Can We Just Take A Moment To Realize Just How Screwed Up Halt's Apprenticeship Was?

HAVE YOU SEEN THE HAZBIN LEAKS😭I hope you didn't bc they make no sense whatsoever😭😭😭 Seriously hoping this is all just a silly fever dream😮‍💨

-IM IN YOUR WALLS🙃🙂

I have unfortunately seen some of them, but I refuse to spread them, and everything I write is still going to follow my original plans regardless of what happens in canon, so no one has to worry about spoilers from me lol

I literally LOVE this take with all my angst loving heart. It makes sense too - the parent who doesn't fucking HIT you is always the best parent, even if they do shit that's actually just as bad, because kids don't understand how damaging it is to not receive love from a parent - they just know that that parent (AKA Alastor's mom) isn't hurting them, so obviously they're amazing, right?

I imagine that whatever scenario happens where his mom gets to see him for a bit, the others all meet her, and they're expecting this loving saint of a mother based on the way Alastor talks about her but instead they see this woman who always looks guilty when she looks at Alastor. There's none of the warmth a typical caring mother has when she looks at him. They can all see it, but for some reason, Alastor just doesn't. None of them can tell if he knows and is just ignoring it, or if he genuinely thinks this is what a mother's love is - this solemn distance and one-sided enthusiasm.

He knows though. He just tries not to think about it, and tries to love her enough for both of them.

To make things even worse, I imagine that whenever she was talking to Lucifer, Alastor overheard everything. He knew his mother didn't love him, but it still hurts to hear it from her own mouth. Then for Lucifer to say that no one else loved him either? Again, it was something he knew - he didn't really think anyone else cared for him, but hearing out loud stings.. After hearing them talk, he just goes to the kitchen with a big (painful) smile on his face and begins making one of his mom's favorite recipes. If she has food she loves, maybe it will make being around Alastor a little easier for her

I often think about a What If scenario in which Alastor's mother was actually just. Not a good mom. I don't mean in a "she's evil" sense or anything, I just mean it in a "she didn't want children" sense. Or at least, not children with Alastor's father.

I like to think about Alastor's mother doing her best, but her best isn't good enough because 1, this wasn't the life she wanted, and 2, her child's face reminds her of a man she hates. As a consequence, she doesn't actually love Alastor, and feels guilty about it.

Meanwhile, Alastor grows to understand his mother doesn't love him, but he still loves her because she stuck around anyways. Sure, she can't look him in the eyes, but she's still around, still feeding him, sewing patches into his clothes, teaching him life lessons. And most of all, she doesn't physically harm him, which isn't something he can say about his father.

Of course, the lack of love from both of his parents still does a lot of psychological harm that he's just not aware of.

The feminine urge to lie in the dirt and imagine all the incredibly detailed action scenes complete with background music and micro expressions I have planned in my head that will never see the light of day bc I can't come up with the plot of a whole fic for them and I'm not talented enough to animate

hey, is the same anon who asked about the playful punishments series! that’s not selfish at all, don’t worry! i also write, so i completely understand lol i don’t love writing characters who aren’t my favorites either. completely valid!!

thank you so much for the headcanons!! 💜

Thank you, love you, you're literally so sweet😭🥺

Me, looking at you in my inbox:

This is part three to the Playful Punishments series

Lucifer has become an absolute menace, and Alastor enlists Charlie's help in getting revenge. Unfortunately, he seemed to forget that Lucifer is literally THE Devil, from the Bible.

This is a platonic SFW tickle fic. If that's not something you vibe with, then kindly continue moving - do not pass GO, do not collect $200, just move along lol.

Thanks for the tag!!

@artsymeeshee @guesswhocouldntsleep @curled-up-blushing @moonlight-tmd @vikeera and anyone else who wants to vote!!

new tag game, because I can

no pressure tags:

@red-velvet-0w0 @nyxisagod @lynx-brynjar @encryptidarchivist @justbugsnstuff

@justanotherenbyhere +Anyone else

Something Gained, Something Lost

Alastor has grown sick and tired of his constant inability to control his emotions. He resorts to some...drastic measures to regain it

Chapter 1/6 is posted, make sure you mind the tags before reading, there is self harm in this one

This is part 5 to the Therapy Pig series (yes I told you guys I'd get it out lol)

Halt, frustrated: Oh fuck me!

Crowley: I thought you'd never ask

The Softest Love

Lucifer can't help but fall in love with making Alastor fall apart, and Alastor can't help but love it just as much.

OR

QPR Radioapple tickle fic, if you don't like, just keep scrolling babes

Just to be clear, there is NO sex in this and nothing alluding to it, Al's just shirtless lol

Yess, this is perfect!!!

Charlie just starts treating the massager like it's a spray bottle and Alastor is a particularly devious cat lol. Someone will bring it out, and he'll instantly start staring at them nervously. The second they get close to him he'll try to make a run for it with varying levels of success. If they can get the massager to make that first pass over his scalp, he's done for because he can't conjure up enough concentration to use his shadow magic and get away. As mentioned before, he also has a tendency to just freeze in place and let it happen, literally the only thing he can do is laugh and either hope they have mercy or give in to their demands (which are never as bad as he pretends they are, he's just dramatic)

Angel Dust LOVES to fluster Alastor with the scalp massager, it gets him stronger reactions then sex jokes ever did while having the added benefit of not having even the slightest relation to his work. He and Alastor will be in the same room by themselves, and Angel will just pull one out of nowhere just to watch Alastor blush bright red and panic, flustered out of his mind. If they're in a room with other people, Angel will pull the same shit and watch Alastor try (and fail) not to react because he's around other people and he doesn't want them to find out about his weakness (even though they all clearly know, he is painfully obvious about it). His smile will get all wobbly and he'll try to focus intently on whatever he was doing, but can't stop himself from sneaking glances at Angel and letting out frazzled little squeaks every time. Everyone else thinks it's hilarious and unfairly adorable

Some Lee!Alastor Headcanons to Fuel My Brain

The lee!alastor tag has been painfully empty for the last few days, so I've decided to contribute a few headcanons of mine for you all to see and consider as you wish. Feel free to add on to this post with headcanons/rants/fics/whatever of your own if you want, I was just personally experiencing withdrawal symptoms and needed to fuel my addiction lol

(These are tickle headcanons for those unfamiliar with the terminology. If that isn't your thing, just scroll right on by)

First thing's first. Something I think everyone is sleeping on? Scalp massagers. Specifically the wire ones. I personally think those things are ticklish as fuck, and I'm far from the only one. The majority of us have come to the agreement that Alastor's ears are also ticklish as fuck. Just take a moment with me and imagine the potential:

Someone (probably Angel, or Lucifer) gets a scalp massager and is going around trying it on other hotel residents when they aren't paying attention. It's just for fun, and they're getting the typical reactions (jumping away, super startled, or just completely Unphased). Then, they manage to catch Alastor by surprise and do it to him, but instead of the typical reaction, Alastor startles before bursting out into staticky giggles. Alastor has no clue WHY it tickles so much, but it does, and he's practically paralyzed in a weird half-curled position as whoever has the massager just keeps running it over is head over and over. He can't try to escape, he can only giggle and babble out nonsense words, especially when the ends rub up against his ears which only makes it MORE ticklish, which he didn't think was possible. After the other demon shows mercy (and somehow isn't immediately slaughtered) Alastor develops a healthy fear of the massager, and grows incredibly anxious with anticipation and adorably flustered any time someone brings one out

Speaking of massagers brings me to my second headcanon. This man CANNOT get a massage or he will absolutely die. People who are tense can be more ticklish as a result, and since Alastor is already incredibly ticklish, having tense muscles makes this 100x worse. I have really tense shoulders, and any massage there immediately makes me hysterical, and I imagine Alastor would be the same. If he was comfortable enough to do so, he would be the kind of person to absolutely die if he were to get a full-body massage because it would tickle so damn much - even through the pain that comes with massages. Rosie likes to pretend to massage his shoulders and neck just so she can tell him to stop squirming and giggling so much because she's trying to help him

Another quick headcanon. I like to imagine that he's mostly covered in fur, and while it isn't terribly long in most places, it can still get tangled after a shower, or after being smothered by his clothes all day, so he has to brush it regularly. This is an absolute nightmare for him. Even when he's brushing his own fur, he has to stop every few seconds because he starts laughing too much in certain areas, like over his sides or belly for example. No matter how often he does it, he never gets used to the feeling, and it only gets worse if someone else (usually Rosie) does it for him. At least if he does it himself, he can stop once he starts laughing. It makes it take a long time, but it's less flustering. If Rosie (or Satan forbid someone else for whatever reason) brushes his fur, she usually tries to get a much done at once as she can, so she usually keeps going until he's begging for a break. Also, she thinks it's absolutely adorable, so she'll keep brushing areas that make him squeal long after all the tangles have been removed

Last one for now is that he can feel the static from people's phones. If he's close to someone when their phone rings, he can usually feel the static of it crawling teasingly over his skin. It usually isn't a big deal, but if someone is being bombarded by calls that they keep ignoring (let's say Valentino obsessively calling Angel Dust), the static quickly becomes overwhelming and he'll beg the person to answer their phone or turn it off, if straight up bashing it against the nearest wall isn't an option. It doesn't tickle a particular area, more of an all-encompassing tickle over his entire body. If he gets to the point of begging them to answer, it's usually because he can't hold his laughter and squirming anymore and is trying not to make a fool of himself. He feigns annoyance so people don't find out the real reason he wants the calls to stop. The secret comes out when Angel absolutely refused to answer Valentino one day, but didn't want to turn off his phone because he was in the middle of doing something on it, and Alastor finally broke and curled up where he sat, giggling hysterically and begging Angel to turn his phone off

That's all I have for now, I hope you enjoyed these headcanons. If you decide you like them enough to incorporate them into anything you write/draw, tag me!!! I'd move to see it. Also, as mentioned earlier, feel free to add onto this as you wish, I'd love to see how you all make these headcanons your own