I Immediately Thought Of Her...

It's the coolness factor. Stories should be realistic but they also have to be cool. Also mind get used to it once it realizes that it can just heal.

i'm so mad at the way physical traumas are treated in stormlight. Like yes even when you get heal by stormlight being hacked at the spine to the point of paralysis over and over again or having an arrow impaled through your face would absolutely be a traumatic experience, but this got treated like it's just a cool fighting sequence and our heroes are just that badass. Like??? Why is neither the characters nor the narrative talk or even mention it??? The books want to realistically portray mental illness and then completely failed to also realize that being radiant also means you're experiencing even more traumas?? A lot of this just feels like mindless action scene and glorification of violence tbh

I wouldn't be surprised if this turns out to be the case with us.

I feel like a part of my soul has loved you since the beginning of everything. Maybe we’re from the same star.

Huh... just gonna leave it here for no particular reason.

Stop making me feel things. This wasn't very cash money of you.

Good day.

There is one particular ship dynamic that never fails to wreck me, and I’ll call it Soulmates, But Not Like That. Not in a “some higher power has decided that we are destined to be together” way, but something that is almost the opposite of that. It’s that character who has been alone for a long time, and has maybe convinced themselves that they will be alone forever, and who has a lot of barriers to intimacy with most of the people around them, for whatever the relevant narrative reasons are. And then they just happen to cross paths with this ONE FUCKING PERSON who works for them, through some very specific combination of personality and circumstance and life experience and mutually compatible damage. And there is always the shock of what are the fucking odds, and underneath everything the terror of what if this doesn’t last. what if there’s no one else. I would just go back to being alone. I don’t know if I could do that after knowing this. Because when you finally let down that wall of emotional self-sufficiency the thought of having to put it back up again is painful. And in real life I don’t at all believe that there is only One Designated Person for anyone, but in fiction I do tend to gravitate toward characters who believe themselves to be The Only One in some way, and I will always be emotionally compromised by that dawning sense of oh. You are like me.

If not in this lifetime. Then maybe the next.

When we embraced each other

I know that angels fell

For they knew their heaven

Will never be as good as mine

Now the poll is over so let's take a look at each angsty ship.

Murther:

Now, everything i know about Murther is from memes and texts posts and headcannons. So I might not know much about the show but I have pretty good idea about the ship.

The angst come from the secrets and the entanglement due to destiny. Being two half of the same coin that never really got to be one

And obviously the ending. Aurther died soon after finding out the truth i think. So we also never got them to be together being truthful. Essentially, it ended right when it was gonna get good. They were good for each other. They loved each other with such softness and inevitability.

But now one of them is dead. Leaving  the other to live on alone which is one the worst outcomes out there. It's angsty but not toxic. They should have been together but alas.

Johnlock:

My idea of ship comes from BBC Sherlock. Like Murther, Sherlock and John are actually good for each other. AND they get a happy ending. As angsty as it gets. There is a positive ending. They got together. They healed each other. They were what each of them wanted.

The angst comes from sacrifice (Sherlock) and denial (John) They are the most important people in each other's life.

Their ship can be summarized in this phrase.

"I will go to hell for you, I will come with you."

However, their angst also comes from codependency. They are good for each other but they also fall apart without each other. They need each other. Their presence don't just make them better, their absence also destroy each other. It's the need! The amount of need is proportional to the amount of angst you get.

Destiel: speaking of need. This ship is defined by need. They are the best version of each other when they are together and worst version of each other when they are apart. They hate their own self but find salvation in loving each other and caring for people.

They understand each other. Dean would fight anything and everything to protect Cas but Cas won't let him and will stay in purgatory away from dean to keep Dean safe.

They are each other's strengths. They are also each other's weakness and those around them know it.

Cas will defy his purpose, his existence, his faith in God, already has, for Dean. And Dean, becomes a monster when you take Cas out of the equation. But he'd still pray, he'd still beg, he'd fight through everything to get his angel back and they even has 'i need you' stand it for I love you and I just jejdmsjnsndbbsbbebsh

Hannigram:

now we are leaving the angsty romance waters and entering the self destructive toxic love waters.

This ship is blatant. They know there is love under that obsession and vulnerability. But they are just too fucked up. Their I love you Is 'I see you'

Hannibal and Will. They both go through life feeling alone. Singular creatures. Then they come across each other and they are no longer alone. They clash they destroy each other in their love and obsession for each other. And at the end. Will brings out the selflessness out of Hannibal and Hannibal brings out the animal in Will.

Their whole story is poetic and they aren't letting each other go. Hannibal is so fucking scared of vulnerability that comes with love. He tests Will. Hoping that will won't see him. That Will will only see what he projects, like everyone else. But damn he is bared. And Will tries to deny himself over and over again but he is hopeless. Hannibal tries to eat him and Will tries to get him killed. It's their stuff and at the end. Will accepts the monster inside and kills them. And finally Hannibal gets honest and let's Will destroy him.

Finally we have Kalmoash:

Their story hasn't come to an end. AND I am not sure how Moash's arc will end. But the obsessive destruction is there. They are too, two sides of the same coin. Kaladin took a path that Moash could not.

Kaladin had people he could rely upon. Moash was encouraged into destruction. Now the choice was his but that doesn't negate that at their breaking point Kaladin had friends and people who cared in the past that gave him the strength and positive outlook to make the right choice while Mosh lost the only family he had and his whole life, lived with distain. Then at his weakest moment had odium.

And Moash loves Kaladin while kaladin is our local Aro Ace fly Boi. And he calls moash his closest. (Used to.) And as angry as Moash was, He still says to kaladin that if you say no I will stop. Its the  momentum and series of wrong choices that separates them.

And even after giving everything up. Moash still has one thread that ties him to his humanity. (I know how that feels and maybe that's why Moash is the only character that I feel any kinship to.)

Their conflict comes from the fact that they are bound by their own thinking.

Moash in his skewed way, helping the man he loves. Odium wants Kaladin. Moash knows that. He also knows that Kaladin would rather be dead. The servitude of odium is no life so he wants to kill kaladin to save him a worse fate. But he also knows that no one can kill kaladin. So he baits Kaladin to kill himself. (Peak toxicity).

In his mind he is saving Kaladin and Kaladin i thinks hate only cause he can't accept the other things that he feels.

Now so far Kaladin hasn't tried to save Moash. But now maybe he will try and reach out. I doubt it but damn I want moash to get better. Become a radiant or even a bondsmith. Better yet.A SKYBREAKER.

Their relationship is essentially. "You betrayed me I have to hate you or I will love you" "I hate you I will save you by killing you." They have such strong passion for each other and it will destroy them.

But I am hopeful that sunshine Boi Renarin can save them.

Let the war begin

I understand this and I understand why people would subscribe to this school of thought but I don't agree.

This, feels disingenuous. Like something we know we should do but we can't because it feels like a lie. Maybe it's just me and I need to grow up. But progress in my life doesn't really mean that I am letting go. They are Always will be my priority.

If I miss someone I will go. I have no honor in face of them. No shame. And it's true that it's important to create value through absence. But I can't create my absence because at the end of the day just want them to be happy and I can't stay away. So no hope either.

Guess who has Anxiety.

Guess who wants to reread the Mistborn trilogy even tho she has 120+ books on her TBR

I dream of you every night.

Every morning I lose you.

Everyday I pray to God—Either stop her from invading my dreams or don't wake me up.