentally stable and happy ones. When we feel good, we do not feel the need to conduct some sort of self-therapy. Viktor Frankl also came up with the concept of using a paradoxical intention for healing neuroses. A patient with insomnia, for example, cannot sleep because they so rigidly and obsessively try to sleep, which hinders them from relaxing into an unconscious state. So a paradoxical intention would be “for a change, why don’t you try to not sleep tonight, and just relax and think about something nice?” - which then makes them fall asleep quickly. Maybe by setting the paradoxical intention “i will not try to figure myself out and heal myself” many of the problems which were simply rooted in obsessing over yourself will take care of themselves.

Sometimes classics can be improved upon.

The Tree Who Set Healthy Boundaries : an alternate ending for Shel Silverstein’s The Giving Tree by Topher Payne 💯🌳❤️

https://www.topherpayne.com/giving-tree?

The first funny bitch was Cain, who straight up lied to God after killing his brother.

romanticize your life. i cannot stress this enough. use scented shower gel and shampoo, so you look forward to showers. go on walks and see how pretty the sky looks. notice the wildflowers on the roadside as you drive. light a candle when you get home to make your room smell good. notice & appreciate the little things in life. it won't cure your mental illness, but it'll make it easier to exist in this world.