You Know How I Think Now? I Scream Lout In My Head, If I Don’t Do Inner Voice My Instincts Will Take

I've had trauma since a long time since childhood, when I was younger I used to be creative and explorative, but something eventually has changed, I stopped thinking of rash decisions and for me this hell became objective reality. Everything seemed to be nihilistic, there was no hope or meaning to persevere, it felt for long like a trap and it still feels that way. I became a person who was desperate for a hope, for something to prove me wrong. But I was always proven not, in fact I became naive and cruel at the same time, because for me it was life and death option. I needed some reassurance this world is good and not birthed from bestial malice. At the end, I was never wrong about a damn thing.

However, even though being objective gives you kinder better understood perspective on life, it is not good. You find a perfect answer, after that you become stale. It seems in this world there is no happy ending, when you reach "it" you will end with despair again. You may try any path, and you will always end with the same despair. I am not sure if it actually implies to human perception everywhere, but somewhere deep I was irritated that everyone "got it" except for me, like everyone knew how to get away with evil except for me who was real dumb chump. Even at school, everybody knew how to cheat during final exam papers and did so. Except for me and one other jewish classmate. Everybody knew how to properly bully others. But I haven't been perse "brave" as much as logical, as long as I can read it it's not scary. So I played smart. And unfortunately, it has messed me up. Objectively, sole way to win life is to die for my conclusion.

Human perception is birthed of flaws since leaving the Eden, there is no real way any longer to win. Perception is doomed to fall.

Yet, I never once acknowledged that I did have happy moments, but it has never felt to me because the life kept going and it made me feel like I am outpaced all the time. Maybe, that sense of security from objective point of view is something I must let go off somehow. I honestly have no clue how scary the world is without logic, but logic has never managed to cure it. I believe you and I got scammed into believing it did and had false hopes for technology.

But hey, knowing this it is very possible that human livestocks will genuinely happen in far future. Oh well, we can't stop it from happening. Visit churro.

Women find this attractive but I’ll never do it.

I do want to punch him though, he’s heckin’ hezbollah (i am a fake terrorist so cool, right? tehehehehe)

Her new design looks gemmy wtf. My beloved its been years and eons we meet yet again.

I will not explain but I will post it here anyways...

This supposed to be funny.

🤓🤓🤓

Nazism comes from inferiority not from superiority complex...

Only the ones who feel left out and inferior feel desire to become nazi and experience life in different colors.

Anyone can be a nazi regarding of race.

>your flag appeal has been denied

I am quite angry to say the least.

In squid game they can recognize slight movements with eye action cameras

But I cannot track one point on my face with the 3 seconds here……..

Baka baka baka!!!! Baka cirno.

Azur Lane thought on my dousjin

its not gonna give me high reputation posting this draft but here it is...just some ideas that go through my turd of brain ack...

I was thinking how can I put it in such way that when I write a story it doesn't ruin my time spent on other things in life, ultimately writing erotic ideas is way more fun to the point of way too much power... Putting chains on me is difficult to do. I thought to just write notes or small pieces of story and move on, but then I want to progress into it, dwell within.

Ultimately, I need to have more discipline on myself.

I feel so exhausted for today. Hungry and thirsty, not very good. I was trying to lose fat but its difficult to do that healthily without muscle and everything else. After finishing or reading higurashi I dont know I must make a rule not to deal with the tranime genre much more. It just makes me brainwashed so I think I pass out on umineko or any other bullshit if that is how theyre gonna end them.

It begins strong as horror but devolves to home alone happy comedy 1.5 hour skit sweet shittily didactically scripted. Indeed if author writes stories like these, I don’t think I can handle much shit including Satoko becoming evil, its like a fucking cartoon. I mean it is no longer mature whatsoever, it kind of fucking annoys me how japanese anime become such mix of mature elements written by a complete toddler.

Idk what to say except I am too old now.