I Wonder How Many Per Mutations I Am From My Daydreams? Michael Faudet Once Wrote "I Am Hopelessly In
I wonder how many per mutations I am from my daydreams? Michael Faudet once wrote "I am hopelessly in love with a memory. An echo from another time, another place." I would modify this to "I am hopelessly in love with a memory I dont yet have". How many decisions, or indecisions, a moments wembling, a pause, a misplaced stutter, getting caught in traffic red when it should have been green. A vain attempt at times to scry into futures yet unseen. Has my own ambition tripped me up from my own success? Some other version of me is also on this couch right now, somewhere. and there is laughter his rooms. McAlpine would sing "Somewhere I lost all my senses, I wish I knew what the end is. Over and Over, I am watching it all Pass... I wish I knew what the end is" Dostoevsky would say, "I am not angry at him. I know his thoughts. His heart is better than his head." I am not angry at him; I knew what the end is
More Posts from Thewritingchild and Others
I'm just gonna talk here for a minute. I've been stuck at home a lot these last few days quarentining. I just have had thoughts I want to share I suppose and when you are single and live alone in the middle of a global pandemic, sometimes it's hard to find an ear. Like seriously TL;DR who wants to be lectured at. So sit with me for a minute or scroll past this I guess. A lot of us are probably familiar with the famous Dutch painter Vincent van Gogh as an Artist. He was born in 1853 to a middle class family in the Netherlands. He was kinda solemn and quiet. He worked as an art broker for a while in London, and even was a missionary for a time in Belguim. Before becoming a full time painter in France. In his life time he made over 800 Oil Paintings mostly in the last two years he was alive. He wasn't successful as an Artist until after his death. In life he only sold one painting. He was known to struggle with Mental Illness. A Great record of this is in The Letters of Vincent van Gogh. They are available for reading for free through the Van Gogh Museum. This where I'm a lot more familiar with the artist. More as a Writer. There's over six hundred collected letters between him to his siblings, to other impressionist artists at the time or even to critics. Written across three languages, Dutch French and English. Most of the Letters are to his brother Theo van Gogh. In his Letters to Theo he writes with this sense of duty, and calling. Of Urgency. Vincent very often questions his place in the universe, and what he could be doing to better it. If I had time to annotate and write and comment about all 600 letters, I would. There is a lot of meat there to understand him as a person, and by extension an Artist. And when you understand someone else's story better you also sometimes understand your own better too. But I'm just gonna take some selected thoughts here and think alongside him. In April 1878 Vincent writes to Theo pontificating about the proverb "We are Today, what We were Yesterday.", to Segway to my next thought I want to say twelve years later in 1890 Vincent would die by a self-inflected gunshot wound. He was 37 at the time of his suicide. There's this book, "A Grief Observed" by British Author C.S. Lewis which was written in response to his wife's death, American Poet Joy Davidman. Lewis writes "The Pain I feel Now, is the Happiness I had before. That's the Deal" it's published almost a hundred years after Vincent's letter. I wonder if in those last few days of their respective lives if they had thoughts that looked like this often. Where Compassion decays into Despair, or "The Pain we are in Today, is the Happiness we had Yesterday". We can't ever know for certain what thoughts Vincent had on that sad height. But back in that April Letter, I think he finds some peace there. In his closing thoughts he writes "Woe-spiritedness is quite a good thing to have, if only one writes it as two words, woe is in all people, everyone has reason enough for it, but one must also have spirit". Almost all of Vincent's paintings were made in the last two years of his life. Those are the things he left behind. Those are things we inherited. His Woe, but also more importantly his Spirit.
BEKKATHYST FIRST GIVEAWAY IN AUSTRIA
~This giveaway is in no way affiliated with Tumblr.~
Please read thoroughly before entering!
Hello lovely Tumblr folk! It’s that time again- I have a giveaway for you all. This is our first giveaway since we have finally finished moving and are now settled in Austria - and back in business! 💜
We have an online store that could use your support!
About us: My business is a small, family run establishment that I started here on tumblr in 2013. I’ve been lucky enough to grow to the point where this supports me, my partner, and our daughter. In the US we also had a brick-and-mortar shop in which I employed my mom and a few of my siblings. However, we closed it to be able to move to Austria, my home country! 💜 I strived to put compassion and ethics above all else in my business, and I hope that shines through. We have a website but also run many fun sales directly here on Tumblr.
This giveaway will have two winners.
What the first winner receives:
The assortment of crystals pictured above! If the winner chooses, I can also include some tea and cookies local to me here. There are 14 crystals in total and a handmade (by me) rainbow moonstone pendant. The full retail value is about $450
A $100 gift card that can be used for our online store or tumblr sales!
What the second winner receives:
A $50 gift card that can be used for our online store or tumblr sales!
Rules:
You must be 16 or older. (If under 18 you MUST have parent’s permission)
You can be from anywhere in the world! I am shipping from Austria.
Shipping is entirely free, I will cover it. But if you live in a country that that charges import tax, you are responsible for it. If it gets sent back to me, you will need to pay shipping to have it sent again.
You must be following me, so you can get updates if anything about the giveaway changes.
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Reblog this post to enter. Likes count as additional entries. No giveaway or spam blogs. If you reblog on a side blog, let me know in the tags what the name of your blog is that you’re following me with.
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At the end, each entry will be assigned a number and the winner will be chosen by a random number generator.
The giveaway ends Tuesday, August 30th, 2022.
The winners will be messaged and must respond with their full name and address within 24 hours, or a new winner will be chosen.
Please respect me and my rules, and have fun!
We are on your Bed watching Movies while I stroke gently through your hair
I dreamt of a dark and failing world. Where I met an Artist who wept for his wife. "Oft people believe that better is a lingered life. I tell you different now, which of these would you prefer Rotting or Dying. Dead is better."
And later in this dream a giant disembodied hand that blazed and burned, took the man's aisle and turned it upside down. There he was burned and crucified. Leaving only ashes of an artist and a painting of his wife.
If a single grain of rice can tip the scale then a single act of kindness can change the spirit.
Seek after unconditional love and it's definition, all other things will follow.
The man on the left is Me and the man to the right is My Father. And if speaking honestly I have never given that man enough credit. Most of the best things I am, I inherited from him. He takes up most of me. Literally half, and figuratively far more than that. He has been a constant pressure in my life, and first It's like what, that doesn't sound great but then you remember that's what turns carbon to diamonds. And yeah there's has been a lot tension and friction in our relationships past, but nothing has ever been polished or shined without those exact things. My Father has always loved me without any modifier. He has been of a sturdier stock than I, and his firm guidance has always been to a better path than the one he had to walk. Once I remember my youth pastor compared my Father to how fountain square (Our home) used to be, and I am like how Fountain Square is now. And I don't think there could have been a better metaphor because while we are two different people where share the same base, and we may present ourselves differently but our love is just the same. My Father, I call him "old man", because I know I will always be able to depend on him in any age or time. My Father, if my life were a house he would be the frame. My Father, once with reluctance but now with reverence I carry his name. My Father, I have never given that man enough credit, and starting now Id like that to change.
I think it's appropriate that I changed out my head lights today. God probably knew it would be harder for me to see without you.
It's midnight. And you have fallen asleep on the couch. I got the chance of feeling the warmth of your hair again. My love, I am sorry. I will love you for all the days I am blessed with. It is your absence I will ache with. It is with great pride I can say I have loved, and loved honestly.
