Just Gonna Type Here And Get Shit Off My Mind.

just gonna type here and get shit off my mind.

i wanna be completely transparent. im 100% going to get harrassed for what i have to say, but i just need to talk.

in regards to what's been revealed about Shelby's situation and Wilbur's involvement.

i've been a big fan of Wilbur since I joined the DSMP fandom and continued to be as I grew older. he's someone i strongly related to heavily due to mental health struggles. i love his characters and his storylines, even if they were silly sometimes. i loves his relationships with those close to him, like with Tommy and Quackity especially. i love his music a lot, Lovejoy is my favorite band, and is probably the only music i never really get tired of.

this is why im not ready to just suddenly drop him. deep down i still really like him and have related to him which is exactly why it is *so* difficult for me to just suddenly stop everything related to him.

on the other hand, i've known about Shelby since i was young. i watched a lot of her stuff with NewScapePro (lots of the undertale and fnaf roleplay stuff) and she was always one of my favorites, though i hadn't really stuck with her as i grew up. when i heard about her situation, i felt a lot of empathy with her, as i also went through abuse (mental and emotional, though).

where my struggle really starts is that i want to support Shelby, but i cant find it in myself to just completely stop my interest with Wilbur. it doesnt help that Wilbur has been one of my primary comfort people for the past few years, he was one of the people i chose to watch or listen to when i was sad.

im internally conflicted. i KNOW i should stop supporting Wilbur, especially because i've been a victim too, but it's so difficult for me, especially when my current hyperfixtiations involve him primarily.

im not ready to just let go. i should do it, but i physically can't. it's so damn hard.

i desperately want to believe in him, believe that he can and will change, but i know how abusers work. i believe in him but i know i shouldnt, and it is frustrating me.

i love him (in a way one would love any other celebrity, obviously) but i also hate him right now, but i also dont.

im not a bad person for not being ready to let go yet... but what happens if i'm never ready? what if im only ready once i find a different hyperfixtiation?

what's going to happen now? will Wilbur even be okay? (i shouldnt wonder about it but i do)

im in a very tough spot. there are so many thoughts in my head that are worsening my already low point in mental and emotional stability.

im gonna be seen as a bad person no matter what i choose to do.

which is why im just choosing to not let it change what im doing right now. maybe once things calm down, maybe i can figure things out more and i may do something different, but for right now, im not going to change anything. i will change things when im ready too. people may not like that, but it's what i need. it's what's best for me right now.

i hope Shelby will be able to fully recover and heal. i hope that Wilbur can genuinely change for the better. i hope that those closest to Wilbur are doing okay too.

quick edit because i forgot to mention this:

Wilbur's mental health is NOT excuse for abuse. Wilbur's twitter post also wasn't great.

but im also choosing to keep in mind that 1. he doesnt owe the internet an apology. he only owes the victim(s) apologies. we are not entitled to an apology.

2. while it isnt an excuse, mental health still contributes to abuse which is why i still believe that if he really tries, he can improve himself.

im not forgiving him for what he did, but im still struggling with my thoughts and emotions, which is why i cant just drop everything.

i hope that this clears things up a bit more.

More Posts from Tullium and Others

3 years ago

So today I bring forward a connection, that might take some thought and I'm in class while writing this so I can't look into much evidence right now except for what I know for sure.

Techno's voices could be coming from the Egg. Before you tell me off, I know, I know that Techno's chat is canon by being voices in his head, but if you look at the DSMP as a folktale, a book, a movie, or anything except some streamers just having fun, it wouldn't logically make sense. (So, I guess take this with a grain of salt called "In a different context")

I want to start with Techno's eyes, which everyone has accepted him having red eyes. (And I've searched, but I haven't found any confirmation for Techno's eyes being red, so if anyone has proof to it please send it to me!) The egg is associated with the color red, though since it's only color association, it's not a firm connection, but it's there for interpretation.

The Egg has always been there, we know this from Tales of The SMP, the episode we have this info from is The Masquerade. It only took a while for the Egg to be found, which means there's a chance it could have been corrupting people for a while. So, it could have been with Techno the whole time.

Next is, Technoblade is the Blood God. Known for spilling blood, for killing, and for being violent. The Egg has "blood vines", it's known for using death as an.. energizer? Well, it for sure "feeds" on death, which means it's got violent tendencies, but the Egg needs people to do the bidding for it, because it has no limbs and can't move.

And we already know the Egg has corrupted Bad, and Bad willingly got Foolish killed at the Red Banquet, which means the Egg is technically using Bad to kill, to be violent. So, maybe the Egg has a lower corruption with Techno, but is still connected enough to tell him to do bad things..

But like I said before, take this with a grain of salt because it's more of an idea than a theory, I'm certainly not saying it's canon and it's probably just weird connections my brain made, but take it anyway


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3 years ago

BY THE WAY!! I hope that everybody knows it is not okay to make memes and jokes about this situation, not about Manatreed, not about Dream, nothing. This isn't a situation to joke about, there is no "lightening the mood" with inappropriate jokes. I just wanted to say this because there are many people out there that will try.

Https://twitter.com/dreamwastaken/status/1488479934389567488?t=2uLfQqsS2rm8U5vi2Nk1ww&s=19

https://twitter.com/dreamwastaken/status/1488479934389567488?t=2uLfQqsS2rm8U5vi2Nk1ww&s=19

So are they happy with what they've done? (the fucks that started the drama that is)

Being someone who suffers with anxiety, it is fucking disgusting to see people exploit it, and it is especially disgusting to see that both Manatreed and Dream suffered with anxiety from this situation, because people want nothing more than to see others suffer. I never condone trolling, doxxing, etc. etc., but if you're one of those fucks that decided to start this drama: go get a damn life.

Sorry for coming off aggressively or angry, but I am pissed off, with plenty of good reason to be.

And in this time right now, we need to support Dream and Manatreed. It must have taken a lot of courage for them to get through the anxiety and come out to say anything at all.

2 years ago

ah yes, back in the day when i watched dan and phil and spelt "mom" like "mum"

still a good post tho ngl

CPAU If The Fandom Could Ruin It

Geno: I'M NOT NURTURING YOUR WEIRD SADISTIC SH*T!!!

Nekophy and AfterDeath Shippers: *Shoves Goth, Raven, Shino, and Xahji into the frame*

Geno: WTF? WHAT ARE THESE? WHERE DID THEY COME FROM???

Reaper: It's our children, and they're from you nurutring my 'weird sadistic shit'

Geno:

Reaper:

Geno:

Reaper:

Goth: mum are you okay?

Geno: *probably faints*

The Children: MUM??

3 years ago

So ya'll know the FNaF theory about Gregory being the FNAF4 bite victim? If you don't, basically, after bite victim's death, William couldn't handle his death, and remade him as a robot. Gregory and the bite victim look extremely similar, though it would typically be impossible for them to be the same because we know bite victim died, sparking the possiblity that William made him into a robot, and that robot being Gregory. (Plenty of evidence shown in the game) For better information, I'm obviously directing you to MatPat's theory about it.

Anyways! I'm sat here watching Astro Boy and noticed parallels about son's death, then remade into a robot, and immediately it got me thinking "WILLIAM AFTON IS THAT YOU"


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2 years ago

reblogging this because it's funny

not sure if someone's done this yet but here it is anyway

Ink: *touches Error*

Error: *crashes*

Ink: Oh no! My Ruru! He's broken!

3 years ago
People Change Like Tides In The Ocean // A Dnf Story (on Wattpad) Https://www.wattpad.com/story/275147158-people-change-like-tides-in-the-ocean-a-dnf-story?utm_source=web&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=share_myworks&wp_uname=d0kld0kl&wp_originator=f%2BhDPzEoSeTswm9ipMVnhpkG%2FOQFqyM%2FoI9O2%2FP7AFbSAFCpU8IBJGCrj%2BtbCptxiYmzdUpiBgIhD5cnI0gFiYdNczqeGLhcmbrqNy0j3DNiHO88TWrPN3ijudRcPK12

People Change Like Tides In The Ocean // a dnf story (on Wattpad) https://www.wattpad.com/story/275147158-people-change-like-tides-in-the-ocean-a-dnf-story?utm_source=web&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=share_myworks&wp_uname=d0kld0kl&wp_originator=f%2BhDPzEoSeTswm9ipMVnhpkG%2FOQFqyM%2FoI9O2%2FP7AFbSAFCpU8IBJGCrj%2BtbCptxiYmzdUpiBgIhD5cnI0gFiYdNczqeGLhcmbrqNy0j3DNiHO88TWrPN3ijudRcPK12 This is the story of George, a soon-to-be king of his kingdom, Kinoko Kingdom. Life was boring, up until a certain thief needed a place to hunker down, and just happened to choose to hide in the castle. What will everyone think when they find out George is hiding a thief in the castle? Who will George choose when he realizes his feelings for two special men? And what will George do, when one of them, is up for execution? Read to find out! Advisory! All of those used in this story are the characters, not the real people! If one of the CC's featured is uncomfortable with this, I will take it down without question. Advisory 2! OC inserts!! While the OC's in question may not be used as often, they will more than likely be mentioned. (Each of them having an introductory before the chapters begin.) Advisory 3! Every place in this story is FICTIONAL! Some of the names were used as a nod to the DreamSMP, and others were generated randomly on https://www.fantasynamegenerators.com/town_names.php Cover photo was made by "soytastesbad" on Twitter! All credit goes to them!

I cannot explain how much I already love my work and am proud of it, I’ve never even been the type to share my works the way I am right now, but I feel compelled to share it, so I hope, to anyone coming across this and is taking a chance to give it a shot, I hope you enjoy my story!


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4 years ago

reblogging this because the complainers annoy the shit outta me

Something that should really be addressed

“minors get off my page this is 18+” “minors cant be on here this is 18+” “minors this” “minors that”

YES. WE GET IT. YOU MAKE NSFW AND SIN.

As a minor, fully aware of unwholesome stuff like that, I’m fine looking at art of nsfw or sin! I actually like looking at it because it helps teach me anatomy for when I draw! (i also really like to admire people’s art and nsfw is top-notch art)

Point is. MINORS. LOOK. AT. PORN. TOO. Minors watch porn in CLASS ffs! What the hell is some nsfw drawing gonna do to us? NOTHING!

MINORS KNOW WHAT SEX IS YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE ANNOYING ABOUT IT, OKAY???

And maybe social media should learn that it’s the MINORS fault for looking at something bad, not the artist’s/author’s fault. If their parents catch it, it’s the minor’s fault, not the artist’s/author’s.

IF YOU ARE A NSFW/SIN ARTIST, AND YOU’RE IN A MESS OF MAKING YOUR ART NSFW AND SOMEONE LOOKED AT IT EVEN THOUGH THEY WEREN’T SUPPOSED TOO, YOU TELL THAT PERSON SPECIFICALLY. ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY IS THAT THEY SHOULDN’T BE LOOKING AT WHAT YOU MAKE, IT ISN’T YOUR FAULT THAT THEY LOOKED AT IT. GET THIS THROUGH YOUR THICK GODDAMN HEADS BECAUSE I AM GETTING ANGERED ABOUT THIS-

2 years ago
Fave New Twitter Thread
Fave New Twitter Thread
Fave New Twitter Thread
Fave New Twitter Thread

Fave new twitter thread

1 year ago

talking about the Situation

before i say anything, i think it’s really weird to go off of pure speculation and subtle hints. also, its fucking weird to speculate about someone’s abusive relationship no matter the circumstances! what happened to Not doing that? not only is it Insanely fucking disrespectful but it is on the line of breaking multiple boundaries and intruding on people’s privacy. yes i feel incredibly bad for shelby but everyone and i mean Everyone made it about wilbur just to start a drama train. it ALSO is just incredibly weird and embarrassing! if she didn’t namedrop who are we to speculate about her abuser. i get being angry but WHY did everyone immediately jump onto it being about some british dude . jesus christ? she didn’t say his name for a reason, and it’s obvious what would happen if she did end up saying his name.

i can’t believe i have to say this, but im not taking anyones side in this (obviously i feel bad for shubble, shes a victim). but we took the spotlight entirely off of her when she needed it, hell, she even poured her heart out, only for people to make it about wilbur-fuckin-soot for whatever reason. because theres subtle hints? guess what! there’s other guys who do that! all of the stuff she mentioned? other people do that!

i do get being cautious of supporting a abuser, but it’s all of speculation and people who have been known to hate wilbur. also, people who also been known to trample all over ccs boundaries with no regard.

again, im not defending wilbur, lets just be sensible here and think about this. hes not the only option here. im also aware of zoes tweet, and i do take that into consideration. but lovejoy has other members, do they not? she could’ve have had different reason for leaving. these people who are speculating about shelbys abuser obviously do not give a shit, and only care about clout. if they cared, they wouldnt do this. they wouldn’t immediately play detective about her abuser.

also, it’s incredibly parasocial! you do not fucking know these people!

andrew ashfuring out. dont talk to me about the tags i did them fine

tullium - DeccyFresh Cult Leader
DeccyFresh Cult Leader

PaperFresh can die.

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