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What If I Died - Blog Posts
Orv Poetry Series: One Source of Bad Information by Robert Bly [IDs in alt]
GGRRRRHHHFNFJXJ SJWJDGJD
MY EARS ARE SO WIDE OPEN. MY EARS ARE-
completely different people— sonny the soft gentleman on the outside but treats you like the filthiest whore and johnny the hard exterior that cherishes you and treats you like the sweetest, prettiest princess he ever did see
johnny is the one to notice you first, falls first and falls hard—but he’s way too shy to approach you i mean… why would you like him? so he tells his twin brother.
johnny is attracted to you first, but sonny is the first to approach you—and he approaches on behalf of his brother. and you’re always hanging out w both of them anyway, both doting on you. until johnny wants to take ur relationship to the next level
he’s not as experienced, shy and a bit unsure of himself, so he asks if you’d be okay with his brother helping him a bit the first time.
and then after that night u have a talk together about it,, and sonny and johnny have a separate talk before you all talk together—and that’s how the poly starts w the carisi twins 🥹
Career change (nervous breakdown optional)
Feels like a Friday post. But you can on Saturday too if you want.
Either way, you want to chase the hat.
NGL leaving my job after was terrifying.
No backup plan and no health benefits. Just me, a spiked nervous system, a trashcan LinkedIn bio I abandoned circa 2017 with honours.
I spent the first two weeks crying, I did that. Then reorganizing my fridge, using a lot of Windex around the house, checking my email like a raccoon checking dumpster locks. Nothing came. And sigh.
No word from HR. But the world didn’t end. My old boss didn’t send an apology or even a passive-aggressive emoji. Just hot red radish silencio ad absurdum. For a while.
And then something weird happened.
I started sleeping again. My shoulders unclenched for the first time in six years. One day I laughed. Can you / I believe it? Like really laughed. And it was not a coping mechanism sliding into an entropic spat of sob sobs.
It turns out walking away from a place that gaslights you into thinking you were the problem can be the best career move you have ever made.
I’m still broke and scared and still always figuring it out. But at least now when I cry, it’s not because I’m being slowly turned into spirals of flesh-coloured chaff in the old pencil grinder gig 'conomy, know what I mean?
Anyways, freedom’s weird. I think I want to hesitatingly and forcefully recommend it.
Blanetsona doodle something something..
And also something i drew while tired last night
