I Think Part Of The Reason Why Social Skills Lessons Are Always So Vague And Surface Level Is Because

I think part of the reason why social skills lessons are always so vague and surface level is because if neurotypicals actually tried to explain their unspoken social rules, they'd have to face how nonsensical and messed up a lot of them are

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1 year ago

THE DEAL ACT 1: INFERNO - Updated June 18!

THE DEAL ACT 1: INFERNO - Updated June 18!

DEMO - FAQ - FORUM - NAVIGATION

Next update ???

“when the shackles trapping destruction shatter, the pale rider shall scorch the earth. thus, all shall be plunged in darkness”

THE DEAL ACT 1: INFERNO - Updated June 18!

Tag(s): Supernatural, Demons, Romance, YA, Surreal, LGBTQ+, Horror, Text-based, Dark, Mystery, Story Rich.

It has been four years since your parents died. Your younger sister and you have been left in shambles, struggling to pick up the pieces of what’s left of your family. But nothing ever goes right; you devote your life to taking care of Chrissy, and she devotes hers to resent you—and to something darker of which you are unaware.

One day, Chrissy goes missing, and the only way for you to get her back is to journey into hell. In order to do that, you are forced to make a deal.

What happens next is up to you.

Trigger Warning(s): Violence, Crude Humour, Strong Language, Optional sex scenes, Gore, Body Horror, Depression and depictions of other mental illnesses, Alcohol and drug consumption (optional in MC), etc.

Updated June 18 (Prologue + Chapter 1 part 1, +20k words)

Features and Characters bellow

THE DEAL ACT 1: INFERNO - Updated June 18!
THE DEAL ACT 1: INFERNO - Updated June 18!

Descend into the land down below, 'Inferno', a reimagining of Hell with a more modern twist.

Attempt to rescue your sister from the clutches of Lucifer.

Uncover the secret behind your strangely alluring soul.

Discover the plan of the mysterious cloaked figure and the woman who one day appears in your dream.

Customize your MC: from their past to their present. MC's personality shapes the story. Each trait has its ups and downs, and they dictate how your character reacts to certain events. A more artistic MC will see the world differently, and their own inner world will be portrayed differently. Who they were, who they are, who they will be: it all has an impact on how they behave.

Be either Impulsive or Cautious, Flirty or Shy (active romance only), Charming or Stoic, Sarcastic or Genuine, Outgoing or Introverted, Courageous or Cowardly, Rude or Friendly, Cynicism or Idealism, Team worker or Solo.

Befriend, rival or butt heads with a cast of 8 different characters, each of them with their likes, dislikes, and ideals. Though romance is optional, you can expect Platonic friendships, Rivalries, Friends to lovers, Rivals to lovers, Shy romances, and Flirty romances + each RO has a special route that only unlocks if your character meets certain criteria. Additionally, there are three possible poly routes, a love triangle, and an additional route in which MC has shown interest in everyone.

THE DEAL ACT 1: INFERNO - Updated June 18!

An in-depth description of the ROs

Chrissy Warner (she/her) • INTRO

your fifteen-year-old sister. Ever since your parents died, she’s become irate, a shut-in who refuses to talk to you—but insists on shutting you out. You don’t know her anymore.

Dante (he/him): THE FIEND • WRATH • INTRO

when you summoned a demon you never expected someone like Dante to appear before you. He’s… strange to say the least. Hot-headed and childish, Dante follows his every whim, living like he’s going to die tomorrow.

Tropes: idiots in love • muses • partners in crime

Lilith (she/they): THE SUCCUBUS • LUST • INTRO

a Succubus, Dante’s friend, and very relevant in the ranks of Inferno. Despite their monstrous nature, they have always been very kind to you. Lilith is nurturing and caring, and they have often said to find the concept of innocence fascinating.

Tropes: slow burn • pushing loved one away • mutual pining

Josh (he/him): THE BEST FRIEND • ENVY • INTRO

you met when you were children, and you’ve been best friends ever since. A very intelligent and perfectionist man, you have always known Josh to be immensely good-natured. That makes it all the more surprising when you discover the gigantic secret he’s always kept from you.

Tropes: childhood best friends to lovers • love triangle • opposites attract

Villanelle (she/her): THE WITCH • GLUTTONY • INTRO

the owner of the DuPont herbal shop and, apparently, a witch. You’ve known her for a couple years now. Villanelle has a bubbly and happy-go-lucky personality, always up to help around despite people usually finding her extremely strange.

Tropes: friends to lovers • girl next door • everyone knows but them

Victor (he/him): THE DEMON HUNTER • GREED • INTRO

the stoic demon Hunter, Nemesis—whom you know as Victor—joined your group reluctantly and is determined to fulfill his goal: finding his missing sister. Victor is dependable, strong, and calculating. His strong hatred towards anything non-human might be problematic, though.

Tropes: [censored] • love triangle • unrequited love (assumed)

Aliyah (she/her): THE GENIE • SLOTH • INTRO

the very bossy Genie who seems to know your sister, Aliyah has never been shy to hide her obvious hatred towards you and your species. She’s confident, ambitious, brutally honest, and incredibly powerful. You’re sure you can’t trust her.

Tropes: immortal • enemies to lovers • forced proximity

Nathan (he/him): THE ANGEL • PRIDE • INTRO

the Angel, Nathan takes nothing serious and seems to love to test everyone’s limits. Despite his divinity, you know Nathan is struggling to keep himself from becoming a Fallen Angel. This corruption has created a second personality in him, who goes by the name of Azriel.

Tropes: friends with benefits • double personality • forbidden love

Eden (she/he): THE DESCENDANT • DECEIT • INTRO

she is the descendant of the most powerful man who has ever lived: King Solomon. Eden’s closed-off, aloof, demeanor seems to be a result of nearly an entire life living in solitude. Given the power she holds, such a choice is more than understandable.

Tropes: (possible) soulmates • [censored] • living weapon


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3 years ago
Click Here If You Had A Bad Day

Click here if you had a bad day

2 years ago
So, After Four Days Of Fighting With The Sewing Machine, Broken Threaders, And So Much Fraying, I Finally
So, After Four Days Of Fighting With The Sewing Machine, Broken Threaders, And So Much Fraying, I Finally
So, After Four Days Of Fighting With The Sewing Machine, Broken Threaders, And So Much Fraying, I Finally
So, After Four Days Of Fighting With The Sewing Machine, Broken Threaders, And So Much Fraying, I Finally
So, After Four Days Of Fighting With The Sewing Machine, Broken Threaders, And So Much Fraying, I Finally
So, After Four Days Of Fighting With The Sewing Machine, Broken Threaders, And So Much Fraying, I Finally
So, After Four Days Of Fighting With The Sewing Machine, Broken Threaders, And So Much Fraying, I Finally
So, After Four Days Of Fighting With The Sewing Machine, Broken Threaders, And So Much Fraying, I Finally
So, After Four Days Of Fighting With The Sewing Machine, Broken Threaders, And So Much Fraying, I Finally
So, After Four Days Of Fighting With The Sewing Machine, Broken Threaders, And So Much Fraying, I Finally
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So, after four days of fighting with the sewing machine, broken threaders, and so much fraying, I finally finished this shan! It will be my first shan in this style - because when it finally started to be fashionable, I stopped buying much hanfu… Also I really hate when the bottom hem is uneven on me, so it will have to be tailored-made instead of buying from the rack.

This post only talks about drafting the patterns and the measurement. The steps of making… I think @yi-gege​‘s post here should be enough. I usually sew in the following sequence (not sure if it is the right way of doing it): the back seam, the sleeves, front and back, the collar, and at last the bottom and sleeve hems.

This post also includes some tips on the back seam, the arm pit, the bottom hem, bar-tack at the vents and what to do if you ran out of fabric. Also, while I did not put it in the slides, but do remember to iron before and after sewing every seam to get a sharp finish.

There will be another post specifically on how to collar a hanfu.

I hope this post is understandable LOL.


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1 year ago
Burning Academia; Demo Last Updated Oct. 13, 2023

Burning Academia; demo last updated Oct. 13, 2023

Demo | Pinterest | F.A.Q. | Navigation

You never thought you'd go to college, due to your circumstances. But you especially didn't dream you'd be forced to attend the prestigious Vales Grove University after being attacked by wraiths in their library. What started as a visit to a long time friend, ended with your hands burned, your innocence questioned, and the startling realization magic is real. To apologize for what's happened to you, or more accurately, to keep an eye on you, the Headmaster himself offers you enrollment with all fees waived. With no real choice in the matter, you become a student, and try to ignore the suspicion everyone throws your way. Besides, you have worse things to deal with. Like how you've started to attract ghosts and other dead things, or the fact that there is a very living thing inside your head, waiting for you to lower guard and take control. And most pressing of all, managing your obligation to a family that hasn't been such a thing in years. Tread carefully, if the ghosts don't devour you, the university certainly might.

Burning Academia; Demo Last Updated Oct. 13, 2023

Customize the MC; gender, appearance, personality, etc!

Romance six questionable love interests, or not!

A morality system which changes how your story will go. Do you belong to the day, the night, or somewhere in between?

A complicated family, which you've been shackled to your whole life. Will you ever be able to escape them? Do you even want to?

Survive college, your job, and attempt to not have a quarter life crisis.

Avoid getting devoured by all the things that go bump in the night.

Retain your free will.

Burning Academia; Demo Last Updated Oct. 13, 2023

Rook Bellerose [M]: A "best friend" you've known for almost a decade now. He's never let you get close even after all this time. He's the king of jokes and immaturity, but after the events which led to your enrollment at Vales Grove, something's changed. Maybe it's the guilt, or maybe it's the mask finally slipping.

Beck Castro [M]: Rook's detested roommate, although you aren't sure why. He's the kind of guy who likes to hear himself talk, and he's pretty good at it. He can captivate a room or get himself out of any situation. For whatever reason, he's taken a keen interest in you, and has offered his help for whatever you might need.

Rhea Windsor [F]: The Headmaster's daughter. Everyone who talks about her often complains that she's the traditional prim and proper young woman one would expect from a Headmaster's daughter. However, the more you talk to her, the more you realize she's the exact opposite with a dorky personality and a streak of clumsiness.

Zoe Ripley [NB]: A loner who hides in the library to avoid people. They saw what went down the day you get forced to attend Vales Grove. Despite their prickly attitude, you get the sense they aren't a bad person, and despite how they act, they've never refused to help you. If anything, you seem to be the one person on campus who doesn't get on their nerves, professors included.

Lars Angel [M]: The most exhausted person you've ever seen, and that's saying something. He's a grad student, and one you keep running in to. He can't stand you, and you can only guess at why. With a sharp tongue and a bitter disposition, he tries his best to avoid you. Too bad you both keep running into each other. It looks like fate has other plans.

???: The thing which haunts you. You have no idea how the two of you got connected, but you can feel it in your blood, organs, neurons, synapses. You know it's evil, you know it wants to consume you, but tell me? Has anything ever cradled your soul so gently before?

CW: Gore, violence, parental neglect, alcoholism, mtc


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1 year ago

Next in Line (IF) - Updated Aug 2023

Demo (August 3, 2023) | Discord | Ask Me Anything | Tag List | Kofi | Patreon | TAGS TO BLOCK - TW

Demo Updated: August 3, 2023 (Chapter 2, Part 1)

Next In Line (IF) - Updated Aug 2023

You're next in line for the throne of Castelon, a fictional country loosely based on different periods of history, such as Ancient Greece, Ancient Rome, and periods of England.

A 10-year war with your country's main adversary, Arandale, recently ended. Then your father, King Percival was assassinated. After his assassination, your twin, Prince James abdicated. Return home after 5 years and decide what kind of Harbinger you will be.

Prepare to step into a story of betrayal, love, and trust. Can you navigate your royal duties, solve your father's murder, and find love (or friendship) at the same time? Or, will the Gods withdraw their blessings from you?

Demo features:

Play as male, female, non-binary;

Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2 Part 1;

Shape your MC's future and some of their past.

Pursue romance and/or friendship with 4 different characters.

Choose 1 of 3 Family Mottos.

Get a taste of "Attributes", which will unlock choices throughout the game. More Attributes will be available in the coming chapters.

Choose a patron god or goddess (optional).

Choose a pet (who you'll meet in chapter 2).

Next In Line (IF) - Updated Aug 2023

The final game will be rated Mature. The current version is rated 16+. Please note all of the below content is not in the demo but planned for the finished game. NSFW asks are tagged #nsfw so please block if applicable!

CW: suggestive language, references to war and the effects of war, death, references to death, exploration of grief, curse / swear words, possible violence, optional sexual content.

Next In Line (IF) - Updated Aug 2023

Next in Line features four romance options. View more characters + RO's ArtBreeder images by clicking here.

Sir Constantine Dimas | M, 26 years old, Taurus, #constantine dimas

Constantine is the best friend of your twin brother, James, and a Knight in Castelon's Elite Guard. He is fiercely loyal to your family and fought alongside James in the Arandale War. Like you, he finds amusement in teasing your brother.

"You're not too different from your twin, both reckless royals, so you probably need someone to care for you."

F. Faramund | M or F, 22 years old, Aquarius, #f faramund

Whether F was your first love or your ex-best friend, they broke your trust and disappeared. Now, they're back and seemingly apologetic. Bury the hatchet, rekindle your former relationship, or walk a different path altogether.

"The stars guided me back to you and I will stay as long as you allow."

Felix Faramund | M, 24 years old, Aries, #felix faramund

Felix is F.'s older brother and was someone you once considered a friend. Like, F., he's returned to Castelon. Unlike F., he can be quick to anger and he's not afraid to speak his mind. He can read the room, he just doesn't care. You can romance Felix, even if you loved F.

"Just know, I'll fight for what I want."

Lady Margaret | F, 22 years old, Gemini, #lady margaret

The mysterious Lady Margaret is a noble businesswoman who enjoys observing from the shadows. She's close to your mother, Queen Vivian. Although she is slow to trust others, those who earn her trust will find themselves in the company of a powerful and loyal ally.

"I can think of many ways to consume your time."


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1 year ago

DEMO // Patreon // Discord

Last Updated: July 2023

DEMO // Patreon // Discord

You used to be a beacon of hope. Now they only know you as the failure, the Unchosen. Will you rise above them? Will you become better or far worse than they could ever imagine?

Disenchanted is an interactive fiction novel that takes place in the hidden supernatural society of the modern world.

They found you living half in an orphanage and half on the streets of New York at the age of ten. The Oracle said you were the Chosen One, destined to defeat a great evil that is yet to arrive. Arrive it does, however, in your early childhood.

They called them the Phantom, a plague on the supernatural community, a politician gone mad.

The pressure is on as you begin your education at the New York Boarding School for Arcane Arts. Yet, as the prophecies start, you fail again and again.

Cameron Fletcher does not.

They are hailed a hero, and you are nothing. Not valuable enough to remain with your foster family, not worthless enough to toss back to the mortals.

You’re normal. Maybe worse than normal, what with your history. You’re Unchosen.

DEMO // Patreon // Discord

Create your character. Customize gender, pronouns, appearance, skills, and personality.

Choose how you feel towards your peers and former loved ones.

Romance any of the ten options (one female, one male, and eight gender selectable). Poly routes are also available.

Choose your species. Options include Nephilim, Cambion, Siren, Banshee, Basilisk, Draca, or Sorcerer.

Decide on your magical specialties.

DEMO // Patreon // Discord

Lucia/Lucien “Luci” Rivera (Nephilim)(she/her or he/him), your ex-best friend or ex-partner. You used to live with their family before everything that happened. They ditched you when it became the popular thing to do. Are you bitter?

Penelope Eliades (Siren)(she/her), a student from the Mediterranean. She seems nice and is lovely to listen to, but she has fangs for a reason. This one shouldn’t be crossed under any circumstances.

Cameron Fletcher (Sorcerer)(she/her, he/him, or they/them), the new Chosen One. Talented, charming, and everything you couldn’t be. Are they actually nice or just condescending? You can’t tell.

Viktor Orlov (Draca)(he/him), your best friend. The only one that stayed by your side after your disgrace, their family let you couch surf when the Riveras kicked you out.

Harlow Mitchell (Banshee)(she/they or he/they), the child of the Oracle who condemned you to a life in the supernatural world. You don’t know if they’re just bitter that you ended up disgracing their mother’s reputation or if you just annoy them in general.

Amrita/Amrit “Amri” Singh (Nephilim)(she/her or he/him), another student at your college who comes from a long line of Nephilim on their father’s side. Set up for political office, but is generally against the idea.

Theodora/Theodore “Theo” Parker (Cambion)(she/her or he/him), they are quite possibly Cameron Fletcher’s least favorite person in the world. Theo is top of their class, and many would consider them the Chosen One’s rival. They also happen to be your roommate in university.

Charlotte/Charles “Charlie” Ortiz (Basilisk)(she/her or he/him), a fellow student who works at the campus bookstore and is in a few of your classes. Very hot, very kind, and you find a dead body together. Uh oh.

Avery Monroe (Sorcerer)(she/her or he/him), the Phantom. Disappeared six years ago. Were they truly mad in their lust for power as the world claimed, or was there a reason behind their vendetta against the magical government?

??? (Wraith)(she/they or he/they), they are following you. They are in your home, in your head, and you cannot escape.

…The Horrors? You’re unsure of who they are…what they are.

*Poly Routes are Viktor/Theo, Cameron/Luci, Viktor/Luci, Cameron/Avery, Charlie/Avery, Cameron/Theo, Cameron/Viktor, ???/Harlow

My other interactive fiction projects: @fallenlightsif and @reapersbayif


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1 year ago

People with psychotic disorders are neurodivergent too.

People with personality disorders are neurodivergent too.

People with substance abuse disorders are neurodivergent too.

People with tic disorders are neurodivergent too.

People with bipolar disorder are neurodivergent too.

People with dissociative disorders are neurodivergent too.

Neurodivergence isn’t just ADHD, autism, anxiety, and depression. (Plus those last two also get left out sometimes!) Neurodivergence is anything that affects your brain.

“Neurodivergent people hate loud noises” is actually just as valid as a statement as “neurodivergent people have delusions,” “neurodivergent people have tics,” or even “neurodivergent people have low empathy.”

3 years ago
Concerned
Concerned
Concerned
Concerned
Concerned

concerned

3 years ago

Reblog or your mom will die in 928 seconds.

I love my mom.

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I am risking nothing

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I AM SORRY FOLLOWERS, I LOVE MY MOMMY

Will not risk.

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sorry followers :(

3 years ago

Body Language: Eyes

So I stumbled across this really useful thing which I use for writing and wanted to share it with you all.

(source: changingminds.org)

The eyes are often called, with some justification, ‘the windows of the soul’ as they can send many different non-verbal signals. For reading body language this is quite useful as looking at people’s eyes are a normal part of communication (whilst gazing at other parts of the body can be seen as rather rude). When a person wears dark glasses, especially indoors, this prevents others from reading their eye signals. It is consequently rather disconcerting, which is why ‘gangsters’ and those seeking to appear powerful sometimes wear them.

Looking Up

When a person looks upwards they are often thinking. In particular they are probably making pictures in their head and thus may well be an indicator of a visual thinker.

When they are delivering a speech or presentation, looking up may be their recalling their prepared words.

Looking upwards and to the left can indicate recalling a memory. Looking upwards and the right can indicate imaginative construction of a picture (which can hence betray a liar). Be careful with this: sometimes the directions are reversed — if in doubt, test the person by asking them to recall known facts or imagine something.

Looking up may also be a signal of boredom as the person examines the surroundings in search of something more interesting.

Head lowered and eyes looking back up at the other person is a coy and suggestive action as it combines the head down of submission with eye contact of attraction. It can also be judgemental, especially when combined with a frown.

Looking Down

Looking at a person can be an act of power and domination. Looking down involves not looking at the other person, which hence may be a sign of submission (‘I am not a threat, really; please do not hurt me. You are so glorious I would be dazzled if I looked at you.’)

Looking down can thus be a signal of submission. It can also indicate that the person is feeling guilty.

A notable way that a lower person looks down at a higher person is by tilting their head back. Even taller people may do this.

Looking down and to the left can indicate that they are talking to themselves (look for slight movement of the lips). Looking down and to the right can indicate that they are attending to internal emotions.

In many cultures where eye contact is a rude or dominant signal, people will look down when talking with others in order to show respect.

Looking Sideways

Much of our field of vision is in the horizontal plane, so when a person looks sideways, they are either looking away from what is in front of them or looking towards something that has taken their interest.

A quick glance sideways can just be checking the source of a distraction to assess for threat or interest. It can also be done to show irritation (‘I didn’t appreciate that comment!’).

Looking to the left can indicate a person recalling a sound. Looking to the right can indicate that they are imagining the sound. As with visual and other movements, this can be reversed and may need checking against known truth and fabrication.

Lateral movement

Eyes moving from side-to-side can indicate shiftiness and lying, as if the person is looking for an escape route in case they are found out.

Lateral movement can also happen when the person is being conspiratorial, as if they are checking that nobody else is listening.

Eyes may also move back and forth sideways (and sometimes up and down) when the person is visualizing a big picture and is literally looking it over.

Gazing

Looking at something shows an interest in it, whether it is a painting, a table or a person. When you look at something, then others who look at your eyes will feel compelled to follow your gaze to see what you are looking at. This is a remarkable skill as we are able to follow a gaze very accurately.

When looking at a person normally, the gaze is usually at eye level or above (see eye contact, below). The gaze can also be a defocused looking at the general person.

Looking at a person’s mouth can indicate that you would like to kiss them. Looking at sexual regions indicates a desire to have sexual relations with them.

Looking up and down at a whole person is usually sizing them up, either as a potential threat or as a sexual partner (notice where the gaze lingers). This can be quite insulting and hence indicate a position of presumed dominance, as the person effectively says ‘I am more powerful than you, your feelings are unimportant to me and you will submit to my gaze’.

Looking at their forehead or not at them indicates disinterest. This may also be shown by defocused eyes where the person is ‘inside their head’ thinking about other things.

The power gaze is a short but intense gaze that is used to impose one’s will on another, showing power without aggression.

It is difficult to conceal a gaze as we are particularly adept at identifying exactly where other people are looking. This is one reason why we have larger eye whites than animals, as it aids complex communication.

People who are lying may look away more often as they feel guilty when looking at others. However, when they know this, they may over-compensate by looking at you for longer than usual. This also helps them watch your body language for signs of detection.

The acceptable duration of a gaze varies with culture and sometimes even a slight glance is unacceptable, such as between genders or by a lower status person.

Non-visual gaze patterns (NVGPs) involve rapid movements (saccades) and fixations while we are ‘inside our heads’, thinking. Rapid movements happen more when we are accessing long-term memory and fixations more when we are accessing working memory. This is useful to detect whether people are thinking about older events or recent events (or old events that are already brought to working memory).

Glancing

Glancing at something can betray a desire for that thing, for example glancing at the door can indicate a desire to leave.

Glancing at a person can indicate a desire to talk with them. It can also indicate a concern for that person’s feeling when something is said that might upset them.

Glancing may indicate a desire to gaze at something or someone where it is forbidden to look for a prolonged period.

Glancing sideways at a person with raised eyebrows can be a sign of attraction. Without the raised eyebrow it is more likely to be disapproval.

Eye Contact

Eye contact between two people is a powerful act of communication and may show interest, affection or dominance.

Doe Eyes

A softening of the eyes, with relaxing of muscles around the eye and a slight defocusing as the person tries to take in the whole person is sometimes called doe eyes, as it often indicates sexual desire, particularly if the gaze is prolonged and the pupils are dilated (see below). The eyes may also appear shiny.

Making Eye Contact

Looking at a person acknowledges them and shows that you are interested in them, particularly if you look in their eyes.

Looking at a person’s eyes also lets you know where they are looking. We are amazingly good at detecting what they are looking at and can detect even a brief glance at parts of our body, for example.

If a person says something when you are looking away and then you make eye contact, then this indicates they have grabbed your attention.

Breaking eye contact

Prolonged eye contact can be threatening, so in conversation we frequently look away and back again.

Breaking eye contact can indicate that something that has just been said that makes the person not want to sustain eye contact, for example that they are insulted, they have been found out, they feel threatened, etc. This can also happen when the person thinks something that causes the same internal discomfort. Of course, a break in eye contact can also be caused by something as simple as dried out contacts or any new stimulus in one’s immediate area, so it’s important to watch for other signals.

Looking at a person, breaking eye contact and then looking immediately back at them is a classic flirting action, particularly with the head held coyly low in suggested submission.

Long eye contact

Eye contact longer than normal can have several different meanings.

Eye contact often increases significantly when we are listening, and especially when we are paying close attention to what the other person is saying. Less eye contact is used when talking, particularly by people who are visual thinkers as they stare into the distance or upwards as they ‘see’ what they are talking about.

We also look more at people we like and like people who look at us more. When done with doe eyes and smiles, it is a sign of attraction. Lovers will stare into each others eyes for a long period. Attraction is also indicated by looking back and forth between the two eyes, as if we are desperately trying to determine if they are interested in us too.

An attraction signal that is more commonly used by women is to hold the other person’s gaze for about three seconds, Then look down for a second or two and then look back up again (to see if they have taken the bait). If the other person is still looking at them, they are rewarded with a coy smile or a slight widening of the eyes (‘Yes, this message is for you!’).

When done without blinking, contracted pupils and an immobile face, this can indicate domination, aggression and use of power. In such circumstances a staring competition can ensue, with the first person to look away admitting defeat.

Prolonged eye contact can be disconcerting. A trick to reduce stress from this is to look at the bridge of their nose. They will think you are still looking in their eyes.

Sometimes liars, knowing that low eye contact is a sign of lying, will over-compensate and look at you for a longer than usual period. Often this is done without blinking as they force themselves into this act. They may smile with the mouth, but not with the eyes as this is more difficult.

Limited eye contact

When a person makes very little eye contact, they may be feeling insecure. They may also be lying and not want to be detected.

In persuasion

Eye contact is very important for persuasion. If you look at the other person and they do not look back at you, then their attention is likely elsewhere. Even if they hear you, the lack of eye contact reduces the personal connection.

If you want to persuade or change minds, then the first step is to gain eye contact and then sustain it with regular reconnection.

Staring

Staring is generally done with eyes wider than usual, prolonged attention to something and with reduced blinking. It generally indicates particular interest in something or someone.

Staring at a person can indicate shock and disbelief, particularly after hearing unexpected news.

When the eyes are defocused, the person’s attention may be inside their head and what they are staring at may be of no significance. (Without care, this can become quite embarrassing for them).

Prolonged eye contact can be aggressive, affectionate or deceptive and is discussed further above. Staring at another’s eyes is usually more associated with aggressive action.

A short stare, with eyes wide open and then back to normal indicates surprise. The correction back to normal implies that the person would like to stare more, but knows it is impolite (this may be accompanied with some apologetic text).

When a person stares at another, then the second person may be embarrassed and look away. If they decide to stare back, then the people ‘lock eyes’ and this may become a competition with the loser being the person who looks away first.

The length of an acceptable stare varies across cultures, as does who is allowed to stare, and at what. Babies and young children stare more, until they have learned the cultural rules.

Following

The eyes will naturally follow movement of any kind. If the person is looking at something of interest then they will naturally keep looking at this. They also follow neutral or feared things in case the movement turns into a threat.

This is used when sales people move something like a pen or finger up and down, guiding where the customer looks, including to eye contact and to parts of the product being sold.

Squinting

Narrowing of a person’s eyes can indicate evaluation, perhaps considering that something told to them is not true (or at least not fully so).

Squinting can also indicate uncertainty (‘I cannot quite see what is meant here.’)

Narrowing eyes has a similar effect to constricted pupils in creating a greater depth of field so you can see more detail. This is used by animals when determining distance to their prey and can have a similar aggressive purpose.

Squinting can be used by liars who do not want the other person to detect their deception.

When a person thinks about something and does not want to look at the internal image, they may involuntarily squint.

Squinting can also happen when lights or the sun are bright.

Lowering of eyelids is not really a squint but can have a similar meaning. It can also indicate tiredness.

Lowering eyelids whilst still looking at the other person can be a part of a romantic and suggestive cluster, and may be accompanied with tossing back the head and slightly puckering the lips in a kiss.

Blinking

Blinking is a neat natural process whereby the eyelids wipe the eyes clean, much as a windscreen wiper on a car.

Blink rate tends to increase when people are thinking more or are feeling stressed. This can be an indication of lying as the liar has to keep thinking about what they are saying. Realizing this, they may also force their eyes open and appear to stare.

Blinking can also indicate rapport, and people who are connected may blink at the same rate. Someone who is listening carefully to you is more likely to blink when you pause (keeping eyes open to watch everything you say).

Beyond natural random blinking, a single blink can signal surprise that the person does not quite believe what they see (‘I’ll wipe my eyes clean to better see’).

Rapid blinking blocks vision and can be an arrogant signal, saying ‘I am so important, I do not need to see you’.

Rapid blinking also flutters the eyelashes and can be a coy romantic invitation.

Reduced blinking increases the power of a stare, whether it is romantic or dominant in purpose.

Winking

Closing one eye in a wink is a deliberate gesture that often suggests conspiratorial (‘You and I both understand, though others do not’).

Winking can also be a slightly suggestive greeting and is reminiscent of a small wave of the hand (‘Hello there, gorgeous!’).

Closing

Closing the eyes shuts out the world. This can mean ‘I do not want to see what is in front of me, it is so terrible’.

Sometimes when people are talking they close their eyes. This is an equivalent to turning away so eye contact can be avoided and any implied request for the other person to speak is effectively ignored.

Visual thinkers may also close their eyes, sometimes when talking, so they can better see the internal images without external distraction.

Damp

The tear ducts provide moisture to the eyes, both for washing them and for tears.

Damp eyes can be suppressed weeping, indicating anxiety, fear or sadness. It can also indicate that the person has been crying recently.

Dampness can also occur when the person is tired (this may be accompanied by redness of the eyes.

Tears

Actual tears that roll down the cheeks are often a symptom of extreme fear or sadness, although paradoxically you can also weep tears of joy.

Weeping can be silent, with little expression other than the tears (indicating a certain amount of control). It also typically involves screwing up of the face and, when emotions are extreme, can be accompanied by uncontrollable, convulsive sobs.

Men in many culture are not expected to cry and learn to suppress this response, not even being able to cry when alone. Even if their eyes feel damp they may turn away.

Tears and sadness may be transformed into anger, which may be direct at whoever is available.

Pupil Size

A subtle signal that is sometimes detected only subconsciously and is seldom realized by the sender is where the pupil gets larger (dilates) or contracts.

Sexual desire is a common cause of pupil dilation, and is sometimes called ‘doe eyes’ or ‘bedroom eyes’ (magazine pictures sometimes have deliberately doctored eyes to make a model look more attractive). When another person’s eyes dilate we may be attracted further to them and our eyes dilate in return. Likewise, when their pupils are small, ours may well contract also.

A fundamental cause of eye dilation is cognitive effort. When we are thinking more, our eyes dilate. This helps explain ‘doe eyes’ as when we like others people, looking at them leads to significant thinking about how we may gain and sustain their attention.

Pupils dilate also when it is darker to let in more light. Perhaps this is why clubs, bars, restaurants and other romantic venues are so dingy.

People with dark irises (the colored circle around the pupil) can look attractive because it is difficult to distinguish the iris from the pupil, with the effect is that their dark pupils look larger than they are. People with light irises make the pupils easier to see, so when their pupils actually do dilate then the signal is clearer to detect, making them more attractive ‘at the right time’.

The reverse of this is that pupils contract when we do not like the other person, perhaps in an echo of squint-like narrowing of the eyes. People with small pupils can hence appear threatening or just unpleasant.

Rubbing

When a person is feeling uncomfortable, the eyes may water a little. To cover this and try to restore an appropriate dryness, they person may rub their eye and maybe even feign tiredness or having something in the eye. This also gives the opportunity to turn the head away.

The rubbing may be with one finger, with a finger and thumb (for two eyes) or with both hands. The more the coverage, the more the person is trying to hide behind the hands.


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