Real He Would Not Be Smirking At Me Or Be Able To See That Im Into Him Without Me Spelling It Out To

Hi! I don't know if you are still taking requests, but if it's so, can we please get an Atsumu x reader one shot, specifically, a one shot where Atsumu is scared of commitment, and reader just wants to get married, and due to Atsumu's fear of commitment, she wants to break up. Then he regrets later and tries to win back reader, realising that deep in his heart, he cannot live without her.

I'll leave the ending to you^^!

Hiiii I'm still taking them yes!

Anon? Anon? Did ya get on my brain or something? Hooooly moly this plot is so good let me kiss your mind smooch~

Pairing: Timeskip! Atsumu x Fem reader

Genre: Angst, hurt/comfort

Warnings & content: grammar - Atsumu has an avoidant/anxious attachment style lol - overthinker reader- petnames - Reader owns 2 cats - Sometimes it's not about the screams, it's about what your words mean

He used to get into problems because of his "Big mouth" (Osamu's words, not his)

Being harsh on someone from the team "whatever"

Lying on Aran's or Samu's face (usually little things tho, like pudding)

Or right now, when after his girlfriend of 2 years showed him a video of a wedding dance and he dismissed it as:

"A pretentious celebration, don' understan' whats the fret about it"

"Well we are not dancers but still it is fun, don't you think Tsumu?"

"Ah 'm talkin' 'bout the wedding"

A needle falling could be heard after that butch of information

"Uh what?"

He just looked at you with an almost bored expression

"I'm not cut for that pretty, all that married lifestyle an' stuff 's just..... Boring fer me"

Your mood obviously shifted drastically. Of course, you weren't expecting that the man you love with all your heart and soul would overrule something you showed interest in such a cold way

"So what you are saying is..... You don't wanna marry me?"

He shifted his gaze from his phone to your face, cringing a little at your pretty obvious disgruntled expression

"We don't know what will happen tomorrow doll we jus' better enjoy our time now"

The shock travelling through your body made you shiver.

"'m jus' sayin'... Ya kinda lose some freedom when ya get married. It's complicated"

You opened your mouth but there was no sound going out of it. You really really didn't expect the evening to turn like this

Then there was set an uncomfortable silence

"Angel?"

"I'm sleepy Tsumu, goodnight"

The bed felt colder even when an hour later he joined you to bed. His arm circling your waist not representing the same love you thought about

The next morning he left with a kiss onto your forehead, an "I love you" and a promise to come back for dinner

It was a custom at this point in your relationship, but this time it felt fake

Why was he still with you if there was no prospect of the future?

Was wanting a wedding too much? Did he plan on to leave you at some point of your life?

The dampness in the pillow signaled you to get up and get ready for the day

For some people it would be dumb or insignificant. A wedding only being a legal paper, a contract, a figure, something done out of selfishness to secure an income or stuff like that

But for you, it was almost your dream since you were little. Glimpses of white, with little brown and gold details, maybe your pet as the ring bearer, and your future husband in all his glory smiling or even crying at the sight of you, like a princess out of a fairy tale. Vows evoking eternal love, promises of care and devotion. A signal of how much you loved that person.

Now that image was not going to be filled with Atsumu's figure nor your cats.

The pang on your chest made your eyes fill with tears again. You had never thought Atsumu would have such an strong opinion about marriage, to think that you two were not on the same page pained you to the brim to the point you had to sit down

You wanted to be selfless, you did. But what would possibly be holding him back that much? Wouldn't he even agree to a civil wedding?

"(...) all that married lifestyle an' stuff 's just….. Boring fer me"

It wouldn't be a lot more different to what you had now... Did that mean that he was bored now?

"Ya kinda lose some freedom when ya get married"

Were you that type of girlfriend tho? A controlling one? No, you were sure about that, so what type of freedom was he talking about?

Your thoughts weren't taking you anywhere, but you were sure about something

You didn't have a future with Atsumu

Meanwhile, on the MSBY's gym, a very restless Atsumu was trying his best to not let his personal life affect his work

But how could he not? When you, the girl he loved so much it hurt, asked for marriage

It's not like he despised the celebration itself, but to him it meant a big step he wasn't ready to take. No now, probably never

Why would you want to change what you had until now? The fact that you seemed so hopeful about it pulled the strings on his heart.

If he was honest with himself he kind of knew this conversation was to come soon. You were watching even more romantic shows that involved characters with healty depictions of marriage instead of the usual comic gag

Or sometimes caressing his ring finger

Still, he wasn't ready. So he hoped he could work things out, you always found the way to do it and while he was terrified of the long term feeling, he just knew he loved you and that was enough

Or so he said to himself

"I know you have a loud mouth but you could have word it in another way Miya"

"I panicked Omi ok?!"

Of course Sakusa noticed the change on his team mate and Atsumu felt he had to talk about it to someone. The raven haired man being his best option so he let all the story out

Sakusa sighed and finished packing his stuff

"I'm just saying Miya, usually this type of disagreements don't end fine"

"Are ya trying to cheer me up or make me feel like garbage?"

"Your words, not mine"

Atsumu could only look at his friend with a mix of a frown and a pout

"I'm surely not the one to tell you this but.... What are you so afraid of?" And like that, the curly man went out of his sight

Atsumu was left sitting on a bench fiddling with his fingers, wondering and thinking about it

While his parents marriage ended in divorce it didn't end bad, they actually did a good job Co parenting the twins.

His dad had shared that they simply felt out of love after so many years, so there was this lingering fear of "Maybe things aren't meant to be forever even if they are really good" What if that happened to him too?

He was sured he loved you, the butterflies in his tummy and the lovesick glances he pulled everytime you looked at his direction were proof of it.

But, what if?

He wanted to be happy as long as life could let him be

He sighed once again this time against your shared apartment, a weak smile forming into his lips watching the "welcome" cloud shaped rug you had insisted to buy the last trip to the supermarket

His nerves were eating his heart out but he knew it wouldn't be intelligent to run away to Osamu just like he did whe he was little. He wanted to properly apologise and show you clearly his fears (maybe he should start going to that therapy Bokuto was talking the other day)

"Angel I'm home!"

Total silence

Huh? That was weird? You always had music even if you were working in your laptop

Maybe you were taking a nap, sure

"Doll?"

He almost got a heart attack when he opened the door of your bedroom and found you siting on the edge of the bed

"Jesus Christ baby! Ya were as quite as a mouse oh my God"

While he clutched his shirt over his chest he noticed you hadn't answered to him. Worried he looked at you and man, he swore his heart skipped a beat

You were wearing your prettiest clothes, something you only wore in his or your birthdays. Something reserved to memorable occasions

But your composure lacked that welcoming and prideful aura you would carry in that outfit. Your smile was rigid, your posture almost as if you weren't welcomed.

He cringed internally trying to decode your demeanor

"Baby yer scaring me...."

"I wanna go out today if that's OK with you?"

"Eh?"

Your voice, soft and gentle. But not like you talked to a frightened animal, no. It was the tone you used when you don't want to upset a beast

His heart wrenched in his chest. You had never spoke to him like that

"'Course I want ta, W-whats the occasion?"

He didn't like how thick the air was becoming. How it was like all of his senses were prepared for the worst

"Just because" You laughed softly and kinda dry

He tried looking at your eyes, but your glance moved from one thing of the room to another, evading him

"OK, I'll be ready in a minute, wait fer me"

When he cleaned and dressed himself up you went out. He tried holding your hand several times while walking, but you avoided it

His chest felt constricted and he tried and tried until you finally held his pinky with yours. But the touch was barely there and honestly? It was killing him

You dined at you both favourite restaurant. Not too fancy not too "family inn". And it was your place, a fact that was making him feel even worse

And it wasn't better for you, your apettie was in the floor and you ate for the sake of your stomach, not having the energy to eat anything at all through the day.

At the end, he knew something was definitely up when you skipped dessert. Your most favourite one only being made in this place. He had to do something and he had to do it now

He proceed to pay the bill against your wide opened eyes and took you out. This time holding your hand entirely with his, taking you back home

It was at the stairs you halted and he let go of your hand, missing its warm

"What's on yer mind doll, please...."

He looked back at you and his breath hitched when he saw your uncommon impassible face with big tears running down your cheeks

But what made it worse, and what made him dizzy was the sentence that went out of your now wobbling lips

"This is the night I'm letting you free 'Tsumu"

"W-what?" his own voice turning shaky and breathy

"I kinda wanted to be selfish and spend a last night with you"

You had to take a deep breath, hiccups making your speech a tad bit difficult to deliver

"I just wanted to be with you a last time"

Last

Last

"I love you Atsumu, but we don't.... We don't have the same goal, we don't have the same mindset" You smiled weakly at him while he just looked at you in shock

You could almost swear there were a bunch of tears forming on his eyes

"And it's ok really but... B-but" You couldn't help the whine that came out, your pain, sadness, and everything else being put on a silver plate for your lover to see

"I just can't do this if I know you won't love me same as I do"

"I LOVE YOU!"

You gasped and flinched at the sudden raise of his voice. But more than anger there was desperation and grief into it

"I love you so so much its insane and I'm sorry, I-I'm sorry"

He was almost full on wailing like a child, just like when they're taken away form their parents on the first school day

Or how he cried when his dad went out of the door

"I'm terrified ya know? Terrified that all of this we've been living is just meant to end and I just-"

He looked up trying to stop the tears, unsuccessfully

"I don't think weddings are dumb or that I would lose something. But I'm so so afraid of what will happen if we settle down"

You were surprised of yourself when you cradled him into your arms. His own circling your waist immediately and holding you as if you were to disappear at any second

"What if you go away someday? What if I go away? What if this is just some cruel destiny's game?!"

His mind was fuzzy, feeling that your departure was seconds away stirred his fight or flight response

If his time with you was meant to end he didn't want it to be now, the overcrushing feeling of losing you now was greater than his fear of compromise

Right now, he was convinced he needed you more than oxygen, more than the sun, more than his own life

"Tsumu"

"But Please stay, don't leave. I don't ever want to have last things with you. At this point I don't even care"

When he looked at your eyes you could sense all of his renowned devotion

"I hurt ya and you suffered because of that. I swear it won't happen again.... Promise..."

After several minutes you both could only try to control your shaky breaths, dry the remaining tears and hold each other

"Marry me...."

"What?"

He pulled away, giving you just enough space to see directly at him

"Marry me....not right now but I..... I can only think of how miserable our life's are without each other and why would I mess up all we've done, all we've lived over a fear I can work on....."

Your eyes watered once again

"I don't wanna impose-"

"Yer not imposing..... I decide I wanna do this"

The strength of his arms were finally giving you the confort they meant to be

"If yer willing to be with this.... Broken piece of man..... Please stay by ma side"

He held your face with delicacy, as if you were the most delicate gem

And for your delight, you now recognised your beloved stare

"I wanna give myself to ya, make ya happy"

"Cuz you're definitely worth the try"

Not my brain fully functioning to do this instead of my grade paper

Writing angst for Tsumu is soooo satisfying as I said before. This was probably my fav rq until now (prob cuz I'm happy with the result)

Hope you like it! 💙

Natdu

maybe i was born to read fanfic and obsess over fictional men idk

Hello!! I saw you asked for Saiki k x reader fic imagines, so I thought I would request something! I am not sure what you don't do in your writing (I read your pinned) so hopefully this will be ok, if not I am sorry plz ignore. Imagine Saiki's reaction to Toritsuka attempting to flirt with the reader but says Saiki is their boyfriend (either fake or real).

HELLO! i write almost everything except hcs bc idk i dont like how i write them, yes thank u for making requests i promise i will get started w the requests as soon as i finish studying for my maths final 🙏

Suddenly I’m a giant blue fish making eye contact with mgg…?

ᴡʜɪᴛᴇ ʙᴏʏ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏɴᴛʜ — ᴀᴜɢᴜsᴛ ᴇᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴ

sᴘᴇɴᴄᴇʀ ʀᴇɪᴅ (ᴍᴀᴛᴛʜᴇᴡ ɢʀᴇʏ ɢᴜʙʟᴇʀ)

Alexithymia

PRONOUNCED - alex·​i·​thy·​mia | /əˌleksəˈTHīmēə/ DEFINITION - the inability to identify and express or describe one's feelings.

PAIRING - Tsukishima Kei x Reader WC - 7.5K (oops) GENRE - Smut, Angst, Fluff CW - oral (m!receiving), unprotected sex, creampie, multiple rounds, multiple orgasms, im insane?

PREV PART | MASTERLIST

The three days that you had to wait until the party felt like they took forever.

It was three days of avoiding telling Aiko and your other friends where the hickeys and the bruises came from. Three days of trying not to give a snarky reply whenever Tsukishima spoke - and missing the drop in his features whenever you neglected it.

Three days of leaving your shared classes just before the bell rang so that he didn't have the chance to catch you in the halls.

Now, however, you were both trapped in Aiko's house with the rest of the team and selected other close friends. You knew this house like the back of your hand and if you really tried, you could completely avoid him and every other person in this house all night.

But then, if you were going to do that, you might as well have not come. Aiko would have had your head for that. So instead, you chose to do something that you knew would piss Tsukishima off. You latched yourself onto someone that he hated.

Kageyama Tobio.

You had spent all night flirting with Tobio and it honestly, had you feeling mentally drained. He was cute, you wouldn't deny how absolutely adorable he was and how easily he flustered made you laugh. But he was also so so oblivious.

Oblivious to the batting of your eyelashes as you looked up at him. Oblivious to the soft touches on his arm while you over-exaggerated laughs.

You'd been at it for nearly an hour now, overdoing your flirting with Kageyama without so much as a glance towards Tsukishima. You really didn't have to look to know he was watching.

You could feel it. His eyes, drilling into your back, golden as the sun and burning just as hot. All it would take was a bump to send him over the edge you'd brought him to. You just couldn't seem to press the right button yet. A bump. A bump was all you needed.

A bump was what you got. Straight to the back from someone you didn't see as they passed behind you.

You lost your balance easily, the alcohol aiding in your unsteady legs as you felt yourself start to fall. Tobio was just as quick in catching you. His arm wrapped around your waist at lightning speed, pulling your body into his.

At that moment, you'd forgotten all about what you had been trying to do to Tsukishima. Your hand, the one not holding on to your drink, braced itself on Tobio's chest.

"Are you okay?" His voice came in a whisper, compared to the half-shouting you'd been communicating at to be heard over the music previously. It made you realize just how close you two were.

You swallowed hard as you felt his chest vibrate under your hand while he spoke, his defined muscles pressing into your skin. You looked up at him in awe, your cheeks heating up as you nodded lightly.

You froze for a second, he really was pretty and it was a shame that he was taken. That and that you weren't actually into him. It was a shame that even though your face heated up at the proximity, your usual snarky demeanor dropping, there were no feelings that flooded you except for the wish that you could swap him with Kei.

You shook the thought from your head as quickly as it entered and quickly detangled yourself from his hold. You glanced off to the side, willing your face to cool down. "Sorry, I'm so clumsy." You laughed lightly.

Just as Tobio's hold released you, a colder grip wrapped itself around your wrist harshly. "Excuse us." Tsukishima's voice came out clenched and before you could register his face or even turn back to catch Tobio's reaction, you were dragged away through the crowd.

"What the hell!" You tried to shout, to yank your arm back. You were only met with silence, his grip tightening as he continued to drag you along.

You caught a glimpse of his face as he expertly weaved through friends and strangers alike, no one paying either of you mind as you passed them. His eyes were fixed forward, eyes trained on something you couldn't quite see yet. His jaw was clenched so tight that you swore you could see every muscle of it outlined through his skin.

Your back met the door of a closet, only a split second after you'd seen it, as he shoved you inside. You watched him glance over his shoulder briefly, making sure no one noticed as he slipped in after you.

You waited for the door to close and the second it did, soft light from the bulb hanging above you filling the room, you shoved him as hard as you could. Pride filled you as he stumbled slightly from the force but you couldn't take the time to revel in it right now.

"What is your problem?" You hissed the words at him, shoving again. He had to take a step to steady himself. "Where the fuck do you get off dragging me around like that!?" You snarled at him, going to shove him again. He easily stopped you this time, prepared for it; he snatched your wrists out of the air and pulled your body flush to his.

You froze against him. Heat filled your face again, similar to how it just had with Tobio, the proximity getting to you. You hated that your fight faded from your body as his hand came up to cup your jaw, his thumb tracing along your lower lip.

You let him part your lips gently as you stared up at him, caught under his gaze and the soft touch of his rough fingers. His eyes softened as they trained on your lips, but only for a moment. They hardened again as he made eye contact, grip on your jaw tightening. You grimaced at the feeling, eyes beginning to water.

"Don't fucking look at him like that again." A possessive growl came from his chest, vibrating against your body. It took every ounce of your willpower to jerk your jaw from his grasp.

"What are you talking about?" You felt the fire flare up behind your temper. You matched his glare, stubbornly looking up at him in a challenge.

"Kageyama!" He nearly shouted the name and quickly lowered his volume as he realized it. "Kageyama and you giving him that fucking look."

The words fell out through clenched teeth as he pressed you into the wall. His hand wrapped around your throat, not roughly, just lightly to pin you in place. You swallowed down the fire of your temper, letting it leave your eyes and flow into your cheeks. You hated how easily he could reduce you to what you were now - staring up into his eyes, drinking in the golden sunlight of them and knowing that you would regret it the second you looked away.

"This look." Tsukishima's fingers tilted your head towards him more, tracing the column of your throat, his face came closer to yours, eyes soaking in every curve of your face. "The look you're only supposed to give me. The one you get when I hold you like this-"

The look you got when you were drinking in every feature you could and thinking how beautiful he was up close. Thinking about how much you were going to hate when he let go.

"The one that tells me you're mine." He growled in frustration again and the softness that had started to creep into his eyes left again. "Don't fucking look at him like that again." He pressed you harder against the wall, lips falling to your neck. "Promise me."

Your eyes fluttered shut as you held on to the last shreds of your resistance. "What am I supposed to promise?" You refused to let yourself fully give in to him yet.

"That you're only going to look at me like that." His words were as rough as his hands were as he grabbed at your clothes, attempting to push them off your body. "Only fucking me." You whimpered as his hands dragged you impossibly closer to him.

The sound of something crashing from the other side of the door made reality crash down on you with it. What were you doing?

Your hands found purchase on his chest again, and again you roughly shoved at him. "Don't tell me what I can and can't fucking do." You growled as he stumbled back, his touch leaving a searing pain in its absence. "I'm not fucking you in this closet at a party full of our friends."

He quickly moved in front of the door as you reached for it and you groaned in exasperation. "Fucking move, you stupid lamppost."

"Please." Your eyes snapped up to meet his as the word fell from his lips. Your anger seemed to falter as you took in the pleading look in his eyes. "Let's leave here then." You couldn't reply, your eyes only widened as his hands came up to cup your face, thumbs softly stroking across your cheeks as he kept your face tilted up at him. "Just come home with me."

His voice was soft and it seeped through every crack in your already feeble resistance, filling you up as your heart squeezed in your chest, willing you to walk away from this back and forth you had.

"Please, y/n, come home with me." The nail in the coffin of your heart. You nodded without thinking and then you were being pulled out of the closet and back through the crowd.

His grip on you was softer this time, an arm wrapped around your waist rather than fingers gripped around your wrist. Guiding instead of dragging. You couldn't take your eyes off him, everything else was merely a blur as you wove towards the front door and then to his car.

You finally came to as you stopped at a red light two streets away from Aiko's house. The leather of the seat stuck to your bare thighs as you stared out the window. Neither of you dared to speak, tension so thick in the air as you almost didn't even acknowledge each other's presence. Almost. His palm lay heavy on your thigh, fingers sprawled across it, burning through your skin.

You let him drag you out of his car when it was stopped and up the path to his dark house. Every step you took, you ignored the same part of your brain begging you to run from what was stirring inside of you. To leave before the last of your will to hate Tsukishima broke away.

The second that the door locked behind you both, his lips were on your again. It was bruising movements as he nipped at your lips, invaded your mouth with his tongue. He lifted you easily into his arms and carried you down the hall. Every one of your senses were flooded with him.

You inhaled his cologne with every breath you took, the scent dizzying to you as he swallowed the soft moans you let slip out. Your back hit the door of his room and he supported you with one arm under your ass as his other reached blindly for the handle.

He ground his hips desperately into yours as he opened the door, the heat in your core slowly flooding your whole body, craving more of his touch. Your doubts were suffocating you but all you could do was kiss him more as he slammed the door shut and pushed you back against it.

He dropped you back to the ground and pushed you to your knees without a word. Your legs didn't give much of a fight as you fell easily, his hand coming to cup your jaw roughly to keep your head against the wall and at eye-level with the bulge in his pants.

His thumb pressed between your lips, dragging and hooking onto your lower teeth to pull your mouth open. Your tongue brushed across the top of his nail and he groaned in response.

His eyes hungrily watched your lips as you ignored every protest your brain was making about letting him get away with this. His free hand gripped the neck of his shirt, pulling it up and over his head in a fluid motion.

You trailed with the him of his shirt, your eyes traveling up his torso, drinking in every ripple in his muscles as they flexed under his movements. When he was free of his shirt, as much as you could stare at his body all day, you made sure to bring your eyes back to his face - where you truly couldn't help yourself from always looking.

Your fingers fumbled with the button on his pants, undoing them as quickly as you could without letting your eyes leave his face. You pushed them down with one hand as the other immediately wrapped around the length of him, easily pumping up and down. He stepped out of his pants as you did, kicking them to the side as his hips involuntarily bucked towards you.

You felt his thumb leave your mouth and you licked out, tongue wetting your lips along with his tip. He responded with a hiss at the sudden sensation and his hands quickly wound themselves into your hair.

Impatience flooded both of you and you quickly wrapped your lips around him, sucking him in the way that you'd grown accustomed to. Your tongue stroked along the familiar veins running down the bottom of his cock as he pressed further into your mouth. His head fell back as a soft moan left his lips, his fingers tightening their grip.

You whined around him as he pulled lightly on your hair and bucked into your mouth again. "Fu-fuck." He moaned, looking back down at you and hardening his gaze, any softness he wanted to treat you with leaving his features. "Do that again."

It was a command you followed, moaning around him again, sending vibrations up his length as he held your head against the wall, thrusting against your gag reflex. Tears sprung to your eyes as the entrance of your throat clenched around his tip. Tsukishima moaned again and pulled your hair.

"Come on, I know you can do better than that." A smirk pulled onto his lips as he ushered in the challenge, pulling back from your mouth a little bit, so his cock rested comfortably on your tongue. "Do better."

One of his hands left your hair and tapped on your cheek lightly as you hollowed it out, sucking gently on him. His eyes were locked onto your own watery ones, refusing to leave them.

"Fuck you look so pretty like this." You whimpered at the roughness of his voice compared to the words that it formed and your jaw went slack for him. Open for him to use.

He thrust back in quickly, reveling in the way some of the tears in your eyes started to fall as you hit the back of your throat again. Your chest heaved as you tried to relax your throat, to ease the ache, and he pushed further in.

Your eyes squeezed shut and your throat involuntarily tried to push him back out. Your head tried to jerk backwards but the wall behind you and his grip on your hair refused to let you move even an inch.

He thrust hard a few times, spit collecting around the corner of your lips, mixing with the tears the dripped down your cheeks as you gagged around him. "Yeah, fuck, like that." He groaned but pulled back lightly, leaving his tip in your mouth.

You coughed and sputtered, gasping in air from the small space he left you. But the panting coming from him above you sent heat pooling between your legs despite trying to catch your breath. You willed yourself to look back up at him.

His face was flushed a pretty pink as his eyes watched the drool fall from your lips, down the length of his cock, and onto your chest. The look of him there, so enraptured by you, made you stick your tongue out more, trying to open wider for him.

He thrust in again, picking up a fast pace. Gags and obscene noises were pulled from your throat. Your tears ran hot down your cheeks, your body contracting as you gagged, more of your saliva soaking his cock.

His tongue poked out of his mouth as he held onto your hair tighter with one hand, the other running through his own hair, mussing it while he moaned loudly. His head was dropped forward, eyes locked onto your face as he fucked your mouth.

"Look so fucking hot on your knees for me." You let out a strangled whimper and he growled out as he felt the sound travel up his length. "Fuck, only ever look at me like this." You made a pathetic attempt at nodding up at him and he breathed out a laugh, picking up his pace. Your lungs burned as he narrowed his eyes and got rougher with his thrusts, like he remembered why he was mad in the first place. "Never going to fucking look at him like this."

He let out another loud moan while he abused your throat, losing a bit of control to his thrusts. You lifted your hand, prepared to tap out of the assault. He stopped on his own accord before you got the chance.

He pulled away from you quickly and you realized how much his grip had held you in your place. Your hands braced on your knees as your body fell forward. You gasped around the saliva falling out of your mouth and down your chin, mixing with your tears.

His hand wrapped around your elbow and hauled you to your feet before you could clear your head. The ache in your knees caused them to buckle when your weight was set on them and you knew that you would fall if he wasn't supporting you. You only had to deal with being on your feet for a few seconds before they left the ground again as he tossed you onto the bed.

His hands were back on you before your body could stop bouncing onto the mattress from the force. Roughly gripping your hips and easily tearing your clothing from your body.

"So fucking gorgeous like this." He praised softly as his hands trailed from your hips to your thighs. His hands changed again, from their soft grazes to a rough grip on the backs of your thighs as he spread them, hooking your knees over his elbows.

You squealed in surprise, head feeling dizzy from his treatment as he yanked you towards him with hands on your waist. Your eyes fluttered, moaning as you heard him spit onto your exposed cunt.

You had barely registered the feeling before you felt him slam his entire length into you with a single thrust. Your eyes flew back open and a loud, squealing gasp left your lips, your nails finding home digging into his forearms.

"Fu-fuck. K-Kei." You stuttered as his head fell forward with an elongated curse of his own.

"Feel so fucking good around me." He didn't even give you a second to catch your breath before he was pulling out and slamming his hips back into yours again. The angle was just right and your vision got blurry as you immediately started to feel your orgasm building.

He offered you no mercy as he battered against your g-spot, his pace fast and rough, unforgiving as unfiltered moans fell from your lips.

"Kei!" You cried out, your grip tightening as you felt your back arch, pressing your chest closer to him. "Kei fuck- I'm gon-" You were cut off by the form of your own half moan, half scream that tore from your throat as he fucked into you even harder at your declaration.

"Fucking already?" Condescending as he let out a scoff, the bit of it was taken away by the moan that left his lips immediately after it. "Fucking cum on my cock then baby," he permitted, "cum the way that only I can make you."

His grip on your waist dragged you down, across the bedsheets to meet every thrust he gave and you whined at the possession he had over you.

A slew of curses rolled off your lips, slurred by your own saliva and your tongue that couldn't quite cooperate with you, as you felt your entire body tense up. You clamped down around him and his eyes squeezed shut, determined to keep his pace and angle.

You could barely feel it as your back arched off the bed, your head falling backwards as your orgasm crashed into you like a freight train. One of his arms moved to keep your back arched like that, giving him a deeper angle as his pace, his roughness refused to let up, fucking you through your orgasm.

The sound in your ears felt muffled, but you could still hear the wet slap every time his hips met yours again. The sounds got progressively louder, sloppier as you gushed around him. Your orgasm didn't even make him pause. The tip of his dick brushed against your g-spot with every thrust into you.

It felt like he was trying to get even deeper inside of you as you clawed at his arms and choked on moans and cries of pleasure. You weren't sure if that goal was possible, but damn did he try.

"You take me so fucking well." Your body clenched up again at the praise he pushed out through his teeth. "Yeah," he responded to your body, "you like being told that?"

His eyes held yours and you could almost pinpoint an emotion behind them that you couldn't read. Almost but not quite, not having the time to focus on it as he gave you another particularly hard thrust. Your head fell to the side again and you waited for his next comment. Waited for the degradation that came from him every time you fucked.

"Prettiest fucking thing I've ever seen." He growled out and a gasp ripped from your lips. You swore you must have misheard him.

As if he could read your mind, he leaned forward, his chest pressing against yours. One of his hands came up to grip your jaw, bringing your face back to his, forcing you to hold his eye contact.

"Cum again pretty girl, give me another one." And with the way he was looking at you, the words falling from his lips against yours as he continued his rough pace... your body had no choice but to comply.

You tumbled over another edge that you hadn't even registered being close to. Your vision of him blurred out around the edges, white spots decorating the image. He swallowed every moan you gave with breathtaking kisses and reciprocated with moaned praises into your mouth.

"Just like that baby." He cursed as he fucked you through your orgasm, trying to draw it out. "So fucking beautiful for me." He let out a broken moan and his thrusts started to get sloppy. "All mine." He possessively gripped onto you, his voice begging for you to comply, to corroborate.

"All yours." You whimpered back through a moan.

You kissed him again as you registered his own muscles tightening up, his length twitching inside of you. The moan that he let flow into your mouth was high-pitched and broken. Pulling your body impossibly tighter to his, you felt him paint your insides with his own orgasm.

He collapsed onto you for a second before rolling off, disconnecting your bodies as he did so. You both laid there in almost silence, your legs dangling off the bed and chests heaving as you were surrounded by the sound of both of you trying to catch your breath.

As your vision cleared up, the tingly feeling in your body had begun to be replaced with something else. The tightening in your chest as you thought about the words that had fallen rom your lips. Words you desperately wanted to be said with love. But you knew better.

You knew that tomorrow you would see your friends and he would pretend that he didn't know where the bruises that littered your skin were from. You would lie for him. Tomorrow, he wouldn't even look your way as you watched his every movement and hung onto every sarcastic comment that left his tongue.

You couldn't do this anymore. Let yourself be confused by this. By him. You needed to stop thi-

"I don't need anyone else seeing you like this."

Your eyes snapped open and your head turned to look at him, so quickly that you were sure you heard it crack. That was the least of your concerns. You didn't even remember your eyes having fallen closed or hearing his body shift so that he was looking at you.

9 simple words.

That was all it took to reignite the hate in your veins for the man next to you. You pushed yourself up, ignoring the scream from every fiber in your body at the movements.

"Yeah, I get it Tsukki." You whispered it, shaking your head as you searched for your underwear first. You spotted the fabric and made for it. "Don't want anyone else to see me under them and looking like at them like that and-"

You cut yourself off as you slipped back on your underwear, furrowing your eyebrows at why your vision was blurry again. You could hear him shift behind you but your focus was on your hand as it came away from your cheeks, wet. Tears. Great. You clenched your teeth and brushed away all the wetness you could and worked on finding your bra next.

"That's not-" Tsukishima groaned and you heard his feet hit the floor as he got off the bed, "y/n would you wait a second." He voice was softer than usual but you refused to look up at him, spotting your bra by the door.

"Listen, Tsukishima." You clipped your bra into place and grabbed the shirt laying only a few feet away. "This has been fun, really." You sniffled and quickly his it with a clearing of your throat. "Great stress relief and you're a great fuck."

You forced the words out, letting the words freeze over as you pulled the shirt down over your torso and turned to find your shorts. Tsukishima stepped into your path. He'd pulled his boxers back on but you were too busy to care.

Busy with holding back all your emotions. You chose one to zero in on and you let it out. "Get out of my fucking way." You growled out, fixing your eyes onto his chest with a glare, refusing to look up at his face, knowing that you would break if you did.

"Stop fucking walking around." He grabbed your upper arms to hold you in place as you tried to push past him again. "Just, would you listen to me!"

"I don't know where you get off!" You shouted then, trying to rid yourself of his grasp, struggling unsuccessfully. "We're not together." You seethed and his grip loosened. "I'm not your fucking girlfriend." The words burned as you spit them out and you barely registered his arms dropping away from you.

"What makes you think that you can tell me what to do!?" You shoved at his chest and he took a step back. You spun on your heel and tried to locate the shorts you'd been wearing. "You can't fucking play with me like this." It was quieter than your shouts, but you knew he heard.

He was in front of you again in a second. This time, his hands cupped your face and forced you to look up at him. "Just give me five minutes. The quietness of his voice made you freeze, your eyes locking with his.

Worry was written all over his face, pouring from his furrowed eyebrows to his glazed over eyes. It drifted past his lightly parted lips, to the tensed up muscles of his body as he stood rigidly in front of you. It seeped from his hands holding your face softly and contaminated you too.

His worry kept your eyes locked on his and your body frozen in place. Stopped the words in your throat and the breath in your lungs. A sudden heaviness that neither of you were used to.

"Please, don't go." He whispered, begging you. "Please just stay. For one more night."

You can't help but think your ears were faulty because you could have sworn his voice cracked the slightest before he continued.

"I know you hate me. God you have every right to. But just let me have you for one more night. I need you for one more night." Your chest tightened as you looked up at him, a rush of emotions overloading you and you couldn't figure out which one to feel most. "I don't want anyone else to have you this way. To see you this way."

You chose to feel the hurt the most and opened your mouth to yell at him. He only cut you off again.

"Just shut up for a second!" He clenched his eyes shut as he raised his voice. You stopped and he sighed, opening his eyes again. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-" he swallowed and slowly re-established the eye contact he'd broken.

"I'm trying to tell you, but I don't know how." He let out a frustrated huff of air and you could swear that there were tears starting to form in his golden eyes. "You have to understand," he begged, and this time you knew his voice definitely cracked, "I've never done this before." He looked down at you with such a softness that you could feel every ounce of hatred starting to leave.

"Stop looking at me like that." You whispered, pleading with him as you tried to grasp onto the feeling of hating Tsukishima Kei. The feeling that was slipping through your fingers. The one feeling that had been protecting you from him.

"I can't." He sighed and started again.

"Y/n, I don't want anyone else to see you the way that I see you. to see how you nibble on your bottom lip when you're trying to keep up with taking notes in class. To see how you look when your fingers subconsciously change your hairstyle at least three times a day. And every time I look back at you it's like something about you has changed because of it.

"I don't want anyone else to look at you the way that I do, to see you in every state and still be filled with the same feelings. To live off of your need to reply to every sarcastic word I give you with one of your own. I don't want anyone to struggle to gather their thoughts around you the way that I do. I don't want anyone to steal glances at you when you're not paying attention."

He groaned in frustration as you looked up at him with wide eyes, trying to process what he was saying to you. "Dammit!" He shouted and turned his head to break the eye contact again. But his hands never left your face. "It pisses me the hell off that I can't stop fucking looking at you." He turned his head back to look at you again.

"Please don't leave yet." He whispered the plea, leaning down to bring his forehead to yours. "I don't fucking hate you." His eyes searched yours for confirmation, for resistance as he went to close the gap between your lips. You didn't offer any. You let your eyes fall shut as his lips brushed against yours softly. "I fucking wish I did."

You gasped into his kiss as his hands cupped your face softly. He didn't make you lean up far to kiss him like he usually did, instead bending to your height, meeting you where you were, molding his body to yours instead of the other way around. His body trying to beg you to stay. He didn't have to. You weren't leaving.

The warmth that was filling your body was different than the usual heat that came when he touched you. His hands that usually seared their brands into your skin now smoothed over your body and left a softer warmth in their wake. A feeling that spread across your skin like wildfire without any pain, consuming you from the outside before filling up your insides.

His hands fell from your face and traced softly down your sides until they rested on your hips, drawing you closer. "Please." He mumbled against your lips as his fingers found the hem of your shirt. You stepped back and pulled the shirt from your body before finding your way to his lips again.

"Wanna show you." He whispered the words into your lips before moving to your neck, kissing the skin softly. The feelings that were gracing your skin left you gasping for air, completely foreign coming from him. Foreign but completely welcome.

His fingers unclipped your bra clumsily, none of his usual smoothness present as his fingers trembled against your bare skin. Like it was the first time he was touching you. His grip came to your ribs, his fingers splaying out, covering as much space as they could as if trying to touch every inch of your skin.

"Kei." You moaned his name softly as he kissed across your collarbone. He brought his face back to meet your eyes and you could see his adam's apple bob as he gulped nervously. "Please." You whispered. It was the permission he needed. He connected your lips again, desperately parting yours with his tongue as he deepened your kiss.

He guided you easily back to his bed with a tenderness he'd never shown you before, easing you onto the mattress before climbing over you.

He hovered for a moment, eyes following as his fingers traced down your side to your hips to hook around your panties. His eyes burned into your skin as he looked at you silently, and you had to force yourself to stay put, to ignore the need to curl away from the intensity of it.

"You're so beautiful." Your eyes glassed over again and you were glad he didn't see it as he pressed a soft kiss to your shoulder. His fingers passed over your skin lightly, his lips following, pressing soft wet kisses to your torso that had you letting out quiet breathy moans.

"I swear I was made just for you." He whispered as he pressed a final kiss into the divot of your hip. Your hips bucked lightly towards him, a gasp leaving your lips at the mix of his words and the attention to the sensitive spot. He pulled down your panties and his boxers quickly, moving to hover over you again.

His lips connected to yours again and you wound your arms around his neck, trying to pull him closer to you as he lined himself up with your entrance. "I love you, y/n." He whispered the confession against your lips, letting you breath it in as he pushed into you slowly.

The feeling of him filling you up again left both of you moaning into each other's mouths, unable to tell which sound was elicited from you. It had only been minutes since he was last inside of you, but this time, it felt so much different.

You let the last sliver of hatred for Tsukishima Kei slip out of your system as he moved slowly against you. Drawing out as he pushed his tongue inside of your mouth and drinking in your moans as he pushed back in, slowly.

"Could never feel as good as I do with you." He whispered, one of his hands lifting your hips slightly, changing the angle he pushed into you at.

"Fuck Kei." You gasped out at the sensation, head falling back against the pillows as he head of his cock brushed against your g-spot.

"Nothing sounds as sweet as when you say my name." He whispered into your neck as he repeated his motion, pulling another soft moan of his name from your lips.

"You're so fucking beautiful." He groaned, head falling into the crook of your neck as he panted against your skin. You could feel his weight shift, he tried to keep it mostly off of you while trying to ensure as much of your skin touched as possible. "You're an angel sent to me." You felt yourself tighten around him as you gasped and he let out a soft moan.

"Kei." You whined as you felt his fingers find their way to your clit, dipping to collect some of your combined arousal before rubbing tight circles around it. "Please."

You whimpered as you felt your orgasm start to build from the way his cock brushed perfectly against your insides in a steady rhythm. Soft curses and moans fell from your lips as he continued the languid pace, no rush between you this time, just letting your bodies fit together on their own terms.

"I'm all yours." He mumbled into your ear. You turned your head and caught his lips with yours again, open-mouthed kisses mixing the sounds of your moans. "Please, let me be all yours." He begged into your mouth and you nodded mindlessly. He pulled away a fraction, "just say the words," his voice cracked as you felt his thrusts stutter.

"Mine." You whispered back, kissing him again. You gasped as you tightened your arms around him. "You're mine." You whimpered and his fingers picked up their pace between your bodies. Your back arched up into him and you whined into the kiss, feeling yourself start to tip over the edge.

"Cum with me, please." He begged, voice whining into your mouth as he sent you both tumbling over. Your body tensed up, tightening around him as his hips lost their rhythm and he spilled into you.

He held himself inside of you with a grip on your hips as he continued to kiss you. He kissed you as you settled from your dizzying release, all of your emotions crashing over you both.

When he finally pulled out and rolled off of you, you were still panting for air. Trying, still, to get a grasp on what had just happened as emotion after emotion tidal waved over you.

"Please," he whispered, and looked over at him - really looked at him.

His blond hair was damp and messy, sticking up in a way that you were sure only you were allowed to see. His golden eyes were watching you carefully through the frames of his glasses, slightly glazed over but analyzing your movements like they always did.

His face was softer than it usually was, like it was when he was listening to music and thought no one else was around. There was no glare that furrowed his eyebrows together, not even the smirk that you loved so much was painted on his lips. The lips that were panting just like yours.

The ones that had spilled the words 'I love you' just minutes ago.

His fingers finding yours brought you back to reality again. "Please stay with me." He begged, you realized that he still thought you were going to leave as his fingers wove into yours, gently squeezing.

"I know that I'm hard to love," he whispered, water gathering in the corners of his eyes, "but please, please stick it out." He refused to break eye contact as you let him pull your body closer gently. "I swear that I'll be better."

You sighed and moved closer to him, settling your head under his chin. You could feel his body tense for a second before his arms wrapped around your frame.

"For someone so intelligent," you whispered, letting your fingers trace along his collarbone, watching the goosebumps that appeared under them, "you really can be such a dummy." You sighed and kissed his skin softly, pressing one to every small freckle on his skin that you could see.

"I never hated you." You mumbled out and lifted your head to look him in the eyes again, so he could see the sincerity in them as you said your next words.

"I've always loved you Tsukishima Kei." You pressed your lips to his and you both let out the breaths that you'd been holding, your emotions flooding into the kiss. "Only you."

Bonus: 

You sat on the bench in the mall quietly, your knees pulled up to your chest and your face resting in your hands as you watched an excited Shoyo pull his girlfriend up to an ice cream cart as she wore a faux-annoyed look on her face, only smiling at him when she thought no one except he was looking. You smiled and tugged on the sleeves of the oversized jacket you were currently sporting, the one that was sizes too big for you and smelled of your favorite scent.

You sighed and stood up slowly, letting your limbs untangle themselves and your jacket fall down over your leggings. You'd gotten here earlier than you'd meant to which meant that you were stuck third-wheeling with Shoyo and Amaya while you waited for the rest of your ragtag group to appear.

You didn't have to wait long before Aiko was slinging an arm around your shoulder and pinching at the loose fabric of the jacket with two fingers.

"Whose is this?" She questioned, tilting her head as she inspected it. "It looks really familiar." You laughed a little and went to answer, only to be cut off by another voice.

"Yeah, I feel like I've seen it before." Tobio was now standing on the other side of you with a thoughtful look on his face as he joined Aiko in the inspection of the item of clothing.

"It's mine." Kei's emotionless statement send all four of your present friends into what you're sure was a short circuit. It only heightened the effect when he pulled you back from the two by your sides and wrapped his arm around your waist, lightly pinning you against him.

"Why are you touching her?" He glared at Tobio from over your head but you laughed and lightly hit Kei's chest, calming him down as you made contact with him.

He looked down at you, a soft smile gracing his lips before he cleared his throat and his lips turned back into a straight line. The only thing still giving him away was the slightly pink tips of his ears as he pulled you further from Tobio and closer to where Tadashi was now standing with Aiko.

"When did this happen!" Aiko shrieked and you were suddenly aware that all of your friends were finally appearing just in time to gawk at Kei's arm wrapped around your waist.

You opened your mouth to try and explain but were cut off by Amaya's voice this time. "Yeah, well, we knew you were fucking, but no one thought you'd actually go public with it." Your jaw dropped and Kei awkwardly cleared his throat.

You felt your face heat up as your grip on Kei tightened. "I think I kinda want some food now." You awkwardly tried to change the subject and create a getaway from the impending questions.

"I could grab some if you'd like." Tobio offered and you quickly shut it down as Kei turned to him with a glare.

"No," you laughed as you began pushing Kei lightly towards the food court, "no it's okay. We'll be back." You walked quickly away from the protesting of Tadashi and Aiko who were demanding explanations of you and let out a loud sigh as you got out of earshot. "I don't want to go back."

You looked up at Kei who was glaring over you towards Tobio still.

"Do you forget he had a girlfriend and is just being nice to me?" He froze and his glare slowly softened as his eyes trailed back to yours. You smiled as his cheeks flushed a little and he grumbled under his breath. "Still just a dumb lamppost," you teased with a smile.

He rolled his eyes as he wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you in easily. The smirk that you loved so much making its way onto his lips as he towered over you. "Keep talking, you little shrimp."

TAGLIST - CLOSED

@tetsuskei @universal-s1ut @cl-0-vr @kei-tsuki21 @ezraslights @integers

hello! I really love your work and I was thinking if you could write a one-shot of theo inspired by the song " Open Arms by SZA ". but somehow make it a good ending? idk 😓 ( like a slow burn or something ) reader had to let theo go but theo is kind of begging..? for reader to stay in his life and so on! idk if I explained it good enough but you can search up the song and take a look at the lyrics, you'll see what topic I'm going for!

thank you if your write this! you're an amazingg writer ‼️

never leaving

pairing: theo nott x reader

content: your insecurities push you to break your friendship with Theo, only to realize you were wrong all along.

a/n: hope this matches your expectations, I'm sorry if it didn't<33 (also I feel like I'm apologizing in every a/n)

You could say that Theo took you in, he was the only person in your life that ever made you feel too comfortable. When you were on the train, he had befriended you and he never let his friendship falter.

Theo was everything, he was all you could ever need and it scared you how much you were dependent on him. You had never needed anyone, always doing everything by yourself but you could see that changing.

Friends weren't a usual sight in your life and Theo had changed that, but you still had your doubts and maybe that's why you had decided to tell him.

You always had a lingering feeling, that he was taking pity on you because who would willingly spend so much time with you, call themselves your best friend, he had no reason to do it.

You spotted Theo in the hallway along with Mattheo and Enzo. The former two were smoking, and Theo's eyes met yours, and he immediately threw down his cigarette, crushing it using the sole of his shoe.

His eyes stayed on you while yours diverted here and there, ashamed to even meet his gaze. You wanted to be with him, but he was ruining his life for you, he was way too enamored and you wanted to help him.

You reached the group and scrunched your nose at the nicotine smell, Theo noticed this and dragged you away. Why does he have to be sweet and make this harder? you thought.

"Theo, I-" You questioned yourself, he was the only person who knew you but it would be too selfish to make him stay, so you continued, "I don't think we should be friends anymore"

Maybe friends wasn't the right word to describe you two, you weren't dating but he never dated anyone else and it's not like you could. You always hoped it was because he harbored some feelings for you but that had been a foolish fantasy.

"Y/n, I'm sorry sweetheart, I won't ever smoke again, I mean this was the first time in weeks, I really am trying" what? he thought this was about him smoking?

"No, Theo it's not about that." you simply stated trying to make him understand about you suddenly pulling away. He stared at you, his mouth opening and closing as if he wanted to say something but really could find the words.

"You can't do this, you cannot wake up on a random day and decide to remove me from your life as if I'm a pawn in your chess board" he was almost yelling, Theo had never yelled at you nor had he ever gotten angry at you, it was always you being mad and him picking up on it.

You remembered a scenario from second year and how different times had gotten now, you had changed and him not so much but you guess it was for his better.

"Where's y/n?" The twelve year old Theodore Nott asked his friend and said friend just shrugged in response before saying, "She hasn't been talking to anyone."

You're mad, he knew you were you always shut everyone out when you were, falling silent and Theo knew just how to better your mood and so he headed in your direction.

Your flashback stopped when you saw a tear fall from his eyes, you had never seen Theo cry either, only once and that too not intentionally. He was showing every emotion of his and you stood there unable to think, mumbling a sorry before leaving him stranded in that hallway.

Theo was shocked, hurt, angry and was feeling all these emotions at once. He had known you for six years and you had left him in six minutes. He loved you and you couldn't see it.

He knocked on your door for the fifteenth time, and you finally opened it. Your eyes were red and puffed up, you were crying.

"Why are you doing this?" He asked in a small voice unlike the one he used in the hallway, he was scared to lose you.

"You don't need to take anymore pity on me, Theo, go live your life" you said with a sniffle in the end and your statement had only made him more confused.

Pity? he had never taken pity on you, and it hurt himself that you believed that nonsense. "You can't replace me y/n, I'm forever, no matter what."

You so wanted to believe him, you so wanted to be in his arms right now, you so wanted him to stop as he was doing right now but you just couldn't.

"I'm sorry Theo, but I have to" Those were last words to him before you shut the door and Theo couldn't sleep that night.

It had been 2 months, 18 days of you ignoring him and he thought he might go mad, you were driving him crazy, you not being there was so much worse than he had anticipated.

It was late in the night when he spotted you leaning against a railing, breathing hard, and when he got a bit closer he noticed you were crying.

He went to stand beside you, you flinched but then sort of relaxed when you noticed who it was. You laid your head in your hands and started crying even harder and without missing a beat or saying something spiteful, Theo took you in his arms.

It was much later that you realized that you could not live without him, he was your Theo. Your tears wet his shirt but he didn't seem to mind, he never seemed to mind.

"You won't leave again, would you?" He asked as if he knew you were coming back and he was right. "You could try, but this time I won't let you."

You smiled at him, god he was the only person in the world who would never make you feel bad about what you did, and you realise it was only your insecurities holding you back from him.

He kissed your forehead lovingly and hugged you even tighter, "I love you" he whispered, half hoping you didn't hear him, but you did.

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Clingy

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader (BAU!reader)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WC: 3.7k

Summary: You tended to be very expressive with your friends when showing your affection. Whether it showed in pet names or physical touch. Only thing is, Spencer thinks he’s falling in love with you, and all of your sweet affectionate actions are starting to take a toll on his unrequited heart. At least, he thinks it’s unrequited. 

Tags: there’s a tiny bit of miscommunication but not too much that it will make your head explode like it does mine. Make out but nothing grown/spicy. Friends to lovers. A bit of hurt/comfort

A/N: Not beta read don’t kill me! yoooo spence is so in denial about her feelings in this but lol so real king. This is mostly from his POV but I had to cheat a few times. Hope i can live up to the hype that complimentary colors was. I low key don't like this one as much but had to execute it cause the idea was cute.

You were starting to drive him insane. Criminally insane. You could invade his thoughts at any waking moment of his day and take over his mind. Every affectionate pet name, every soft fleeting touch, hell every time you look at him, he would replay the moment in his mind like a broken record. If he was in a crowded room, his eyes would always fall on you. 

After being with the BAU for a while you became good friends with your coworkers. And with that, came your habit of calling your friends sweet nicknames. Anything from sweetie, to honey, to babes, and the one that broke his heart the most, my love. 

At first he didn’t understand why you were using terms of endearment that were typically used in a romantic relationship, but in a platonic way. At some point he caught on that you were similar to Garcia when it came to expressing your love for friends. Similar to her and the way she has her own sweet silly way of expressing how she cares.

Nevertheless, some small part of his heart still broke when you called him those names. He adored your sweet caring nature and the fact that you cared enough about him to call him terms of endearment. But every time a nickname fell from your lips, he was reminded you only meant it platonically. 

It was his own personal torture to constantly be reminded he would never be your sweetie, your honey … your love. But the nicknames weren’t enough to drive him insane. While it drove him to the brink of insanity, he was able to keep his head somewhat still on his shoulders. 

Not long after the heart warming but crushing nicknames, you showed your true love language. Physical touch. It showed in many forms. It could show when poking JJ in the shoulder and giving Emily a high five. Or nudging Morgan in his side with your elbow. You even managed to get a fist pump from Hotch and Rossi. And of course the welcome and goodbye hugs from Penelope. 

You were a bit hesitant at first to express this love language of yours with Spencer due to his aversion to touch and germs. However, you observed that he would gratefully receive occasional touches. Whether it be a hug, high-five, or even the rare ruffle of his hair -which of course would be from Morgan. So you approached him and asked if he was comfortable with physical contact. 

When it came to you, he was more than comfortable. You could take him in your arms and he would simply melt into a puddle on the floor. Except he didn’t say that and his reply was closer to a mix of stuttering and rambling about how you could never make him uncomfortable and how he just doesn’t like germs. 

Now he’s not saying he regrets his choices. He wouldn’t ever take it back. He enjoys every single lingering touch between the two of you. Actually “enjoys” would be a severe understatement. Every single time you ruffle his hair, lean your head on his shoulder, or even just carefully touch his arm, it was as if a thousand volts of electricity were flowing through him. Like he could light up the city even. You were the best part of his days and the reason breath filled his lungs. You brought a light into his life that made him feel safe and warm. 

He desperately wanted your affection, your attention, your touch, to mean something more than he knew it to be. But sooner or later, touch after touch, he started to go insane. Somewhere along the way he had daydreamed so deep he had lost his mind. 

You had officially driven Spencer Reid insane. 

He was promptly whisked away from his thoughts when he felt the tap of a folder on his shoulder and a light thump on his desk. 

“Hotch wants to know your thoughts on the consultation from Colorado,” you started. 

He blinked back into focus glancing at the papers on his desk. 

“Hey, you alright?” You asked with concern. “You look like your head is in the clouds.”

“I’m fine, just lost in thought,” he answered with a small smile reassuring you.

“Don’t get too lost. Can’t have your genius brain short circuiting on us.” You chuckled as you took a small step closer to him and playfully ruffled his hair. 

“I’ll try not to,” he grinned and pushed his hair back after you messed with it. 

“Well I’ll be back soon, my love. Gotta go bother Penelope,” you joked before making your way out of the bullpen. 

His gaze was lingering on you as you left. His thoughts started to drift to you again as his cheeks turned pink.

“I’ll be back soon, my love,” Morgan mimicked in a higher pitched voice with a grin as he approached Spencer's desk. In response Spencer turned his chair away from Morgan to hide his now red face. 

“When are you two going to start dating? You guys already act like a couple.” 

“We do not act like a couple,” Spencer argued. “She just sometimes calls me pet names, that's normal for her.” 

“You don’t see it do you?” Morgan furrowed his eyebrows and was seconds away from chuckling. “She’s been giving you quite a bit of attention lately. Practically clinging onto you.” 

“I mean I- I don’t think so. She does that with everyone, it's not just me. She just happens to be very affectionate with friends.” He answers as his voice almost cracked. 

Morgan shook his head, “Oh no it’s more than that. Have you ever noticed that she calls you “my love” but she calls us “love”? Or when we’re on a long flight back home and you two are all cuddly on the jet. How she always seeks out your company and finds an excuse to talk to you or about you.” 

Spencer couldn’t speak. He had so many words on the tip of his tongue but his voice wouldn’t make a sound. He sat frozen and mouth slightly agape as his brain started to go into overdrive. 

Morgan's face softened at Spencer's reaction. “It’s different with you kid. Friends don’t act like that.” 

“You and Garcia do.” Spencer countered, this time definitely with a voice crack. Morgan lightly chucked. He was well aware that his and Penelope’s friendship was a bit different than other male/female friendships. 

“Okay you got me there, but you and Y/N aren’t me and Garcia. We may flirt with each other a lot but that’s our thing. You two have this care for each other like nothing I've ever seen.” 

Spencer was left stunned once again and Morgan could practically see the gears in his head turning.

“You may not notice it now, or hell you may not let yourself notice it now, but it’s true.” 

Those words rang in the back of Spencer's mind for days. Of course on a regular basis you would occupy his mind at any given moment. But now it wasn’t just thoughts about you. His mind was over analyzing almost every interaction between you and him, trying to find what Morgan had talked about. Some form of evidence that proved what you felt for him was beyond what he had initially thought. 

He was recounting all the recent times you had approached him out of the members of your team. He recalled all the times you were either hanging out or on the jet and you found yourself tracing patterns on his arm. He was rethinking when you started to use nicknames around him and how it could be different with him than with others. It turned out Morgan might be right, as Spencer realized the numerous times you referred to Garcia or Emily as “love”, but in the rare instance you said “my love” it was only ever directed to him. 

The idea of you liking him back had become an all consuming thought, but he was too terrified to ask you. What if Morgan was wrong? Profilers have been wrong before. He became petrified by the idea of asking you about it and possibly finding out his feelings were unrequited. But most of all, he was scared of losing you. Scared that if he brought it up he would make things awkward and ruin your friendship. He couldn’t lose you, not over something as trivial as his feelings. 

Unfortunately the mental toll this was taking on his mind started to show. Not so obvious that the everyday person would notice, but you weren’t an everyday person. You grew to know him like the back of your hand. So of course you started to notice the little changes in his behavior. His ever so slight flinch when you would initially touch him. His eyes which used to linger on you and catch your eyes from across the room, now focused almost anywhere you weren’t. The way his body froze when you placed a hand on his shoulder. The way his eyes partially widened when you called him anything other than his name. 

He tried to hide his worries from you, but you could tell something was bothering him. 

Something about you.

His overall behavior didn’t reflect that he was avoiding you or distancing himself from you. He still talked to you and acted around you like normal. Instead it felt like he was holding himself back from receiving or truly appreciating your affection the way he used to. 

~

Days had passed and the team was sent on a case. While this case was an emotional rollercoaster for everyone, it had affected you the most. The victims had reminded you of yourself and the unsub and all of his delusional reasoning for his actions had hit very close to home. 

The team caught the unsub and closed the case quite late in the evening. Everyone was exhausted after the grueling past few days and decided to spend the night at the hotel to rest and leave in the morning. You however, still felt an ache in your stomach from all the anxiety felt throughout the day. You couldn’t seem to relax and let that weight off your shoulders. So you went to the one person who could help.  

Spencer was getting ready to go to sleep, peacefully reading a book in bed when he got a knock on his door. He placed his book down and when he opened the door he was greeted by you in pajama pants and a zip up hoodie, clearly also winding down for the night. 

“Hey,” you greeted. 

“Hi, what’s up? Is everything okay?” he asked, a bit concerned as to why you showed up at his hotel so late at night. He opened the door wider signaling you were welcome inside. You entered the room and stuffed your hands in your pockets as he closed the door. 

“I’m okay I just …” you cleared your throat. “I know this case has been a tough one but today’s been really hard for me. I’m still wired and awake, I can’t seem to relax enough to go to sleep,” You abruptly stopped your rambling to catch your breath. 

“This might sound dumb but, I’m in desperate need of a hug right now,” you finally admitted quietly.

He hated seeing you so timid and closed off. How you made yourself smaller than you were, all because you were asking for your basic needs to be met. 

“You don’t have to explain yourself.” 

“Huh?” 

“You don’t have to explain why you need a hug. You can just ask,” he said reassuringly. 

“Oh.” 

“Physical contact has been shown to increase levels of dopamine, serotonin, and even oxytocin; therefore, decreasing levels of stress and anxiety. Some people might even argue that physical touch is a fundamental element of being human and experiencing life.” His other way of trying to validate your feelings was of course rambling a string of facts and information from his fingertips. 

You couldn’t help but smile. God he loved it when you smiled. 

“So is that a yes?” you asked since you never exactly got an answer from your question in the first place. Even though you knew what his answer was. 

The corners of his lips turned into a grin. “Come here,” he says with outstretched arms. 

You practically ran into him at his offer. He wrapped his arms around you as you placed yours around his neck. He wished this moment could last forever. All while at the same time Morgan's previous statements were circling around in his head. 

He tried his best to push them away. He tried to tell himself this was not you acting on any potential feelings for him. This was simply you reaching out to a friend in need. 

He took note of the way you held onto him so tightly, almost as if he could leave at any second. It made his heart ache. 

“You feel tired,” he almost whispered. 

“I am,” you mumbled back, face buried in his neck. 

“Do you wanna lie down?” 

You lightly patted him on the back, “Don’t worry I’ll leave you be and go to sleep soon. I just need a minute 

“I meant … I meant do you want to lie down here?” He stammered. “So you’re not alone. You seem like you need a friend right now.” 

His own heart almost cracks when he says friend. But that’s what you need right now, a friend. 

“I’d like that,” you said with a small smile. 

You separate from him and he leads you to the bed holding your hand. He sits down against the headboard and waits for you to join him. 

You awkwardly sit down on the bed, eyes darting in all directions of where he’s sitting. “I- what should I …” 

“You could sit down the way you do on the jet,” he kindly offers. 

You relax at his words and move to sit at his side. He wraps his arm around you as you rest your head against his shoulder. You both sat there in a moment of silence, enjoying eachothers company. He was getting lost in the sweet smell of your perfume; the small bit of it that still lingers from the long day you’ve had. 

He started to recall all the times you two would be close like this. It didn’t happen very often. Sometimes on a long jet ride home from a long or stressful case. Or sometimes when the team went out for drinks and you would be tired from dancing. In the rare occasions you two were like this, you would tend to draw patterns on his arm or leg. 

So he decided to finally return the favor. With the arm he had wrapped around you, he started to dance his fingertips over your upper arm. 

He felt you practically melt into him at the action. If you could get any closer to him, you did. 

He continued tracing your arm with an overwhelming amount of care. It made you consider his previous actions compared to how welcome you were now in his arms. 

“Spencer, I’m gonna ask you something, and I need you to be completely honest with me,” you spoke with a hidden hesitation in your voice. 

“Of course I’ll be honest to you. I always will be,” he furrowed his brows at the thought of you being scared of him lying to you. 

You let out a small, almost shaky breath. “Am I clingy?” you murmured. 

This made his hand on your arm stop. He shifted his sitting position so he could face you better but also didn’t want to let you out of his hold. 

“No, never,” he told you with assurance. “Why would you think you’re clingy?” 

He saw you hesitate once more before you gave him your reply. “I was just overthinking things. Worried I was taking the physical contact thing too far or that I’m a bit too affectionate at times.“

“Why would you be worried? You’d never take things too far. You’ve always been respectful of other people’s boundaries.” 

You sighed with a shaky breath. He could practically see through you and see you considering your response. 

“Because I thought I was making you uncomfortable.” you looked down to avoid his gaze. 

He was quiet for a second, absolutely baffled as to how you would think you could ever make him uncomfortable. “Why?” His question was a barely audible whisper.  

“You seemed different. All of a sudden you would freeze when I touched you. You became jumpy and skittish when I talked to you. I thought I was too much for you but you didn’t want to tell me about it.” 

You shifted away to face him and his hand fell from your arm. You fidgeted with the sleeves of your hoodie as your face went blank. 

“You could never be too much for me,” he spoke with a soft voice. He tried to reach his hand out to hold yours but your hand disappeared in your sleeve at his touch. 

“Then why were you different all of a sudden?” You narrowed your eyes at him. 

His cheeks started to turn pink, “I- I wasn’t.” 

“Yes you were.” 

“Y/N please,” he begged. 

“Spencer,” you whispered as your eyes bore into his. “You said you’d be honest with me.” 

He licked his lips and his face turned red. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. He couldn’t find an escape route. He had no choice but to tell you. And once the flood gate opened, he would never be able to close it. 

“I was freaking out,” he blurted. 

“I was freaking out because Morgan implanted this idea in my head that you might possibly have feelings for me based on the way you act around me. I’ve been obsessed with that thought since he mentioned it. So I freaked out almost every time you touched me, talked to me, even looked at me,” he rambled on anxiously as he tried to explain himself. No holding back now. 

“I tried not to let it change my behavior but I guess it did and I am so sorry for that. I never wanted to give you the impression that I was uncomfortable. To be honest I don’t think you could ever make me uncomfortable” 

You were silent for a moment. He couldn’t read your reaction. Your eyebrows slightly raised with your lips parted. He could only see surprise, which was typical, he just didn’t know if this kind of surprise was good. 

“Why were you so obsessed with the idea of me having feelings for you?” 

He could’ve sworn his heart was going to beat out of his chest at any moment. 

“Because I think I’m falling in love with you.”

 Here we go. Flood gates. 

“The idea you might like me back became an all consuming thought because I never before thought it was possible and I never wanted to get my hopes up. Actually, I pretty much think about you all the time so it wasn’t that far from normal. ” 

“You’re falling in love with me?” you asked barely above a whisper. 

“Yes,” he spoke softly with full confidence. 

The only change to your appearance was your eyes widened a bit more. It made Spencer's heart sink to his stomach. 

“Listen, I understand if this makes things weird between us and I am so sorry. I just couldn’t ..”

He couldn't finish his thought, you were too busy locking your lips with his. It was a sweet but cautious kiss, almost as if you were testing the waters in uncharted territory. You felt him freeze against you so you leaned away, breaking from the kiss. 

Not even seconds later Spencer placed a hand on your face and was diving back into the kiss with fervor. You instantly reacted as your arms found their way around his neck and your hand was digging in his hair. The kiss was intoxicating. Both of you trying to get a taste of the other after what felt like eons of pinning. 

He wrapped his arms around your waist while his one hand snuck up to the small of your back where your hoodie had exposed your skin. It sent a shiver up your spine while you let out a shaky breath against his lips. You tried shifting in your seat to somehow get closer to him. With his hands against your waist he helped guide you to sit in his lap straddling him. 

When you finally break from the kiss your faces are red and Spencer rests his forehead against yours. You focus on the sound of his breath and the feeling of your heart practically beating in your ears. 

Your hand moves to play with the hairs at the nape of his neck. “I guess I didn’t do a very good job at showing I had feelings for you.” 

The corners of his mouth lift up into a giddy smile. “No, you did. I’m just oblivious.”

“Sounded like you were in denial,” you lightly teased. 

“That too,” he chuckles. 

After a moment of enjoying each other's presence, you pull away from him just far enough to look him in the eyes. 

“I know I call everyone pet names, but every time I used them with you, I wanted it to mean something more. Part of me would always hope you would one day call me those names back,” 

Spencer swore his heart could give out at any second. He never expected to hear this from you and it made him lightheaded.

“This may sound childish but.. I never craved attention so badly, until you gave me yours,” you added. 

He licked his lips and smiled. With his hands still on your waist he traced mindless patterns at your sides. “You have my complete and undivided attention, my love.”

His words made you giddy. You bit your lip to keep yourself from giggling. Although, he would never be opposed to hearing your beautiful laugh. 

There were no words to describe the way that you felt. So without thinking, you leaned forward once more to capture his lips with yours. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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