POV : You Have Been Scrolling For The Past Hour And All You See Is SMUT

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𝐓𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐖𝐞 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐖𝐞 𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰

𝗦𝘂𝗻!𝗚𝗼𝗱𝗱𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝘅 𝗣𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗲𝘀𝘀!𝗙𝗲𝗺!𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

To love a God, is to love your demise, knowing that every waking second you were getting closer and closer to your fated death. Loving a God is more akin to loving something you cannot see, that you cannot touch, or hear. Though you feel her hands trail down your sides, fingers blazing warm and ever so mild, you cannot hold them with your own. Your fingers cannot intertwin with hers, nor can you press a kiss on her lips, basking in her warmth.

Her love is that of a mystery, something you cannot comprehend, something you'll never reach in your lifetime. You can only dream as you stare lovingly into the sun, watching her rays shine down on the Earth. Her mere existence is so much more than yours, but you cannot stop yourself from falling into her grasp, letting her hands guide you her way.

The appearance of a God is far too much for a mortal to accept, to acknowledge, and to live with, so the most of Gods deemed a mortal form, using it as a disguise. Though you haven't met many Gods, you knew they could not compare. Her eyes were oh-so blue, pupils reflecting that of the clouds and birds that fly through the sky, swirlings of different hues as the day disappears. Her skin radiates warmth, so tan, and so smooth. There are no gashes or blemishes, utterly perfect and divine. And her hair is curly, reflecting that of rays, a loose pattern that flows down her back. The golden gleam of the curls is enough to make you want to reach out to hold, to touch, and to braid.

You want nothing more than to hold her, love her, and cherish her. Forehead pressed against the ground as you bow to her, feeling nothing but content in her presence. Let alone the fact that she's come to meet you, you, you.

Though you want to, you refuse to meet her gaze, waiting for her becking call, her soft words to urge you to look up. And you almost jump for joy at the sound, sighing at the brief melody and soft symphony that flows through your mind as she speaks.

Her lips look so soft, you noted, letting your eyes trail across her form. Utter devotion and dedication in your eyes as you slowly rise, per her command. Your tunic white and embellished with symbols of that of the Sun God, flowing down your body, mirroring the tunic she wore. You felt just a little closer to her, peering at the similarities of your clothing, a soft smile gracing your lips.

You call to her, eyes begging for any kind of command. You'd do anything for her, for her touch, and praise. Gulping as you take a step forward, feeling your knees quake and tremble, feeling the presence of a God. The gentle thumping against your ribcage has your head feeling fuzzy and cheeks flushing, growing warm at the closeness.

A sigh left your lips, the feeling of her warm palm pressed to your cheek, and you swear a tear rolled down your cheek as she pressed her lips against your forehead. Closing your eyes, you accepted her kindness with a smile, placing a hand on top of her, letting her soft hands caress your cheeks.

You knew your fate was sealed the moment you pressed your lips against hers, moving in a rhythm that only you and her could hear, relishing in each other's arms. Her hands caressed you as you cried, worshiping her body as if she were gold.

The thought of parting was a constant nightmare that nawed and chewed in the back of your mind, scratching your sides, and whispering in your ear. You knew your time was coming, far closer than before, but you knew that you'd die happy with her arms in yours.

bucky barnes x ftm!telekinetic!reader

warnings: dysphoria, anxiety, coming out to bucky, mentions of hydra being mean and transphobic >:( btw reader is on hormones in this

request summary: i am BEGGING u for a bucky x telekinetic!reader (like the one from the dad!steve fic)

A/N: (hey gang so obviously it’s not the same exact character from this bc they were a teen but it’s the same sort of premise)

word count: 1.9k

Bucky felt something when he saw you for the first time. Something in his chest shifted—it was painful and bittersweet and curious.

There was something familiar about the tiredness in your eyes. Something familiar about the way you analyzed everyone around you, your eyes shifting as you drew your mouth in a line.

Bucky noticed your silence—your vocal silence. Your eyes were loud, though; they were confused, scared, hurt. But they were good. You were good. Bucky knew it.

He asked Steve who you were. He was informed that you were recovered from a HYDRA base, and you had telekinetic abilities that they wanted to monitor here at the tower.

Bucky sympathized heavily with you, but he didn’t see much of you in the premature days of your stay at the tower. No one did. They couldn’t convince you to leave your room that often, and when they did, you hardly interacted with anyone.

They were worried about you, and worried about what you might do with your powers—on purpose or not—if you were overstimulated or pushed too far.

Steve was the one who suggested to Bucky that he should try and get through to you.

Bucky wasn’t much of a talker, and he was honestly nervous about this whole thing, but he knew what your pain consisted of and he couldn’t stand idly by and do nothing.

He knocked on your door one afternoon and went inside cautiously. The curtains were drawn, and you were laying under your covers.

“Hey,” he said stiffly. “It’s, uh, Bucky. We met once before. Can I come in?”

You kind of shrugged, so he closed the door and sat in the chair near your bed. “I was held captive by HYDRA too, you know.”

You perked up a little, and he continued. “They used me for seventy years–”

“Jesus,” you muttered. “Sorry, I just… can’t even imagine. I was only there for ten.”

“Just because I was there longer doesn’t take away from what happened to you. Ten years is a long time.” He sighed. “Look, you don’t have to, ‘cause I know it’s hard, but if you wanna talk about it… I’m here. I’ll get it.”

“I don’t know if you’ll get all of it,” you whispered, your heart suddenly racing.

Bucky frowned. “Try me. I’m not gonna judge you.”

“It’s just—” You sat up and wrapped your blanket around you so your head was poking out.

Bucky bit back a smile at how adorable you were.

“Obviously I didn’t expect them to care about me. But you know—” tears welled in your eyes and your voice broke “—being tested on like I’m not even human is hard enough, but they—they always called me a girl—they thought it was funny that I “think I’m a guy”. They just thought I was being ridiculous. They called me difficult and punished me when I broke down about the fact that they wouldn’t let me take T anymore. They had files about my whole life, so they—they knew, and they pushed the knife in about it every fucking chance they got. As if the fucking experiments weren’t enough—but this shit alone made me wanna just–”

You snapped out of your rant and realized you were heavily crying, and that Bucky was sitting there, watching you. You couldn’t tell if his face was judgmental, but his eyebrows were slightly raised in surprise.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I–” You had so many things that you wanted to say, but they all got caught in your throat as the tears streamed.

Bucky didn’t know if this was crossing boundaries, but he couldn’t stop himself from leaving his chair and wrapping you in a hug. “Hey, it’s okay, you’re okay. I’m sure you needed to get all that out.” He held you for a minute before asking, “So… you’re trans?”

You nodded as your tears soaked his shirt.

“Alright, just wanted to make sure. We’ll get you on, uh, T again and all that. You don’t have to worry about anything here. We got you. And fuck them,” he added with disdain.

You laughed a little. “Yeah,” you whispered, “fuck them.”

From then on, you had daily conversations with Bucky.

At first he came to your room with tea and you talked about random things, or HYDRA, or whatever you or Bucky wanted.

Literally could be about the dog he saw on his walk that day. Or the weird protein shakes Sam drinks

But eventually he lured you out of your room

You went on walks around the tower together and he showed you where everything was.

Eventually this turned into getting lunch together every day.

You actually had a reason to get dressed and leave your room now. You even wanted to try and look nice for Bucky, but you didn’t want to unpack that yet

When Steve gathered Wanda, Loki, and Stephen into a meeting to discuss beginning your training, you stood close to Bucky the entire time.

He noticed your hands were trembling a little from nerves, so he took one in his and gave it a squeeze.

“You don’t have to do this,” he murmured.

“No, I do. I don’t wanna end up hurting you or anyone else.”

You spent more time with the team now, which was a pleasant surprise. However, sometimes all of that attention could lead to a lot of anxiety, and when you had a lot of anxiety, the objects around you fell victim.

At first it’s your water trembling in the glass as your heart picks up

And then when you can’t breathe, objects start flying

And then it’s you with your head between your knees, objects flying in a tornado around you as you try to calm down.

When this happened in the common area, most of the Avengers didn’t really know what to do to calm you down

But Bucky shouldered through the swirling mass of objects with his metal arm, and found you in the eye of the storm.

You were trembling, struggling to breathe, and it broke his heart.

He knelt in front of you and held your face in his hands, urging you to look at him.

The fact that he was there, smiling reassuringly at you, made things a little better.

He helped you control your breathing, and slowly the objects flying around you dropped to the ground, until there was nothing concealing you and Bucky from the rest of the Avengers.

You were both on the ground, and he was hugging you tightly. He turned around and glared at the team, nodding his head for them to leave and give you some space.

After that, when either of you has a nightmare or really bad anxiety at night, you would go and slip into the other’s bed. After a while it became normal to wake up and see Bucky fast asleep beside you.

It’s honestly the best view in the world

You usually end up cuddling in your sleep, and wake up with your face in his chest and his arms around you.

Sometimes he’s worried that his arm bothers you, but you reassure him every time that you like it because it’s a part of him, so he never has to worry about that (that’s cheesy but hey it’s the truth. And it’s actually just a sick ass arm and it’s super hot)

(He also sticks his grocery list to it with a magnet which is another reason to love it)

Speaking of that, sometimes you clip little notes to his arm with magnets

Ones that say “have a good day :)” or “thanks for lunch” or other random little things, because you know that the notes make him smile.

At this point your training has been going well and your anxiety is not as persistent. And when you do have it, you’re able to control whether you throw shit around with your telekinesis or not.

You’re basically part of the team now, having come out of your shell, but it’ll be a while before you’re “sworn in” or whatever and go on a mission

You hang out a lot with Wanda, and Sam too (when you’re with Sam, Bucky’s usually there too tho, because Sam kind of scares you lol)

Sam likes you because you’re quiet, but sometimes you have a comeback that’s really good, and he finds that so funny because it’s sort of out of character for u

I mean, if he was Bucky, he’d know that you’re really funny and have good comebacks way more often than sometimes. No matter how close you get to the rest of the team, Bucky will always know you the best, and will always be your rock

You’d been acting a little weird around Bucky as of late, though, and he didn’t know why.

You were more quiet, more in your head.

He was worried because he knew what thinking about HYDRA could do to him, and he didn’t want you to be in all that turmoil and not tell him.

You were sitting at the kitchen island, doodling on a scrap piece of paper while your food cooled down, and Bucky ambled in and stood behind you. He ran his hands through your hair and rested his chin on your head. “What’s goin’ on in there?” he asked.

He noticed your breath hitch. Did you not want him around? Did you suddenly not like when he touched you?

“My head? So many things, obviously, I’m a genius.”

He laughed and sat on the stool next to yours. He faced you, wearing his down-to-business expression. “You know you can tell me anything.”

“Uh, yeah, I have told you everything. You literally know me better than anyone.”

“Okay… then tell me why you’ve been avoiding me.”

You couldn’t think of an excuse, so you huffed a laugh and went back to doodling.

“Fine. Don’t.” He stood and retrieved a magnet from the fridge and slapped it onto the table. “Write it down.”

You sighed heavily. You knew he was going to persist until you told him, and writing it down did seem like the better option. Dammit, Bucky, why are you so stubborn?

You scrawled down four words onto the piece of paper and used the magnet to stick it onto Bucky’s arm. “There. Fine. There’s your damn note of the day. If you don’t like what it says, don’t come crying to me.” You walked out of the kitchen (yeah you abandoned your food😔)

You probably should’ve found a better hiding spot than your room, because Bucky found you pretty quickly.

The first thing he said when he stepped into your room was: “I like you, okay?”

You sighed. “Yeah, I know, that’s the stupid thing I wrote on the paper, and you don’t have to have some discussion with me in order to reject me, I’m fine–”

“No, I’m saying that I like you too.”

(Y'all knowwwww that Bucky kept that piece of paper and put it in a scrapbook of memories for the two of you.)

Anyway, you being a couple was sort of the obvious move and no one was really surprised.

It definitely raised yours and Bucky’s morale and made you easier to work with (Sam is always commenting on how Bucky is way less pissy now that you’re finally dating).

You make sure Bucky knows that he saved you—you were in the darkest place of your life, and he slowly brought you out of it and accepted you for all that you are.

Because of that, and because of everything you’ve experienced together along the way, he is and always will be the love of your life.

Trans Male Readers reading through the dysphoric and painful fanfics be like:

I hate to be that guy, but I've been noticing a majority of ghost x reader fics are written for female readers but aren't tagged according. I don't want to come across like I'm telling writers what to do, it's their work to do with as they please and I respect that. I just want to express how important it is to let people know what they're getting into beforehand. Especially for those who aren't women, and for people like me that are trans masc. Getting smacked with surprise dysphoria doesn't feel great but that's just my two cents. Please continue to write amazing ghost fics, I'm cheering you on!

I don't know what's going on. I want to be neutral, but I want to be masculine, but not a man. I want to be feminine, but I don't want to have boobs. I want to be flat, but I don't want nipples. I want people to call me Janelle Monae, but I don't want them to call me a woman. I want to have a beard, but nothing manly down there. I want to wear dresses and binders and chain earrings and chokers and suits.

I want to be other. I want people to see me and think "is that a guy or a girl". I want to confuse them. Like my gender is a secret, and not one.

Calling myself trans feels right, but...what am I transitioning to?

(please tag with #hasy thoughts)

Submitted March 22, 2023

I think I will grumble about how the tumblr fanfiction community doesn’t treat long fanfictions with the love they deserve. I wish we circulated long ass fics with the same fervor we do for short smut drabbles and one shots. Give me the writings that flesh out the world and characters in a fresh light, in ways the original creator didn’t (maybe due to not convoluting the storyline/being rushed for chapters/not having space to do so). As a writer who likes to read and write longer fics (I’m talking, the vision is 150k+ word count for one series), it’s honestly disheartening to pour your whole heart, energy, and time into something— just for it to flop. I know we shouldn’t write for likes, but it’s about having reader engagement and meaningful interactions, feedback, convos, about the work you make. That’s what really adds sparkle. Shouting into the void and hearing little to no response is just so… sad. Maybe I’ll move to ao3, idk. I’ve never had an ao3 account, so if people have thoughts on what I’ve said, I’d love to hear from you!