The Woman Who Holds The Moon

Ohhh you’re old 🙂‍↔️🙂‍↔️ I still gotta finish up two years but I’m in it to win it. And that’s so fair honestly.

I’m surprised though! Greece has amazing architecture design. But I have no idea cause I’m not from there anyways haha.

- 🍓

Greece is only fancy on some touristic places, but hey we got nice beaches though!

i appreciate a beach 10min by the house considering some people cant even be bothered to drive there from how far from it they live 😬

sounds like torture!

I might. Have fallen asleep midway thru proofreading my shit. BUT IM UP🗣️

Hell yeah! I’m a big strawberry fan!!

I was just trying to predict your course or something I dunno. I usually get them spot on!

I was definitely feeling either psychology or art from you hehehe

- 🍓

oh you bet your ass i do art, alright!!

i cant imagine living in a world that isn’t consumed by creativity, it wouldn’t be me if not for art in every form

Woaaah an art degree??

That’s so cool actually, that couldn’t be me. I think I’d fail like almost immediately.

- 🍓

oh my no degree no way!! i just really like art in general, i don’t study it by choice :p every time i’ve tried to start i got bored and quit the extracurriculars immediately

and theres no such thing as failure, you either pick up on what you did wrong, do it again and fix it, over and over until its good, or you give up <- thats not implied to art only

a character is strong when they’re seen getting a punch and getting back up to throw another one, not when they only throw them - but when they have the courage to get up again, to me failure doesn’t exist

i get it, cara mia.

i kinda spontaneously decided to dye it because i was feeling bad about myself but it’s here to stay i think!!! i also went as wednesday for halloween this year so it went really well braided!

i think you’d look amazing no matter the color!! plus i think pink & black go really well with each other anyways.

and yeah, your wednesday 🙂‍↕️

“cara mia.” do you know. i audibly screamed.

feeling like this rn only thing is we aren’t arguing

its a shame i cant know who’s my blind admirer ᴖ̈

flush aside, thank you for the compliments & i bet purple must’ve blended and fit in perfectly with the Wednesday look ^_^

for the first time after very very long I’ve looked someone in the eyes and she had me sweating bullets for hours later.

i couldn’t pay attention to anything around me at all, and all we did was have 1 tiny interaction. i’ve been avoiding this for so long im starting to get scared i wont ever manage to let it go, i haven’t let myself feel it and i fear the way to get rid of it is let it through

i just want the year to edge to the end, so at some party or anything similar i can find her and sort of

“promise me to not tell anyone, and to forget this all happened, especially if your reaction is negative…. do you think im pretty?.. you’ve been in the back of my head and the subconscious of my attention for so long… im about to leave, so im asking you now incase of a rejection, so i’ll be able to handle it, but if not i can stay longer…”

i need to get this out of me, its not about kissing a girl, romancing a girl or feeling a girl, its about THE girl.

who knew that you wont just get over someone if you try to not feed into your feelings, but instead they will persist on coming out.

𝚃𝚘 𝚊 𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚋𝚎𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐.

- B.E.

First request!!! Req by: @bilsluckyheart !! Thank you for your faith in me and i hope i didn’t disappoint <3

A/N: used one of my experiences and altered it some more!! Help!!

C/W: m*n mentioned, comphet implied, death mentioned (?), angst, hurt no comfort, no use of y/n, Billie referred to with her name instead of she once, hope i didn’t miss smt

Summary: You finally get a partner and as you said you didn’t care what they were like! You just wanted to not be alone. Is that what fulfils you? Is that what you expected to happen when you were finally “not alone?” Bet you didn’t expect to lose what you realised way too late was what you truly wanted there with you.

❀。 •*₊❀。 • *₊°。 ❀°· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · · ❀。 • *₊°。 ❀° ❀。 •

A man, a man supposedly being your boyfriend but you can’t seem to help that you see him as a best friend more than anything. Sex feels rather like a playtime-pass time than intimacy - what’s supposed to be dates instead is like going out with your dad’s friend instead of your lover - being with him feels more suffocating than it does to be utterly alone.

Sick worried about your sexuality and cravings, controlling to the core. You needn’t have cut her off, did you? You didn’t like her like that, right?

Or was it just you being in denial? Have you thought how obvious it is when others hear how you talk to her, your tone, your blabbering, clinging onto every little detail ever just for the sake of a never-ending conversation. How your eyes light up the entire milky way the moment she looks your way, gives you attention, answers your texts, you you you in her mind you wanted it to be you.

And he saw that as a threat, his very own misery being contagiously inflicted to you, all in plain sight.

So many excuses for how he is- but you cant deny it. You don’t dare deny it, and you know it too.

The car rides you’d wish would lead to her, the friends you’d go out with you wished would include her, the indirect questions of his old friends in a flick of hope to hear about her.

She was never to be talked of again.

He broke up with you, why are you sad? Body shaking with devastation, tears running like real-life waterfalls, screams of a broken heart hope. You had only hoped you like him, you had only hoped you could convince yourself you like men, the way they like you. The closet shut so quick for the sake of being with someone for once, anyone.

It doesn’t take long until you realise you’re better without him, you aren’t miserable yourself, you were forced to be but yourself. The episodes and constant crying is over, your body has no one to reject anymore, so as the months go by, why do you still feel crashed?

Mind replaying the thoughts you had while dating him, how often you’d think of Billie, wish for her upon every shooting star, hoping your words would reach her under the same night sky.

You weren’t in love with her though? Right?

The times she’d laugh at your stupid jokes and you’d only grow warmer, all from inside out. The way she laughed at your idiotic jokes, eyes shut closed and uncontrollable irregular panting laughs, you felt your heart open up and flutter like a lotus. You weren’t breathing anymore - you were blooming.

Or how she would always react to you with a smile, no she wasn’t always happy, but she felt that way whenever you were in the picture.

You knew she wasn’t always happy, especially when you tried to contact her about a month after your breakup, after the breakup of probably the most pathetic relationship ever.

Her hometown being your own isn’t helping, with a new year of studies crawling in and summer days shortening she’s come to visit family and friends and you cant help but imagine every other girl she interacted with was you.

Stolen glances while passing by the street, yours were full head turns, trying to drink up as much of her as you can in that luck-pathed moment, whereas hers almost looked through you. Short and cold, like broken icicles used as daggers.

The eyes that once bent and twinkled with such a welcoming warmth you now find them leaving you breathless. The hands that once opened up like wings, fingers empty of their shiny rings, -something she always did knowing how the sensation makes you cringe unpleasantly- knowing she’s gonna see you, eager to be held by you contentedly, palms facing you with a silent request to hold them — now you see fallen, the only thing about them looking at you being the big shiny intimidating rings peeking from a fist.

The mud is dirty, the water is not the best. All kinds of things found around the pond taking a sip or a dip. But a lotus flower grows again tomorrow even cleaner than before. Why can’t she see it?

You a year ago today is nothing compared to you right now, you know what you are and what you want. So why is she suddenly scared to get wet? Why is every person attracted to the pond but her?

Everyone but the one you want.

The one person to bloom the lotus within you, the one to plant the lotus seed inside you, to keep it from rotting all along. She gave it life and left it with you to die.

Or at least you tell that yourself to feel better, better about the fact that you left her without a word and hoped for the best.

You hadn’t realised just how much time had passed, or that time had passed at all. Now out of your mind and back to your body, looking right at the entrance of a park, you hadn’t moved an inch since you looked back and was met with a killer gaze. The evening sky turning to yet another dark night. Were the nights always this cold?

You lean against the random buildings fence, state of shock unbothered. Your head tilts up as the breeze kisses past your features, thats when you realise your body has betrayed you yet again, wet cold teary cheeks.

Blink,, blink,,, blink… and you shot your eyes up ahead, the stars in the dark blue of the sky dancing along the hue of the endless horizon above and beyond, and for a moment you saw her eyes again, for a moment you saw her staring at you the way she used to. For a final moment before you felt your heart rip itself apart.

...

..

You had no outlet for your love to her, you didn’t have her. What was there to do with a feeling so tender that sucker punches your stomach the moment it sees the owner of it whole? A feeling that fights against your held back words and actions, trying to get out in any way, ends up finding that the only way out, is through.

There was no room for it. If you clung onto it, it would only destroy you.

as someone with stretch marks on my thighs i can hear the gods singing to me

YOU REALLY, REALLY KNOW ME

i never liked my crooked teeth.

you tell me their your favorite thing... anything else?...

billie couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from you, and it went the same way for yourself. your eyes trained on hers, lips only inches away from her own, plump, red ones, bodies so close together it was like you two were a whole.

"what's wrong?" she speaks softly, her voice so quiet, almost like if she spoke even a little louder, the ceiling would cave in and trap you together. not that you would mind being stuck with her for an eternity.

the frown on your face isn't exactly unnoticeable, but it definitely wouldn't be noticed by anyone who had taken a quick glance at you. but, billie... she always knew whenever you were feeling down, "nothin'."

"then why do y'keep biting your lip, huh?"

fuck. she knew those little details. she knew every little detail of your life and your personality and almost everything about you. your eyes wander, hesitantly moving away from her face and looking down at the bed sheets.

they were still wrinkled from your... previous activities. it was a long night, and when you came home, billie saw those tired eyes of yours. she wanted nothing more than to take care of you, and she wouldn't hesitate to take you again if you needed it.

"jus'..." you sigh quietly, harshly biting down on your lip again. billie quickly moved a hand to cup your face, her thumb running along your bottom lip to tug it from between your teeth, "no more, mama, ts' gonna start to bleed."

her eyes were still focused on yours, her hand moving your head up to look directly into her eyes. you were safe with her, and she wanted you to know that. always.

your voice is shaky as you speak, your hand moving to her free one and interfacing your fingers. they fit perfectly in one another's, almost like you were made for her. only her, "marks—the stretch marks.. on my thighs."

"don't feel pretty," you confess, "wanna be pretty f'you, bills. you're so pretty, i—" billie quickly shushes you with a kiss. after a full 30 seconds, she pulls away, the both of you almost completely out of breath. your faces are flushed, saliva connecting your lips.

her eyes dart from one of your eyes to the other, then down to your lips and repeating the action over and over until she finds the words, "you are so unbelievably pretty, Y/N, don't ever tell yourself you aren't." she whispers, squeezing your hand softly in reassurance.

before you can reply, she pushes you off her lap, switching your positions so that you were laying on your back and she was in between your thighs, "these—" kiss, "—just—" kiss, "—make you—" kiss, "—even—" kiss, "—prettier.—" kiss.

she kisses every one of the marks she can reach, her thumbs rubbing circles on your waist. her eyes stay on yours, watching as your lips curve into a smile and tears form in your eyes.

"think you need a 'lil reminder, ts' that right?"

@mseilishmwah @sophloveswomen @mxqdii @livialifesblog @devynscomet @her-favorite @br4ttyeilish @wiidfi0wer33 @loving1dsworld @tan1shere @fallingforfalll2 @cierraonline @dandelions4us @xoluvx @hrtsdollie

oh calling me a coward now? bold of you to assume that calling me that doesn’t just spur me on more, baby.

and i absolutely love lightcannon. i keep up with a lot of league of legends lore so i’m a big fan! i also have catra’s headpiece that i made myself, maybe i’ll have to show you some time!

and i get that it might be stalker behaviour but it’s geniunely just that we’re kinda maybe meant to be!

oh it’s almost like you know me so well. i think i’m enjoying this a lot more than i thought! i’m sure the time will come when i hit your dms, my pretty wolf.

you are something else, something that i cant wait to meet once the masks drop

i don’t know ANYthing league of legends related BUT!!! isn’t star guardian Jinx x Lux hinted to a crumb of context? i don’t know.. all i know is pretty girls.. opposite girls.. kiss kiss love..

Catra mentioned 🫡 you have to show me sometime, not maybe, you have to now

⤹ this you?

“One day we'll have a pretty wedding, and I'll be your everything We'll be together, yes forever, we will never ever part Oh, you don't know it yet but baby I've already got your heart” <- immediately thought of this at your comment on your stalker behaviour (im definitely dying first in a horror movie.)

you’re a twisted little thing and that has peaked my interest up to space, can’t wait to see the face behind this whole facade. i truly wonder, will you be able to keep up once you’re no longer a secret? or are you generally just this way?

https://www.tumblr.com/yearningandstillnotlearning/766482397711810560/i-literally-dress-like-wednesday-on-the-daily

heyy its me again! your wednesday 🔪

i literally wear my hair in braids so much recently but my hair has purple on the underside so it’s like a twist between the black & purple. i’ve also envolved into more of a femme style as well and it’s mostly black dresses i’ve realised. i’m about to go cut my hair to look like wednesday more so hehe

i love that you sport pink!! i bet it looks so cute on you <33

you’re adorbs omfg, you sound like you look cool as hell and i wanna see your hair now :0

i would also dye my hair but god is it tiring to keep up, thats why i dyed it back to black before school started💔 i also wanna be something different each day so that wouldn’t be too good to my hair