tw // gr00ming, hypersexualization, long-ish vent
i fucking hate the thought of being intimate with someone. being groomed literally ruined that for me but at the same time im so hypersexual i feel so disgusting. im so gross. yes i know what happened to me wasnt my fault (even tho i still think it was). some days im so udderly sex replused then some days im so hypersexual its all i can think about. the thought of someone seeing me in a sexual way makes me feel so fucking disgusting and uncomfortable but then again it feels like thats the only way i can get attention. because im not attractive like other girls i need to sell myself to men to get any form of attention and its fucking disgusting i hate myself and cant stand the feeling for being looked at. i wish i could talk about this in therapy but my mom cant know about it, she would say its my fault and that im disgusting. even after i told my friends about it and they said they dont see me any differently i cant help but think theyre lying. im gross arent i. sending gross pics to a man on reddit because its the only way i felt pretty and loved. a grown man at that who probably has those pictures saved and they're probably on some fucking p0rn site. god thinking about it makes me wanna throw up
this is my kink
Barb <3
God, I can't tell you how much the "there's not enough enrichment in my enclosure" joke has helped my mental health. Because, for some reason I can't comprehend, pretending that I'm a zoo keeper caring for an animal (which is also me) just makes everything easier to comprehend. Like "Your head gets screwey when you're apartment is messy" just doesn't carry as much resonance as "The tiger becomes agitated when its enclosure is cluttered" because then I'll be like, no shit? The tiger? I've gotta keep things nice and clean for the tiger.
I love you pre-Autumn. I love you first chilly night after a hot day. I love you first crunchy leaves on the ground while the trees are still green. I love you cicadas. I love you crickets. I love you dusk sneaking in earlier for the first time. I love you deep sigh of relief after summer.
things to normalize:
⢠having no friends
⢠spending most of your time/weekends at home
⢠not wanting to do drugs or drink alcohol
⢠being single
⢠struggling with your mental health
⢠not knowing how to drive or not wanting to drive
⢠living at home with family
⢠not wanting children
⢠not wanting to get married
⢠going to therapy
⢠never being in a relationship
⢠being a virgin
⢠not being okay/happy all the time
⢠men being in touch with their emotions/being able to openly express their emotions
⢠body hair on women
⢠ethnic features
⢠introverts/naturally quiet people
⢠doing things alone/by yourself
⢠not going to college or a prestigious school
⢠not wearing any makeup
i relate to so many of these...i would love to be a mom but theres so many reasons that i cant
- each good enough on their own, if you ever feel like articulating why youâre child-free (non-exhaustive list).
Because you donât want children;
Because you donât like children;
Because they are not suited to your temperament;
Because you donât want to be benevolent, patient, kind and didactic;
Because they are too time-consuming;
Because they are too expensive;
Because you donât think you have the right kind of voice for bed-time stories; or the will to tell them;
Because they are too noisy;
Because you love quiet and peace over everything else;
Because you want to be able to wake up when you want and not when they wake you up; because it would be detrimental to your sleeping-in;
Because it would be detrimental to your hobbies;
Because your living space is too small and you donât want to change it;
Because cats are enough;
Because it would be a threat to your health;
Because you donât want to pass down your genes;
Because you donât want that kind of âimmortalityâ;
Because you donât want to go through nine months of pregnancy;
Because the thought of having a child grow inside you gives you the creeps;
Because you donât want to go through the pains of childbirth;
Because you donât trust the medical system to have your best interests at heart;
Because it would be detrimental to your career;
Because you donât want to slave away at a job you hate to earn enough money to raise them;
Because you donât want to have to worry about having enough money to raise them;
Because you donât want the hassle of trying to âhave-it-allâ;
Because itâs a huge responsibility;
Because children deserve more than what youâre willing to give;
Because the world is a misogynistic place; because the world is a homophobic place; because the world is a racist place;
Because you would never have a good night of sleep ever again;
Because you would worry all your life about them and their well-being;
Because the world (and men) hates everything that is different;
Because you canât guarantee theyâll be in good health;
Because you cannot protect your children from everything;
Because at some point theyâll be hurt and thereâs nothing you can do about it;
Because you donât know what today will be made of; because the world might be a bleak place in twenty, in thirty years; and what life a child would have then?
Because who are you to inflict life on a child?
Because you think less people on the planet canât hurt the climate;
Because you donât have the community to support you through it;
Because your motherâs wishes are not your own;
Because no-one is entitled to children or grandchildren;
Because your being fine acting as a doting aunt doesnât bind you to anything more;
Because itâs hard to do alone and the last thing you want is to rely on a man;
Because children are often used by men against their mothers to trap them into abuse;
Because you donât want to do what is expected of youâbe a silent and meek housewife;
Because you hate the stereotypes attached to motherhood; because you donât want them to be attached to you; because you know you donât need to have children to change peopleâs opinions on motherhood;
Because you donât want to be forever tied to a man;
Because you donât fancy yourself into a supportive role for the rest of your life;
Because you canât guarantee youâll love them;
Because you canât guarantee you wonât hate them;
Because you donât know how to raise them; because you donât think you can find a way to raise them and have them turn out right;
Because you donât want to birth more misogynistsâthe world already has enough;
Because being a mother is not inevitable;
Because youâre not suited to motherhood;
Because being a woman doesnât mean that youâll be a mother one day;
Because youâre a lesbian; because this obsession with children is very heterosexual-centred and couldnât be further from your priorities;
Because you want to be independent;
Because you want to live alone;
Because you want to achieve your dreams;
Because youâre busy with you own life;
Because you donât want to make that kind of commitmentânow, or ever;
Because youâre selfish*;
Because your life is valuable on its own; because you donât need to have children for your life to hold worth;
And finally, because no man is entitled to your body, because you donât have to justify to them your own decisions, feel free to use this one liberally:
Itâs none of your business.
*Thatâs not a bad thing. Youâre entitled to a life of your own, youâre not here to serve everyone else.
Happy 23rd birthday, Dipper and Mabel! đ˛đ
the g in lgbt stands for ghoul
[id: âI like your gay pride shirtâ meme and on the shirt is the 6 main monster high ghouls /end id]
braiding hair, the strands passing through your fingers like silk
reading poetry to each other, voices like honey in the sun
the intimacy of borrowing their t-shirt
writing things by hand, watching them glide the pen on the paper and taking in their handwriting, their calligraphy
looking at their naked back, connecting the small moles with your fingers as if they were constellations
creating together
listening to music together, sharing the album that speaks to you like no other
hearing their voice when theyâve just woken up, groggy and slightly confused but happy
sharing all your favourite things with them, the intimate art that plays with the strings of your soul: your favourite painting, book, quote, passage, place
feeling time pass by, together
their breath tickling your skin
-c. 23/05/21Â