Don’t Act Like Pidge Is Not The Favorite

Chat Noir from Miraculous Ladybug is making fucking mac and cheese, and nobody can stop him!

I was going to suggest on the OP’s post how to *stop* the children playing in the trenches with the corpses, until reading through the reboots made me realize how funny it was. This one though, I felt the pain of, as I also had a 9 month campaign against giants birds that were slaughtering my peasants when I lived in a savage biome. The birds ruined trade caravans, slaughtered a dozen peasants and a few soldiers, and ultimately left me so demoralized I abandoned the world save until Adventure Mode came out, when I retired it. Apparently the military complex I made in my effort to combat the birds was then hijacked by the king when I left the fort, who turned it into a war machine of conquest and has since begun a war with 2 goblin kingdoms and 2 Dwarven kingdoms simultaneously. This fort was the ONLY REAL SETTLEMENT this faction had and its now a war machine decimating goblins and dwarves alike.

And I didn’t find this out until I started a new fort after a bit of screwing around in Adventure Mode, and went “Why is everyone at war with me?” And then discovered it was because my old fort launched about 8 “conquer and occupy” missions a year

I don't know what kids out there need to here this but

PLEASE STOP PLAYING MAKE BELIEVE IN MY TRENCHES! Goblins could appear at ANY MOMENT and every second you spend there is a second we're unprepared for their arrival!

Dimension 52

(View the other chapters here [Chapter 1])

Chapter 2:

Another unexpected terrain... just as he’d predicted. Ford took a cursory glance around. At this point he was at dimension 4, and he still felt no closer to home. In fact, Ford felt like he’d managed to get further away this time. He stood in a forest full of white trees with pink leaves. Though the leaves were more similar to cotton in texture.

Ford scowled at his bad luck. At this point it seemed that with each random jump he made, he only got further and further away from home. He checked his log that he’d been recording the days on. “What! I’ve been gone for an entire YEAR now!”

Thinking back on this, it actually felt like he’d been gone for an even longer period of time than that. And yet despite all this time he spent wandering between dimensions, he was still hopelessly lost. “After all I’ve never seen any biology like this!”

“And it’s been a long time since I’ve seen biology like yours.” A sweet bubbly voice responded.

Ford turned around, he’d figured that he was alone initially, but he’d been so wrapped up in thought that he hadn’t noticed a figure approach him from behind. She was about Ford’s height level, and dressed entirely in pink. In fact she was entirely pink, excluding a golden crown with a bluish spherical gem sitting on her head. She looked fairly regal, with a long fancy pink dress, and long pink hair. If Ford had to guess her age, he’d say somewhere around her early twenties. She seemed to radiate kindness, however Ford knew that appearances could be deceiving. After all, he’d learned that the hard way recently.

“So will you tell me who you are?” She was pointing some kind of scanner at him, or at least that’s what he assumed it was.

“I’m just a traveler who’s a bit lost at the moment.”

“Oh, really?” She said with an icy tone. “Where are you from?”

“Oh it’s a bit far away from here, I doubt you’ve heard of it.”

“Yeah, I don’t think you’re from Ooo, or anywhere nearby.”

Ford didn’t know where this Ooo was, so he felt even more lost than before. He was positive that this lady didn’t trust him, and knew that this wouldn’t end well unless he could turn it around quickly. What was there to talk about that he could use as a diversion. He could ask about the trees, though that might not work, she seemed suspicious about him for his earlier comments. He could try asking about why she is pink, though that might be offensive. Or he could try asking about that device in her ha-

“Are you a human?”

Well that one cut him a quite off guard. Is this one of those dimensions where the sentient lifeforms EAT humans?! This could go real south real fast if it was. Then again, if it was she’d probably already have captured him. He supposed in this situation he could tell the truth without having to worry, at least not quite as much.

“Yes, I’m a human, and my name is Stanford Pines.”

“Greetings Stanford, I am Princess Bubblegum, ruler of the Candy Kingdom. Where do you come from?” Her tone had calmed down for a moment. However, when she asked where he was from the force was back in her voice.

So she was a princess? That would fit with her attire. He wondered if bubblegum was just a surname, if she was actually made of bubblegum, or both. After all, for all he knew these trees could be made of cotton candy. With a name like the Candy Kingdom, that was a fairly valid assumption to make.

Ford was pretty sure that Princess Bubblegum wouldn’t exactly know where he’s from. He’d have to dodge the question somehow.

“As I’m sure you know, I’m not from around here. So out of curiosity, are humans exceedingly rare around here?”

“Well yes, actually. You’re the first human I’ve seen in a long time. I thought that they’d gone extinct.”

“WHAT! REALLY!”

Despite Ford’s shock, he quickly realized that after all his traveling, he’d be bound to hit some kind of world without humans. He just didn’t expect to hit one where they’d died out only recently. He recovered fairly quickly, and followed up with another question.

“So what’s that thing you’re holding?”

She looked down at the device in her hands and then back at him. “Well it’s kind of a weirdness detector. Or at least that’s what I like to call it.”

Well that explained how she managed to find him. He must be setting that thing off like crazy. Of course the study of weirdness and other such similar sciences was Ford’s specialty.

“Oh well, how does it work? Does it detect residual traces of abnormal tachyon frequencies or spacetime ripples?”

From what Ford could tell he’d accomplished his goal of throwing her off her investigative trail. She hopefully wouldn’t push for any more information about where he was from until he was sure she either wouldn’t think he was crazy, or he knew that he could trust her.

“No, no, it actually works off of a fairly advanced simulation of realistic behavior using some complex equations I wrote and compares whether or not the simulation and the real world match.”

Ford could tell that he’d be able to have quite the interesting conversation with this woman.

“Why don’t you try using…”

“So you’re from another dimension?” Princess Bubblegum inquired.

They’d left the forest a while ago and were now sitting up in Bubblegum’s lab discussing Ford’s situation over cups of tea.

“Yes, and I’ve been trying to find my way home ever since. Do you know of any possible ways I could possibly try getting back to my dimension? I’d rather not hop randomly around on the offchance I end up in too hostile of a dimension.”

“Would you know how to find your dimension if we could open up a link? I know that in the land of Ooo there exist many powerful objects capable of opening a portal, but they all tend to be one-way.”

Ugh. Of course he can’t just take the simple way. They can potentially control where they open the portal too, but they can’t actually find which one is his.

“Sadly, no. I don’t know which dimension is mine so I’d just be back to square one.”

“Fortunately I’ve got a plan B. You see there’s a special dimensional room known as Prismo’s time room. Anyone who enters there can make a single wish. Of course be warned that his wishes all come with some form of twist or something so be very careful of what you wish for. I’m sure he’ll explain it to you if you just ask nicely.”

“Okay, so all I need to do is to properly phrase a wish to get back to my home dimension, and he’ll do it?”

“Yep. He’ll take care of the rest for you.”

“The challenge now is, how are we going to get there?”

“Leave that to me, I’ve got an idea of where an artifact is that can get you there.”

“When you said it was in a dungeon I thought it meant one of the ones in YOUR castle, NOT someone else’s rotting booby-trapped nightmare!” Ford yelled as he ducked beneath a swinging sword. He and Bubblegum had entered a dungeon hidden in a slightly less sweet forest nearby. He’d entered with pretty much just a stick in his hands, and she’d walked in with some kind of duffel bag. They’d been traveling deeper and deeper into the dungeon when they’d run into yet another group of walking skeletons. These ones had been guarding a hallway leading to a flight of stairs. Bubblegum had already defeated two of the three skeletons and Ford had been distracting the last one while she reloaded. She got in a blast with what she referred to as her “Ball-Blam-Burglerber.” Honestly Ford had no idea what the real name of it was, but he understood that it was basically some kind of grenade launcher.  Whatever it was he ducked out of the way as the ball exploded.

“Can you give me a warning when you’re about to fire that thing in my direction!?”

“Sorry about that. Here take this, it’ll make it easier on both of us if we’re equally armed.”

Ford picked up the weapon she’d tossed to him. It seemed to be some kind of gun but there was a plasma globe right where the barrel would normally be. He picked it up and followed her down the stairs to a new room in the dungeon. They came into a stone lined chamber that was seemingly empty except for a set of locked double doors sitting across the chamber from them. Bubblegum immediately set to work picking the lock.

“What exactly does this do?”

“It’s my electrode gun. I cranked up the charge, it should be able to fry what’s left of those skeletons.”

“Okay, and what about that artifact that we came here for?”

“The Traveler’s Stone? What about it?”

“How does it work?”

“I think you just pick it up or something. I’ve never used it before.”

“Well, I –“

Ford was cut off by the click of the lock. Princess Bubblegum pushed the doors open and in front of them stood about twenty skeletons. Bubblegum whipped out her Ball Blam Whatever, Ford pulled out his weapon and the two of them opened fire. They took down most of the initial skeletons and the few stragglers left behind were either finished off in hand-to-hand against Bubblegum or blasted by Ford.

“Whew- I really wish I knew how to fight like that. Might be useful if I can’t get home right away.” Even if he does then it still might be useful Ford thought. After all he could give his brother a nice right hook for what he did.

“I could teach you if you really wanted to learn. After all we have the Traveler’s Stone now, and we’ve got plenty of time on our hands.”

“I suppose I don’t have to leave quite yet.”

Princess Bubblegum hefted up the stone and threw it in her duffel bag.

“In that case, let’s head back to my castle. I can give you some basic  combat training along with some practice with my other weapons. Perhaps you can even design something of your own.”

As he walked out of the dungeon and back to the castle he had a chance to appreciate that for once in this entire ordeal he’d had a bit of good fortune.

…

[Chapter 3]

[john mulaney voice] THIS IS THE HEIGHT OF ROMANCE

Got tagged by @noahwithaw (As seen above if you’re not blind)

Relationship Status: Has Girlfriend (As of October 1st, i.e. yesterday)

Favorite Colors: Colors along the blue green spectrum, to specifically name them, Cyan, Teal, and Turquoise.

Wake up time: Typically around 11:00 AM to 2:00 PM. College is great for sleeping in.

Cats or Dogs: I prefer Cats to Dogs. There are a few breeds of Dog I really like (Yorkshire Terriers)

Coke or Pepsi: These two aren’t that different (I can typically tell the difference and really the only thing they affect is what other sodas come with them since Coke and Pepsi are a huge duopoly and such) though I personally prefer Pepsi, both for the other sodas that come with it, and just between Coke and Pepsi. Most Pepsi machines come with root beer (mug typically) so yeah, why am I going to drink Pepsi when rootbeer is an option?

Chapstick or Lipstick: What? Chapstick I guess? I mean why would I want to wear lipstick? I’m a guy. I barely even use chapstick (typically only when camping, and then I try to avoid using it because chapped lips are a sign of dehydration, which means if you drink enough water your lips don’t get chapped. So how I avoid using chapstick is by trying to drink more water. It works as long as water in is greater than water out).

Last Song I Listened To: Well I’ve typically got some music going on when I’m trying to focus on something so I had Lemon Demon’s “I Earn My Life” and at this point “Angry People” is playing and I’m having a hard time not laughing. “Evil Babies with guns. It’s completely normal.”

I’m not really planning on tagging anyone on this really. Most people I have that I follow/follow me, I either already know the answers to most of these, or they’ve just been asked by Noah, or, OR this is the one person I’m tagging, they’re @bumibomber.

Tagged by @k-omerebii aka my bae 
Rules: Tag 9-10 people you want to get to know better
 Relationship status: cuddling my pillow at night 
Favorite color(s): red, faded colours 
Wake up time: lol it rlly depends. School days = 6:45 am, weekends = 8+ am
Cats or dogs: dogs obviously but I rlly love kittens too
Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi 
Chapstick or lipstick: lipstick 
Last song you listened to: Here Comes a Thought from the show Steven Universe 💖

I tag: @hafizzzle @noahweidner and whoever wants to do this

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OH!

I WAS WONDERING WHAT WAS CAUSING THIS. THANKS DFHACK FOR THE ANSWER

Just a reblog for anyone who might have missed it. Also a shout-out to Iceguppie who’d helped proofread this.

Dimension 52

Disclaimer: This story is primarily designed as a story of Ford during his dimensional travels. It features him crossing over to other universes with those being the following (In no order whatsoever): Rick and Morty, Adventure Time, and Steven Universe. This list will probably expand, and might involve travel to AU’s.

Chapter 1:

Author’s notes:

This story takes place directly after Stanley and Stanford’s fight in 1982, where Ford is pushed through the portal. So as such, the story starts as Ford gets pulled through. Thank you for reading.

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the IRONY of this being one of the only books they'll put on a fucken shelf

oh

and a coat.

Many years ago I found ten symbols in a cave. Some I recognized then, some I only recognize now. The native people of Gravity Falls prophesied that these symbols could create a force strong enough to vanquish Bill.