Feeling Anxious Because Something Reminded Me That I Am Not Special & Irreplaceable For The People Who

Everyone has to make choices. Sometimes there’re only bad choices, all of them, each way you look it’s a sea of bad choices, and we just have to pick one, the best one, or maybe just any one.

- Things we lost to the water by Eric Nguyen

Two cups of coffee is all I need

But only one cup for me

The other one for someone I really wanna meet

Someone who pays heed

Till then let the coffee rest

Till then I will hope for the best

Jim and Pam

I hate marriages I say

Because not everyone is lucky in Pam's way

It's hard to find love which never looks away

It's hard to get Jim who always stays

A person who knows that he is best for you

But steps away to let you choose

A person who always wants you to grow

No matter how many days you are away in a row

A person who accepts you all

The fierce you, the timid you, the clumsy you the beautiful you, the failed you, the successful you, and the complete haul

A person who can comfort you

A person who can love you

A person for whom your smile is a lucky charm

A person who is willing to let you sleep on his arm

A person with whom valentine's day fight also seems a plan

A person whose leaving is more painful than he being an angry man

Yes I want my children to know we are soulmates and it is no less than fairytales

I want to tell them stories of our dates

I don't know what else to say

But finding a person for whom you are not enough but everything seems like an impossible way

I am getting offended by most of the things these days...

Don't know if it's my newly found self worth phase or I have crossed the thin line to enter the ego phase.

It makes me, me

I was waiting for my feelings to go numb

I was waiting for that day but I was dumb

I thought that with each day the wound would grow old

I expected that each day would make me cold

But little I realised

And very little I was surprised

With each passing day

My feelings started spreading like a ray

It reached ever nook and corner of my existence

But I was still hoping with persistence

It was so difficult to feel

The reason I thought time would heal

Soon I had a lot of opinions

Surprisingly they made me cry more than onions

Soon the tree of feeling got a strong hold

Now I knew nothing was going to get old

All experiences and incidents

Were giving my wounds new dents

Crying became a constant part of my lifestyle

Funny enough that it was just a more defined form of my old style

I didn't know what to do with so much going on inside

Never realised it would be so much more than what was going outside

Checking and rechecking all emotions

Hide and seek with everything was in motion

Defining the ideas I had was important

Knowing I was right was like a reinforcement

I knew the wounds are not going now

But still adapting raised the question how

Connecting dots was a daily routine

Adulting is much more difficult than being a teen

Sensations, feelings and emotions are always going to be difficult for me

But when I introspect I realise it makes me, me.

My Turn

It's so confusing

Today was my day of refusing

But that person took my turn

It feels like burn

I always used to think

Why me getting angry or depressed used to bring my mother to brink

Now it seems so obvious

She must have been holding a lot of stuff that's serious

Because that's what is happening with me each day

I am going through a lot but keeping my emotions at bay

It's easier to tackle things around

If only the people near you are not pulling you to ground

I wake up and try to smile

But even a single person being sad and angry makes me think a mile

It feels like cheating to me

I have so much to feel, how are they even beating me

Someone said your coping mechanisms' great

But I need to express is what I felt

Faking my emotions so others don't feel depressed

Is too much of a burden as I read

Sometimes I am on the verge of breakdown

But someone else grabs the sad crown

I feel so betrayed

I even dread

I know it's attention seeking clearly

But it was my time to show my problems dearly

You took that away

Now I have no idea how to get my way

I don't know if it's wrong

But when one person is sad I think I don't have the right to sing my sad song

So I keep on storing

And it's easy enduring

But again one day someone is at dismay

I start feeling the angst because even though I wasn't planning to say

That person seems to have taken my turn

And I have got the burn

So I get angry and depressed

I don't try to show it but it gets expressed

No I am not copying anyone

It just me feeling that I didn't get a chance to express to someone

It's so easy to forgive what someone said to you but it's so difficult to forgive what they say about the people you love the most...

So make sure you don't say anything wrong about someone in front of their loved ones because they might eventually forgive but they would never ever forget.

Didn't say goodbye?? Why??

Life is a journey indeed but why are we supposed to keep on moving and moving. Journey is about enjoying, feeling and then moving, taking stops when you need to, being able to get tired, being able to feel refreshed, being able to make connections, and most importantly being able to say goodbye to one stop and then move on to the next.

But I guess in the journey of life neither have I received enough goodbyes to forget people, nor I have got enough time to say goodbyes to enough people. I hate when people ABSQUATULATE. I hate when I ABSQUATULATE. But is it anyone's fault?

Life is running so fast that we are always afraid of missing on something in future, even if we are missing on our present for it. Our ambitions make us run from people we love, we leave without saying goodbye because we don't realise we are leaving, we think we are around but by the time we look back, we have actually reached miles and miles away. Away from the people we thought we will never leave.

We think that the person who is now miles away might have moved that distance on his own, maybe you were still at the same place but the other one has drifted apart. But no one knows for sure because you didn't say goodbye first and neither did the other person. So now you don't know how to ask if it was you that moved faraway or if it was them.

You are tired now you want to sit and think but life is still moving, you are still afraid of missing things if you stop. You again absquatulate and move on. And the cycle continues...

No matter how early you read the poem 'The Road Not Taken' by Robert Frost, you are going to understand it completely only in your 20s.

One sided friendship

I have heard a lot of people explain one sided love

But never heard anyone even talk about one sided friendship

Did you?

Honestly speaking I have been on both ends

I remember ignoring people even when they were ready to loose all for me

I remember being ignored even when I was ready to loose all of me

Did you?

Still think about going back and joining those chords

But what are the odds

Those I ignored have moved on tired of wasting their time

And those on whom I wasted my time never seemed mine

But still I wish for their call

Do you?

I find it weird how we just connect to some

I find it sad when those connections don't care and for them you are not the one

I thought love asked for a lot

but now I think even friendship's demands are not a dot

Do you?

Maybe they asked for so much that I just stayed aloof

Maybe my demands were so much that they considered me fool

Being nice and being friends are different I realised late

Not everyone you like is ready to be a part of your fate

Were you also a one sided friend at one time?

Do you also think that it was worth the time?

What if the efforts were not equal,

It was a friendship you initiated and it will never have a sequel...