Ya’ll This Is Such 18-19 Year Old Behavior As Someone Currently That Age. The Slightly Messy Handwriting,

Sometimes I forget the military isn’t all fun times and fun people with like some combat. Like my friend in ROTC just sent me a text saying she had to sign a paper saying where her money goes if she dies 😭

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every once and a while twitter is genuinely enjoyable

[ID: A series of fake tweets set in the universe of The Batman (2022), from the perspective of Gotham’s citizens. They read as follows:

Cedric C. (@/cedricccc): Ever since the flood last year, I’ve seen a few weird fringe theories about who the Batman is, but the craziest shit I’ve ever heard are the folks who think Bruce Wayne is the Bat. My man looks one dropped ice cream away from a mental breakdown.

Penny E. Larson (@/penny4urthots): i went to high school with bruce wayne at gotham academy. we got partnered together to dissect a frog and he started crying when he saw it. i had to do all the cutting. This man is #notthebat and we also need to protect him at all costs

R. Wilson (@/gothamtoaustin): I used to work for Wayne Ent. before I moved to TX. One day Wayne had to give my department a presentation and he was so awkward it hurt to watch. He dropped all his index cards, mumbled the whole time, zero eye contact. There’s no way. #notthebat

Javier Perez (@/itsjaviiiii): Bruce Wayne came into the 7-11 I used to work at, got an icee, realized he forgot his wallet as i was checking him out, then put the icee down and speed-walked away before i could get a word in edgewise. i would have given it to him for free. anyway yeah #notthebat

Alice Li (@/aliceingotham): Bruce is a regular at my grandparents’ restaurant. He gets take out a few times a month. I can’t tell you how incredibly soft-spoken this man is. My grandma always tries to take care of him but he shrinks away. Can confirm he is definitely #notthebat

Noah Crocker (@/gothamisnumba1): This poor bastard. Leave him alone. I was at that library charity thing last month and I saw him honest-to-God hiding behind a curtain. I went over to ask if everything was ok but a GCPD guy got to him first and pulled him out of the room. Cut him some slack guys. #notthebat

Libby H. Lewis (@/gothamlibby): Gotham, come on now. We can at least protect our boy Bruce Wayne from this nonsense. Are we all forgetting that time when he “ran away” as a teen and was found crying in a port-a-potty at an AFI concert? It was in the news for months. Leave him alone. #notthebat /End ID]

Image description via @t4tchucky

🫶🏽

Snafu, Jay, and Eugene:

Wounded men were Roe’s stock-in-trade. And he’d seen more death than anyone else in the unit. To the rest of us, death was some rogue wave that would crash down on us from time to time. Hell, Roe was standing out in the surf every day, taking one shot after another. Since we’d got to Bastogne—bloodier than any other place we’d been—Roe was getting a bit of that thousand-yard stare himself. Quieter. You could tell it was getting to him. And who could blame him?

Don Malarkey - Easy Company Soldier

I think about “you think it was a German leg hoob” DAILY

Peter: *texting happy* Happy! Help, I’m being kidnapped!

Happy: *replying* where are you?

Peter: I’m with some strange person! In a car. Help!

Happy: I’ll call Tony

Tony: *answering his cell* Y’ello?

Happy: where’s Peter? He told me that he’s being kidnapped.

Tony: Peter? Whaddya mean, he’s sitting in the back seat right her-

Tony:

Tony: I’ll call you back. *hangs up*

Tony: *turns around in his seat to be facing Peter* UNDEROOS! MY GOATEE WILL GROW BACK!

Peter: *pushing himself against the car door* WHO ARE YOU?!