Richard At The Beginning: I Want To Study The Classics, The Arts And Languages With Julian And His Group

Why do you think Fyodor chose Chuuya specifically as his accomplice?

Maybe all that time in prison he heard Dazai constantly hyping Chuuya up and gushing about him. He heard about their shenanigans and the amount of trust they had in eachother. Maybe Dazai was just complaining and pouring his heart out about their complicated relationship.

And Fyodor thought it would be funny as hell and so much drama if Dazai gets killed by his own partner.

Dazai: And he didn't even kiss me after I went out of the way to recreate snow white!

Fyodor *fake gasp*: no shit, that's toxic!

Dazai: I know right, we never work it out :(

Fyodor: hey, maybe I could get you guys to meet and talk it all out....

Dazai: you would???

Fyodor, *evil smile* : of course, what else are enemies for?

Dazai: thanks bro, you're the best!

Dazai, in his head: Just as planned, he fell right into the trap or I say.....rat hole......ah that was a bad one

Dazai, in his head: I better call Mori and ask him to get Chibi a hot new outfit, he needs to look good for my confessions.....and the best part is he can't even deny or reject me when he is acting as a vampire...hehe. I should go practice my speeches.

Dinner table conversation in my family:

Mom (ISFJ): I tried really hard to make all of your favourite dishes!

Grandma (ESFJ): That is so sweet dear!

Dad (ESTJ): You know I told you I want to try and eat healthy boiled vegetables and you STILL made my favourite food?

Me (INTP): *I did not want to sit with them and make them see my wierd eating habits* I don't like any of these food.

Mom (ISFJ): Too bad you have to eat it....NOW

Grandma (ESFJ): Let's pray to god before eating and thank them for the food.

Me (INTP): Why do we have to pray to god when they don't exist and did nothing for us?

Mom (ISFJ): just do what you are told

Me, turns to dad (INTP): didn't you tell me to have my own opinions and ideas about the world?

Dad (ESTJ): I am not saying you are wrong but.....if you want to have food you have to go by the rules. Just pray.

Me (INTP): I am not praying to anyone. I don't care if you take my food away! I am NOT changing my beliefs!

Grandma, upset (ESFJ): why are you like this, where did we do wrong?

Mom (ISFJ): Just be thankful then, okay? I don't have patience for a debate.

Everyone: thank you god for the food we received and for everything you did for us.

Me (INTP): Thank you mom for making the food, thank you grandma for helping in preparing it and thank you dad for buying the groceries.

Me (INTP): you told me to be more thankful, I was. There's always loop holes.

Dad (ESTJ): *hides smirk*

Finally started my TSH re-read after a lot of procrastination!

I read until page 90, I was also taking running notes and making small annotations so it took more time than usual

I didn't want to forget any details I wanted to highlight for when I start the essay

Here are some notes I made while reading (only about Henry)

I find Henry hilarious for some reason while the entire time I was making observations on him

He's so dumb in a smart way! 😭

Slytherin and Ravenclaw on a date:

*Gryffindor spying on them with Hufflepuff*

Hufflepuff: this is so creepy, why are we here?

Gryffindor: why did you come then?

Hufflepuff: you told me we are getting ice cream and feed ducks in the pond!

Slytherin: they are spying on us aren't they?

Ravenclaw: ofc, hiding behind the lamp post won't help Gryffindor

Slytherin: do you know how we can scare them?

Ravenclaw: *nods* I am ready

*both pull out knives at the same time*

Ravenclaw: honey, are you ready for our next murder spree?

Slytherin: You bet I am. I heard someone following us.

Ravenclaw: the last victims are not even found yet....

Gryffindor looks at Hufflepuff: this is the moment.

Hufflepuff: what? I can't hear anything and why are they pulling out knives are they going to......

Gryffindor: RUN!!!!!!RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!

Hufflepuff: Ahhhhhh....all I wanted was to eat free ice cream!

Slytherin: they are not coming back

Ravenclaw: No.

Slytherin: why do you have a knife anyways? As a surgeon I have knives all over me.

Ravenclaw raises eyebrow: you never know when they come in handy...let's go I want cotton candy......NOW

Slytherin: *nervous laughter* you are so cute.

Trigger warning: ED

As someone suffering from ED. It's really triggering to have those "health check ups" at school. And guess what, mine is back AGAIN. On top of that, the way people talk about weight and body image so insensitivly can make you go back to old habits. Today I heard so many people talk about their weight that I started to feel so anxious about mine. When anyone asked me I didn't say. I just feel like if you do have health check ups, it should be only the person and a teacher and not all the students watching, making fun and comments on others appearance.

I have had BDD since I was 11 or even younger due to certain comments in my family. I have had ED since I was 14. It's not easy. But I know I am not alone.

ENTP: you know I am getting bored, wanna rob banks or something?

INFJ: that is your first response to getting bored?

ESTP: it's not like we haven't done it before.

INFP: you have robbed banks before?

ESTJ: I stopped them before they could. Don't know what they will do if I am not there.

INTP: *whispers* have some real fun for ounce

ENTP: INTJ what do you think about robbing a bank?

ISFJ: obviously, he doesn't think it's a good thing!

INTJ: not really, in this money hungry capitalistic world, robbing a bank doesn't feel like a bad idea. Maybe we can start a revolt.

ESTP, ENTP: yeah rebellion!

INTP: I don't know. I am bored too but a rebellion will be too much work and people

INFP: I don't think......you know what fuck yeah!

ISFJ: you kids are really childish

ESTJ: that's why I am their babysitter.

The Curse of Creativity and the suffering of artists:

"There are tons of people who are just as good as me." - Seiji Amasawa, Whisper of the heart (1995)

Ghibli movies have always had a huge impact on me. Full of quiet sensibilities and easily understood complex concepts; Ghibli movies made my childhood and the person I am today. And despite the cuteness of Totoro, the innocence of Ponyo, the quirky weirdness of Howl's moving castle (the themes of that movie are so intricate too) or the message about hardwork and burnout in Kiki's delivery service, there is one movie that remains in my heart (no pun intended)

"Whisper of the Heart" has taught me so much about myself and the path I am headed. It is the most beautiful, soul-crushing movie I have ever watched not because it has wars and the death of loved ones but because it is relatable and grounded. I can see myself in Shizuko and Seiji, I understand their struggles and dreams. I smiled with them and I cried for them. I related to Shizuko's struggle to see her writing as anything good and Seiji's belief that despite his achievements he isn't anywhere near as good at his skills as some other people.

This movie made me think about the saying I so often hear "Don't suffer for your dreams". While I scoffed at it when an adult said that to me first, now that I am much older and hopefully wiser, the words struck me not as nagging but as a warning.

Suffering doesn't equal great art, some people think that only those who are depressed and mentally ill can make great art, which is completely false. (Although I don't blame those people as many great artists and writers were actually mentally ill, it's not the only thing that makes one a great artist!) You don't have to suffer to be a great artist, you just have to be creative and work hard, there's nothing more to that.

When I was in my most depressed state during the last two years of high school, I wasn't writing or working hard on my book. I was staring at the wall wishing I would disappear. Overcoming that depression led me to write better, work harder, chase my dreams with passion.

During the times where I am stuck in a chapter I can't get through and my brain goes blank, I think to myself if I am actually a good writer or I have been just treading the waters of talent that I don't have. When people call me talented, it makes me squirm, it takes away my hardwork and effort.

Being a creative person is not easy, it's not all sunshine and rainbows where you are constantly getting new ideas. Sometimes it makes my head hurt. Acting on your ideas is not easy. I can think all I want but when it comes to actually writing that idea, I freeze.

Being an artistic person makes you feel self conscious. If anyone will like what I do? Will someone criticize me? What if no one likes my work? What if they judge me? There's someone who is better than me, why should I even bother?

Creativity isn't just a blessing, it's also a curse. It's a double-edged sword.

You should try to achieve the best but not make it your end goal. Life is so much more than success, fame and material goods. I don't write for any of those things, I write for myself and the people I care for. Even if I don't end up publishing any of my novels, I would still write. Never stop dreaming and become monotonous, you don't have to make sure your hobbies earn you money, they should give you peace and happiness.

There are times when I spend too much time in front of my computer typing out another new story when I stop and think back at those words, I don't feel dispassionate, suffering won't make me happy, writing whatever I want would. So I type ahead for some more minutes and take a break. I indulge in the world that I create in my books and make characters that I love more deeply than human beings, but I don't want it to become my life. I would still do normal everyday things and talk to normal everyday people. Work-life balance is utter bullshit and too idealistic, but making sure your work doesn't consume your life is what matters.

Even if I do end up getting an ordinary job and not making my hobby a career, I would not be disappointed.

I am ready to live a life of rationality and pragmatism but I will never accept monotony.

If INTP was in The Office:

INTP: My job as a sales person made me realise how much I hate people

(Looks sideways from camera at the cameraman)

INTP: I hate when people are prying into my life.....cuz guess what? I have nothing interesting in it....except Pam, Pam is awesome.

(Gets questioned if he likes Pam)

INTP: No, not really. I like her a lot, which is surprising since I don't like many people here *mouths Angela*

INTP: now Pam and I are good friends, I do believe she hates her fiance tho...but what can I do about it?

(Gets questioned about his work)

INTP: I come late everyday, Dwight is always mad at me being late, I don't care much. I check in my computer and play Pac man while talking to stupid clients like an idiot selling paper which won't be useful in a future paperless world.

INTP: then I take a 2 hour break and pretend to be friends with Micheal to justify my 2 hour break.

INTP: I have lunch in my car so I won't have to see Kevin eating 4 tuna sandwiches in one go.

INTP: I spend time with Toby, he is like the only normal person here. We sit down and mumble about our misery.

INTP: I hate Andy, he is so annoying, I have to hide in the bathroom to avoid his constant brags about Cornell. I mean I went to Yale, and now I am a paper salesman *shrugs* this is always how it ends.

(Gets questioned about Jim and Pam)

(Looks at the camera)

INTP: everyone knows they are in love. It's not even a question at this point.

Me watching Fruits Basket:

What I thought it would be about: Oh it's a typical shoujo anime with two pretty boys falling in love with the main girl. I can watch it and be relaxed. And they turn into animals! Haha, fun.

What it was: Trauma, PTSD, Parental neglect, isolation, self loathing, self depreciation, depression, physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, guilt, regret, grief, loss, heartbreak.

Now I need therapy.

(PS: as a girl who loves Girly media and Shoujo manga. I am so happy that this is a Shoujo that subverts a lot of people's expectations and makes you understand that Shoujo/Josei are NOT all the same as well as depict such a good story about familial trauma which is something we don't usually get.

I wish we could get more Shoujo/Josei anime each season 🥲)

Who wants to be the main character? I want to be the omniscient narrator of someone's story.