Okay Okay Okay! Here's My Pitch: Obi-Wan Saving Maul From Sidious, On Mandalore. Like, Right When Sidious

All of those are brilliant.

Standalone Fics - Jen (ConsultingWriters)

This is a masterpost of all my standalone fics from the last three years! Am taking the liberty of reposting, as my posts have not been showing up for many people in fandom tags (which I’ve now fixed). Ratings and warnings vary.

Thank you so much, everybody who has been supporting me for these three years.

SO! In descending order of popularity…

—

Remember Me

Summary: Bond has lost his memory. Q has lost his love.

“What have I forgotten?” Bond asked; Q watched him, trying to find the James he knew.

“Nothing that you won’t work out on your own, if it’s really important,” Q said carefully, before returning every fraction of his attention to the computer in front of him.

—

A Programmer in Q-Branch

His name was Oliver, he was a programmer in Q branch, he had no access to classified files…

Sherlock Holmes is contacted by his elder brother. The Quartermaster of MI6 has been abducted, and Mycroft is insistent that Sherlock finds him. Sherlock, John, and a rather overzealous 00 agent, attempt to find him before Q shatters.

—

Beautiful Broken Creatures

Q is a hooker. James Bond is in love.

The boy is sharp in all of the right places. His spine is bent in an entrancing curve, leant against the lamp-post, shadows pooling in the indented hollows of his face. He is too-pale, the flush high on his cheekbones from the cold, lips bitten so they retain a deep fuchsia stain.

—

The Art of Ownership

Q is Bond’s Omega, and happily so; Omegas live in a dangerous world, however. Ownership can be won and lost far too easily.

Every Omega’s greatest fear: to be claimed, and forgotten. To belong entirely to somebody else, but cease to matter.

—

The Battlefield

Every year, MI6 goes through the single most stressful, highly-anticipated, important event in their calendar.

The inter-departmental paintball fight.

There was only one rule: no lasting physical harm. Beyond that, everybody went quite categorically insane over the entire affair.

—

Identity

Q, the Quartermaster of MI6, has dissociative identity disorder.

—

FAO: Q-branch

Christmas is a catalyst for relationships, including the rather tempestuous one between 007 and Q.

I appreciate that it is a few short weeks away from Christmas. However, the next person who attempts to place mistletoe in my general vicinity will find their equipment mutilated by viruses which will mysteriously survive any and all attempts to be removed, and will probably outlive your grandchildren.

—

The Issues of Dating a Holmes

John and Sherlock go on a double date with Q and Bond. Which really, was one of the worst ideas anybody had ever come up with in recorded history.

—

Confined Spaces

The recording light of the camera remains steady, constant, and Q conducts conversations with empty air.

His voice is a thin rasp. “I don’t know if you can hear this, but I think you probably can,” he muses. His throat hurts. “If it’s just going back to Chris then fine, but if you’re there, then hi.”

Q manages a small, fragile smile that doesn’t come near his eyes.

—

Blood and Salt

Q has lung cancer.

Never had he needed to watch anybody die like this.

—

First Name Terms

Bond could count the number of times Q called him by his first name on the fingers of one hand.

—

The Fandom has Attacked

The James Bond initiative had been created as a way of romanticising MI6. Turning failed missions into myths. Keeping ‘James Bond’ a figurehead - an idea, not a person. The legacy of MI6 without the reality.

The Skyfall incident was made into a film. And now, Q has discovered something… rather frightening.

—

Trigger

Q fakes his own suicide, and a devastated Bond needs to understand why.

Loving Q had been water in a storm; too much. Bond had drowned in it, more willingly than he wanted to admit, dying in Q, with Q, knowing Q was drowning with him, neither wanting to go.

—

Young and Beautiful

It would have been kinder, Q thinks, a long time later, if we had both died young.

—

And that’s the lot, guys and dolls! Hope you enjoy. Jen.

"I am Ironman"

Fuck yes you are and I love you. You Brocken my heart and the last thing that pepper said: "You can rest now" 😭

I am so glad I got to watch these movies and see the Tony Stark character ark and it was SO GREAT. He did not deserve all this and, oh god I'm crying again.

Have a good rest Tony, you did it. You saved them all

This stream was my favorite thing in the entire world

Ranboo Quotes™ from the cake high stream

“‘It’s past your bedtime.’ It’s past the time where I asked.”

“If I get fortune again, I’m going to start a war.”

“Thank you Ashy Cat! Oh god, someone should take that cat out of the fire, if it’s that ashy.”

“You stayed up just for this? Well, I am very sorry.”

“'Go to sleep.’ Okay, bye guys, ending the stream.”

“I am reverse funny.”

“Rust is just a car disease, think about it.”

“'You’re being weird.’ You’re being unmodded.”

“'Someone spiked the cake.’ Yeah, they put a knife in it, and then I got stabbed.”

“I’m going to make my stream notification more and more violent. One day, it’s just going to say, ‘Run.’”

“'What are you on?’ My chair.”

“Someone in chat just put, ‘Sorry Ran Boo, but you’re not funny.’ I am aware.”

“You guys can’t see it ‘cause I don’t have a face cam, but I just hit a whip.”

*someone tells him to lie down* *proceeds to fully recline in his chair*

“Watch this.” *misses water jump* “What a god.”

“Be always in fear of me. You should always be afraid of me, at all times.”

“Whenever I see that someone lost sleep because of my streams, I fist bump myself.”

“'How’d you introduce your parents to streaming?’ My parents do not stream.”

*talking about volleyball* “I got hit in the face a lot. For some reason, my face was like a ball magnet, so it was just consistent ball-to-face contact.”

“Colorblind arc? No, I’ll be able to see more colors. How about colorful arc? I’ll invent colors, like schlorple. That’s a color I just invented.”

“I don’t know anything about shrimp, I’m a Minecraft streamer.”

“I have a mirror right here, I can actually do a face reveal to myself.” *screams upon seeing his own face*

“A 20-car pileup has started because of a RanbooLive stream. RanbooLive has now been sued for $1,300 in vehicle damage.”

“'You’re giving me simultaneous Nyquil and Dayquil vibes.’ I AM THE QUIL!”

“'Please clean out your inventory.’ Please clean out your desk, you’re fired.”

“Bo Burnham. I love Bo Burnham… this is a terrible stream.”

“I’m not on the top of Twitch. There’s no way I’m the most viewed person on the entire site.” *checks* *bursts out laughing*

“Corpse? That is not Corpse. It’s me, Ranboo, the entire time! You have been Ramboozled.”

“'Bad joke?’ Bad comment, get out of my chat!”

*completely unprompted* “Philza Minecraft. Philza Minecraft is fantastic.”

“'You’re going to hurt yourself by being this energetic.’ I’m going to hurt myself by flying out of my chair.”

“'Do you have any songs that you associate with your character?’ Just three hours of screaming.”

“I wanna start buying a lot of engagement rings and wearing them so that everyones thinks I’m married to a lot of people when actually I’m just really alone.”

“'Stairs.’ Oh thank god, otherwise I would’ve had no idea! If that sign weren’t there, how else would I know there were stairs?” *breaks sign* “Oh god, 45-degree floors?! What are these?!”

*screams* “I am completely okay.”

“I’m having what they call a ‘beginning of life crisis.’ I’m just having a crisis.”

*attacking a Piglin* “Why are you attacking me, my kind sir?! Have at thee! Begone!”

“You’re making me blush with the Lightning McQueen bed.”

“'Can I have your hand in marriage?’ No, I’d prefer to have my hand attached to my body, actually.”

“I give this server a gift by being on this server because I am a gift.”

“Apparently I can do a really good Sonic the Hedgehog voice. And that is all I’m going to say on the matter.”

“Ha HA, I love making my chat upset- No, I’m kidding, please stay.”

“Hey guys, welcome to the podcast. Today we’re going to be talking about different types of beans. There’re baked beans, mashed beans, potato beans. There’s so many types of beans.”

“I’m so good at segways. I’m like a mall cop.”

“I wanna become a Sonic voice actor when I grow up.”

*upbeat, Sonic voice* “No matter how fast I run, I just can’t escape my problems!” “Everyday, I live in constant turmoil of my past mistakes!” “I’ve seen my friends die multiple times!”

“I do my character lore in Sonic the Hedgehog voice.” *Sonic voice* “I forgot!” “That’s exactly what you weren’t supposed to say Fundy, you coward!”

“Dream has no house, but he lives in my mind rent-free!”

“'Can you please stream forever?’ I got you, infinity stream, let’s gooo!”

“Techno versus Dream who? It’s Ranboo versus Magma Slime!”

“I’m going to die tonight, but it will be worth it because *jellybeans!*”

Okay, I have something important to say. According to book four, Xie Lian can actually make decent food, and he cooks bad on purpose (spoiler next)

He does it to honour his dead mom cuz her cooking was *cough* shit *cough*

Anyway, this is sad and wholesome, but this also means that he could have just warned the other characters, or maybe cooked nice food for them but NOPE

He woke up and CHOSE food poisoning.

He did this to Shi Qingxuan, He Xuan, Pei Su, intended to do it to Feng Xin and Mu Qing.

This man just went: "I'm mourning her, and if you don't drink the recommended amount of water after eating this we will also be mourning YOU"

Okay sorry for just butting in here, but wow you two are being so incredible just bouncing off off each other? It’s so inspiring honestly! All of these ideas are so incredible! A lightsaber that communicatesike that? Anakin Bein an eldritch force entity? Those two ion particular are things that I’ve never seen before in fan fiction and it just amazes me! I hope you don’t mind me asking questions: How much time passes between Ilum and Jango and Obi-Wan meeting? Do you think that maybe Obi-Wan will eventually take on a Padawan (and maybe raise them as a Mandalorians Jedi), like after the whole Maul thing? And could it maybe be ahsoka? Also, since Dooku is around more and the other Jedi seem to be more involved in their lives could maybe someone, maybe Dooku, notice why the feck this slimy old Senator is involved so much into a minors live? And they start to investigate Palps (maybe while Obi is busy on Mandalore with Maul) for pedophilia and notice weird comm messages that can be traced to maul or Vizla maybe and OH. On a completely other note, what about the clones? Didn’t the caminoans start around the time Naboo happened? Or was that later?

Again, sorry for butting in, but I couldn’t help it.

I WAS THE ONE WHO SENT IN OBI AND HIS OWN DARKSABER AND OML YOU DELIVERED. I am in loveeeeeee and I love you for writing it so well. Like this has been on my mind as an idea for ages. I am going to cry over this now bc it’s so good and I need more😭😭

HI LOVELY I’M SO HAPPY YOU FELT COMFORTABLE TO GO OFF ANON! No joke, I get a lil smile when I see you interacting with my blog, and I’m really really happy with how your fill came out and i’m so glad you enjoyed it so much. 

I certainly have some ideas of where I could take it, including but not limited to Obi teaming up with Dooku after he’s knighted, as both the first Jedi to kill a Sith in a millennium and the second person to ever make a darksaber (he fondly refers to his as Dha), and Dooku is thereby convinced to stay with the Order. Which of course changes everything about the war, and I just love Yan Dooku for absolutely no reason, and Qui-Gon actually does pretty alright in training Anakin, but it’s a good thing he has both his brother padawan and his grandmaster to help out because BOI does Qui still have issues. Quinlan is jealous of Obi’s saber. Jango is across the galaxy getting dreams of a Jedi’s life and is p pissed they spend so much time around the man that led the attack on Galidraan, but it humanises him too. 

So am I the only one wanting to cry and grin the whole way through the new clone wars episodes? Like Obi Wan appears and I want to squeal but at the same time I wanna cry because for fucks sake that man is so sad and has gone through so much why do you have to do this to him?

And Anakin seems so happy and enthusiastic and he smiles at obi wan and I have too many feelings about this.

Also very hyped for Maul because he is an amazing character. It’s gonna be epic. (And sad)

And then there is Ahsoka... and I’m crying even more. Someone help

So I just rewatched Endgame

This time in german and watching it the first time around in english I didn't realise that Natasha said "see you later guys" before they did the time jump (it's a rough translation from german because I can't remember what she said in the original) and it tore my heart to shreds.

Why do you have to do this to me Marvel?

Again?

I am officially announcing that I will adopt Claudia and Soren because their father is truly useless in his role.

They are too precious to stay with him. Who's with me?

I don’t know if you just implied that anakin murdered people without knowing or that it was qui gon... but I love it. So just that I understand that right (because English is not my first language and I tend to miss stuff), rn there is a war on mandalore with Jango, the haat madoade and the clones on one side and death watch with droid reinforcements and maybe unstable maul on the other side. Meanwhile Palps is laughing maniacally in the background, Dooku is trying to figure things out and help his grandpadawan the best he can and Obi-wan is denounced from the order, not very liked in the public eye but supported by the Mandalorians right? So would Obi go to Mandalore to help his fave murder boi or go back to the temple because something is going wrong in the senate rn and he needs to sort out the slander problem? And would Jango just in true Mando fashion adopt all the clones and have them be taught (and teach them himself) in Mando tradition (and maybe how to fight against force users because he can’t stop thinking about Maul threatening his family)?

@1elysium​ the dha kar’ta post was super heckin long, so i thought i’d answer you over here!

i can’t speak for fiori, but i’m so glad you’re enjoying it!! this au already means a lot to me, and the support for it so quickly has been amazing, both on here and ao3. I’m thinking between two and three years between Illum and Jango meeting them! i need time for Obi to build a relationship with Dooku and Anakin, and Dha lol. 

i haven’t given much thought to Obi taking a padawan, because i haven’t solidified my wants for the clones just yet. you’re right, they started them right about the time of the invasion of Naboo, but since Dooku was the one to orchestrate getting Jango involved, i don’t see that happening in this ‘verse. which breaks my feckin heart cause i LOVE the clones and Boba and i definitely implied in the force visions that Boba was a possibility, but i can’t figure out how to make it work 😭if Obi were to take a padawan, ahsoka is definitely a possibility, but savage has also crossed my mind. but yes he would absolutely raise them as Mando’ade Jedi. 

as for Dooku being involved with Palps, i’ve actually been thinking about that! i think he’s suspicious yes, but that’s the thing about a sith lord, he can warp people’s perceptions of him and his actions, and he has a lot of power that the council is beholden to, and Dooku IS a little busy trying to keep his other dumbass grandson alive. so while he’s still with the order, he’s off planet a LOT even before Jango searches them out.

now, that being said, Anakin is an eldritch force vessel in this, which he was not in the canon timeline. the force is semi-sentient and endless and exists on multiple layers of spice-time and is basically fucking canon in an attempt to keep Obi-Wan alive. which means it can’t allow Anakin to fall. which means Palps has less icky fingers in Anakin’s brain and while Anakin might not be totally aware of his status as a vessel, he knows to trust the force because on Tatooine, that’s all he had. i’ll save my other thoughts for the actual fic, but while Palps does manipulate Anakin to an extent, he doesn’t have nearly as strong a foothold.

and @theclonewarsbrokeme​ because this story is your baby too

Imagine Steve bringing the Soulstone back

And meeting red skull