Iron Deficiency Anemia Is A Metal Illness

“hi welcome do mcdonalds, what can i get for you?”

“yeah can i get a deluxe quarter pounder with cheese?”

“absolutely, do you want the meal or just the sandwich?”

“uhhh hold on”

*fishes something out of my pocket*

“jake what do i do?”

“get the fries. You’ll need the energy in the coming days.”

*stuffs it back in my pocket* “uhh yes please the meal would be great’

I looove when food is in a bowl. Frequently plates are being brought out and I'm thinking this could've been a bowl meal but nobody gets it

I want to urge ya'll to make space for people with psychosis in your mental health advocacy.

Let me explain.

First off, psychosis in itself is an incredibly lonely and isolating experience. Depression and anxiety have made massive strides in general acceptance and that's wonderful, but if someone has hallucinations or delusions, we're still terrified to talk about them.

Isolation breeds alienation breeds suicidality.

If you don't even feel welcome in mental health spaces that are supposed to be meant for you, you're going to feel really, really fucking bad, man. Your brain is already collapsing in on itself and turning your sense of reality into a nightmare, and then you're afraid to talk about it and feel like an alien when you do.

Another example of this - you'll be hanging out in a group of other mentally ill people and they all start talking about how cannabis helps their symptoms, and insist you try it too, (weed is detrimental to psychotic people, no ifs ands or buts, it's like eating peanuts when you have a peanut allergy) and then you're put in the awkward position of either seeming like a shetered stick in the mud or outing yourself as a Crazy Person.

First of all, you're allowed to have boundaries no matter what, but second of all, I shouldn't be afraid to tell people about this aspect of my mental health.

I also really, really want to talk about those of us who suffer suicide-themed delusions. You cannot make blanket statements like "suicidal people don't want to die, they just want to end their suffering" or "this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem", and you can't paint all suicidal people with the same brush.

I've felt your stereotypical "I'm going to be miserable forever, so what's the point" suicidality. And it sucks. I'd argue that it's just as bad as what I'm about to talk about.

But it's an entirely different beast from when I'm convinced the universe has a target on my head, and I can see into a future where my continued existence sets off a series of events that ends in the deaths of my loved ones and innocent strangers. Or when I'm convinced I have some kind of psychic poison that excaberates the mental illnesses of anyone I spend too much time with. Or many years ago, when I was convinced suicide was the only way to enter the Matrix-like world I was Called To.

I know it sounds crazy. (It is!) But these aren't uncommon delusions to have, and newsflash: we're in just as much danger as any "classically" suicidal person, if not more, because goddamn, when the stakes are "everyone I love will die if I don't do this", you might get pretty damn desperate. In that moment, to you, what your faulty brain is telling you is your reality.

Keeping this shit a secret makes it worse. Delusions kind of feed off the fear of being found out; the more it's kept secret, the more it snowballs, at least in my experience. Some of my biggest coping skills include telling my support system (therapist, partner, close friends) when I'm Going Through It, and I'm lucky that I have people I feel safe enough around to even kind of vaguely talk about it with.

The stigma kept me from telling anyone for years, and most psychotic people will, sadly, have a similar story.

It's also intensely traumatic. Even when you're not actively symptomatic, the memories of the things you saw and Knew thought and experienced still haunt you. It took me over a year to open up to my therapist about the first break I had six years ago. I sobbed my fucking eyes out and was shaking so hard.

I know so many others who will tell you they suffered with symptoms alone for so long. Which is really traumatic in and of itself, but it's even worse when you feel like you can't even talk about it when it's over, because everyone looks at you like some Weird Crazy Person. You can't talk about it, because it's not #Relatable and people believe the stigma.

I want you guys to realize one thing: Psychotic people are human.

We have dreams and hobbies and loved ones and goals and histories and complex emotions just like everyone else. We want love and acceptance and contentment just like everyone else. We just have brains that like to Fuck With Us.

And it's lonely. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but God, I wish it was okay to casually say "I had a bad break last night" or "I'm having a really scary hallucination right now" or "I went through a year-long psychotic break", just as much as it's okay to say "I'm just coming out of a depressive episode" or "I think I'm having an anxiety attack" or "I suffered PTSD for a few years".

Especially in circles meant to discuss mental illness.

When your friend tells you of their terrifying hallucinations, or their delusions that don't make any sense to you, or their paranoias, please, please, just be there and listen, if you can. Ask questions, check in, see how they're doing. Our struggles may look different, but we're still experiencing pain and fear and loneliness.

And if you need to be able to relate to someone to feel compassion, I urge you to relate to that.

I always assume the train will be so boring and I bring seven things to do but then I'm entranced by the wonderful window the entire time

In this house we respect the Fullmetal Alchemist and his younger brother, the angry child in the red coat

Me (as a child): why are all the songs about love?

Mom: someday you will understand

Me (now as an adult): seriously why are all the songs about love and sex this is ridiculous

IN A SENTENCE: book recs and why you should read them

FANTASY

carry on by rainbow rowell: it’s harry potter but gay and with extra scones and dumbledore wears tights

the raven cycle series by maggie steifvater (everyone has heard of this already so): delightfully weird with the strongest set of characters in anything i’ve read and lots of cars and bees

shades of magic series by ve schwab: whimsical fantasy and cross-dressing pirates and again, brilliant characters and just excitingness

monsters of verity duology by ve schwab: so so dark with savagely beautiful imagery and creepy nursery rhymes and almost horror writing in book 2

villains duology by ve schwab: moral ambiguity!!! edginess!!! subversion of the superhero genre!!! characters you both like and hate!!! gritty urban settings!!!

six of crows duology by leigh bardugo: more moral ambiguity and an absolutely stellar cast of six with an insanely well-crafted heist

the great library series by rachel caine: a book about books do i need to say more also christopher wolfe is my dad, the worldbuilding is insane and this is SO underrated

the girl at midnight series by melissa grey: the poetic justice makes me cry every time i think about it and honestly it’s just worth reading to see the character development dorian goes through

magisterium series by cassandra clare and holly black: harry potter but so much darker even though it’s mg not ya, and it has already made me cry my entire soul out so considering it’s written by 2 of the most popular authors this is criminally underrated honestly

strange the dreamer by laini taylor: i’m only halfway through this but the worldbuilding is amazing and the writing is absolutely gorgeous and it actually has a plot unlike some books this reminds me of

CONTEMPORARY

all for the game series by nora sakavic: so dark and so quick-paced and exciting with more amazing characters and more jaw-dropping plot twists and a mc who likes to destroy people on live tv

one of us is lying by karen m. mcmanus: criminally good ending that might be a direct comparison to a certain other popular tv series around rn with also a good cast of characters

troublemakers by catherine barter: really poignant narrative on protesting and things and it really helped me come to terms with the attack on my city in may

release by patrick ness: ok this crosses over into fantasy but it’s like 80% contemporary and it’s just a really good story on coming out into a homophobic environment and coming to terms with being loved and stuff

a list of cages by robin roe: just straight-up made me cry until i couldnt breathe honestly it has lots of narrative abt child abuse but if that’s not bad for you it’s really really good

HISTORICAL

the song of achilles by madeline miller: again, i straight up cried by the end of this one. the dramatic irony (cough cough what has hector ever done) is honestly the best dramatic irony in any book ive ever read ever

the gentleman’s guide to vice and virtue by mackenzi lee: just a really fun whimsical book with pirates and a cute relationship and good side characters and things like that

PLEASE SEND ME MORE I’M RUNNING OUT OF BOOKS TO READ

Go hear them!!!! They're amazing 😍

you can stream rust here.

I feel kinda offended.

real ciel might be dead but not as much as kuro fandom is currently.