All I Feel Is Emptiness

I just realized that not laughing at suicide jokes doesn't mean you're mentally healthy I'm still a depressed patata😭

Hange asmr

I've only been listening to Japanese Hange asmrs(which wasn't even alot cuz only 1 youtuber made Hange asmr and it was only 3 videos and there wasn't even a Hange x listener) which made me miss out on the AMAZING English Hange x listener asmrs and yesterday I tried listening to one AND now I'm listening to another asmr and I regretted ignoring them before in my yt recommends now I love it and I love Hange and I wish they were real have I mentioned I love them-

I wasn't aware of this up until now, thank you for sharing this

okay you know what? i’m gonna say it.

i appreciate akimi yoshida’s work as a writer and i love banana fish. that being said, i think some of the shit she’s pulled is absolutely deplorable and i won’t stand for it.

for starters, she’s sent out this awful message that trauma survivors are always going to be confined to their past, which we’ve seen being conveyed through her reasoning behind ash’s death. for those of you who don’t know what i’m talking about, she’s basically said that there was no chance that ash could have had happiness, mainly because of everything he’s been through. (fuck that, by the way. if you’re a trauma survivor, know that there is happiness in store for you, regardless of anyone else’s opinions.)

secondly, we have the bury your gay trope, as many people have already pointed out. that’s just deeply homophobic. i don’t think i need to go into detail with this one, we all know how banana fish ends. 

she also villainized her main protagonist, claiming that he was nothing but a “murderer,” and going by the eye-for-an-eye ideology. she said that if he killed, he deserved to be killed in return.

next. she paired up a 30-something-year-old with a 20-something-year-old. now you might think that’s okay, but it’s not. why? because said 30 y/o knew said 20 y/o when the latter was a child. is it still okay? yeah, didn’t think so.

yoshida also used substantially racist caricatures similar to the anti-black portrayals of black people in the media.

then we have the absolutely horrifying spectacle that is the official art of blanca x ash. the main theme of banana fish is the effects of pedophillia and child sex trafficking, and how appalling the whole concept is. we’ve seen throughout the storyline how big of an impact it has had on the main protagonist. despite this, yoshida published art that depicted blanca (a full-grown, adult male) and ash (a child, at the time) being intimate. there have been no official comments made as to what exactly was going on in said art, but fans have speculated that it could be symbolic. we won’t go into detail of that right now, but i think we can all agree that this whole situation is extraordinarily self-contradictory.

i think yoshida is a good writer and i love this incredible story she’s given us, with all these amazing, complex characters. however, i do not agree with any of her reasoning and quite frankly, i think it’s disgusting.

feel free to add on if you have any more points

Helluva Boss yo

I can’t properly describe how good it is cuz of my limited vocabulary but it’s great and I can’t believe that it’s free to watch on yt

My thoughts on why Ash let Eiji borrow his gun even though they just met:

So I was wondering for awhile on why Ash lent Eiji his gun and the most likely reason that I could come up with is because Eiji asked for permission, and Ash was touched by Eiji's politeness and sincerity that's why he lets him borrow his gun.

But why though? For someone who would go as far as blowing someone's finger off, he trusted Eiji with his gun too easily and quickly

I'll tell you why, it's cause Eiji asked for permission, for consent. The fact that Ash trusted a stranger with his gun shows that no one ever asked first before touching his gun. Just a simple "Can I hold your gun?" was all it took and all that Ash needed to let someone touch his gun.

So, consent, right? Ash wants someone that asks for consent first, right? He shot a drunk guy's fingers off because he tried to touch his gun, right? RIGHT?

Riddle me this, what's an act that is done without the consent of the victim and that Ash has experienced throughout his life?

THAT'S RIGHT!

Abuse, r*pe, and manipulation!

And do you know that gun has another meaning other than a weapon used to shoot people? 

THAT'S MOTHERFUCKING RIGHT BITCHES

A 🍌 or biceps, a body part

So Ash wanted someone to ask for consent before touching his gun,

Ash wanted to have a say on whether he wanted his gun held or not, cause it's his own fucking gun. You hear me? his OWN MOTHERFUCKING GUN

ASH KEEPS TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE CLOSE TO HIM, PEOPLE WHO DARE NOT TOUCH HIS GUN (HIS GANG FRIENDS), AND PEOPLE WHO ASKS FOR CONSENT BEFORE TOUCHING HIS GUN (EIJI)

So that's my theory on why Ash let Eiji hold his gun and why I need therapy

Lil mustache

RANT RANT RANT!!!!

New episode(ep 33) of Valdemar route wasn't loading at all!!! so I kept closing and opening the app then I reinstalled it as a last resort!!! But!!! my!!!! account!!! lost!!! all!!! data!!!

hearts that i collected from logging in daily so i could donate it to Ronelle!!! GONE!!!

the new Valdemar episode that I wanted to play!!! LOCKED!!!

ok so while writing this I checked my account again and thought REALLY HARD cuz when you have an account your data is saved automatically.....but mine's gone....so it's possible that I didn't log in at all in the first place?

was about to blame it all on dorian but nvm

HElp KDSFILKSIOK

The real reason he walks with a limp 🤷‍♀️

My thoughts on why Ash didn’t get help after he was stabbed (TW: mentions of unaliving self, seggsual abuse)

I think Ash had wanted to die for a very long time, although there’s no indication that Ash has self-harmed(I only watched the anime) whenever his loved ones is put in danger, he doesn’t hesitate to sacrifice himself, and I think one of the reasons for that(besides him caring deeply for them) is he is suicidal, cuz ever since he was a child, he was sexually abused and taken advantage of by sick perverted men. 

Spending time with Eiji did give him comfort and but his whole life he was abused, manipulated and raped, over and over, I’m no therapist but I’m pretty sure Ash isn’t mentally stable after going through all of that, and I think it takes more than a caring, loving and selfless person to heal Ash’s wounds. (I’m not saying Eiji didn’t change Ash’s life, Ash loved Eiji for sure) Eiji did give him hope in living so I think that’s why Ash rushed to the airport when he saw the ticket, in that moment, he did want to spend his life with Eiji. 

Sadly, he was stabbed, and I think that triggered Ash’s suicidal thoughts, cuz come on, that stab wound was treatable. Ash survived a gunshot wound before, stab wound is no big deal for him. My theory is while he was running, he was imagining the life he could have with Eiji in Japan, but *STAB*   

He was brought back to reality, and he was reminded of the countless people he’s killed and that died for him. He’s being chased by police, gangs, criminals, and Lao is only one of them, What if those people would chase him even when he’s in Japan with Eiji? Will they easily give up just because he’s travelled to another country? What if his friends he’ll leave behind get hurt and held hostage by the gangs, then demand Ash to return? Will he be able to move on and start a brand new life with Eiji in Japan happily? 

Bleeding, he finally decided to give in to his suicidal thoughts. He chose to not get help and bleed to death. 

ok here’s why I think suicidal thoughts is what drove him to do that. First of all, he could’ve gotten some help and STAY, Eiji wasn’t forcing him to live with him, Ash could’ve be like, “Yeah, I can’t live with you, but you can come visit me from time to time, ok? love you” that way he protects his gang friends, and Eiji is in a safe country so no need to worry for him. 

Ash was an insecure, suicidal, traumatized poor boy.

So yeah, this is my theory, and I don’t blame anyone for the outcome of the story no matter how sad it is, because they all had their reasons. 

ang inet