Chicken Nugget

when you touch a Bad Texture™ and have to scrub at ur hands until the feeling is gone

I had this idea of ZombieCleo with the Juppet being like one of those... monkey toys with paws that stick together? And the long dangly legs? You know? Kids can wear them round their necks?

... Look I know what I mean, anyway it just kinda went from there.

Absolutely losing it at this Reddit post

And the update

She buttered Jorts

Racing Pigeon

Chase felt the wind batter his face and he zipped through the woods. He knew he was ahead in the race, wings beating quickly, tucking in to get through spots that where to tight for others racers through giving a head up during races. He was from a family of racing pigeon and wore his dad’s green race suit which fit him like a glove, a small skull embroidered on it.

He caught his wing on a branch and a grey father fell off his wing and a curse brushed his lips, this was a world wide known race, he was still shocked he made it this far. The wind whistled in his ears as he continued to swerve through the trees, heart hammering in his chest.

He didn’t expect what happened next.

A branch fell onto him. A big heavy mass of wood fell on him, a world class racer. He let out a yelp and felt a wing crack when the branch hit him causing him to plummet and pinning him to the floor, pain shooting through is body like hot, white fire. He took a few ragged breaths and tried to move. He couldn’t.

His breathing became faster as he started to worry, he could not seem to be able to get enough air in his lungs. His eyes watered and lungs stung. He wriggled and squirmed but was unable to move as each twitch of the muscles in his back sent waves of pain across his body. What if he couldn’t fly again? How would his family react, How would his Dad react? A Brody unable to fly, it would be a disgrace!

Something wet rolled down his face as he tried to hold himself still, still unable to breath his vision was going as fuzzy as his thoughts, black spots popping up. He couldn’t hear the surroundings, it was as if he was underwater, everything seemed so quite, so, distant. Breaths short and sharp and felt cold and painful, his head pounded. A sob escaped his throat at some point. He was alone, who would find him here? Was he going to die? He didn’t want to die. Thoughts swirled, he was scared, so   bloody   scared.

Then he noticed some movement. It was’t an animal, too big, well he hoped it wasn’t an animal because he couldn’t think of anything that big that was nice. It was dressed in a red t-shirt and dark beige shorts. He looked confused as if he had just walked upon him and a small determined frown appeared on his face

“Hey, I’m gonna try and move this branch, you think you can move?” 

Chase nodded quickly, the sooner  was off the better. The man came closer and chase noticed his short trimmed beard and mustache, His wings where neatly tucked and a woody brown, lighter on the underside. The man put two hands under the branch.

“Okay, 1, 2 ,3, GO!” The man lifted and Chase wiggled from underneath as the man dropped it on the dirt, both of them panting “Hey... I’m Jackie” the man- Jackie said.

“I’m chase, thanks” His voice was hoarse and weak with exhaustion and pain. His wing was bent awkwardly as the line of black feathers was no longer solid or straight. Jackie reached into a leather messenger bag slung over his shoulder and took out a water bottle and passed it to him.

“What you doing out here? I normally never see anyone when I go berry picking” Jackie asked as Chase took long swigs of water. 

“I was racing, taking a shortcut” He said between sips. “Guess I missed the time to get to the checkpoint” he let out a weak laugh, Jackie just frowned. “What are you anyway?”

“A robin, why?” the other man had stood up

“Wait, a robin, how did you lift that branch?” Chase eyes widened. The other man just shrugged.

Finally Chase stood up, ignored the pain that shot down his back and looked round. All he could see was trees for miles but he had a sense of the direction he needed to go, he was a pigeon after all. The other man looked at him. “Want to get outta here?”

“Yeah” Chase replied, he had enough of forests today.

Pirate Cleooooooo

【DEPOT AGENTS】

Couldn’t stop thinking about the depot agents of the battle subway until I gave them all faces and personalities. It only fuels my desire for a spin-off slice of life series set in Nimbasa/Gear Station. It would be so ridiculous…and my arms are long enough to hold more than TWO train goofballs.

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Ok so I have a slightly weird question

I while back I remember you made a dsmp cursed lore masterlist and it was the best thing I've ever seen but I can't find it anymore? Would you happen to have it somewhere?

not weird at all! now... admittedly, I can’t find the post again myself BUT I sure as hell still have the original notes, so I’m just gonna copy paste it all here. It’s been updated since I first posted it even ❤️

canon things in dsmp:

- mpreg (x4) (tubbo, quackity, hbomb, ponk)

- quackity’s only had canon sex to our knowledge on purpled’s builds (the ufo and walmart parking lot)

- skeppy can’t read

- phil fucked a fridge

- wilbur fucked a salmon

- quackity gave birth to el rapids and schlatt is the father

- wilbur spent a month straight in the afterlife talking about hemorrhoids

- wilbur spent 9 years in the afterlife playing competitive solitaire

- fundy has three different birth stories, including: biological son of wilbur and a salmon, born asexually via wilbur’s toe, and died and was reborn like a pheonix as wilbur’s son

- God came down to build george a mcdonalds

- dream’s canonically a stripper

- sam and punz are also canonically strippers and have both given bad a lapdance

- karl and quackity constantly hit on badboyhalo, who is their fiance’s father

- related, quackity took bad on a fake date to practice for a real date

- dead wilbur has a fat ass from working out

- sapnap had a drug addiction and was called “cracknap” for a bit

- tubbo and ranboo married each other for tax exemption, when the tax never even applied to either of them to begin with

- sally the salmon was an accountant and her favorite color was brown

- it’s implied wilbur vored sally

- ranboo has no eyelids

- connor is the son of sonic the hedgehog and elise, from sonic 06

- gapples are a gateway drug and tubbo overdosed on them once

- jack and niki tried to assassinate someone with a nuke and missed

- bad is 9’6, skeppy is 2’2, ranboo is 8’5, puffy is 6’9, antfrost is 20’, and foolish is 23’3. dream, conversely, has no canon height

- eret was at one point involved in the karlnapity polycule

- the afterlife partially exists in the real living world that still-living people can stumble into, and it is a shitty gym that only has weights and doesn’t allow cardio

- schlatt, after dying, became a landlord/gym owner

- twitter and skype are canon

- eret has a nokia brick phone that somehow supports skype and can only hang up by throwing it into water

- techno has pet fish called betty. he doesn’t know why it’s called betty but just assumed it was lore important and kept it

- bad likes to steal blocks from ppl and store them in his enderchest

- quackity and puffy are both therapists

- muffin is canonically a slur

- “lemonberg” is a slur specifically in lmanberg

- the existence of dream, mexican dream, girl dream, and dreamXD where all are separate entities and mexican dream and girl dream dated before dream killed mexican dream

- schlatt was openly jerking off in the afterlife, likely in front of the other two dead people

- c!fundy is trans and c!punz has no canon gender and is referred to with both he and they pronouns

- the austin show, host of love or host, is canonically dead

- he’s also a literal cannon, apparently

- coconut2020 committed voter fraud

- there have been two different streams revolving around a character’s bath water. one of them is very lore important. in both of them someone drinks the bath water

- schlatt , wilbur, and fundy all smoke

- sam tried to steal foolish’s son

- charlie slimecicle got sent to space tied to a nuke (which has, sadly, seemingly been retconned)

- ghostbur and friend dated, but only in dutch. friend also is referred to with he/they pronouns

- puffy ended up adopting a child after a prank gone wrong

- bad and skeppy are literally soulmates, in that bad tied his soul to skeppy’s and he has infinite lives as long as skeppy is alive

- awesamdude also has a canonical fat ass

- quackity’s canonical fat ass is debated

- Schlatt’s last words were “flatty patty”, insulting quackity’s ass

- techno almost named his sword the coochie slayer bc he didn’t know what it meant

- fundy wore a suit colored in with crayons during the revolution. the reason it looked different from the others is because he didn’t have the expensive set with the right colors

- manhunts, smp earth, smp live, and mcm are all canon. the fundywastaken wedding is semi-canon, in that dream said it wasn’t but fundy said it was

- master oogway from kung fu panda is a major religious figure

- at one point, punz was turned into a chicken and had a baby

- the real spirit’s leather was used to make an item frame, the leather we see used as spirit is fake

- george and popular fortnite streamer ninja are married

- schlatt came to life once before, using his "matpat life", and died again

- schlatt’s body parts were sold at targay (gay target)

- jack once appointed himself king because no one else was on the server to stop him

- ghostbur has access to twitch.tv

- philza minecraft commits tax fraud

- karl’s real name is twitch.tv/karljacobs

- when techno isn’t streaming, he’s hibernating. phil sometimes pokes him with a stick to make sure he’s still alive

- tubbo is short for tuberculosis

- fundy learned how to astral project and walk on water and keeps finding new ways to fly

- foolish canonically spawned with a picture of buff dream

- trance music for racing game plays when dream thinks very hard on something

- fundy went to Australia to practice fire magic and hunt giant spiders, as well as going to Paris with wilbur when he was younger

- awesamdude got turned British by drinking tubbo’s bath water

- ranboo’s full name is ranboo my beloved

- ponk photosynthesizes

- The election was between “People Of Gaming” POG2020 and “Secretly We Are Gamers” SWAG2020

- puffy got her therapy degree from fiverr

- the warrior cats book series is confirmed to exist

- schlatt can’t swim

- awesamdude won miss America

- antfrost was high as shit the entire egg arc