Sinisister 2 Was Boring And I Got Stuck. Its The Sane As First Game And Im Sick Of That

today is worst day, i am off killing myself.

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our existence and future is predetermined by variables around us.

some things that make you better, and some things that don't.

when I consider that I imagine I should just off myself today.

I got shock figuring out I am 22, not 21 years old. I lost track of time so badly I forgot that. I thought I was 21 and convinced myself. But I actually am 22 now. Wow, last 5 years of my life were hell. In fact, I'd say everything after 12 was already hell. It was empty void. That's why I really hate videogames, why did I spend so much time playing garbage like Dark Souls? Jesus. Uh... Fuck, I am 22 years old, holy shit I am fucked. It's time to think about my future priorities. a month in mental asylum then few years of absolute suffering and misery, anything after 2015 is blurry to me, I feel like I stopped existing as entity. I wasted a lot of time on social media, a lot of time chasing nothingness, things that possess no power in the world.

And now it's actually 2025?! My brain feels like nothing has been happening and I was genuinely rotting away. I am glad I managed to release some of these touhou videos, I am glad I managed to bring churro back. But everything in my spirit feels miserable, it's pretty obvious I am not cutout for humanity's methodology. I haven't made any friends nor any partner, I do not have any form of support at all. Not even one of family. And with my personality, with my way of being, I doubt I'll ever be able to get any. My ego is in shambles and anger as of right now. It's funny right? It's a small detail but if I said 21 it would have made me FEEL as if I accomplished a little of something. By taking a date one year further now it makes me feel like I am REALLY LATE. After all, I took a while to condition myself to the premise of "atmosphere", this is how "things are supposed to be or play out". I feel insignificant today and like the world is jusjt gonna step on me to death and there's nothing I can do. I am people pleaser, because i felt socially forced to act like one. Like that was a means of survival that I half-hazardly accepted while not feeling it in my heart. Now even complaining makes me feel like age is crawling as penalty for speaking words here. Indeed, nobody really cares. It's all fake, people only care about things that cost zero risk. Associating yourself with something weak makes you weak, isn't that right?

So, what will be my priorities for the rest of my life?

I am definitely alone and I am also not strong to defeat the world on my own, I am tired of ironyposting. I am fucking tired of watching shit youtube content. I am tired of social media hijacking my mind (when really i would've preferred living in a tribe than this fucking -technocratic place) well.. 1. I will try to work on churro as much as I can so this site works and I will use my finance to support it. Since I won't ever have a child, I can share it with the site. It can be costly for future servers and for advertising on whenever I can, but it is my genuine goal to both spend my time and money on the site. That said, I cannot do it while also working, because a few hours aren't enough to code any substantial changes or fix bugs. I will work on trying to take a gambit of perfecting the site while NEET at the moment. My second goal is touhouposting, I thought that I will have periods where I upload videos on youtube and continue doing it. Playing videogames might not be good way to spend free time, but nobody really liked me and I don't communicate so I feel this is better efficient way than all these times I tried making friends. I will probably upload touhou videos every 4 days if my time allows it, but I will eventually run out of time to edit.

So, the touhou thing isn't eternal, give it like 5 years maybe max, I hope to end it at 3. They will be published even if I die but they ought to be entertaining videos.

With that said, gym and training play huge role of my daily life. So that also takes a lot of time.

And procrastinating, I gotta talk about the worst. I am bad at dealing with abstract things, they waste my time more than anything. I am already a loser incel the way I am but when I deal with something that doesn't have a clear goal it will be bothering me. I need to manage my time so I spend the LEAST time on things that requrie entertainment over work. This stuff is something that is hard to fight when you got addicted to brainrot.

As for drawing, drawing is genuine effort workoholic example, so I priotize drawing in free time over meaningless conversations with people who only care about themselves anyway + doom feedscrolling (awful i hate it i am not gonna do it anymroe notgonnadoit My life looks pretty shady according to human standard, but I never went to bars or anything like that, in fact maybe its peopel who are shady and they have the majority. So, what do I do after I get churro perfect and upload all vids I wanted? hm....

yep, I'm probably gonna die. I wouldn't know anything anymore, it'd be nice to have son who would manage churro, maybe I can adopt somebody at very late age as ultra-cuck or something, I am getting tired of typing....

They hate fish because it is fundamental origin of darwinian theory of evolution which proves female skeleton and male skeleton are never the same and their bodies have different functions.

Back to like thing i wanted to say man i still feel weak… but whatwver coigh vough

Sorry

Anyway, wife. Tea wife because satoko houjou would be the best n’ im tired doe so csnt speak coufh cough

Satoko drops out and doesnt need to seek education sue can just cook.

I need to ear i ak starving. Satoko will put food.

Fridge there will be food. Wife is chosen by the food cook cook well. Coock and cough cough cook and fuck

No need for middle school its sharia law satoko.

Yeah that d be nice

Gemmy satoko just cook ans cook you dont need to have fancu degree or know math youre stupid just cook me meals

I need food rn.

Rika would never be she is tomboy i mean rika is not acting properly for a woman like satoko. Ueah satoko would be anyway…. Cough cough i want food.

I reallt want woman to cook for me and then fuck fuck

That ideal for me. I hate abstractness of humans, nust cook thats berrer thab sex just cook the goddamn meals its better than sex.

Water too.

Need wife that can cook fucking ahh cough

The camera sticker that I bought doesnt want to stay on top. Yahoo! I am 21 years old tomorrow.

Aaaaah

I feel I’m gonna kill myself today

I decided to use tumblr to share my art from now on instead of meaningless blogging, nobody reads it. I thought of sites like pixiv and other but I hate their design, overall english-speaking or neutral community like tumblr seems to be good enough.

Social media took too much of my lifespan and I despise the feed system this place uses. But without the feed, it is similar to having a blogspot or wordpress personal website. I will most likely pick really weird tags, I’m studying.

To backstab. That is our strategy, to not protext women nor society that is crumbling but to backstab more of them until gender fairness is created in government. Total cattle! Yes, absolute power in backstabbing.

I am not fucking going outside why is it so cold in spring 😌

Thanks to my

Old civ5 fren he gave me the last portal 2 card:)

I can’t explain one big thing that I hate

I really hate eating. I googled so many diseases but I cant explain the urge to lazy around and for hours to avoid the “responsibility” consciously.

I can work hard! I can! And sure, I need to get used to it but then…. Oh… when at that small second I feel hunger and my mind contemplated for me to stop doing EVERYTHING, just to eat, my brain sadly says BIG NONO.

I start doing nothing and when confronted i avoid it like plaque, i will put on plate, right… go to kitchen, good idea. Then I will start walking! I really have problem with consuming food, there were multiple times back then especially starting 2019…insh at covid era somewhere then, but not so long ago either, i would have extreme fasting period of months…. That happened on multiple occasions, one of them was severe. I lost lots of calories but surprisingly my body didnt feel that different. You can be surprised how long you can survive without food given you dont waste all calories and carbohydrates and glycogen most important through intense workouts.

With more dormat turgor life, you can survive even without water for quite a bit.

I definitelt did back then…. Anyway, the past is over, sometimes I fear “wow w00t wasted all his lifespan hahaahah what” but seriously on average a normal person is far more efficient than I am at efficiency in life. Sometimes its hard to put “Ive done something this grand!”

But yes i need to go fucking eat. Proving the problem……….