This Is A (kind Of??? QPRs Make It Confusing) Platonic Tickle Fic, If It's Not Your Cup Of Tea, Just

You know those "I am not a robot" tests that some websites require? Well the autobots sure didn't. Ratchet is the first to find out. He's just doing some regular every-day stuff on the monitor (definitely not googling something one of the kids said because he didn't understand it even a little bit, shut up Miko), and suddenly this page full of jibberish pops up along with the little, "I'm not a robot" box. Naturally, Ratchet masks his confusion with pure rage, because how is he supposed to use this garbage earth technology when every resource requires him to copy down a word that isn't even there because it's literally just scribbles?????? After he learns what it is, he'll just angrily ask Raf to fill it in for him, though he is considerably insulted that this stupid little test works on beings as advanced as Cybertronians.

When Optimus first sees the test, he just freezes in complete confusion. He's completely bluescreened. The monitor told him to pick all of the pictures with the bicycles. He did that. How was he wrong. The screen told him to pick two items that are the same shape, but he is literally trembling, about to shut down like a microsoft computer because none of them are the same shape. How can they be the same shape if they're different colors aND DIFFERENT FUCKING SIZES-

Everyone looks at him in confusion when a static-electricity-like sound emanates from his head, and then he just slowly slumps to the ground because the confusion made his processor glitch, and the kids could practically hear the windows shutdown music as he just dropped to the floor. (This isn't the first or last time this has happened. This is the reason he doesn't try to understand the more confusing gen-z memes. If you've ever seen videos from Orion Zax on youtube, think the oven joke video, and that's literally just this. If you haven't, look it up, it's great)

You know a funny thing to think about is if cybertronians have some like, goofy ass software/hardware limitations.

Like those clothes designed to confuse ai image recognition, would they just not be able to comprehend what they're looking at like some eldrich monstrosity?

Or I've seen videos where someone is speaking polish but it's pronounced like it's english and I'm just imagining that shit messing with their translation software.

Would their vision bug out if they're near something radioactive like a camera would?

Feel free to add onto this if anyone has more thoughts.

I 100% agree. UNLESS He's with people he doesn't know/doesn't trust.

Sentinal is staying with the repair crew for whatever reason and has to sleep in their base? Suddenly Bee isn't getting any sleep bc he keeps getting woken up by the smallest noises. He falls asleep on the couch in the common area and everyone else on team Prime just assumes he's going to sleep like the dead as usual, but they're all scared out of their processors when Optimus barely starts speaking and Bumblebee just wakes up like an explosion had gone off

I'm talking the full nine yards - he THROWS himself off the couch, stingers activated, eyes wide and battle mask on. He is ready to go and face a threat that doesn't exist. Everyone else is immediately concerned and (reasonably) assume he had a nightmare. Ratchet assumes it's PTSD bc "The Horrors" mean that is always Ratchet's first assumption, and he insists on doing a checkup for Bee

He doesn't find anything, and Bee doesn't know why he always wakes up like he's on the verge of death when someone else he doesn't know or like is around, but it's just something he's come to accept about himself. Ratchet is completely right assuming that it's a trauma response, but Bee just tries to keep everyone from mentioning it, not wanting to admit that there are too many options to choose from when trying to figure out what could have caused it

He definitely makes sure to only sleep in his room the rest of the time Sentinal is there

I like to think Bee either sleeps like he’s dead, or is a very light sleeper,

Like if he sleeps like a rock, I like to imagine the first time he was woken up by someone else on his team it went like those cat videos where the person nudges the cat and it slowly goes to them shaking it violently before the cat wakes up like nothing happened

Oh, definitely.

He's much more on the heavy sleeper side although he has a pretty consistent sleep schedule (with few eventual exceptions ofc). While he was a very much "a gust of wind could wake him" as a sparkling kinda guy, he defo got more comfortable sleeping soundly with Team Prime. Also he had to be like that, he was sharing quarters with Bulkhead back in bootcamp and even tho the mech doesn't snore he defo isn't quiet when he's recharging.

So yeah, Bee goes to sleep late, wakes up really early, but in those few hours he's sleeping he's near impossible to wake up (with normal methods at least).

One time he was sleeping in cuz of something dumb and Op was getting annoyed cuz Bee was needed to do something. So he went there and tried to wake him up... except Bee didn't wake up. Not even throwing off the covers did anything, he tried speaking loudly but it didn't do anything. Only when he picked Bee up he got concerned cuz why wasn't he waking up??? He ended up going to medbay with him and only after Op set him down and tried to talk to Ratchet did he wake up all confused. So yeah that's how Optimus had to learn the hard way with a slight panic that Bee is a heavy sleeper.

Tbh Prowl now understands how Bee and Bulk are able to have sleep overs, both of them are heavy sleepers and don't mind one's loud engine or sleep talking.

Thanks for the tag! Ok let's see...

Name: Void

Sign: Aries (doesn't match)

DOB: April 8th

Time: 0932

Last movie: Not sure, I think it was Into the Spiderverse, but that was 4 months ago.

Last show: Pretty sure it was The Mandalorian

Why did I make this blog: I ghosted around for a while, and I really wanted to be able to talk to people about my thoughts on fandoms

Do I have any other blogs: no

Do I get asks/can you ask me: I don't get any, but I would love to. However I might take a while to respond up until the end of November

AVG sleep: at home I average anywhere from 2-4 hours, but in training I get 6 hours.

Instruments: Piano when my brain tells me I know how to play an instrument I've never trained on

What I'm wearing: OCPs (just like every day for the past 4 fucking MONTHS)

Dream job: FBI agent (but a voice actor would be fun too)

Open tags :)

ok @emlovessid tagged me in this and i kinda just forgot to do it so let’s for it

name: noa sign: leo dob: august 4 2005 time: is this like time where i am rn? if so 5:31pm last movie: the eras tour movie (i think) last show: skam france (season 4, just finished episode 3) when i created this blog: first post was November 15, 2021 so prbs then? other blogs: i have a lil writing blog @noaswritingcorner where it's mostly just poetry but i'll upload personal (non-fandom related) writing projects if i feel like it (and ever actually finish them LMFAO) do i get asks/can you ask me something: i haven't got any asks but feel free to ask stuff avg hours of sleep: honestly i don't really have an average, i really vary between like 2 hours and 11 hours instrument: guitar, ukulele, bass (i want to start the drums and keyboard/piano too though!) what i'm wearing: pj's, today's been a studying for my final high school exams day and i woke up at like 12pm dream job: fuck me if i know, i just want to do something i'm passionate about; dance, acting, makeup and styling, writing, music . i'm low key just going with whatever

tags: imma just tag my mutuals? (ig that's what they are lmfao) but no pressure lmfao @gaystheysanddinos @saintchaser @evbell @reggiecantswimm @my-beloved-fandoms @marzst4rz

Continuing from that ask about Lucifer and Alastor's mom, do you think Lucifer even registers that he's gotten himself on everybody's shit list? Or is he oblivious to everyone except his daughter?

Honestly, when combined with his depression, his general disregard of sinners, and whatever else is going on in that head of his, I highly doubt it. He'd notice Charlie and maybe Vaggie - if only because he wants to get closer to her to get closer to Charlie, but his general opinion of sinners is so low that he just assumes the way they're glaring at him is just how they naturally are. I mean, in ep 5 he was giving Charlie an 'I told you so' speech where he said verbatim, "[...] Sinners are violent psychopaths who are hell bent on causing as much pain an destruction as they can." He literally sees them as nothing more than monsters who can't feel or do anything that isn't negative, despite the fact that everyone in the hotel he'd been introduced to besides Alastor had been relatively kind to him up to that point. They literally made cookies for his arrival and he didn't do anything but cringe in mild disgust

So I think that it's pretty safe to say that no, he didn't notice their anger at him

(Again, here's the original post and here's the follow up that prompted this ask, and here's the OP for the first post @that-hazbin )

Will wonders at first why Halt is so adamant on them both having a very diverse and inclusive diet. Then Crowley tells him about Halt's vastly changed lifestyle after learning he had a vitamin deficiency. Will stops questioning why Halt is so insistent on a diverse pallet.

Also, I like to imagine that he was really low on iron too, so not only was he exhausted all the time from the B12 deficiency, but he'd pass tf out every time he stood up too fast. This ofc didn't help his parent's view of him and made him doubt himself whenever Pritchard started training him. After all, why would this cool woodsman from Araluen who apparently served the king in a secret society of archers or whatever want to train a skinny boy who couldn't even stand without his vision going black and the world shifting beneath his feet? Clearly there were better people for this

Then Pritchard started feeding him foods high in iron after recognizing the signs and his symptoms started going away and oh my gods is this what normal people live like????

I like to think his vitamin/iron deficiencies are partially due to genetics and metabolism, and partially due to Bad Textures with a lot of the food served at the castle. He feels shitty for complaining, but something about how they prepare a lot of the food (particularly the meat) is just Awful and Terrible and makes him feel physically ill. But again, Pritchard to the rescue to save Halt's "fae touched" *cough cough* AUTISTIC *cough cough* ass from Gross And Bad Textures That Make Him Want To Swallow A Lit Torch

Random little Halt headcanon I had for you guys.

So we all know how in Ruins of Gorlan Will's first impression of Halt is that is is 'old, scary and might kill me' right?

Another well known fact is that if you do the math for this series (which I 100% recommend you don't and instead spend all of your time ignoring both the timeline and character's ages) that Halt can't be older than 35.

Well this got me thinking how on earth does he have salt and pepper hair while being 35? And while yes I do know of people who start greying in their early 20's because of genes and stuff but like that is to boring for my hyperactive brain.

What you may or may not know is that vitamin B12 affects hair greying and pigmentation (at least I think this is in no way a total fact) so what if Halt was just really deficient in vitamin B12?

I don't know how they would've figured this out in medieval times and with their limited knowledge of medicine and stuff but just roll with me here.

Being deficient in B12 also can lead to mood swings and chronic tiredness so i like to think that during his childhood in Dun Kilty Halt was just always grumpy and tired but then he met Pritchard and Crowley and they were like 'you do realise this is because of a vitamin deficiency right?'

Obviously they helped him get sorted out or whatever and I for the first time in his live he felt what it was like to not be extremely tired ALL THE TIME and it was the most comical thing ever! Like his whole face probably lit up and he was like "I feel alive!?"

I love the idea that this was a really popular campfire story for several years and also the story the renegade rangers told Gilan and Will when they first became apprentices mainly to explain that no, halt is not old just vitamin deficient.

It was a whole thing when Will became an apprentice because Gilan kept telling him that all of Halt's grey hairs were because Gilan stressed him out so much during his apprenticeship (Something he would've been VERY proud of were it true) but Crowley stepped in and told him the truth.

Thanks for the tag!!

@artsymeeshee @guesswhocouldntsleep @curled-up-blushing @moonlight-tmd @vikeera and anyone else who wants to vote!!

new tag game, because I can

no pressure tags:

@red-velvet-0w0 @nyxisagod @lynx-brynjar @encryptidarchivist @justbugsnstuff

@justanotherenbyhere +Anyone else

Let's get started

So, this is my first ever post, just wanted to let people that I have followed know that I am in fact not a bot (crazy, I know), and I wanted to set the basis of what people can expect from this blog.

First things first, I will have no activity from the beginning of July to the end of November 2023 for important personal reasons (I don't want anyone thinking I died), and I wanted to at least get a few things out before I forget them during my forced hiatus.

As my description says, I am in many fandoms, and am willing to talk about all of them! However, my brain has latched onto one or two characters in each and insisted that they become my trauma buddies, so I won't talk about anyone else as enthusiastically. I'll go ahead and make a separate post about the fandoms I'm in along with my trauma buddies, so feel free to hit me up and start a conversation (anon or not are welcome)!

Here's the link for the post with all my fandoms and the characters I'll write for: https://www.tumblr.com/void-occupation/718121684263108608/fandoms-and-emotional-support-characters

Things I will not tolerate include:

Racist, homophobic, ACAB, incestuous, or otherwise shaming remarks

MAP supporters/sympathizers. Get the fuck out.

Politics. This is for when I'm surrounded by my family trying to duck out of the conversation, not Tumblr.

Porn. Don't send me graphic shit, I don't want to see it, I'm asexual I have very few exceptions to this, and I'll follow the blogs that meet those exceptions. If I haven't followed you, chances are I don't want to see it. You'll be blocked if you send it. Just don't.

Pressure for a face reveal. I'm not very fond of the way that I look, and I like to keep anonymity. It's comforting.

As far as I know, that's about it, so if you don't do that stuff, we should be pretty chill.

As for what should be expected to come from this blog, I'll probably end up doing a lot of incorrect quotes, rants, theories, headcanons, and maybe some fics. I'm also planning on making edits when I come back from my hiatus, so we'll see how that goes.

I'll probably post the names for my Ao3 and Tiktok accounts once I get those up and running, but it might have to wait.

I think I've typed long enough, and for those of you who made it all the way through this, I am aware that I write like an English teacher, my brain insists upon it, I swear that I am actually 18, and not a time traveler from the 1800s

Edit: apparently Tumblr ate all my posts, so we're gonna try again and see how it goes

Edit #2: Ao3 is Void_Occupant (I like to keep shit simple)

Alastor's Animal Noises

I won't call this an unpopular headcanon, just one that is slept on.

So, everyone knows about Alastor making deer noises, both in canon and fanon. In the show he canonically makes little fawn squeaks when Rosie hugs him (which lives in my head rent free at all times) and does the elk scream a couple times throughout the show. Fanon is just as up in arms about this trait of his, and I think it's great.

But.

What if he ALSO made alligator noises? HEAR ME OUT - trust me, you won't regret it.

So.

When you really think about it, there are a large amount of traits that Alastor has that would make it logical for him to share traits with an alligator as well as a deer. These include: teeth/habit of eating sinners(cannibalism) (alligators are known cannibals), place of origin being Louisiana, persistent presence of bayous in his life (near his home in the living world, supposedly where he hid his victims, where he died, and the bayou in his room), ambush predator (makes you feel at ease by being unassuming then strikes before you even realize the danger), and his temper (appears calm until he's NOT) just to name a few.

Despite what people tend to think, alligators actually make a TON of different sounds, though there's a few main ones I'll talk about.

First one is the territorial growl.

I feel like Alastor could make this sound when he's being territorial (obviously), threatening, or protective (as rare as that is). He begins making this sound a lot more often the longer he stays at the hotel because he begins to see it as his territory, and the residents as his people (not that he'd ever admit that lol). Also, I feel like hearing this loud, bass-feeling noise from this rail-thin deer man would be a bit jarring, especially if you'd never heard it before

Second sound is the defensive hiss.

This is a sound Alastor would make if he's feeling threatened. I'm thinking scenarios where he's annoyed/mad/anxious are when he'd hiss, because they're all scenarios where he'd be trying to get something or someone to leave him alone. It's a very different yet very similar sound to a cat's hiss. They can mean similar things, but hearing an alligator hiss is significantly more threatening, which fits Alastor's character. Also, it means he can still sound terrifying when he's the one who's scared (if he manages to make a distressed gator sound rather than a distressed deer sound that is lol)

And of course, we can't forget the mandatory cute sound, the baby swamp puppy chirps.

If he gets to make fawn noises, you bet your ass he's gonna make swamp puppy laser sounds. The scenarios where he'd make these noises are a lot more rare, but they definitely exist. He wouldn't ever admit it, but he sees Rosie as a mother figure, and just as he tends to greet her with fawn squeaks, Alastor will subconsciously start doing little baby gator chirps when he's looking for her and can't find her. His instincts are to call out to her so she can find him - the same way baby alligators do with their mothers - and the side effect is that he makes cute little laser chirping noises without even realizing it. He has a tendency to do it when he's looking for anyone he likes who is older than him. Zestial finds it charming and the few times it happened to him, Husk refuses to talk about, a lot of mixed feelings brought up by the fact that the man who owns his soul has given him at least somewhat of a parental role subconsciously.

anyways, these were just my thoughts on it, feel free to add on your own or use it as inspiration for your own work (let me know though, I want to see it!!!!) (putting this in the lee!alastor tags to feed the imaginations of my friends there who are always starving for more things)

hi! I'm trying to get other peoples opinion on this-

what do you think alastors human life was like?

sorry it took me so long to answer this one, I've been busy lol

are we talking about what I think for canon, or the headcanon backstory that exists purely for angst? Because those are two veeery different answers lol. I'll just answer the canon opinion, and maybe do another part about my headcanon if anyone's interested

As far as I know, it's been confirmed that Alastor's mother was colored, and at least hinted that she was Vodun (not sure on spelling there) I think that his father is also confirmed to be white, and I know we're all pretty sure by now that he was abusive. We know Alastor likely became a radio host, and was a serial killer (obviously lol) who hung around Mimzy frequently enough. For simplicity's sake, I'll say that Alastor was born in the year 1900, making him 33 when he died

Now, for the speculation. I feel like his parents only married when his mother got pregnant, which resulted in her being outcasted from the Vodun community. I believe she still would have taught her beliefs to Alastor, which probably angered his father, who was most likely Catholic based on the most popular religions in the area at the time. I don't know if it would be ore likely that Alastor's father killed his mother and Alastor killed him because of it, or if Alastor killed his father because of the abuse and lived with his mother until she died of illness. Either way, his father ends up out of the picture. For this, I'll say that his mother lived.

Something I don't usually see people take into account is that the US got officially involved in WW1 in 1917, and started drafting 18yo boys in 1918 - ironically enough when Alastor was 18. The law that prevents "the only surviving son" from being drafted wasn't even thought of until 1964, so Alastor wouldn't have been spared from the draft. I believe draft contracts were about 2 years long, so unless he was injured, Alastor would have spent about that much time in combat. He likely had PTSD from that, but they didn't know what that was at the time, so it would have gone untreated.

He gets home when he's 20ish, and eventually becomes a radio host, befriending Mimzy in the process, but he struggles when he comes home. Nothing seems to alleviate the awful feeling building in him since he came back, and then his mother dies. He snaps. Based on that pre-canon comic, Alastor typically targets predators/abusers ("I do hate those who can't show a little more respect towards those of fairer means"), which makes it pretty ironic (or purposeful) that his name literally means "Avenger".

He hears a woman screaming late at night on his way home, and sees a man cornering her in an alley. Maybe the screams remind him of his mother, or the things he saw overseas, or maybe he's just angry, but he picks something up and bludgeons the man to death. Later, he can't stop thinking about how good it felt to end such a miserable creature, so he does it again. And again. Until eventually, he's killed dozens of men just like his father, and he's reporting his own murders on a news broadcast for the police.

I like to think he didn't practice cannibalism until he got to hell. But if he did practice while alive, it probably would have been during the Great Depression. Times have gotten hard, and while he still has his job, money is tight, and it would be so much easier if he just took a cut or two from the man he just murdered.

However, he still has to dispose of the less edible bits (clothes, hair, bones, etc), and he does so in the bayou behind his house. One day though, there was a hunter who for some reason thought he was a deer. Barking Alerts Alastor of his presence, and he takes off, dogs close behind and baying loudly. Then a gunshot cracks through the air, and Alastor feels a split second pain in his head before collapsing to the ground. The bullet somehow didn't kill him, but it did paralyze him, so there's nothing Alastor can do to fight when the dogs eventually begin tearing into him. In the end, it was the blood loss that killed him as he was mauled, and it seemed like an eternity before he finally succumbed to that. (this is what breeds Alastor's severe dislike (read: fear) of dogs

this is pretty rough, but I figured I'd probably better just get it all out at once lol. Let me know what you think!!

Ok, hear me out (angst, bc of course)

I've been having these thoughts bounce around my head for about a week and I finally decided to post them. I don't know who's going to see this, but whoever sees it needed to. I guess this is for an AU rather than a headcanon, but whatever, just hear me out. I was inspired by The Owl House, specifically Hunter, so maybe that will spark some interest. This is about to be a rant, so I'll go ahead and add the read more thing

Okay, now that I have your attention, time for angst.

SO, in The Owl House, we learn in season 2 that (SPOILER ALERT) Hunter is a grimwalker (a clone of someone who died for those of you who don't know), and that before him, there were TONS of other grimwalkers that Belos murdered for "choosing to betray him" AKA realizing that Belos was an evil psychotic bitch. Also, that Hunter looked the most like Caleb (the dead guy he was cloned of) out of all the other grimwalkers, but he didn't KNOW that he was a grimwalker until a very angsty reveal by his abuser (Belos) who then immediately tried to murder his ass.

ANYWAYS, obviously, as the angst-lover I am, I think about this literally all the time. Then. I started thinking. I absolutely love Alastor, he's such a blorbo. And what do I do to my blorbos? I give them immeasurable amounts of trauma, c'mon, keep up.

What do we know about Alastor? Well, someone owns his soul. He disappeared for unknown reasons for seven years. He is INCREDIBLY anxious about whoever owns his soul - or at least the deal itself (as evidenced by his musical breakdown where he literally TEARS HIS OWN HAIR OUT FROM THE STRESS), and that he's probably going to use the deal with Charlie either for nefarious purposes, or to escape his deal.

Which brings us to the point of this post in the first place (kind of???? I might have just been mindlessly rambling there), and the start of my AU. I'm not going to pretend I know who owns Alastor's soul, but I really vibe with the idea of it being either Lilith or Roo, so that's who I'll be thinking of for the majority of this post. What if the person who owns his soul made a deal with him when he first got to hell (or it could be one of those versions where someone sold his soul before he was even born [a sort of "I want your first-born kinda deal] and they let him know when he got to hell which is how he got all his power so quickly), but he managed to either tick them off or get really close to escaping the deal, which lead to them killing Alastor.

Then, the contract-owner realizes, "Oh shit, I kind of need him," and finds out how to make whatever the hell equivalent of a grimwalker is. Thus, Alastor 2.0 is born. However, they can't have him knowing he's a clone - he might find a loophole in the deal that way. So they find a way to control which memories he has. They replace all of the memories the OG Alastor had up until whatever it was he did to get killed in the first place - don't want him getting any ideas after all.

This works fine for the contract-holder for a while, but then Alastor is back on the same shit - trying to find loopholes, backdoors, ticking them off, whatever, and oops, there goes another one. Well shit. Guess it's time to make another clone. So, the process is repeated, and the song and dance continues. However, it always concludes the same way - with Alastor's inevitable "betrayal". Also, none of the clones ever seem to look quite right - sometimes the eye color is wrong, or the height, the cheekbones, or the nose shape - whatever it is, something is always off

So, after many failed attempts, they decide to take a different approach. When they make the new clone, they give them the same memories, everything is the same as the previous attempts, except they don't turn him loose right away. Instead, they keep him under their thumb for seven years - really just until there was something they needed him for. Those seven years were spent conditioning him. They were determined to make him perfect. After all, this clone was the one that looked the most like the original Alastor, there was no way they would let him go like the others.

In his time at their side, Alastor endured unspeakable cruelties - beatings, torture, extreme sensory deprivation, emotional manipulation, sleep deprivation, total isolation - you name it, it was almost certainly done during that time. This is also when his smile was sewn on because the contract holder wanted him to smile more, and used his defense mechanism to torture him (smiled to hide weakness, forced to smile against his will, making the smile itself a constant reminder of how powerless he really is). There was rarely an action Alastor did that provoked his contract holder, but that didn't matter. They convinced him that each "punishment" was earned, that they were simply trying to help him see his own shortcomings and failures, and to make him better. Obviously, this is complete bullshit. However, when you live like that long enough, with no other influences, you become conditioned to believe it.

Eventually, for whatever reason, the contract holder released Alastor on strict orders to go to Charlie's hotel, and Alastor is doing exactly what they told him because he's terrified of the idea of being summoned back to their side. He hates his contract holder, but at the same time craves their approval, because if they're happy with him, then he won't be in pain. However, Alastor has to Alastor, and once he's on his own, he starts looking for ways to escape his deal - but he's sneaky about it. Years of constant conditioning made him cautious. He has no memory of ever searching for loopholes before - a least not successfully (bc the contract holder doesn't let the clones remember those things), so he does the best thing he can think of: he makes a deal with the Princess of Hell herself.

I'm definitely going to make another post about this, probably detailing the reveal. Not right now though because I have homework to do, and this is getting to ungodly lengths

(if you want to see the next part when I post it, keep an eye on the '#grimwalker alastor au' tag. I might just make this a whole thing if anyone is interested. I'll make it a whole thing anyways because I feel like it and deep down I post for myself, but if you're interested, I highly encourage you to ask about it [I don't bite!!])