Dark Filled Night Skys, Red Filled Moring Sunrise.

My Dearest L...

I know. I know it's been a long time since I posted prob only been about a week or two but for me, it feels like years. I just wanted to clear my head and come on here and vent some shit out. you ever just sit in your room at night in the dark. FYI that is NOT what I am doing right now I am on my computer in the dark in my room XD but that is not what I'm trying to get at. now do you ever just sit there and think YES ENTHEO EVERYONE THINKS" thank's inner voice, anyways you're just thinking, and then that one thought comes into your head "I'm going to get arrested!!" did I do anything wrong no! did I steal anything NO! okay now though you may leave. but does it no... then you start thinking even more and you like back when I was 5 I stole gum that was like 50c now I'm going to damn jail and I'm never going to have a family or kids MY LIFE IS OOOVVVEEERR!!!!.... then you snap back to reality and you just are like what was I thinking about again...

“Take a shower, wash off the day. Drink a glass of water. Make the room dark. Lie down and close your eyes. Notice the silence. Notice your heart. Still beating. Still fighting. You made it, after all. You made it, another day. And you can make it one more. You’re doing just fine.”

— Charlotte Eriksson

MY DEAREST L…

time has stopped in a way that the world is numb to the land that understands the movements of the earth under our feet in the sun-heated grass, the river shines to the blue skies of the sweet smelling due drops of the morning kissed silk.

My Dearest L...

I wake up on a normal day. Get out of bed and got use the bathroom then I head back to my room and lay on my bed, but lately, I’ve been waking up, and every time I stare at people my eyes tend to blur, and their faces deform almost as if I’m on LSD their eyes won’t be in the right place or their nose. Their head is all deformed, there like balloons. yet I find a strange comfort in knowing that people are not always what they tend to be. Sometimes people make people out to be things that there not and I don’t think it’s right...

My Dearest L…

My b-day is next week HAHA who would have guessed that I would still be here to see my 21st b-day cuz I sure and hell didn't. this is probably the part when I drift off into some random thought that pops up in my head. like it smells like chocolate in my room. I don't even have any air fresheners in here strange. sometimes I struggle to write things down on this blog and I think it shows sometimes. but sometimes I don't want to write but nothing comes out at all, so I just mash a bunch of random thoughts in my head into one paragraph.

Dear, Elisa Lam...

I have watched and read your story over and over again and I am yet to believe that you did this to yourself, there is no way they can make it sound like you have done this to yourself. There were so many people in that hotel that could have done this to you. and the fact that none helped you in the hotel while you were in your bipolar ep. Makes me so angry, what did they say again when they said you were screaming in the lobby, oh yes that’s right! they said, “It’s just another day at the Cecil hotel”...

May you rest in peace now Elisa Lam....🖤⛓️

Once again, I can't seem to sleep.....

MY DEAREST L…

so an update on how I'm doing, my stress is going and leaving I'm tired but scared to sleep... and my swallowing is getting a bit better but not by much. I just want to wake up tomorrow and everything be back to normal, ugh I hate having stuff wrong with me. I can't even eat hard food bec I keep associating it with not being able to swallow last night, and my stress is just getting the best of me bec I'm all alone right now. I hate being alone, well... not being alone. I just hate being alone when something is wrong with me in case something happens and none is here for me. I have to take my sleeping pill I hope I can swallow it...

Man do I have a story to tell you guys 🫣 I'll be working on it tonight, it should be posted soon.