I Would Love To Whack Overwatch Hero Hanzo Shimada Like A Pinata

Valorant Headcannons

Sova has a small collections of different prosthetics for his eye most of them are normal but some of the younger agents got him more interesting ones

Jett once saw Sova take his eye out and she screamed (Sova had to reassure her he was fine)

Sova is not a natural blond

Jett once broke three bones after dashing into a wall because Yoru said she wouldn’t

Sage proceeded to throw her shoe at Yoru

Phoenix, Yoru, Jett, Neon, Reyna have never dyed their hair its just colourful cus thats what radianite does to an mf

Phoenix once mentioned that he doesn’t have a dad and got very confused by the other agents reactions (he had to then explain the fact he has two mums)

Jett moves things in Phoenixs room sometimes just to wind him up

Brimstone had to make a rule that if you’re arguing with someone it has to be in a language you both speak (mostly because of Reyna yelling in Spanish and Viper yelling back that she doesn’t speak spanish)

Neon has chronic fatigue due to how much energy her powers force her to exert

Phoenix likes to confuse Brimstone by being aggressively english

Killjoy has called Brimstone dad more then once to the point where he just accepts it

EPISODE 8: MAGICAL GIRL.

Listen I hate valorant as much as the next guy however one of my favourite things to do is play clove on usa servers and do my best impersonation of them in team chat

OFFICIAL ART NANOBOMB IS CANON IM SO SERIOUS OMG

More val headcannons because i can

If deadlock isn’t wearing her prosthetic and someone tries to hand her something she goes to grab it with her missing arm

Cue a lot of Norwegian swearing

All the younger agents have weekly K-drama watch party’s

Deadlock was kinda awkward when she first joined the protocol and her way to get around it was to offer people a hand before throwing her prosthetic at them

Breach thought it was hilarious 

Gekko asked Neon where she gets her hair dye and she just went what dye???

Phoenix once ate a small bit of radianite 

Fade slept facedown on the kitchen floor once which almost gave Sage a heart attack

Omen makes a mean hot chocolate

Brimstone likes to use old fashioned (very american) sayings but was forced to stop since Viper told him he was confusing the international agents

Monopoly was banned after Yoru and Phoenix got into a fistfight over it

Raze and Killjoy have lego dates where they just sit and build legos

Sage tried to learn at least a couple words in all of the Asian agents first languages 

Now she teaches Yoru Mandarin in exchange for him teaching her Japanese

Sova refuses to swear in English but swears aggressively in Russian if he so much as stubs his toe

Habor is weirdly good at mario cart

Phoenix once bet he could out drink Sova (he could not)

Chamber drinks the fanciest most expensive cocktails he can get his hands on

 Any agent under 29 has been called a baby at least once

None of the agents really watch sports but during the world cup everyone is so invested

same with Eurovision

Rating Val ships simply because i can

I stared at my laptop for like 10 mins figuring out how i was gonna order this

Glalaxsea (Astra x Harbor)

A solid 9/10 overall

10/10 ship name

Very simple and very sweet

Nothing too interesting

forget the moon and the sun its moon and sea no i will not be told otherwise

(the moon and the sea fell in love but were separated and now the sea tries to reach for the moon and thats why we have waves is the story behind it btw)

Reyge (Reyna x Sage)

An easy 10/10

7/10 ship name

its good but theres better ya know

The fluff and angst potential is so good

Bitemark (Viper x Chamber)

7/10 ship

oh my god 10/10 ship name

the amount of angst that drips from this ship is delicious

viper falling hard only to find out abt everett lind nd what chambers done

fuck buddies but viper falls in love only to get her heart broken

i like them sad

Fadeshock (Fade x Neon)

10/10 ship imo

ship name is mid im so sorry 2/10

gf's who are afraid of their radiance learning control and acceptance from each other

yes pls

i think they take naps together

Yorunix (Yoru x Pheonix)

a healthy 9/10 ship

yorunix is 1/10 riftfire is 6/10 firewalker (which is what i call them) 10/10

Yoru is so in love with Phoenix and he is very mad about it

Phoenix is oblivious

I just think they love each other

Cyberowl (Sova/Cypher)

7/10 imo but its also one of my favs

8/10 ship name since i think it's pretty dope

*quietly chants in your ear* rivals to lovers rivals to lover rivals to-

Cypher had a wife but still has negative rizz and Sova is a useless homosexual

you know im right

Yokye (Yoru x Skye)

pls don't hurt me for this but 2/10

pretty good ship name tho 8/10

yeahhhhhhhhhhhh i just don't really like it at all as a ship

i can see why it's just....

MOVING SWIFTLY ON

Nanobomb (Raze x Killjoy)

10/10 and i will not be taking critism

10/10 ship name

adhd x autism

both of them aggressively pined for ages

useless lesbians fr

nothin more to say rlly

Viper x Reyna (I have no idea what their ship name is i'm sorry)

8/10 overall

i dont know what they're ship name is but i'm assuming it's good

THE ANGST MMMMMMMMMMM

get outa here with your enemies to lovers they're enemies and lovers

A lot of hatefucking im not gonna lie to you

Could I beat the valorant agents in chess boxing?

Ok in chess boxing you do 6 round of chess and 5 of boxing, chess rounds last 4 mins and boxing round last 3. Now heres my thoughts on what characters i could take in chess boxing.

Astra

Astra presides over most if not all of time and space so she’d mostly definitely have a leg up in the chess department. As for the boxing I think she’d wipe the fucking floor with me, the woman has a metal arm and I am very frightened always

Breach

I think Breach is like quite a smart guy but i don’t think he knows chess (tbf i dont really either) so i’d try to get the upper hand in chess hopefully winning quickly so I do not get obliterated by an angry swede

Brimstone

Once again Brim is smart but not chess smart so I’d feel alright about taking him in chess but in boxing???? no thanks, this man has arms the size of my head and i’d rather my bones stay intact

Chamber

Chamber seems like the type of asshole to enjoy chess so I’m just gonna cut my losses there boxing on the other hand, I feel like my hatred for france alone would carry my through the boxing session. (for a little context I am very very british and therefore am natural enemies w/ the french). Also please consider he’s lanky as fuck like i could kick him in the knees and he’d be down

Cypher

Right we already know im not winning against cypher in chess, it is what it is. Im gonna keep this part short and sweet but I would kick this mans ass, he’s hardly taller than me and i’m a god damn brawler. I am winning against this man no matter what.

Deadlock

Hot take but I think I could probably win against her in chess. In boxing I am dead, she fought a bear and won, she has a fucking metal arm, I just think she’d be good at fighting.

Fade

Once again gonna keep this short, chess im pretty sure theres no chance there. Boxing I would absolutely win, for one we are close to/if not the same height so that puts us on even ground, and two, you cannot tell me Fade lives off anything other than quick meals and coffee. I am winning 100%

Gekko

I would absolutely beat Gekko in chess boxing no I will not answer questions.

Harbor

I think with Harbor the chess portion is gonna be a 50/50 and will just depend on the game itself. With boxing just no. I refuse. Here is another character with arms the size of my head. Also he’s like 5′9 or smth so no I will not be challenging him to chess boxing anytime soon.

Jett

Easy, chess is a for sure win boxing is a lot more 50/50 overall but I’m pretty sure I could win

Kay/0

No. Just no. He’s a robot no one is beating him in chess. And no I can’t win in boxing his name is literally K/O  and he is a robot in what world would he not end my entire bloodline

Only did half the agents cus I am lazy but I may make a follow up

Ya know women are kinda cool