"And Then...and Then...."

*Atsushi drinking for the first time with the ADA*

Dazai: Atsushi-kun now that you have drunk, say goodbye to your childhood, you are an adult now!!!

Atsushi, smiling obliviously: I never had a childhood.

Dazai:

ADA:

Dazai: me neither

Yosano: Have any of us had a normal childhood?

Ranpo: I had a dad when I was 14, does that count?

Kunikida: how many of you have gone to a proper school?

*no one answers*

Dazai: but most of us have killed people!

Kunikida: is that a good thing?

Everyday I feel like my country failed me, and many others who couldn't do what they want because their country still lives in the conservative 1900s.

Atsushi really said "I can fix him" AND HE DID

sskk makes me ugly cry (both romantic and platonic)

Every time I hear "Do we need more?" I spontaneously combust

Growing up is when you realise how cringe Light was

"I WILL BECOME THE GOD OF THE NEW WORLD"

Like, chill a little bit edge lord. Have some potato chips.

Bunny: so what do we have for lunch....

Henry:.....wine

Bunny: I meant something we can eat.

Charles: which drug do you like? I don't have much on me but we can buy some.

Bunny: that's not what a human should have for lunch

Franics: I do the coffee, cigarettes and Maraschino Cherries diet, you wanna try?

Bunny: what the....

Camilla: we could have had some lamb chops but we don't have it anymore.

Bunny: why?

Camilla: we had to sacrifice the lamb during a ritual and bathe in its blood

Bunny: you know what I would rather be dead by eating grilled cheese sandwich and milkshake than hang out with you weirdos anymore

Every winter all I think about is a holiday in a snowy place, in a village perhaps, where no one talks to me or see me. Where I can sit in front of the fire and drink hot tea listening to classical music and read novels. Where I can smile as much as I want. Cry as much as I want. Nothing comes in my way, I don't come in the way of others. I just exist. I don't have anything to worry about, anything to look forward to.

I am graduating soon. So here it goes-

"Thanks Disney channel for giving me unrealistic ideas about high school and life. A thanks to Harry Potter for making me hate my life some more. I thank Pinterest for providing me endless ideas. I thank reddit for keeping me busy with debates. I thank all the apps that consumed most of my life. And special thanks to YouTube for raising me as a child"

I am gonna take a break from TSH. Although it was because of that I started this blog. I have been very burned out with that book. I cleaned out my drafts. For the past three years of hyper-fixation made me learn about so many things. I have changed my opinions so much since I made my first post and it made me realise how you not only mature in age but also in your ideas about certain topics and characters.

It won't probably be my final post about TSH, I want to return to it a few years later to see it in a retrospective lens opposed to the rose-tinted one I wore when I completed the book for the first time.

My current thoughts on the characters;

Henry: loved him at first and I love him still. But for different reasons. I loved him when I first read the book because I was too in love with his character to realise the type of person he was. Even agreeing on his terrible decisions (ex: killing Bunny, bacchanal, etc...) but now I love him because he is so unhinged and terrible like the many morally grey/evil characters we all love.

Richard: for some reason I thought he was a good person who got wrapped in all this shit and wasn't bad. Now I think Richard is equally responsible for the tragedy by not reporting a murder and by being an actual accomplice to murder.

Camilla: my thoughts on her have changed the least. At first I used to think she was just the nicest of them. And then it changed to--- she is hiding a secret dark side or more layers we don't get to see.

Francis: I thought he was also the nicest, next to Camilla because he doesn't take any problematic actions. But it is his inability to take actions of his own that makes him bad. Although I still think he is underrated and often misunderstood

Charles: I couldn't stand Charles at first. And I can't just justify everything he did cuz he is terrible. It's just he is often used as a scapegoat to make Henry look better which I hate. He's a menace yes, but so is Henry!!!!!

Julian: I don't have a lot to say cuz we rarely see him. All I can say is he is not the mastermind of the whole story. He's a John Keating gone wrong example.

Bunny: my thoughts on Bunny have changed the most. From HATING him to feeling sympathy and even bad for him. I still won't agree he is somehow the best person out there, cuz he is definitely not. Bunny is hated to an extent that he doesn't deserve. And ounce and for all, he didn't deserve to die (I take back what I said about him in the past)

Judy: ounce a queen 👑 always a queen 👑

So this is it. Thanks TSH for being the bane and reason for my existence since the pandemic.

~ 🕊️

I don't know how many times I have to say this:

I DON'T NEED HELP

I just want to sleep and not wake up again

Is that too hard to ask?

Things I have said or done as an INTP:

~ "It's not like I hate talking, you are just so boring. I don't even remember what you said two seconds ago. That's how unremarkable you are. So, it's not a ME problem, it's a YOU problem"

~ "I forgot to eat breakfast and lunch"

~ "Do I really need to wish someone their birthday? Do y'all like getting old?"

~ "Whenever I feel awkward, I imagine brutal ways to kill people"

~ "What do you mean I can't order from the kids menu? I eat like five things in my life"

~ "Sometimes I put on earphones just to avoid people"

~ "The T.V remote was too far away so I stared at the wall for five hours"

~ "I don't have enough energy to correct you right now, call me later"

~ *person says* "Hey, how are you?"

*ME* "Nice to meet you my name is just fine....wait"

~ "I am willing to die proving a point"

~ "I am not gonna study. What's the worst thing that happens? I fail. It's not like I am dying. I won't mind that either"

~ "I gave up on life when I was 11. The best decision I ever made"

~ "I am not sorry for coming late. I feel sorry that I came"

~ "I will touch grass when I am in the coffin"

~ "Well actually, everything you said was opinions, not facts. I don't care about how you feel, if you don't care about what I think"

~ "I pity how dumb you are"