At 18, Everyone Receive A Superpower. Your Childhood Friend Got A Power-absorption, Your Best Friends

Every single time abuse victims gather the courage to speak about their abuse, they’re not doing something simple and easy for them. They’re going against everything they’ve been conditioned and groomed into.

Every abused person has been forced by their abuser into some form of secrecy; maybe they promised, or they swore they wouldn’t tell, or maybe they were intimidated, threatened into silence, or the worst one, blamed and forced to acknowledge the abuse is their fault, making it so much more terrifying to tell someone, because telling then becomes an admission of their own guilt. And abuse universally makes victims feel ashamed. Because to admit they were powerless and cornered and dehumanized, it risks so much ostracizing and judging by others who do not want to acknowledge it’s possible to be in such a situation and to be able to do nothing about it. People will prefer to turn their back to victims, than to accept it can happen to anyone, even them, and that nothing they do could possibly prevent it.

Sometimes, the abuse will be too horrible to talk about, or to even think about. Sometimes, mere thoughts of it force a person into a panic attack, or a fight-or-flight mode. Some trauma can make us black out. Sometimes just thinking about it is unbearable and makes us wish we weren’t alive for it.

To go against all of that, and to trust someone to listen, acknowledge it, take us seriously, and sides with us, it’s a huge risk. We risk every single retribution from the abuser, we risk our own emotional and mental state, we risk venturing into the unknown territory of having someone else know our most painful, shameful and vulnerable moments, it’s a risk not everyone can make.

For a person to side against us, after we’ve done all this work in order to be able to speak, is devastating. For someone to call us liars, to accuse us of ulterior motives, of making it up to hurt the abuser, of wanting attention, of burdening them with this, it’s almost unbearable punishment for speaking out. Even worse, siding with abuser and agreeing they had the right to do this, or that it is our fault, it’s the worst possible scenario. It inflicts incredible damage on our lives. Makes it impossible to speak out again. It’s often a risk of speaking out in horrible desperation, only to be silenced forever.

And sometimes, it doesn’t even matter if we want to speak out, because there’s nobody who could help us. Our friends, acquaintances, peers, authorities, we can tell they will do nothing even if they knew. We can tell they will easily side with the abusers, because we heard them supporting the same rhetoric abusers use to justify themselves. Even if they felt sorry for us, we can tell they’re not going to do anything to help. For some, the knowledge of the abuse would only be a burden we don’t want to inflict.

You are not at fault for staying silent. You are not responsible or guilty of a sin if you never told anyone. You are not responsible for the abuser’s actions. You are not responsible for anything. Chances to speak out were either denied or ridiculously risky and/or hopeless to grant you rescue. Even if you stayed silent because your abuser lied and threatened you, you had no way to know for sure. You couldn’t have risked what little safety you had for the possibility of being hurt even worse. You’ve walked with this on your shoulders for so long, you should get to put it down without risking a thing.

Mostly I reblog so I can look at things again

Not getting over it anytime soon.

still recovering from the gravity falls finale

reblog if u agree

Social Abuse and Communication Abuse: Abuse that will affect the way socialize and see yourself within a social group, and the way you’re able to express and communicate. Bold or copy ones done to you, italicize and copy if you’re not sure! Alternatively, just count how many apply to you and write down the numbers.

Communication abuse:

abuser punishing you for not showing enough interest in what they’re saying

abuser deciding what are appropriate reactions to their words and actions

abuser humiliating you for showing excitement/happiness

abuser shaming you for not showing will to participate when they think you should

abuser punishing you for a certain face expression(s)

abuser punishing you for having a certain emotional reaction to their words and actions

abuser demanding you shut down your emotions except for the ones they find convenient

abuser punishing you for contradicting them/challenging them on anything they say

abuser punishing you for confronting them on their lies

abuser comparing you to others to point out how you’re lacking/somehow worse than everyone else

abuser using any kind of inexperience/lack of knowledge/lack of skill to humiliate and depict you as a failure or an idiot

abuser making you extremely self-conscious about how you look and sound while you’re trying to socialize/communicate

abuser making you feel like everyone is noticing the same faults in you

abuser forcing you to consider how you’re viewed by them to the point of being unable to focus on what you want to say/express/do

abuser watching you when you’re not aware of it and proceeding to humiliate/hurt you for what you were doing while you thought you were unwatched

abuser making you feel like you’re always watched and judged by repeatedly catching you off guard and punishing you for it

abuser disregarding all your expressions of needs and emotions, letting you know that what you want and need is not important, and making you feel stupid for even voicing it

abuser ignoring your expression of pain or repeatedly insisting that you stop expressing it, have no reason to express it and finding your expression of pain an annoyance or a bother or even an attack on them

abuser hurting you even worse in reaction to your expression of pain, convincing you that the more you express it, the more they will hurt you, effectively making you scared of expressing pain and connecting it to further punishments

abuser taking your expressions of emotions as a personal insult and accusing you of hurting them on purpose, or even punishing you for it, just for expressing your personal emotions

 Social abuse:

abuser showing off their control and authority over you in front of others

abuser humiliating you in front of others

abuser ordering you around, minimizing your presence and importance, and twisting your words and expressions in front of others

abuser talking in your name to others and making decisions for you

abuser making you seem selfish/cruel/inconsiderate/rude/mean to others if you disagree with their decisions

abuser publicly criticizing your appearance, actions, achievements or problems

abuser talking as if they’re the absolute authority on who you are and what your potential is

abuser talking about you to others as if you’re beneath them, and as if it’s okay to ignore your needs and interests completely, and not feel guilty or concerned about it

abuser encouraging and succeeding in having other people approve of abuse/perpetuate the abuse as well

abuser convincing other people the abuse is for your own good and getting validation for it

abuser having people on their side and rutting them against you

abuser successfully convincing other people you’re just trying to get attention and they should ignore you

abuser spreading information about you to your peers/friends/teachers that humiliates, ridicules, invalidates or villainaizes you

abuser painting a picture of you as a liar, hysterical, too emotional, delusional, crazy, unstable and not to be trusted in order to make sure you will not be believed when you try to speak out against them, or about any issue that bothers you

abuser telling others about abuse and trauma you’ve been thru without your permission/blaming the symptoms you show on trauma of their choosing

abuser telling others you’re abusive/selfish and twisting your intentions and actions to vilify you

abuser telling others about your mental illness, sexual orientation or other sensitive personal information that can easily be used against you, without your permission

abuser isolating you from your friends, support, and community and convincing you that nobody will stand on your side when it matters

abuser punishing you for who you choose to include in your social life and finding ways to make you regret it in order to dictate who you’re allowed to talk to

abuser stalking/eavesdropping/invading your privacy and using information they found against you/to control you

abuser convincing you that even people you thought care about you couldn’t possibly care because of who you are as a person, and shaming you for thinking for a second that you could be lovable to someone

abuser reacting to anything you say as if it was a stupid and unnecessary thing to say, and using it as a proof of you being of less intelligence

abuser continually reminding you how badly will others think of you if you continue doing what they disapprove of

abuser continually finding something wrong with you and pointing out how will others react to it if you don’t change it

abuser lying to you about what others have said about you/what they think of you

abuser deciding how others perceive you and what they think of you

abuser deciding what your place is in society and reminding you to “know your place” if you act outside the role

abuser displaying anger and punishing you if others give you positive attention

abuser denying others the chance to give you positive attention (taking their attention, getting them away from you, interrupting and starting a new topic when they’re trying to talk to you)

abuser making a show of caring about you, only to change it into ridicule and humiliation

abuser putting you in situation they already know is going to end up in public humiliation

abuser having you spend time in an abusive and hostile environment, being forced to endure socializing with people who will take any chance to attack and emotionally abuse you, without the ability to confront them or escape

abuser forcing you to change what you think of yourself based on how they see you, having you look at yourself only from their point of view and deciding it’s who you are

abuser taking away your means of communication (phone, internet, and any other means you would usually use to communicate with others)

If you bold more than 5 of these, you’ve been abused and sabotaged from ever establishing a healthy way of expressing, communicating and socializing with others. In other words, no you’re not bad at expressing, you’re not bad at communication, you’re not at fault for struggling to socialize, this was done to you to sabotage you from ever having a healthy start. (also if you’re struggling with social anxiety it’s very likely abuse has played a part in it, or at least made it worse)

Yes!!

you're not stuck. your roots have grown too big for your pot & you're just waiting to be repotted

Little steps towards becoming a  more kind person - and feeling better about yourself!

Smile when you accidentally make eye contact with strangers.

If you think something positive about someone, tell them. Even if they’re a stranger. Even if you feel a bit silly. Tell that girl you love her dress. Tell that dude his tattoo is awesome. Tell your friend how funny she is. I promise you that they will appreciate hearing what you admire about them and there’s a good chance that you using those 5 seconds to give them a genuine compliment will make their entire day.

When you’re around new people, make an effort to go say hi. Go introduce yourself and ask them who they are and how they’re doing. Start a conversation if you feel like it. Who knows, maybe that girl your acquaintance brought to that party has the potential to become your new best friend - and you won’t know before you start talking to her.

If you see someone falling behind while walking in a group, stop and wait for them to catch up even if the others don’t.

If you see someone get interrupted in a conversation you’re a part of, wait for the new person to stop speaking and then look at the person who got interrupted and ask them what they were about to say. Let them know that you care to hear it.

If YOU accidentally interrupt someone, stop yourself and say “hey, I didn’t mean to interrupt you, I thought you were done speaking - what were you about to say?”

If you see someone sitting/standing alone, go ask if you can join them - or invite them to come join you and the people you’re hanging out with.

If you’re in a group conversation and someone is trying to say something and no one is really noticing, look at them and let them know that even if everyone else are stuck in their own stuff right now, you’re there and you care to listen to what they’re trying to share.

Remember to tell the people you care about that you care about them. Send a text to that friend you haven’t seen in a while to let them know that you miss them. Tell your partner that you love them. Tell that new person you’re getting to know how cool you think they are. Call your mom to hear how she’s doing. Don’t be afraid to let the important people in your life know that they’re loved and cared about.

When someone is really passionate and knowledgeable about something, take advantage of it! Ask them some questions and make proper use of this opportunity to learn something new. Make sure to show the people in your life that you don’t think their passions are cringy or boring or dumb.

If something reminded you of someone, let them know. Send your friends songs or silly memes which somehow reminded you of them, and tag them in posts you think they’d enjoy. I promise that they’ll be excited to know that you think of them even when they aren’t around.

Remember to check up on people. Ask that friend you haven’t heard from in a while how they’re doing and what they’re up to. Ask the person who’s seeming unusually distant and sad whether they’re okay. Ask the stranger crying on the street whether there’s something you can do. You can’t force them to accept your help, but you can show them that you’re there and that you care and that alone will mean a lot to them.

Stop talking shit about people behind their backs (unless they’re really horrible people/abuses/predators, in which case warning people about them is necessary and valid!) If you have a serious issue with someone, either tell them directly so that you can work on resolving it or stop hanging out with them.

If you enjoy something someone created, make sure to let them know. Especially if they’re a small artist/creator. Leave kudos and a nice comment on that fanfiction you loved. Reblog/share that piece of art or that poem you really liked. And whenever you see something on your social media feed which you really enjoy, make sure to check out the OP and maybe give them a follow.

Every once in a while, take a couple minutes to tell some of the people you enjoy following on social media that you really enjoy their content or their personality or their art and why that is. It could easily make their day. (It’s okay to go on anon if you’re feeling shy!)

Remember to give compliments to people which aren’t about appearance. Tell your friends how much you love their humor or their passion or their honesty or their confidence. I know they’re probably hot too but make sure to remind them that they are much more than a pretty face.

If you notice that someone is struggling, offer your help and support if you can. Take the time to have that deep conversation with them about how they’re feeling and what’s going on in their life - and if they’re struggling with self care, maybe bring them a home cooked meal or offer to help them conquer the mountains of dishes in their kitchen/do their laundry/buy some groceries/clean their apartment a bit.

If you’re sitting with a group of people and you notice that someone is falling out of the conversation, ask them a question to make them feel like someone cares to hear their input.

Make a habit of asking people whether they’re fully comfortable with something before you do it. Some people don’t like hugs or other casual touching and some people don’t always have the energy to help you sort out your dating situation and some people are triggered by talk of certain topics. So make a habit of asking “is it okay if I hug you/vent to you/talk to you about x topic” before you start doing the thing in question.

If people aren’t hurting themselves or someone else, let them be. Even if you think they’re being weird. Even if you don’t get it. Unless they’re doing something which is actively causing harm to someone, don’t comment on, judge or criticize people for doing something unusual. Just let them be. They probably have their reasons.

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