I Was Handcrafted By God (she/her) To Be And Only To Be Some Five Year Old Kid’s Imaginary Friend.

mime down…

so I was just watching Hannibal (the movie not the show thank god) and my mom looks at me and says You know how chicken legs taste different then chicken thighs? And so I was like yeah? Not knowing where this was going So she continues saying Do you think cannibals have a preferred body part? And so of course I looked it up and when I didn’t find anything my sister from across the room just looks up and says Cannibalism who?

Oh your blorbo is your precious baby?

Mine is my little chewtoy. I just wanna bite him over and over again and grind him between my teeth and drool while he squeaks and squeals all high pitched.

Give it up for 747 Bear Force One!

Champion of Fat Bear Week 2022

yeah no i gave up on that one brother

i want to put together a montage thing of all the times someone got lucky despite having “bad luck” in bullet train so just mentally preparing myself for the amount of hours it’s gonna take.

heist movie where it’s just 20+ different heist teams from dozens of countries trying to schedule their slotted raid like the world’s most aggressive game of “book the public utility space/community arts hall”

we did not need that shot of oscar isaac in his underwear, drunk in egypt. but we got it. and for that i’m thankful

does coughing for like five straight minutes count as a good enough ab workout for today

is this loss