Oh I Fear This Is Me.

Dating a Freak

Boaz Priestly x reader

Summary: You reminisce over the course of your amazing relationship.

Author Note: I'm so sorry this took long.

Requested by: @forest-rav3n

Word Count: 2445

The time spent with Priestly has been the best time of your life. Every day was amazing. It was filled with filled with laughter and love, and it was an adventure. It made you remember how you fell in love.

You first met when you applied for the job at Beach City Grill, with your novelty movie t-shirt and a bubbly attitude. "She's gotta pass the interview first." Piper said.

"I'm cool with that." You smiled.

"Okay then," Priestly then leaned on the counter. "Elvis. Dead or alive?"

"Easy, alive. Next question."

"You're hired." He said. You chuckled and looked at Trucker, who smiled and shrugged.

You then helped with cooking the meat, as well as baking cookies for the kids meals. Priestly would constantly make jokes to you, and you always laughed. Sometimes when he was doing one of his random debates with Trucker, you'd hype the both of them up, just to get a kick out of Priestly getting more excited and energized over whatever they were talking about.

Regulars loved you. You would always make extra cookies for the two old people who would come in, as well as the kid who came in weekly. He was an adult already, but was autistic. He looked uncomfortable when he first walked in since everybody was staring at him, so you couldn't help but smile at him and give him some cookies. He smiled back at you and would come back every Tuesday during lunch.

Sometimes guys would try to hit on you. You'd ask for their order and they'd try their best to get you to come with them after work. Usually your roll your eyes and say, "Tish, you have a customer."

Sometimes you'd just turn them down flat. Either way you handled them, it always put a smile to Priestly's face. Not that you knew.

But there was one day where Priestly wasn't at work yet, and these guys walked in. One of them tried to get you come home with him, and you told him that you weren't like that. He scoffed. "C'mon, you won't get this opportunity all the time. It's not like I'm asking for your face. You just happen to have a nice body."

You threw his order at him. "Just fucking pay and leave. Learn how to take a damn rejection."

He paid and stormed out with his friends. One of his friends stayed behind and told you, "He's right, y'know." and left.

You don't know why their words hit you so hard, but they did. What if they were right? "You alright angel?"

"Um, yeah, yeah," you said with a smile that you could barely muster up. "I just need some time alone for a bit."

You then sat in the storage room and silently cried. Priestly walked in and announced himself before asking where you were. They told him what happened and he rushed over to the storage room. He saw you on the floor, with your face in your hands. "Y/n." He kneeled down.

"Do you think I'm ugly?" Your voice was quiet, and your face was still buried in your hands.

He took away your hands from your face, and you looked up to see his worried face. "You shouldn't have to worry about artificial crap like that. You're awesome in everyway. Like the way you defend yourself from jackasses, or how you make extra cookies for the special needs kid that most people like to make fun of. What matters is that you're a pretty fucking amazing person."

You wiped your eyes and chuckled. "Thanks Priestly. You're always so good to me." You gave him a hug, which made him tense up for a up before relaxing and hugging you back.

"And to answer your question, no. I don't think you're ugly at all. You're actually think you're pretty hot." You giggled.

You then began to develop feelings for Priestly. Though you kept it to yourself, everybody else found out about it. Tish teased you about it and made comments on how it was a mystery that anyone could crush on someone as weird as him. Piper, Trucker, and Jen told you that you'd be good together and to go for it. Jen would make the occasional joke about Priestly. Zoe told you that she could sense the same feelings in Priestly as well. Though you were grateful for the support, you weren't confident in what he thought about you enough to do anything about your feelings.

Then there was the whole tampon run. You figured that he would need help and came with him. You kept making jokes when he was panicking on what to get. After you helped him pick one out, you went to grab different items while he stood in line.

You heard people making fun of him, and him retaliating with a speech about having a girlfriend and getting laid. You figured that it'd be the right thing to help him out, and although it was embarrassing for you, it was for Priestly.

You took out the hair tie in your hair, letting your hair fall down your shoulders. You tied your shirt up from the back into a crop top with the hair tie. You walked up to Priestly and gave him a long kiss on the lips. "Hey babe. Got everything?"

He looked at you with a shocked expression, but quickly recovered to get into character with you. "Yeah. I got your tampons for you."

"Aww, thanks babe. But you know I'm not on it anymore this month, right?" You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed his neck.

"Hell yeah I do. Let's go home." He slapped a 20 on the counter.

"Whatever you say." You grabbed the bag of items and Priestly put and arm around your shoulder.

"Keep the change. Peace." He said before giving them the peace sign that turned into flipping them off. Once you got out of the store the both of you started laughing together. "Well now, we got ourselves an actress."

"It isn't really hard to act that way with you." You said absentmindedly, instantly regretting it. His facial expression changed a bit, and you looked down in embarrassment. Of course he'd feel weird about that. How could he even like you like that? "Um, anyways, we should head back to the grill."

As you and Priestly cleaned up that night, he tapped your shoulder gently from behind. You turned around looked up to the tall nervous looking man standing in front of you. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to ask you something important. Just, y'know, don't laugh or anything." You smiled and nodded for him to continue. "Would you, like to, accompany me on a date tonight?" He asked slowly.

"A date?" You asked. He nodded, and your lips went into a wide grin. Holy crap, Zoe was actually a witch, and you loved her for it. "I'd love to."

"Really?" He asked, smiling.

You giggled and nodded, wrapping your arms around him. "Can you give me a ride home so I can get ready?"

He put his hands on his hips and shook his head. "So lazy." He then walked outside and held the door open for you. Once you got to your house, he put his hand over you before you could leave the car. "Wear something nice."

"Like what, my cleanest hoodie?" You teased.

"As much as I'd love to see the hoodie I got you for your birthday, nah. I mean dressing like you're going to a fancy place." You nodded and kissed his cheek, walking up to your apartment number.

You put on a white long sleeved shirt and a flowy peach mini skirt. You'd never really had a reason to put this on before, but wearing it made you feel nervous on what Priestly would think of the outfit. What would he be wearing? Maybe his quilt, and the two of you would both have shirts on. Maybe he did his hair in a different style. All you knew was that you couldn't wait for him to come.

About an hour later you heard a knock at the door and excitedly ran to it. You answered it, and wasn't ready for what you saw. All of Priestly's piercings were out, and the hair color was washed off. He was wearing a nice black blazer with a light blue button up. He looked shy. "Holy shit." You laughed out.

"Would you care to accompany me on this date Miss y/l/n?" He offered his arm.

You hooked your arm into his. "Of course." He smiled and looked down. "You look very nice, by the way."

"You look gorgeous." He opened the car door for you. You smiled at him and gave his cheek a kiss before going in the car.

"You cleaned the car." You looked around.

He shrugged and smiled. "I cleaned the car."

He took you to a nice restaurant, where the two of you talked about anything and everything. Though Priestly tried to remain a civilized gentleman, his true unfiltered jokester self was shining through, and you thought it was the cutest thing ever. Afterwards the you two walked together along the beach, where he put his blazer over your shoulders and listened to you ramble on.

He then took you home and kissed your cheek. "Aren't you just adorable tonight?" You teased.

"Well, do you like me better like this?" He had a nervous smile.

You chuckled and shook your head. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Just because you dressed differently doesn't make you a different person. You're still my Priestly that always puts a smile on my face."

"Your Priestly?" His face was now covered with a wide grin.

"Well, as long as I can be your y/n." He went in for a passionate kiss. Once you pulled back for breath, you asked. "Do you wanna come in?" His facial expression changed to nervous again. "Not for that reason, dumbass. I just don't want this date to be over. I made brownies the other day." He smiled and came in.

You woke up leaning on Priestly as a pillow with the TV still on. You checked the time and saw that your shifts start in ten minutes. In a panic, you shook Priestly awake and told him about the time, hurriedly brushing your teeth and putting on your shoes. "You don't have to worry. I'm always late." He said groggily from the couch.

"Okay, just cause you're cute when your sleepy, doesn't mean we don't still gotta go to work." You said.

"Wait, I have to put on my hair color and get ready."

"Then let's go to your place real quick." You handed him his shoes and pushed him out of the apartment.

As you were driving to his house, he said, "You fell asleep on me." You turned to see his adorable smile.

"You wouldn't let me leave your arms." You smiled back.

"And you're still wearing your clothes from last night."

You looked down, still in the skirt and shirt. "Crap. Can I borrow a shirt?"

"That'd be pretty hot." You both later came in together. Priestly was wearing one of his regular outfits, and you were wearing his Tip me or DIE shirt tucked in under your skirt and a flannel. "We're here!"

Everybody stared at you while you walked behind the counter. "It's not what it looks like." You said before you went into the storage room, with the other three girls excitedly running after you.

After that you two were unbreakable. He would always make sure you were feeling loved, from a simple squeeze on your arm to a passionate kiss. And most of all, he just couldn't help but praise you.

He would try his best to make romantic dates and be a gentleman, but sometimes it was too easy to provoke his playful side. At times he would take you on regular dates, like the movies or a carnival. You would take him on dates as well, from picnics to watching one of his favorite rock bands.

You were the first one to say that you love him. You knew that he was shy when it came to his feelings, so you were okay with saying it first.

It came naturally. The two of you had waited for a while to have sex. It had to be perfect, and he didn't want you to think of your first time with him as a cheap hook up. He wanted it to mean something.

That's why when he took you to a fancy restaurant, and had a walk in the park with Priestly and you acting like children and hopping on the big stones by the walkway. He then took you back to his apartment, where the two of made love.

When you woke up the next morning, you felt him kiss the top of your head before getting off the bed. He told you that he would make you some eggs, and you rolled onto your stomach. You smiled. That's when you said it. "I love you."

He stopped in his tracks, and ran over to the bed, kneeling down. "What?!"

"I love you." You bit your lip to hold in your laugh. You knew he felt the same way, and watching his innocent looking face was almost too adorable. "Do you have something to tell me?" You joked.

He gave you the biggest smile before excitingly jumping onto the bed and smothering you with kisses. "I love you too!" He laughed out between kisses.

After a few months of bliss, Priestly had a plan. He had a plan to watch your favorite movies, to cook you dinner, and to have you feel special. He had a plan, which was in a little black box on his top drawer at home. He had a plan to ask you a question, so you two could go on amazing dates forever.

Let me convince myself that all the people that have been killed in the upside down, or due to upside down related problems are alive in the upside down and just unconscious or something. And that they’ll all come back when El finally stops it all.

for the absolutely amazing @falling-for-boys and her fic ’i’ll stay in this fragile heaven with you and let my hands linger’, which any Theo/Thiam fan should go read right now and shower the author with some love! ❤❤❤❤❤

AHHHHHHH AHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHH

editing chapters of a marauders triwizard tournament fic while watching love is blind after getting off work at the dispo ✌🏼

the black cousins

all the hidden meanings!

colors:

red is the color of sirius’ shirt, narcissa’s lips and regulus’ pocket handkerchief. red represents how they rebelled against their family (sirius ran away and was openly against their morals, narcissa lied to voldemort and basically helped defeating him w her words, regulus turned against voldemort at the last moment, dying for his cause)

narcissa and andromeda are the only ones not wearing black, and they’re the only survivors in this picture.

clothes and accessories:

andromeda is wearing a white dress that resembles a bride’s dress, because she ran away to marry ted. her and sirius’s clothes are also less restricting than regulus and narcissa’s, because unlike their younger siblings they got their freedom.

andromeda, like her cousins, is wearing silver jewelry, aside from a gold ring (her engagement ring), and with her hand she’s covering a family pendant (she chose love over her family). regulus is wearing a pin that looks like salazar’s locket.

poses and such:

andromeda isn’t looking at the camera because she was the first to “look away from her family”, and sirius is looking at her because he would soon follow in her footsteps (andy also has a hand on his shoulder to further represent her influence on him). similarly, bellatrix (who is the only one smiling) is keeping an hand on narcissa so she wouldn’t leave. narcissa has a hand clenched in a fist, covered by her left, (as a way to hide her defiance).

ok i think this is all but i’m not sure lmao xx

hope you like it ^^

Baby On Board- B.Floyd 

pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x wife!reader word count: 6k (its a long one) type: angst warnings: top gun shit, child birth, near death experiences, cursing. synopsis: being placed on a top secret mission weeks before his wife's due date was not what Lt. Floyd had imagined married life would be like.

note: thank you so much for 600! it's crazy how much this blog has grown in such little time! keep sending in requests!

She was his highschool sweetheart. From the moment Bob laid eyes on Y/N their freshman year of highschool, even with braces and acne and a ridiculous haircut, he knew that she was going to be his wife. She was perfect, smart, popular, kind to everyone and he was. . . well he was just Bob. A dork, a nerd, sweet and kind and too pure for this world. He could remember how badly he was sweating and shaking as he approached her lunch table, some cheesy valentine’s day card in his hand and asked her to the school dance. He thought he would get laughed at, but his heart filled with even more love as she pulled out a valentine of her own to give to him. 

Bob had shocked everyone when he decided to go into the navy, including Y/N. They had talked about their futures, and Bob had briefly mentioned going into the navy, but he wasn't certain. So when he came home and told her he enlisted, she was shocked but proud of him. Her heart broke when he left for boot camp, and would wait by the phone or mailbox for a call or letter from him. When he came home with a buzzed cut, a bouquet of flowers and a ring, they both knew they didn’t want to be apart from each other. They got married in a small ceremony in his parents backyard, it was like a fairytale for both of them. 

Both Bob and Y/N had agreed that they wanted kids. They weren’t ever too keen on actively trying for kids, but they weren’t doing anything to actively prevent it either. At first, they were going to let nature do its thing, agreeing that it’ll happen when it happens. But after two years of nothing, they knew that it was time for some intervention. It broke Bob’s heart when the doctor told them it was going to be nearly impossible for them to have a baby of their own. He watched as the light in her eyes diminished. She told him that she was okay, that it would be fine, but Bob could hear her crying in the bathroom when she thought he was asleep. 

Bob stood by her side though, never leaving her. He held her hand in doctors appointments, when they had decided on doing hormonal treatments, Bob was always on track with timing, and keeping track of everything. When he noticed that her body had started to change, and her mood was different and her period was late, he went out and bought every kind of pregnancy test there was to get. He sat by her side on the bed as they waited for the timer to go off, and was the first to look at the results. 

Seven months later, Bob and Y/N were glaring at each other from across the kitchen. Her belly had popped some weeks ago, and she was now supporting a nice round bump. She looked on the verge of tears as Bob had explained the document that was sitting in between the two of them. He was being called back to TOPGUN, something that he never thought would happen. The first time around, they had been married for only about a year, and Bob was excited to be chosen to go. He got permission to take his wife with him, and that was all he needed. Now, things have changed.

Y/N was not thrilled at all about Bob being called back. There was no other information on the document other than time and place to be. They had arranged on base housing for the both of them, but they both knew that Y/N couldn’t leave Lemoore. It wasn’t a good idea for her to be far away from her doctor, not when time was ticking away closer to her due date. 

“Why can’t they send someone else?” Y/N asked, running a hand through her hair, “Can you tell them I’m pregnant?” 

“Did,” Bob sighed, “Technically the baby isn’t born yet so I don’t get any sort of paternity leave. I would still only get 21 days anyway.” 

Y/N rolled her eyes, of course he didn't, “There’s nothing you can do?” 

“It’s non negotiable. You can come with-” 

“Come with!?  Bob, look at me, I’m the size of a water buffalo-“ 

“No you’re not-“ 

“Shut up,” Y/N said, getting angry. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes and turned on her heel and left the kitchen in tears. Bob sighed, knowing the majority of this was caused by pregnancy hormones but it still didn’t make it any easier. He knew that there was a possibility of him getting a last minute deployment or special detachment, like this one, that could take him away from Y/N and his unborn child. He just didn’t think it would ever come true. Bob grabbed the sheet of paper and read it over again. Doing the math in his head, he should be back in time before Y/N has their baby, but it still didn’t bring him any comfort.

He pushed himself from his spot, walking to the freezer to get an orange crush popsicle for Y/N, and then walked down the hall. He found her sitting on their shared bed, looking out the window. Bob sat down next to her and offered her the popsicle. 

“Thanks,” She murmured. 

“I know it’s not ideal-” 

“No, it’s not,” Y/N sniffled as she opened up her popsicle. 

“You could come with. . .” 

“Bob, I’m seven months pregnant. I don’t think it would be a good idea.” 

“It’s also not a good idea to have you here alone either,” Bob said and Y/N sighed, “At least, if you’re in Miramar with me, I’d be there in a matter of minutes if something happened,” He grabbed her free hand and intertwined their fingers, “Up here, yeah we are alone, but you’ll be even more alone if something happened and I’m seven hours away. It would bring peace of mind to me, if you came with me.” 

“Well,” Y/N sighed, “Looks like we’re both going back to TOPGUN.” 

Bob smiled and leaned in to kiss her cheek, and then slid off the bed to kneel in front of her, both hands going to her growing belly. It always made her giggle at how Bob’s large hands could cover her whole bump, but it also brought her a sense of security. 

“You, my little one, can’t make any surprise appearances while we are there, you hear me? You stay right in here for the next six weeks and we won’t have an issue,” Bob said to her belly, and got a small kick in return, “I think they understood me,” He said looking up at you with his lopsided grin. 

“I’m sure they did.” 

— — —

It was almost too hot to do anything, even by the ocean in Miramar. Y/N had told herself when she got pregnant, she didn’t want to be pregnant during the hot months, but living in California, it was always hot. The drive down had been awful, having to stop almost every hour so she could pee, or being constantly uncomfortable. Bob felt bad, knowing that she was only doing this for him, but he let her complain as much as she wanted to. Bob had heard that everyone was gathering at the Hard Deck, a local bar that he and Y/N had frequented the first time around at TOPGUN. Y/N had opted not to go with him, as she wanted to just stay in the air conditioning of their tiny on base house. 

Y/N had done what she could to make herself comfortable while being in Miramar. She went grocery shopping, to the beach a couple times, met with one of the OB’s on base (which Bob had gotten out of training early to do), but for the most part she kept a low profile, trying to stay as cool as she possibly could in the southern california heat. Her favorite part of the day was when Bob would come home, and lay his head in her lap and tell their child all about his day. His eyes always lit up as he talked about the simulations and the dogfighting. He would get so animated about it, it was adorable. 

Y/N knew bits and pieces about the mission. She knew it was dangerous, that there was a lot at stake. Bob didn’t want to worry her too much at this stage in her pregnancy, but she had kind of gathered that them all being called back meant that it was serious. She tried not to think of a world where Bob Floyd wasn’t alive and she hated it. But Bob reassured her as much as he possibly could that he would make it back to her. 

The team didn’t know much about Robert Floyd, other than he was a WSO and Phoenix’s back seater. He was quiet, kept to himself, and would speed off after showering at the end of the day. Phoenix had tried to pry some information out of him, but got nothing more than his full name, where he was from, and where he was currently stationed. Bob didn’t talk much about himself, and Phoenix kind of liked that. He was different from the usual cocky, arrogant (hangman) pilots she was used to working with. 

“So Bob, what do you plan on doing when you get out of here?” Phoenix had asked him, as they were headed to the trial run zone. It was day four of doing the trial course, and no one had successfully completed it. 

“I bet he is going to have himself a cold glass of ice water,” Coyote joked and Bob rolled his eyes. 

“Oh shut it,” Phoenix laughed, “I bet he’ll go home and watch the office or something.” 

“I prefer ‘friends’ over the office,” Bob said, thinking of his wife’s favorite show. 

“Alright, dagger 1 easing in, time starting in 3, 2, 1,” Phoenix said as she started into the simulation. 

Bob looked down at his radar, watching as Phoenix and Coyote made the twists and turns of the simulation, feeling his body jostle from side to side. It never got easier, the more that they ran the course, it seemed to somehow get worse. His body felt heavier, his lungs felt like they would explode. He would find bruises on his sides from hitting the side of the cockpit at such forces. Bob eyed their time, seeing that they were keeping up a good speed, until he caught another plane on the radar. 

“Oh no, it’s Maverick!” Bob said. 

“What?! Where is he!?” Phoenix called out, and Bob looked around the clear canopy into the sky, trying to see if he could spot Maverick. 

“Lost him in the sun!” Bob called out, “Coyote, you see him!?” 

“Man, he’s on my tail,” Coyote said, “Line it up, Bob.” 

“Roger!” Bob said, controlling his laser to line up the shot, except he couldn’t get control of it. He swore under his breath as he tried but it was no use, “Dead eye! I can’t get it to lock!” 

“Dropping in blind then,” Coyote said, and tried to line up the laser the best he could. 

Bob could feel when Phoenix shifted the trajectory of the jet, sending them into a steep incline upward. Bob fought against the Gs being pushed on his body as he tried to keep his eyes open and himself conscious. Maverick had somehow shown back up, and stimulated a dogfight with them, until they realized they had lost comms with Coyote. He had gone into g-loc, and Maverick moved quickly to line up a shot, sending a loud buzzing sound into his cockpit. Bob took a sigh in relief as they got Coyote back, but the relief was short-lived when Maverick called out the bird strike. 

“We’re on fire!” Bob called out, looking to see the left engine ablaze. 

“Extinguishing!” Phoenix said, flipping a switch, “Lost hydraulics, losing altitude, I-I can’t control it!” 

“Right engine on fire! We’re gonna burn in!” Bob’s voice was filled with panic, as he felt their jet start to drop from the sky. 

“You have to eject!” Maverick called, “Phoenix, Bob! Eject, eject, eject!” 

“Fuck! Eject, eject, eject!” Phoenix yelled out, as she hit the button to eject both of them. Bob covered his head as the canopy shot off, and he felt himself get pushed out of the cockpit. The next thing he felt was his feet hitting the ground. 

— — — 

The last thing any military wife ever wants is a call from the hospital saying that their husband had been injured. When Y/N arrived at the hospital, frantic with tears in her eyes, a nurse had guided her down to the room her husband was in. She felt the confused looks and stares of the aviators in the hallway as she passed by them on the way to Bob’s room. She had even heard one of them ask who she was and another say they didn’t know. Bob was busy flipping through the tv channels when she got to his room, he looked over at her and smiled weakly. 

“Hey baby,” Bob said and Y/N rushed to his side, as Bob engulfed her in a hug, “Shh, I’m okay, I’m okay.” He soothed her, while rubbing her back as she cried as she sat on his bed. 

“Jesus Christ Robert, don’t ever scare me like that again,” Y/N said, pulling away from him, and wiping her tears, “What the hell happened?” 

“Bird Strike, lost control of the jet, had to eject. Nothing but a couple bruises and a sore tailbone,” Bob smiled, and Y/N shook her head, “Are you okay?” 

“You’re asking me that?” 

“You’re the pregnant one.” 

“You’re the one who just ejected from a plane at 500 feet in the air.” 

“Touche,” Bob said, as there was a knock on the door. Y/N turned her head to see a brunette woman peeking her head in with a shy smile on her face. 

“The guys said you had company, I hope you don’t mind me coming to check on you?” The woman said, looking between the two of her. 

Bob looked at you and you smiled, “No, not at all,” He said, “This is Phoenix, the main driver,” Bob said introducing the two of them, “Phoenix this is my wife, Y/N.” 

“Oh- wow, Bob never-” 

“Stealth pilot,” Y/N smiled and held her hand out to greet Phoenix, “It’s nice to meet you. He’s told me all about you. You’re pretty cool from what it sounds like.” 

“You flatter me,” Phoenix said with a slight blush, “How far along?” 

“Eight months. Not exactly my ideal location to be in, but,” Y/N shrugged and Bob smiled, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her to sit back down on the bed, “How are you doing? I can’t imagine what it was like.” 

“I’m okay, a little shaken up. I’m more concerned that Bob has hidden you away from us and made me suffer with the rest of the testosterone freaks out there.” Phoenix said and sat down in a chair by the bed. 

Bob knew it was no use hiding Y/N from Phoenix, so he had told his pilot all about his wife, how they met, how he proposed, their wedding, their house, and even about their baby. Phoenix was surprised at how talkative Bob could be when he was talking about something he loved. She knew he could rattle off information about an F-18 and missiles and flight trajectory, but when it came to talking about his life, Phoenix was surprised. He had hardly let Y/N get a word in and Phoenix would laugh at how Y/N just looked at him. 

Y/N would’ve liked it if Bob would’ve been able to stay home after having to eject from his plane, but the mission was still a go. It was only three days after the bird strike that he was packing his bags and headed to get on the carrier. Y/N had driven him to base, much to his dismay since he didn’t want her driving with her belly in the way. She tried to hide her tears as she put the car in park and looked at the daunting aircraft carrier. 

“It’s only three days,” Bob said, looking at his hands, “Three days and-and I come home to you and our baby.” He placed his hand on her bump, feeling their little one move around. 

“I know,” Y/N said, “Swear to God, if you don’t-”

“I will,” Bob said, cutting her off. He leaned over the console, holding her face in his hands and kissed her. It took her breath away, the type of kiss that is supposed to be a constant reminder. It left her lips tingling as he pulled back, “I’ll see you in three days.” Y/N nodded as Bob got out of the car. She saw Phoenix waiting next to her car and sent her a small smile and wave. Phoenix gave her a nod in response and hugged Bob. 

Y/N let out a shaky breath as she watched the two of them walk towards the ship, “Three days little one, no sudden movement for three days.” 

— — — 

Y/N tried to keep herself distracted but she couldn’t help but stare at the clock, knowing that any second her husband’s plane would be taking off from the middle of the pacific ocean and would be flying towards a certain death. She knows that he promised to come home, but nothing is ever promised in this life. Y/N looked down at the hot mug of tea in front of her and felt a stray tear run down her cheek. She had gotten to the point in her pregnancy where she didn’t even know she was crying until the tear hit her shirt. She sniffled and placed her hand on her belly, just as she felt a cramping sensation. 

“No. . .” She mumbled to herself and let out a shaky breath, “Please stop, don’t do this.” Y/N had been feeling contractions since Bob left. She knew that braxton hicks were common and had been feeling those since month seven, but now, these felt different. These felt stronger and she could feel her stomach dropping. 

Y/N pushed herself away from the counter and slowly started making her way towards her bedroom. Laying down usually helped subside the contractions and the pelvic pain. Y/N paused as she felt the warmth of a liquid rushing down her legs as she stood in the hallway. She closed her eyes and clutched her stomach, hoping that maybe, just maybe this was all a dream and she had just peed herself in the hallway, rather than her water breaking. But when she opened her eyes at the feeling of a contraction, she knew it was very much real. 

“No, no, no,” She felt tears in her eyes as she moved down the hallway towards the kitchen where she had left her phone. Her first instinct was to dial Bob’s number, which she did, but when it went straight to voicemail, she panicked even more. She gripped the counter as another contraction ripped through her body. This wasn’t supposed to be like this. This was not how this was supposed to happen. The next number she dialed was Penny’s, which the older woman had given to her after getting to know her at Iceman’s funeral. 

“Hello?” Penny’s voice sounded through the receiver. 

“Penny, I-I need your help,” Y/N’s voice cracked, “My water broke.” 

“Oh my god,” Penny said, and Y/N could hear her get up and grab her keys, “Stay where you are, I am on my way. If you need to push, do it, don’t try and fight it.” 

“I can’t have this baby alone!” Y/N cried. 

“I know, I know, I’m on my way, just breathe okay,” Penny said and Y/N nodded. 

Penny arrived after a short time, and helped Y/N get to the on base hospital. They had admitted her right away, and Y/N was thankful that Penny had decided to stay by her side. Penny had once been in Y/N’s shoes. Her now ex-husband had been on deployment when Amelia was born, and Penny was by herself in the delivery room, no family, no friends, just her and the nurses and doctor. Penny wasn’t going to leave Y/N alone, knowing very well she would’ve wanted someone to stay with her. 

“Breathe through it, there ya go,” Penny said as she dabbed at the sweat collecting on Y/N’s forehead, “I left a message for Maverick and Hondo. I called in a favor from an old friend to hopefully contact the ship and get a message to Admiral Simpson.” 

“I can’t have this baby without him,” Y/N cried, out of pure exhaustion. Even though her water broke, she was still going on hour eight of labor, waiting for her cervix to dilate and the baby to drop down even more. The nurses all shared a look, and Penny could read their faces. She had heard them say something to the doctor about being worried about maternal exhaustion. 

“I know you don’t, but you might have to,” Penny said, and Y/N shook her head as another contraction hit. Y/N groaned in pain as she gripped the side rail, her knuckles turning white. Penny grabbed the white bucket next to her and placed it in front of her incase Y/N was sick again. 

When Y/N felt her body relax, she let out a small cry and leaned back against the bed. Penny had hoped that the call she put in with her father would somehow reach the ship. She wished that Iceman was still alive, knowing he’d stop at nothing to get Bob from the ship and straight to the hospital. But all Penny could do was hold Y/N’s hand and wipe the sweat from her forehead. Y/N’s mind was wandering as she thought of the mission Bob was on, and prayed that he was alive and not dead somewhere in a European mountain range. 

— — — 

Life or death, Bob had seen the flash of death right in front of his eyes as Phoenix had navigated them through Coffin Corner. He felt his heart sink when he watched Maverick’s plane get shot down, and he felt like his heart stopped hearing Rooster go down too. Bob did what he could to comfort Phoenix as they flew back to the ship, placing a hand on her shoulder, which she shrugged off. They hadn’t been on the carrier long, when they heard that Rooster’s beacon had been turned back on, and Hangman had been instructed to go on the flight mission to bring them back.  

The second Maverick buzzed by the tower, the tarmac broke out in cheer, as he landed and both of them had a large smile on their faces. Bob and Phoenix rushed over to Rooster, hugging him tightly. Bob had a bright smile on his face as he celebrated with his team. 

“Lt Floyd!?” A voice called out for him. Bob turned around to see Admiral Simpson running towards him. 

“Yes sir?” Bob asked, his heart racing slightly. 

“You need to come with us right away, it’s a family emergency.” 

Bob felt light headed as the Admiral’s words hit his ears. Bob had just escaped death with his team and now he felt a sudden rush of doom. Fanboy and Payback shared a look, confused on what the admiral had just said. As far as anyone knew, Bob didn’t have any family, Bob was a lone ranger. But the look on Phoenix’s face said otherwise. 

“Go!” Phoenix said, pushing him towards the admiral. Bob stumbled on his feet but took off sprinting, trying not to let his mind go to the worse case scenario. Phoenix looked over her shoulder and noticed her fellow aviators looking at her confused, and sighed, “He’s married, and has a wife, who’s very pregnant.” 

Hondo was waiting for Bob when he entered the tower, and relayed the information he had gathered from Admiral Bates. Bob couldn’t digest most of it, but what he gathered was that his wife was in labor and he was stuck on an aircraft carrier in the middle of nowhere after almost dying. Hondo directed him to the admiral’s office where they gave Bob some privacy to call his wife. Bob sat down in the chair, his hands shaking as he picked up the phone and dialed her number, something he memorized.

“Bob, thank god,” Penny answered. 

“H-hey Penny, how is she?” Bob asked, trying to bite back tears. 

“She’s getting checked by the nurses right now, I stepped out when I saw you call. She’s,” Penny sighed and looked down at her shoes, “They are worried about maternal exhaustion. She’s in hour 12 of labor, eight centimeters dilated and trying to fight it. She says she won’t do this without you.” 

“She has too,” Bob said, feeling a tear run down his cheek, “She has to do this. And I swear to god, she will never have to do this alone again. I need to talk to her.” 

“I know, sweetheart,” Penny said, and walked back into the room. Her heart broke seeing Y/N in such pain as she laid on her side. The nurse gave Penny a look, and she nodded, “Y/N, it’s Bob. I’m putting him on speaker.” 

“Oh my god, Bob?” Y/N asked, her voice wavering in pain. Bob felt his heart break as he bit back a sob. He buried his face into his flight suit before speaking up. 

“Hi babe,” Bob said, “This wasn’t how this was supposed to go.” 

“No, not at all,” She sniffed, “God, why can’t you be here. Why now? They’ve been stubborn this whole time, but now?” 

“I know,” He laughed, “But love, you have to stop trying to fight it, okay, you need to let them help you. It’ll only make things harder for you, for the baby.” 

“Bob, I can’t do it,” Y/N protested and closed her eyes, feeling a contraction. Bob heard her suck in a breath and let out a whimper in pain. Penny grabbed her hand and helped her breathe through it. Bob wished so badly he could be there with her, all he ever wanted to do was be a father and he is completely missing it. 

“She’s at ten,” A nurse said, “She keeps putting it off, she won’t be able to push.” 

“Baby, you need to listen to them,” Bob said, sitting up straighter in his seat, “You need to do this okay. I’m right here, Penny is there. You need to bring our baby into the world.” 

“No!” Y/N sobbed and Penny felt tears in her own eyes, “No! I won’t! I want to go home, let me go home!” 

“You’re elevating your heart rate, Y/N,” Her nurse said, walking over to the bed and looking at the EEG reading, “If this continues we’ll have to do a c-section. Y/N, it’s time to push.” 

Bob felt his heart stop. That was the absolutely last thing he wanted her to have to do. It was bad enough she was in labor by herself, he didn’t want to have her go under the knife alone. The nurses and the midwife started to move around, getting everything set up for delivery. Penny helped Y/N get to her back and sit up in the bed. The midwife put Y/N’s feet in the stirrups. 

“Y/N, listen to me,” Bob said sternly, “You have to listen to them, you have to push, okay. I’m right here, I’m doing the best I possibly can.” 

“This isn’t fucking fair,” Y/N cried, and gripped Penny and the nurse’s hand as she felt a contraction and what felt like the baby’s head dropping lower in her birth canal. 

“I know,” Bob answered, “But you can do it okay, listen to the doctors.” Y/N nodded and Penny wiped her forehead. 

The midwife looked up at Y/N and gave her a sad smile, “Alright, Y/N on the next contraction, I need you to push okay. You know your body better than any of us.” 

Y/N nodded and let out a shaky breath. She felt the cramping of a contraction and sucked in a deep breath. When the contraction hit, she pushed, closing her eyes and letting out a groan. Bob closed his eyes, not being able to imagine the pain she was in. With every push that the midwife would count out, Y/N’s groans and cries got louder. He could tell as the time went on that she was getting more and more exhausted. 

“Jesus Chrsit, I can’t do this,” Y/N said breathlessly as she leaned against the back of the bed. 

“You’re so close, Y/N, I can see the baby’s head,” The midwife said, “Next one push as hard as you can.” 

“You got this babe, come on,” Bob said. He heard the midwife tell her to push, “Come on sweetheart, push hard, you got this, come on love.” 

“Crowning!” The midwife called out and Y/N let out a loud cry, “This is the hardest part, you are right here, you can do this. Give me a big push and bring this baby into the world.” 

Y/N moved slightly, and beared down as she pushed hard, feeling a burning sensation as the baby’s head was pushed out of her birthing canal. She closed her eyes tightly, gripping on to Penny and the nurse’s hands for dear life. Bob was saying encouraging words but it was all drawn out as the pain subsided and Y/N felt her body relax. 

“One more, give me one more,” The midwife said, “The hardest part is over, you can do it.” 

“Bob,” Y/N’s voice shook. 

“This is it, you can do it, bring our baby into the world.” Bob said. 

She clenched her jaw tightly, she was surprised that she didn’t break her teeth as she pushed with all her might. It was like white hot pain, almost like breaking a bone, as she felt the baby being pulled from her womb. She let out a broken cry as she felt a weight being placed on her chest, a loud cry filling the room. Y/N’s hands went straight to the squirming newborn on her chest and looked down to see their big brown eyes. Her mind was so overclouded with stimulation that she couldn’t think of anything to say. 

“It’s a girl!” She heard the midwife say and Y/N cried even harder. 

Bob wasn’t fighting back tears anymore as he held his head in his hands and sobbed, hearing the cry of his daughter over the phone. This wasn’t how he expected the delivery of his rainbow baby to go. He always expected him to be right by his wife’s side, holding her hand, sitting behind her as she pushed, encouraging her, seeing his daughter the second she was brought into this world, being able to cut the cord. Instead, he was hearing her loud cries from the middle of the ocean. 

“We’re going to weigh her and clean her up, then we’ll give her right back, okay,” The nurse said to Y/N. She was still so exhausted all she could do was nod, “Congrats momma, and you too, dad!” 

Bob nodded, and wiped his tears, “I love you so much,” He cried out, his voice breaking. 

“I love you too,” Y/N said. 

“I’m going to let you go, okay, I promise, I will be there as soon as I get docked in Miramar. You need to sleep, you did so good, so good, I am so proud of you,” Bob said, knowing he was probably talking to her sleepy self. 

“I love you, Bob,” Y/N said, “I’ll see you when you get here.” 

They said their goodbyes and Bob hung up. He sat there with his head in hands for a bit longer, looking down at the ground. The events of the day started to hit him all at once, and the tears fell down his face uncontrollably. He couldn’t stop his body from shaking as he cried. He didn’t even notice Phoenix walked into the office. Phoenix’s mind went to the worst possible thing as she walked over to him, and placed her hand on his shoulder. Bob looked up at her, his brown eyes wet with tears. 

“Bob-” 

“I’m a dad,” He said, “I’m a fucking dad!” 

“Oh my god!” Phoenix said, pulling Bob from his seat and hugged him. She pulled back from the hug and looked at him, “Is everything okay? Y/N? The baby?” 

“A healthy little girl,” Bob smiled, “Y/N’s okay, the best she can be for having a baby on her own. But . . I’m a girl dad.” 

— — — 

She knew she had slept too long, even though she had been a mom for less than a day, she knew she still slept too long. Y/N groaned as she opened her eyes, squinting at the harsh light above her head. Her body was still sore, especially her lower region. Penny had been a godsend helping her through the night when she had to get up and pee or wanted to walk around. Y/N rubbed her eyes as she looked towards the small basnet that was placed by her bed, to find it empty. Her heart skipped a beat as she looked around the room frantically to hear the sweet voice she had been waiting to hear. 

“Looks like Mom is up,” Bob said, walking over to his wife. Y/N’s heart settled back down as she saw the small bundle of blankets in his arms. He hadn’t even change18d bbout of his flight suit and it looked like he hadn’t slept in hours, but Bob still looked amazing, “You were sleeping and I didn’t want to wake you but the second I saw her I knew that I-” 

“It’s okay,” She said, her voice still gravely from screaming during labor, “You’re here.” 

“I’m here,” Bob said and sat down on her bed, “And you will never have to do that alone again, I promise.” 

“Bob, I can’t ask you to give up what you love.” 

“But I love this more,” Bob said, looking between his wife and his daughter. 

“She looks like you,” Y/N said, “Those eyes are exactly like yours.” Bob smiled as his daughter opened her tired eyes, “She doesn’t have a name yet. I was waiting for you so we can name her.” 

Bob studied his daughter. Names were something that the two of them had spent some time going back and forth on. Neither one was quite set on a certain name, agreeing that once they saw their child they would be able to know what their name should be. Bob ran his finger gently down her face as she yawned. 

“Eleanor,” Bob said and looked at his wife, “Eleanor May Floyd.”

--- --- ---

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promise | jj maybank

gif creds to it’s respective owner ! <3

SUMMARY: after confessing your feelings to your best friend in a swirl of emotions, resulting in probably the worst outcome you can imagine, you soon come to realize he was in just as much pain as you.

PAIRINGS: jj maybank x fem!pogue!reader , pope heyward x fem!pogue!reader (platonic)

WORD COUNT: 10.6k (she do be a long one, but it’s worth it)

WARNINGS: angst, fluff, depictions of smut

A/N: hello! this is the first imagine that i ever posted on tumblr. hope whoever reads this likes it, it's one of my favourites so i wanted to start off strong. grab a drink/snack and enjoy :) <3

☼ ☼ ☼

You sit frozen even under the blazing sun. You’ve buried your feet beneath the sand, gripping the couple seashells you caught while surfing in your hand until lines press into your skin. You try to focus on your burning soles or the sting from the shells, but his voice is too prominent in your ears to drown out.

“Y/N? Can you please listen, this is important.” JJ playfully nudges your arm and lingers his hand on your shoulder.

You quickly pull back from his touch and wrap your arms around yourself protectively, trying to pay no mind to the slightly confused expression that contorts his features. You’ve done enough overanalyzing with him to know that he doesn’t mean anything by these seemingly affectionate gestures. He never does.

“What, JJ. I’m not in the mood right now.” You sharply say, keeping your gaze on your black-painted toes sticking out from the sand. And it’s true. You really did not want to hear about all the ways JJ could ask Kiara out properly.

He huffs and rests his hands on his knees, still remaining seated on the towel next to you. “I just want your advice. What’s up with you today? You were fine this morning, and now you’re acting all irritated with me.”

Yeah, maybe because I couldn’t pretend to be okay anymore after seeing that stupid smile on your stupid face when Kiara kissed your stupid forehead at 7 in the morning. Or during school, seeing you pass notes in class and winking when phones clearly exist, like you just have to rub it in. Or after school at John B’s house watching you trying to braid her hair while the rest of us were doing homework. Or before we left for the beach as she rubs sunscreen all over your back, when that’s usually my job.

But of course, you didn’t say any of that.

“Whatever. Like you care.” You scoff and look up at the ocean, watching your friends laugh and push each other off their surfboards.

“I do care, Y/N. You’re my best friend, your opinion means the most to me.” He pauses for a moment and runs his hand through his golden hair. “Did I do something?”

Your heart clenches in your chest, and for a second you want to drop the angry act and hug him, comfort him and reassure him that he could do no wrong. That he was everything and more. But you had to block out your pain, and anger was just the emotion strong enough for the job.

You keep your stone cold glare, and manage to turn it towards him. He’s already looking at you, but not in the way he looks at Kiara before she notices. Not in the way where he looks at her and sees his purpose for existence. Not in the way you look at him.

Instead, he’s looking at you with a lost expression, brows furrowed in confusion, eyes asking for answers. As your glare locks into his soft pale blue eyes, he closes his mouth and looks away. At least he knows not to push you any further.

After an excruciating 10 minutes of sitting in awkward silence with nothing but the waves and seagulls, you hear Kiara’s melodic voice travel over the water and sand to reach your ears. “Ayo, JJ! Y/N! What are you guys doing? Get in the water before it gets too dark!”

Even the sound of her voice makes your ears hot with jealousy and your chest ache with pain. The worst part wasn’t even that she was the girl JJ held in his heart, it was the fact that she was also your best friend, and an absolute angel. She did nothing wrong, and you had no reason to feel so negatively towards someone as kind hearted as her. But the fact that she unknowingly took JJ from you was enough.

She’s waving her arms frantically to get you two’s attention, as if you don’t already see her. It makes you wanna flip her off, but JJ beats you to any action by laughing and standing up, the towel he was sitting on -- your towel -- still hooked in his arms. He throws the damp pink and green fabric around his neck before cupping his hands over his mouth to yell, “You got it, Kie! There’s a sick wave rolling in!”

You roll your eyes, and he notices, but still presses his lips together in a sad smile. “You coming or what, my angry girl?”

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. You repeat this in your head over and over again before you dare to speak. ‘My angry girl’, he had said. Like you were his, like he was yours. Like you were his girl. But you weren’t, so why did he think it was okay to keep up with his little spur of the moment nicknames, when they so obviously had no ounce of affection behind them?

You stand up and grab your surfboard. JJ’s face lights up as he shoots you a bright smile, happy at the fact that you’re over whatever it was that was bothering you and are ready to finally have a good time.

But he was wrong. That’s not why you stood up and grabbed your things.

“Have fun.” You say coldly, clenching your teeth to prevent you from saying anything else, for you know that if you did you’d erupt into tears. You tighten your hold on your board, yank your towel from his shoulders, and turn on your heel to walk off the beach.

You can’t take the Twinkie back to your house, since that was John B’s car and the gang’s ride, and JJ knew that too. As you walk by the van, ready to take your walk home alone under the setting sun with just your bikini, towel, and board, you can’t help but hope that JJ will come after you, or call out your name. Just something to show that he doesn’t want you to leave, that he wants to find out what’s wrong, that he wants you safe with him.

But when you turn your head slightly over your shoulder to see if your thoughts have manifested into reality, you’re met with his sculpted back running towards the ocean, diving into the thrashing waves and tackling a laughing Kiara.

The salt dripping from your hair melts with the salt on your cheeks.

~ ~ ~

That night on the beach was only one out of many, many other occurrences in which you had to protect your bleeding soul from any more pain by ultimately being a bitch to the boy you’re in love with.

You didn’t always resort to hostility. There was a time where you would fake a smile and push aside any feelings for the sake of your relationship with JJ. But after a while, it all got too much. You remember the first time you felt any hint of insecurity.

It was about a year ago, a couple weeks after Kiara officially joined the gang by announcing she’s done with the kook academy and would now be spending all her time with you guys. You were so excited at first, for you guys hung out with her once in a while when she wasn’t trapped with the kooks, and now she would finally always be there. Of course, JJ hit on her when they first met, but you didn’t think much of it. He flirted with everyone.

But those feelings quickly got diminished when you and JJ were waxing your surfboards alone in John B’s shed. It was going well like it always did, and you were blushing like you always did when it was just you two. But then he said it, the first hint that he actually liked Kiara.

“It’s amazing that Kie is always here now, isn’t it?” He said, muscles flexing as he thoroughly waxed his white board.

You diverted your gaze away from his arms to see him smiling aimlessly, though you doubted it was directed at the task at hand.

“Oh, uh. Yeah. She’s great,” You replied honestly.

JJ looked up at you, the same smile on his face. “It’s so much better with her here.”

It’s so much better with her here.

Those words have never left your mind since he said them a whole sun’s revolution ago, and it still bothers you all the same. How could he say that, after only 2 weeks of her being there? How could he say that, when you were the one who’s been his best friend since you were kids, before John B or Pope? How could he say that, when he should be feeling that way about you?

Overtime, it got worse.

When you showed up at his house, backpack in hand filled with you two’s favourite snacks and his favourite alcohol, ready to go for your normal weekend hike. “Oh shit, sorry Y/N. I told Kie I’d go surfing with her today. Next week though, yeah?” And he kissed your cheek, like he always did since he was 10. But, the hikes stopped.

At the bonfires when you reached for the red solo cup in his hand, and he pulled it away, laughing. “Oh-- This is for Kiara. Vodka cran. Can you believe that? So ridiculous.” But he smiled admirably the whole time. Usually he got you a drink, so you were used to just reaching for it. He still did get you drinks now, but only after Kiara got hers.

At Midsummers, when you were so excited to show him your red dress that you picked specifically because he said he liked it when walking past a store window. But of course Kiara walked in a second after you in her beautiful silky purple dress. “Wow, look at you.” JJ had said, and you prayed that he meant you, but when you looked up he was practically ogling at the glowing goddess next to you. Kiara laughed and told him to shut up, to which he grinned back and linked his arm with hers. “Shall we, you kook?” He jokingly said. As they were walking out of the hallway and into the party, leaving you behind, Kiara was the one who asked if you were coming. JJ didn’t say a word to you the whole night about your dress.

And the rest of the year was all a blur from there, just the obvious favouritism and admiration of her whenever the pogues hung out. You didn’t even want to think about what went on when it was just JJ and Kiara. And now that John B had Sarah, you felt even more forgotten than ever. Little did you know that there was one certain nerdy boy left in your friend group who was more similar to you than you thought.

~ ~ ~

It was now about a month after the beach, and the second last week of school before the summer. You were all sitting in second period, the class before lunch, working on review before the exams that would take place next week.

Not only were you stressed from school, since you haven’t really given it much thought recently, but today you were just extra irritable. You were tired, insecure, upset, and trying to memorize these goddamn history facts.

You were biting your nails and bouncing your leg at a very fast pace when you felt a wad of paper hit your head. You freeze and clench your jaw. You know exactly where that came from. You slowly turn around and see JJ awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

“Sorry, Y/N. Can you pass that to Kie? She’s too far from me,” He whispers, slightly leaning forward.

You’ve had enough.

You pick up the note and don’t even bother to read what’s on it. Instead, you get up to your feet and throw it right back at him, hard. He’s a bit startled as it hits his chest, and he looks up at you, bewildered.

“Give it to her yourself,” You spit, clenching your fists. “And fuck off.”

People in the class are looking at you, including your friends, but you couldn’t care less. John B mouths ‘what the fuck?’ at you, Kiara is staring at you wide-eyed, and JJ just… JJ just looks sad. You make eye contact with Pope, but he isn’t looking at you like some freak, like everyone else. He’s looking at you with kind eyes. He sends you a sad, knowing smile that sofly curves his lips. You almost tear up looking at him, and you aren’t even sure why. Why was he looking at you like that?

Your thoughts are interrupted when your teacher calls your name. “Y/N, excuse me! Wh--”

You cut him off by raising your hand. “Yea, sir, I know. I’m leaving.” You leave the classroom without another word, leaving your friends and peers looking after you, confused.

~ ~ ~

Later that night as you lie lazily on your couch, scrolling aimlessly through your phone, you get a text from John B.

JB: Hey psycho

You roll your eyes and swipe the message away. A couple minutes later, you get more.

JB: That was a joke

I’m kidding

You’re not actually a psycho

Well… sometimes

To stop him from spamming you anymore, you groan and reluctantly text him back.

Y/N: holy shit what do u want

JB: Ah there she is

Come to the Chateau

Y/N: no

JB: Okay well first of all rude

Second of all I already sent JJ to get you

You shoot up in bed, breathing heavy. Are you fucking kidding me? Boys are so goddamn stupid sometimes.

Y/N: john b, NO.

seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?

JB: Woah, why you getting mad at me for?

Y/N: were you not in class today?

JB: Yeah, we all were. Pretty sure the whole school knows about your outburst towards... You know. Your best friend? Who’s coming right now? And will be there in 2 minutes?

You couldn’t even text him back, with how mad you were. Why couldn’t they understand you wanted to be alone? You were clearly upset, and they wouldn’t respect your space. Maybe if you got upstairs before JJ showed up, you could avoid this whole thing--

“Y/N, it’s JJ.”

You sigh and look towards your glass door. JJ is there, hands in pockets and red backwards hat keeping the hair away from his face. He’s looking at you with an unreadable expression. Well, there goes your plan to just hide away from the world.

You don’t move, and remain seated on the couch, crossing your arms and looking down at your feet.

“Can you please come outside?” He says through the screen. His voice is so fragile, as if trying to be careful not to overstep and get you more upset. It makes you want to cry.

“Universe, be with me.” You mumble to yourself as you weakly get up from your spot and make your way to the door. He steps back a bit to give you some space as you step outside. The cool night breeze quickly nips at your bare stomach and arms, as you’re only in a black crop top and jean shorts. You wrap your arms around yourself and force yourself to look up at him.

He purses his lips together before pulling his grey sweatshirt over his head, leaving him only in a white tank top. He holds it out to you.

Your heart swells at him noticing your slight chill, and for a moment you were about to take it from him. Your fingertips barely graze the soft fabric as the scent of his cologne, sea water, and cocoa butter already reaches your nose. But then you remember two nights ago, when you were all hanging out in your backyard by the fire. Kiara was still cold, so JJ gave her his sweater. It was a different one, but still. You won’t be the second choice.

You shake your head and retract your hand to hug yourself tighter, looking out at the road. Anywhere but his eyes.

You hear him sigh, “Just take the sweater, Y/N. I know you’re upset with me, but it’s cold. I can see you shivering.”

“What would Kiara think if she saw me in your sweater?” You surprise yourself.

“What?” He asks, confused. “I… I don’t know. I don’t think it would matter.”

“Yeah,” You scoff, “Of course you don’t.” He’s so oblivious to everything. It must be nice to live in a world of ignorance, not knowing who you’re hurting or what you’re doing wrong.

A few moments of silence go by between you two, so you decide to just start walking to the Chateau. You quickly walk down the steps and onto the side road. JJ catches up with you shortly after, and you two walk side by side.

About halfway there, he breaks the silence once again. “Y/N, please.”

“Please what, JJ?” You mutter, trying to sound uninterested.

“Please tell me what I did.” You notice him looking at you through your peripheral vision but force yourself to keep looking straight ahead. “It’s killing me.”

You bite down on your tongue. It’s hard to believe that he’s so affected by you distancing yourself from him. “Why?” You ask, though it wasn’t really a question. “You have Kiara, you don’t need me.”

He lets out a dry, fed up laugh, “Y/N, I don’t understand! Why do you keep bringing up Kiara when I’m trying to talk about you?”

“It’s so much better with her here, isn’t it?” You quote, voice slightly shaking at the end as you finally look at him.

At first his eyes are blank, searching for meaning behind your words. But after a bit, you see the gears lock in place.

“I--” He starts, “You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Do I know that, JJ? Because it sure seems like it. You’re completely obsessed with her. It’s like I don’t exist.” You feel the familiar sting of tears cloud up your vision. “So you should be grateful I’m no longer getting in your way.”

“Grateful? Y/N, did you not hear me? It kills me. Every time you look at me like you don’t want me there, it kills. Every time you push my hand away, it kills. Every time you walk right past me without so much as a glance in my direction, it kills.”

You quickly wipe your eyes. You will not break in front of him. Stay strong, Y/N. Rage over pain. “Yeah, well. Now you know how I’ve felt this whole year.”

“What do you mean?” He asks, raising his voice. “I’ve never treated you the way you’re treating me.”

You halt in your tracks, looking at him with wide eyes. You feel like you’re going to throw up. “Are you fucking kidding me?” You yell. He’s visibly surprised at your outburst. “You haven’t been treating me like shit? Really? You’re gonna say that with your whole chest?”

He starts to shout back at you, “No, I haven’t! Okay, maybe I should have paid more attention to you… Or-- or, or not cancelled so many plans. But I never treated you like I didn’t want you around, I always want you around!”

“Well, you did JJ! You fucking did! You don’t have to roll your eyes at me or push me away to tell me I’m not important to you anymore. Just giving all your energy to someone else says enough. Recently I’ve only been seeing you when the whole gang would hang out, because the rest of the time you’re fucking Kiara!” You scream, voice cracking as you finally let the angry tears escape your eyes.

You turn and start to quicken your pace, but he doesn’t let you go far. You feel his hand grab your arm and pull you back towards him.

“Y/N, seriously! For fucks sake! What the actual fuck are you talking about!?” He shouts, tightening his grip. “I’m not fucking Kiara!”

Your skin burns from the pressure of his fingers digging into your skin, “I bet you wish you were, though.” You grit out, yanking your arm away from him. You feel the pulsing of flesh from where his nails just were.

“Why should it even matter if I was, anyway? It’s not like me and you are together.” He clenches his jaw.

For a moment, you’re at a loss for words. How can you say anything else without giving it away even more that you were hopelessly in love with him? He was right, you weren’t together. If only he knew that was the reason for your pain all along. There was absolutely no way he didn’t at least have an idea that you loved him, after all the fighting and obvious jealousy.

You had nothing to lose.

“Yeah, we aren’t together.” You swallow and brace yourself for the worst possible outcome. “But we could be. Should be.” No going back now. The words left your raw throat and were now spoken out into the universe.

For the first time since you’ve met him, JJ was speechless.

You couldn’t take it anymore, just him staring at you in complete shock. What was he thinking? Did he absolutely hate you for ruining the dynamic between you two? Did he want to turn around and never see you again? Could he… Could he possibly, even a tiny sliver of him, feel the same way?

You decided to put the ball in his court. “Come on, JJ. Don’t act like you didn’t know. Even if it was just a little part of you.”

He remained quiet for a few more seconds before finally opening his mouth. “Y/N…”

“You knew.” You spit out, glaring at him. “I know you did.”

“I… I thought the reason you were mad at me was just because I was neglecting you. I honestly didn’t think it was because you--” He stopped himself, as if trying to find the right words. “Because you liked me.”

You sigh and look down at your hands, twisting your rings around your fingers. “I don’t just like you, JJ.” You truly had no idea why you were being so bold, before you would have sworn on your grave that you would never let him find out. But there’s only so much hurt a person can take before they crumble.

You look up at his apprehensive face. He looks almost… scared. Scared of you saying it and making it real. But you can't protect anyone's feelings anymore, you’ve been doing that too long. You take a deep breath, and look at his doubtful ocean eyes.

“I love you.”

He sucks in a breath, and to your surprise, you see red rimming the whites of his eyes. “Why, Y/N?” He cracks, “Why did you have to say that?”

“Because it’s true,” You weakly confess, tasting tears on your tongue.

“No, no, no. Fuck,” He gasps out and takes off his hat to run his hands through his hair.

“I’m in love with you, JJ.”

“Jesus Christ, Y/N.” He closes his eyes and shakes his head.

“You can’t make me take it back. It’s how I feel.”

“But why-- Fuck, Y/N. Why are you telling me this now?” He asks, a pained tone in his voice.

You frown at him, wondering what he’s getting at, “What do you mean?”

“I mean-- you couldn’t have told me this before?! Like, not even a few months ago?!”

“I don’t… I don’t understand how that would have changed anything.”

“It--” He turns around so that he’s no longer facing you and throws his head into his hands. Then, very quietly that you think you might’ve imagined it, he says, “It would have.”

The slight rustle of trees in the background seem deafening in your ear as you stand watching his back.

Then your whole world falls on you, crushing you deep into the earth’s core and sucking all the life from you.

“But it doesn’t anymore.” JJ says as he turns back to you, eyes red and watery.

“I don’t understand,” You whisper softly, so gentle that you see JJ’s face mould into a painful expression at the sound of it.

He takes a step forward and slowly wipes the tears from under your eyes where they have spilt many times before. Then, he presses his forehead against yours, keeping his hands on your face. “I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry.” He murmurs. “I’m sorry that I didn’t realize sooner. I’m sorry that you didn’t tell me when you first felt it.”

You choke on a sob, “I first felt it as soon as I met you, as kids, when you accidentally stepped on my sandcastle.”

“No,” He shakes his head against yours, “No. That’s not when you first felt it. You couldn’t have loved me all that time.”

“Yes, it was.” You retract a bit so that his hands are still on your face, but you’re looking at each other. “I have loved you before I even knew what it was.”

He looks as if he’s restraining himself from saying something. The veins in his neck protrude through his smooth skin.

“What did you mean,” You continue, “when you said it would have changed things if I told you sooner?”

He lets go of you, and you feel like collapsing.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. That’s the problem, Y/N. I…” He looks down, away from your eyes. “I have feelings for Kiara now.”

“N-Now?” Your throat trembles. “What do you mean, ‘now’? You didn’t before?”

He ignores your question. “She kissed me. I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend tonight. It’s… it’s what I was asking you at the beach before you stormed off.”

He doesn’t say anything else as you slowly walk to the Chateau. You don’t say anything either, because you can’t. There’s nothing else for you to say. Your face is frozen in a pained expression, the tears in your eyes stuck in place, neither going away nor spilling. You keep your eyes on the ground beneath your worn out running shoes, hands still rubbing slow circles on your arms.

As you reach the house, before making your way to the backyard where the pogue’s voices were heard, JJ turns toward you. “Y/N--”

“Don’t, JJ.” You quip. “Just don’t say anything else, and neither will I. I promise. I’ll leave it alone.”

He clenches his teeth, and nods once. Then he takes your hand and places his grey sweatshirt into it. “Just take the sweater, Y/N. Please.”

You swallow, feeling the walls of your throat scratch painfully together from trying not to cry. And you nod.

~ ~ ~

It’s half past 11. John B is inside with Sarah, failing miserably at making cookies. JJ and Kiara have snuck off to who-knows-where. You didn’t know where they ran off to, you only knew it was somewhere in the forest behind the house since before they left your sight hand-in-hand, JJ met your eyes with an unreadable look. So now it was just you swaying pathetically in the hammock, staring at the remnants of the dying fire. In a way, you were grateful this awkward night was finally at an end. It was harder than you thought to pretend that the conversation with JJ didn’t happen, and to avoid the looks you two would send each other. You thought for sure that your friends must have noticed, but if they did, they didn’t show it.

As you were wondering what JJ and Kiara were doing, and how John B and Sarah’s cooking was going, you realized you had no idea where Pope was. That was, until you felt someone climb into the hammock beside you.

“Hey.” It was Pope.

You open your tired eyes and manage to smile at him, “Hey, Pope.”

He smiles back and gets more cozy beside you in the hammock. You two just sit listening to the crackling of the fire and the faint sound of Sarah’s laughter from inside the house. The peace is quickly interrupted when you hear the fire alarm go off in the distance.

You and Pope burst out into laughter as you hear John B’s frantic screams and Sarah’s panicked orders.

“They’re a mess,” You giggle.

“Yeah, they are.” Pope agrees. “They’re perfect for each other.”

“So, uh,” You clear your throat, “What happened after I left school today?”

“Well, the class was kinda quiet for a second, but then teach just yelled at us to keep doing our work so… It was forgotten about pretty quickly.”

You nod, thankful that it wasn’t made a big deal. “Thank you for not looking at me like I lost my mind. I know I’ve not been myself recently… or like, the past few months… but still. Everyone just kind of looked at me like I had two heads when I blew up at JJ.”

Pope nudges your arm with his shoulder, “I understand you, that’s why.”

You look at him, “Huh?”

He purses his lips as he contemplates continuing, but he does. “JJ.”

That’s all he says. That’s all he needs to say for you to understand what he means.

You let out a defeated scoff as you play with the sleeves of JJ’s sweatshirt that you were wearing, “Well, apparently everyone knew but him.” You shake your head, trying to rid yourself of the painful thoughts. “How do you understand how I feel, anyway?”

He shifts his gaze towards the forest, a sad look fogging his dark eyes.

And it hits you. All those times you were focused on JJ with Kiara, you forgot to pay attention to Pope, and where he was during all of this.

- -

“Oh shit, sorry Y/N. I told Kie I’d go surfing with her today. Next week though, yeah?” JJ had said. Later that day, you went to get coffee with Pope, who told you that he asked Kiara to study with him, to which she said she had plans.

“Oh-- This is for Kiara. Vodka cran. Can you believe that? So ridiculous.” JJ had said. 10 minutes later, Pope offered Kiara a drink, to which she said she already had one and gestured to the cup in her hand.

“Wow, look at you.” JJ had said. “Shall we, you kook?” Pope had told you he liked your dress, but he was looking at Kiara dancing with JJ. You had told him you liked his suit, but you were looking at JJ dancing with Kiara.

- -

“Kiara,” You say, coming out of your flashbacks. Pope simply nods, looking embarrassed. You let out a sarcastic laugh, “Why does everyone like Kiara?”

He snorts and rebuttals, “Why does everyone like JJ?”

You both chuckle, though it leaves a melancholic tone in the air. You lean your head against his shoulder, to which he returns the gesture and rests his head on top of yours. You try to only focus on your best friend next to you, trying to find comfort in the fact that someone else shares your pain.

As the hammock stills and your breathing levels, you fall asleep holding on to your best friend who you’ve really underestimated all this time.

~ ~ ~

“Ow, what the fuck!?”

You jolt up from the hammock at the sound of Pope’s screech, as he frantically looks around to see who threw an empty beer can at his head. You rub your eyes to adjust to the burning morning sun blaring through the tree leaves, and your blurry vision finally locks onto a tall, lean figure.

As your gaze finally clears, you notice it’s JJ standing over you two. He has another beer can in his hand, and he’s looking at Pope with a clenched jaw.

“Morning,” JJ says dryly and throws another can at Pope. “You two sleep well?”

“Would you stop-- Ow, what the hell man?” Pope flinches and swipes the empty cans onto the grass.

You groan and massage your head at all the commotion. You might’ve drank more than you thought last night in an attempt to numb your feelings. Pope notices, and relaxes his posture a bit as he puts a hand on your back and rubs comfortingly. “Shit, sorry Y/N. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks Pope,” You kindly smile at him and put your face in his neck to block out the brightness. “Ugh, I’m so fucking tired.”

“Why don’t I take you home then.” JJ quickly says and steps towards you guys. He grabs your chin and pulls you to face him and off of Pope.

“JJ, stop!” You hiss as a sharp pain shoots from your head down to your stomach. You feel like you’ll throw up if you move too much.

“Yeah, man. Just let her relax,” Pope agrees and soothingly pats your hair. “You’re hurting her.”

As you get settled against Pope again, you mumble, “Yeah, he does that a lot.”

Pope awkwardly presses his lips into a line at your comment and looks at JJ for a split second -- who swallows and looks down -- before lying down against you again.

“Seriously, Y/N.” JJ sighs and gently presses his fingers against your arm. “You’ll feel better if you sleep in your own bed.”

“What’s the problem, JJ? She’s fallen asleep here many times before, most of the time with you.” Pope mumbles and puts his hat over his head to cover his eyes from the sun.

“What time is it, anyways?” You ask as you weakly reach for your phone in your short pockets. The dim screen reads 6:47 am. You groan, “Are you fucked, JJ? It’s not even 7 am and you’re waking us up? It’s fucking Saturday.” When he doesn’t say anything, you continue, “Besides, where’s Kiara?” You feel Pope stiffen beside you.

You hear JJ shuffle his feet as he stands. “Uh… She’s--”

“I’m disappointed, guys.” Kiara’s voice is heard coming into earshot. “Empty beer cans in the grass? Have I taught you nothing?”

You don’t even bother to say anything back, and instead turn your whole body completely over so that you are fully facing Pope. As if thinking the same thing, Pope turns as well and throws his arm around you both, providing ultimate protection from the brightness -- and the two people who broke each of your hearts.

You sense Kiara picking up the cans, and she says, “Oh wow, look at them.” She laughs, “What happened last night guys…?” She asks suspiciously, yet a playful tone is tinged on her lips.

You decide to play along with her suspicions, “Wouldn’t you like to know.” You say against Pope’s shirt. He chuckles and whispers ‘nice’ in your ear so low that you know no one else heard it.

“What did he say?” JJ asks, sounding irritated. When Kiara says she didn’t hear, he asks again, “Pope, what did you say? Y/N?”

“He said he wants you to go away,” You lie. Pope snorts.

“We’re trying to sleep,” He adds.

“Okay, J. I need you to drive me home,” Kiara says.

“J? Is it that hard for you to say an extra letter?” You sarcastically quip, earning yet another laugh from Pope.

“Uh… Okay…” Kiara says in a confused tone. “Don’t know what that was.”

“Y/N,” JJ begins.

“Seriously J, let’s go, my parents are gonna kill me.” Kiara continues.

“Yea, J. You’ve got somewhere to be,” Pope says.

“Shut up, Pope,” JJ snaps. “Y/N, meet me at the country club after my shift at 5 tonight, yeah?”

You throw your free arm around Pope. “Can’t. Me and Pope have plans.”

“Okay, bye guys.” Kiara says, and no more is heard from either of them.

After a few moments of just listening to the morning ocean waves and chirping birds, Pope slightly lifts his head. “Are they gone?”

“I think so,” You inquire and sit up as well. As you both sit up from your position on the hammock and notice it was indeed just you two, you breathe out and rub your temples. “Jesus. Do you have any idea what the actual fuck that was?”

Pope sighs and gets up, stretching. “No idea. JJ was acting weird as hell. Why did he… throw freaking beer cans at me to wake me up? And only me, not you?”

“Fuck if I know,” You let out a puff of air through your cheeks, “Why were they up before 7 in the morning anyways?”

“Yeah I know, and the fact that he wanted you to leave so badly.” He pauses. “Could that… maybe mean something, do you think?”

You quickly shake your head, “Pope, don’t even try to give me false hope. The little gestures he does never mean anything. Like, he still kisses me on the cheek for fucks sake.”

“Still? From when you were, like, 10 years old?” Pope asks, and you nod, throwing your arms up in defeat. He continues, “Well, if he really asked Kiara to be his girlfriend last night, it’d be weird if he still did that, right?”

“I guess so…” You chew your lip. “Whatever, I don’t wanna talk about it. So, what are our plans?”

“Oh right,” Pope laughs. “I forgot for a second that we were ‘busy’ tonight. How about the new book store that just opened?”

“Sounds perfect,” You grin, and intertwine your arm with his as you walk back to the Chateau to get some breakfast. You would have no idea what to do if you didn’t have Pope with you, standing by your side throughout it all.

~ ~ ~

The next month goes by more or less the same way. John B and Sarah completely in love and oblivious to it all, JJ and Kiara kind-of together (you weren’t exactly sure what was going on there), and you and Pope spending most of the time that the gang wasn’t hanging out with each other, since you were the only ones who understood one another. It provided a good distraction from the pain. For instance, every time you saw Kiara grab onto JJ’s hand and you felt that emptiness in your chest, you looked at Pope, who understandably smiled at you. The same pain was evident in his eyes, and you were reminded that you were going to watch a crime documentary with him later on. That’s how you both held on. Distractions and friendship.

There were so many nights that ended with you crying in Pope’s arms, the movie playing quietly in the background. Or Pope falling asleep in your lap after hours of venting to you about his feelings toward Kiara. Or silent coffee runs where you would just sit in each other's pain. But it was at least a bit better than before. At least you both had someone to help with the aches, to hold your hand or hug you when you needed to be loved.

You didn’t believe that the pain would ever go away, that you would ever heal. Not as long as JJ wasn’t yours. But at least you had something to hold on to.

One night, in the middle of June, you and Pope were sitting on the beach. You guys were in a special spot that he didn’t know about. Around the rocks, on the right side by the hill, there was a patch of sand that led to an opening on the beach. A perfect spot for anything... surfing, swimming, or even chilling on the sand. It was completely hidden from the rest of the world, like it’s own enclosure. You guys decided to hang out after you overheard Kiara talking about bringing JJ by The Wreck to ‘officially’ meet her parents.

“Why didn’t we ever come here before? It’s so nice.” Pope says, leaning back on his arms.

You look out into the ocean, admiring the moon’s reflection on the still water. You shrugged, “It was me and JJ’s spot. We found it when we were 12 years old, never showed anyone.”

You close your eyes to prevent tears from forming as you remember all your favourite memories that took place here.

- -

12 years old. You accidentally fell off a rock while climbing. You closed your eyes, expecting to crack your skull, but luckily landed on a soft surface. “Y/N! Oh my god oh my god oh my god…” You hear young JJ’s frantic voice call after you from the other side. You rub your lower back and groan, “Here, JJ! Behind the twisty rocks! I’m okay!” Soon, JJ’s 12 year old head popped up from behind the rocks, a worried expression on his face, and you smiled at him. “Woah,” he had said, “You found the most perfect place ever. I can hide my dad’s weed here!” You rolled your eyes, “JJ!” He climbed over and joined you in the patch. “What? For when we’re older, stupid.”

13 years old. First time he told you about his dad. You tried to hug him, but he brushed you off and said he was fine. When he noticed you got a little sad at his action, he kissed your cheek -- like he always did -- and said, “Thanks, Y/N. I got you for life, remember that. I won’t ever let anyone do to you what my dad does to me.”

14 years old. He was finishing his second joint of the day, and decided to try and go surfing. You could see his bruised knuckles gripping his board from when he punched Topper Thornton in the face because he called you trash. “JJ, no. You’re not going surfing while high. You can’t even walk in a straight line. We only started smoking this year, we’re not used to it yet.” But he only ruffled your hair and ran towards the water, almost tripping on his feet. You weren’t that good at surfing yet, let alone at night and under influence, so you decided to watch from the shore. After a while, you noticed you couldn’t see him anymore, and this spot was a completely different section from the rest of the beach, hidden behind rocks and hills. No one could see or help if he didn’t come back. You started to cry and call out for him, screaming bloody murder into the night. After a few minutes, you ran into the water to get help, completely getting all your clothes wet, your badly done eyeliner smudging down your eyes. Suddenly, you felt someone grab your arm. You screamed, and were met with a hysterically laughing JJ. “Holy shit! Did you see that!? That was fucking awesome!” You let out a choked sob and hugged him tightly, the angry night waves kicking harshly against your legs. “Woah, Y/N, why are you crying? I’m fine, I just fell off the board.” But he hugged you back. “I’m right here. It’s okay.”

15 years old. You had recently been feeling all sorts of new… emotions and sensations. Ones that you didn’t understand yet. Like what that weird feeling in your stomach was when JJ would put his hand on your thigh. Or why you had to squeeze your legs together when he whispered in your ear. Or why, right now, you sat up straight in the sand and held your breath as he laid his head in your lap. You tried not to look at his shirtless body that was lying down literally on top of you. It was now sculpting into something different than it had been all the other years you’d known him, and you’d definitely noticed. You wondered if he noticed your body blossoming as well, how your chest was filling into its shape, and your curves got more accentuated. You wondered if he felt the same way when you touched him. As all these thoughts churned in your mind, you started to run your fingers through his hair and continue reading your book to stop your mind from thinking, but after less than a minute, his eyes shot open as he lifted his head off your thighs and hunched over. “Uh--” He had started, standing up quickly and walking towards the water, keeping his back turned on you and arms in front of him, “I’m gonna go for a quick swim.” You sat there for 10 minutes wondering what happened until he came back. “I’m just gonna… sit here for now.” He sat about an arms length away from you, giving you a weird smile and sitting in an awkward position.

16 years old. You two jumped off the rocks and ran into the patch, holding hands and laughing. He helped you off the last of the rocks by grabbing your waist and catching you from your mini-fall. You heard the kooks calling after you from the other side, but you lost them. No one could find this spot unless they knew where to go. “I can’t believe we just did that,” You laughed, resting your hands on your knees and trying to catch your breath. “Those fucking kooks deserved it, it’s not like they use it anyways, it‘s just sitting there collecting dust in their storage container. It’s a tragedy. I’m so proud of you.” He cheered as you handed him the keys you stole from Sarah Cameron’s beach bag. You heard Rafe’s voice in the distance yelling that he was going to kill you both, and you just laughed harder. “I’m finally gonna know what it’s like to drive that beauty of a boat.” He said and pulled you towards him, spinning you in a circle. “To going full kook, baby girl!” He shouted in bliss, laughing. “To going full kook!”

17 years old. A couple months after Kiara had fully joined the friend group. You two were sitting on your surfboards in the water, talking about anything and everything as the sun began to set. As you watched the orange and pink skies turn the water into a deeper navy, you noticed him staring at you. “We haven’t been here much lately,” He said, “It used to be our go-to spot”. You looked at him, how the golden hour poured beautifully onto his skin, illuminating the blue of his eyes. “It’s not going anywhere.” You said in return. He dipped his hand into the water and splashed you. “I’m serious, Y/N. I miss this.” He jumped off his board and swam over to you. He placed his hands on your board at either side of your hips and pulled himself up between your legs, smiling at you. “Don’t forget about this spot, ever. And don’t show anyone else. This is only ours.” You bit the inside of your cheek, feeling very nervous as his nose brushed yours. “I won’t.” You said. He pressed his nose against yours, “Promise?” You chuckled and pushed him back into the water. When he emerged from the dark water, laughing, you smiled softly at him and held out your pinky. He interlocked his own, and you said, “Promise.”

- -

Now you are both 18 years old, and you haven’t been here once. Instead, you were here with Pope. Guilt immediately consumed you as soon as you remembered that last memory. You had promised him that you would show no one else this spot, and here you are. With someone that isn’t him.

“It’s fine. He probably took Kiara here a million times already,” Pope says, as if he could read your mind. “Besides, I’m glad we’re here. I had to leave the Chateau as soon as I saw them looking like they were about to makeout.”

You close your eyes and slightly shake your head, as if to brush the image out of your mind. Then suddenly, you say, “We should kiss.”

Pope looks at you with wide eyes, “What?”

You laugh, “Relax. It’s just for fun. Everyone else is going around and kissing each other, so why can’t we?”

He smiles at you and wipes some sand off his legs. “True, I guess there’s no problem with that. Except for the fact that we’ll still be in pain.” He laughs, sadly.

“Yeah well, beggars can’t be choosers.” You grin and turn towards him as he does the same. You robotically place both hands on the side of his face, and he mimics your action on your waist. You both struggle to keep in your laughter as you lean in. “Okay, how ‘bout this?” You say, “I pretend you’re JJ, and you pretend I’m Kiara.”

Pope lets out a laugh and says, “Deal.”

And then you were pressing your lips against his. You didn’t move or anything, just simply lingering on each other’s mouths. You tried to envision JJ, but you couldn’t. No matter how hard you tried to distract yourself, all you could think about was the fact that you were here kissing someone who wasn’t him, in the spot that was supposed to be only for you two. You felt some salt on your lips between you and Pope, and you honestly weren’t sure who it belonged to.

You are about to pull away and talk about how stupid this was, when a certain voice chills your blood to ice.

“Y/N? What the fuck?”

You whip around and get to your feet quickly, heart practically pounding out of your ribcage. “JJ,” You breathe, quickly wiping your eyes with the back of your hand. Within seconds, Pope is up by your side as well.

“Are you--” The clouds fold over in the sky and open up a space for the moon to shine through, landing on his perfect face. “Are you fucking serious?”

His voice was trembling and his fists were clenched tightly by his sides.

“JJ, what are you doing here?” You ask, moving your hair away from your wet face.

“What do you mean ‘what am I doing here?’ What the fuck is he doing here?!” He yells, throwing out an arm to gesture to Pope.

“He--” You start.

“This is our spot! That we’ve had since we were 12 fucking years old! Or have you been too busy with Pope to remember?” You could have sworn he was crying. If he was, he was very good at hiding it. “And not only do you bring someone else here, but you kiss him too?”

You straighten your back as if you are about to break. “Why should it matter? If I bring someone or kiss them, why does it fucking matter anymore, JJ?!”

He makes his way over to you, looking so angry. He is standing right in front of you, so close you could feel his hot breath on your face.

You don’t let him get another word in yet, “Don’t act like you haven’t brought your girlfriend here before!”

“I don’t have a fucking girlfriend!” He yells in your face. “Even if I did, I would never bring her here, or anyone else!”

Both you and Pope stiffen, and you subtly look at each other. He looks just as confused as you.

“But… But you and Kiara--”

“We’re not together! And you would know that if you actually still came here!”

“What do you mean?!” You shout back, head pounding. “You don’t make any sense!”

He angrily runs his hands over his face, and you could practically see the frustration oozing out of him. “I’ve been coming here every day, Y/N! Every fucking day since our fight last month. And you haven’t showed once.”

“You asshole! That’s not fair!” You push his chest, but he only stumbles back slightly. “How was I supposed to know that?! You were always with Kiara!”

He scoffs, dryly. “Bullshit. If you weren’t too busy always running off with Pope, you’d see how desperate I was to speak to you.”

“And if you weren’t that much of a pussy and actually told me that you wanted to talk--”

“And if you just told me how you felt about me before all this shit happened then--”

“Oh, fuck you!” You scream, pushing him once again, this time much harder so that he actually has to stop himself from falling. Pope tries to grab your hand to calm you down, but you pull away from him. “Fuck you! Do you know how fucking scared I was that you didn’t feel the same way? Every girl that looks in your direction, you make it known that you’re attracted to her. And then when Kiara came around, it was only about her for so long!”

“That’s not true!” JJ’s voice strains as he breathes heavily. “It was always about you!”

You let out a barked laugh, “Oh, please. In what fucking world was it ever about me?”

“In every world! In my world!” He yells, but his angry expression softens.

“Well,” You pause, collecting yourself. “Not in mine.”

You had nothing else to say. You wish you could jump in the ocean and never come back. To stay in the nothingness forever. But you can’t. So all you did was tear your gaze away from the blond boy and your shocked best friend, and climb onto the rocks and back to the other side, leaving them both alone in the spot that used to only harbour precious, secret memories.

~ ~ ~

You don’t know how long it’s been that you’ve locked yourself in your house, not talking to anyone. A couple days? Maybe a week? You didn’t really care. The last thing you wanted was to face everyone, especially JJ. You’ve shut your phone off a long time ago, so you had no idea what was even going on with the outside world.

You just woke up from a nap. You usually fall asleep after crying. Your eyes still felt raw, but you squinted through the blurriness to read the time on the kitchen stove. 2:33 am. God, you really needed to stop falling asleep on the couch. You get up and make your way to your fridge to pour yourself a glass of water in hopes of finding some relief for your burning throat.

You take a few sips, the cool liquid soothing your inflamed walls as you swallow. You have a slight pulsing lingering in your temples, and you lean back against your counter as you try and focus on your breathing. A few still moments go by, and you’re grateful for some peace.

There’s knocking at your door.

You jump, slamming the cup down on the counter and reaching towards one of the drawers for a knife. You grab the first one you can find -- a butter knife -- and slowly walk to your living room. As you peek your head around the corner, you warily ask loudly, “Hello?”

“Y/N.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ.” You let out a breath of air and place a hand on your chest as you drop the knife on the coffee table. “JJ. What do you want?”

Your eyes adjust to the darkness as you walk closer. You see his silhouette, but not his face.

“Can you please open the door?” He weakly asks.

You feel anger bubbling up inside you once again, and as you swing open the door in rage you say, “Why don’t you show up on Kiara’s doorstep at 3 in fucking morn--!?” Your words are quickly cut off as soon as the door fully opens and you look at him.

There he is. Though he is taller and much stronger than you, he appears so small and fragile as he stands with his hands shoved into his sweatpant pockets. And his face… he is looking down at the ground, but you can see him covered in blood and bruises.

“I don’t want Kiara,” he says softly, wincing at the pain.

“Oh, JJ.” You whimper and quickly pull him inside your house, leading him all the way to your bathroom. You motion for him to sit on the counter next to the sink as you pull out your first aid kit from behind your mirror.

You stand between his legs as you get to work. You’ve done this so many times before, you can’t even keep count. The first time you cleaned him up after his dad hurt him was when you were both 13 years old. He always hated it, he hated relying on others or seeming like a burden. But you hated seeing him in pain even more. He could never be a burden to you. Since then, it was basically a given that he would come to you whenever he needed help.

He hasn’t come to you with this during the past year, which would frequently get you worried. But since you thought we was with Kiara, you just assumed she was the one who was helping him.

After a while, you just had to finish cleansing his cuts and bandage what was needed. “You okay?” You whisper to him, gently feeling around his chest and stomach for any painful points.

He slightly shakes his head. “I don’t want Kiara,” He repeats himself from earlier, just above a whisper. You don’t say anything, too unsure of what direction to approach this from. But you don’t have to, because after a few seconds of just staring at each other, JJ bursts out into a broken sob as he grabs your waist, pulling you into him and burying his face into your neck.

You immediately hug him back, wrapping one arm around his shoulders and burying the other in his hair.

You allow him to softly cry into your shirt for as long as he needs, just holding him and soothingly rubbing his back. Eventually he pulls away and leans his forehead against your collar bone. “I can’t do this anymore, Y/N. I can’t keep doing this.”

“Doing what?” You ask, running your fingers over his arms.

“What we’ve been doing. Ignoring each other, snapping at each other, acting so distant and cold. I can’t anymore.” He sniffs and fully lifts up from you. Looking at his hurt face makes you want to cry, but you won’t. You’ll stay strong for him. “I miss you. I miss you so fucking much. This past year has been hell for me, let alone this last month. Do you understand, Y/N? Do you understand that all I think about is you?”

You nod, and allow him to keep talking.

“And when I saw you kissing Pope in -- in our spot. The one we promised each other would be only ours--”

“JJ,” You swallow, “I am so fucking sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking, I truly don’t. I guess I just let my anger and pain take over me, and I assumed the worst of you. I don’t know how to ever tell you how fucking sorry I am. But I can tell you this -- nothing is going on between me and Pope. Like, at all. All this time that we’ve been spending together was just to distract ourselves from watching the people we want be in love with someone else.”

He takes both of your hands into his before bringing them to his lips, kissing your knuckles softly as he closes his eyes. “I’m not in love with anyone else.”

You slowly breathe in as his raw eyes lock into yours. “JJ… Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”

“No, Y/N. I do fucking mean it. I’ve never been so sure about anything in my entire life. I didn’t even need this last month to prove it.”

“But I don’t understand,” You shake your head as a couple tears escape from your waterline. “What about everything with Kiara… You said it was too late and that you had feelings for her.”

JJ stands up from the counter and steps into you, gripping your hips as his damp forehead presses up against yours. “I was lying. I was fucking lying, to myself, to her, and to you. I ended things with her a while ago, but she kept wanting to try. You heard what I was saying, about why you didn’t tell me before and shit… It’s because I love you too, Y/N. I’ve loved you for so fucking long, but never said anything because I never would have guessed that you felt the same. So I distracted myself with other girls and-- and Kiara. And when you confessed to me, I wanted to so badly hold you in my arms and never let go, to tell you that this was all I wanted. But I have been trying for so long to get over you, and I thought I might have even done it. I was scared to throw it away and give myself to you, in case you were wrong about how you felt. Because I-- I thought for sure that you would never love me back, so I tried to convince myself that I could maybe love someone else. Not ever like how I love you, but… maybe enough so that I could forget you.”

He reaches one hand up to wipe your teary under eyes before resting his thumb gently over your bottom lip. “How stupid of me,” He mumbles against your mouth, “to think that I could I ever forget you?” His thumb drags slightly across your lip. “My sweet girl…”

You grab the back of his neck and push your mouth roughly against his. For a second you taste blood and forget about his busted lip, but he doesn’t seem to mind as he kisses you back with just as much passion. You kiss him with all the hunger you’ve kept inside you for years, and he reciprocates the exact same energy.

You kiss him until you’re sure you’ve developed your own busted lip, and you pull apart, breathless. He smiles into your mouth and presses one more wet kiss against your bruised mouth before pulling away himself.

“Okay,” You weakly say, feeling tingly all over. “New promise.”

“Anything,” JJ says, leaning forward to press soft kisses along your jawline.

“We are never -- And I mean never --- doing that stupid shit again. From now on, we’re honest with each other about everything. 100% of the time.” You say, trying not to sigh at the feeling of his teeth on your flesh.

He pulls his head back up and kisses you again, “I promise. And something else too -- I promise to love you completely and fully. I promise to never make you feel that insecure again.”

“I promise, too.” You whisper, “I love you.”

He shakes his head as if he can’t believe what he is hearing, a stupid grin playing at his mouth. “I love you so fucking much.” He wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. “Even if you think a butter knife is a suitable weapon for an intruder.”

You laugh into his neck, “Shut up.”

“Kiss me.” He says into your ear.

And you do, until you can’t anymore. Until you can’t take the building tension and you’re coming undone beneath him as he presses you into your bed, making you feel all the things you’ve only dreamed of since you’ve known him. Until he’s falling asleep on your naked chest, your arms holding him close. Until you know you can finally say he’s yours, and you are his.

Can you please tag me in the sequal?

Red Wine and Gentle Lavender

Summary : After Emily doesn’t make it off the table, you go home and your heart breaks all over again, realising you missed your chance with her. Forever.

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x Fem Reader

Warnings: Heartwrenchingly angsty

Word Count: 936

“She never made it off the table."

You never thought seven little words could hurt so badly. Your surroundings turned to white noise, as you felt your soul begin to tear apart, the sounds of your teammates cries drowning out, fading to nothing. All you could hear was the sound of your breathing, shallow and shaky. Before you knew it, your body dropped towards the floor, crumbling against the wall. You felt arms grab you tightly, holding you up, unable to support yourself. All you could hear was the sound of your breathing.

You looked up to see Hotch and Rossi, helping you into a chair, their mouths were moving, but you couldn't focus on what they were saying. Confusion swept across your face, as you felt water hit your face.

"W-Where is... Where is th-this water, c-coming from," You mumbled, looking up. The white noise began to fade, as you felt JJ crouch beside you, holding your hand.

"Honey, you-you're crying," She sniffed, wiping your tears, holding back her own.

"I- I don't-" You began, before Penelope sat by you, pulling you into the tightest hug imaginable. That's when it hit you - she was gone. Emily Prentiss, your best friend, your confidant, your other half - was dead. You began to sob into Penelope's shoulder, your heart shattering into a million pieces, feeling Garcia whimper softly along with you. The cruelest part, however, was the soul crushing realisation that you never told her how you really felt about her - how much you truly cared for and appreciated her. You had so many chances to tell her you loved her, but let fear get the better of you every time. Now, it was too late - you'd missed your chance, forever.

"I- I have to- I can't," You stuttered, getting out of your seat, patting Penelope's shoulder.

"Hey, hey," Hotch said, keeping you steady. You looked into his eyes, tears brimming yet again.

"I can't be here, Hotch," You whimpered, a tear staining your cheek. He looked at Rossi, and they both nodded.

"Alright, c'mon, let me take you home," Hotch sighed, rubbing your arm gently. He held you tightly, steering you towards the exit, when Reid stopped you.

"Y/N?" He croaked. You turned around, your bloodshot eyes meeting his. He made his way over to you, and wrapped his arms around you tightly. You welled up at the physical contact, knowing how he hated and usually avoided hugs. "It's gonna be okay," He whispered, squeezing you gently. You pulled away, and simply looked at him, before you grabbed onto Hotch and made your way to his SUV.

The whole ride back to your apartment was spent in silence, tears silently spilling down your face. You turned to gaze out the window, wondering if things would've been different had you been honest with her. Would she have felt the same? Now, you'd never know. You continued to ignore Hotch's sympathetic glances. You made your way up to your apartment, Hotch following you inside. You took a deep breath, seeing the pictures of you and your team on your hallway shelves, knowing that things would never be the same. Hotch picked up on this and rested his hand on your shoulder.

"Do you want me to stay? I don't know how comfortable I feel leaving you alone, in this frame of mind." He said, in a concerned tone. You broke from your trance, turning your back to the pictures, now facing Hotch.

"I- Uh, no- no, I'll be okay. I really just need to be alone, I think," You whispered, avoiding his eyes because you knew if you looked at him, you'd crumble.

"Okay, but promise me you'll call me, or Rossi, if you need anything at all, regardless of the time," He told you, still looking at you like you were some lost puppy.

"I uh, I will Hotch, thank you," You replied, seeing him out. The second you closed the door, you fell against it, letting out a loud wail. You felt crushed by your raw grief and overwhelming regret, your heart tearing to shreds.

You eventually found the strength to pick yourself off the floor, and made your way to your bedroom. You removed your clothing, and fumbled in your drawer for some pyjamas, when you found an old t-shirt. Immediately, your heart sank, realising that it wasn't one of yours - it was one of Emily's, that she'd accidentally left after your last girls night. You covered your mouth shakily, the realisation that she was gone sinking in further. You tearfully slipped on a nightshirt, picked up her t-shirt, and crawled under your covers. You briefly glanced at your nightstand, eyes misting at the picture of you and Emily at your birthday party earlier in the year. You brought the t-shirt up to your face, inhaling her scent. The smell of red wine and gentle lavender filled your lungs, and you began to cry hysterically into the fabric, trying to keep yourself from hyperventilating, and failing miserably. You eventually became dehydrated, unable to cry any more. You went numb, wondering how you were supposed to move forward without your best friend. You lay shaking, clutching the t-shirt for dear life, as you cruelly dreamt of the life you'd never have. A life spent loving Emily Prentiss...

This is my plea for more Thiam v. Pack angst fics !

AARON HOTCHNER AS SONGS THAT REMIND ME OF HIM

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