𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐠𝐟!𝐣𝐢𝐧𝐱…

Rengoku my beloved

Rengoku doodles for Valentines Day ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

😮‍💨

GENDERBENT UZUI AND HIS WIVES BE SO DAMN FINE

JUST IMAGINE HOW FAST HER HOLES ARE GONNA BE FILLED

It's starts when I wake up and never ends until km sleep.

and people say women don’t have hobbies 🙄

🫦🫦🫦

im no better than a man. ༉‧₊˚.

( she’s so goddamn fineee like. I can’t even focus.)

Dawg they’re so cute 😭

Miles and Deku would be best friends! I know it!!

Please KILL ME (reader) with jinx there *bats eyelashes* you choose if reader actually survives or not I trust your FANTASTIC writing skills. I just really want my baby girl to be sad about her s/o dying/almost dying. XOXO *sends*

of course! thank you for the request <3

summary; jinx’s girlfriend gets caught in crossfire, and she doesn’t make it. jinx’s grief and eventual hope.

characters included; jinx

tags/warnings; angst, reader (nearly) dies, mentions of poor mental health, hallucinations, descriptions of war/combat, descriptions of gore, suicidal ideation, (kinda) happy ending

men dni.

jinx didn’t feel complete before she met you.

she was living, sure. she had her gadgets and bombs to keep her company, as well as silco and sevika. were they the best friends for a young adult? maybe not- and sevika didn’t really qualify as a friend. but they were what she had, and she wasn’t going to complain.

but the second she spotted your face in the streets of zaun, jinx knew she’d found something, rather someone special. that first conversation she had with you felt so natural, your voice like sweet honey to her. a melody unlike anything the girl had felt before, something she could listen to for weeks on end and never get bored of. the little gestures you made when talking to her- hell, even the way she introduced yourself to her. she'd heard your name for the first time and thought it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever hear.

even after you parted, jinx couldn't get you off of her mind. you'd only met once, yet your name was a constant on her mind. she wasn't one to form connections like that, especially not emotional connections. something about you was different, though, and jinx just couldn't help herself. she'd met with you over, and over, and over again, until she finally had the nerve to ask you to be her girlfriend. and to her shock, you'd said yes.

since then, jinx has loved getting to know every little thing about you. the things that make you laugh, the habits you can't break, little details about your past that seem insignificant, but are everything to jinx. every day she learns a new quirk that only deepens the girl's love for you. her love.

before she'd met you, she didn't know if she'd ever find love. she didn't think she would, or could for that matter. she'd accepted that romance wasn't something in the cards for her- other girls? sure. but she wasn't cut out for it. who could love her, after the things she'd done? yet you showed her things she didn't know were possible.

jinx often laid awake with you while you slept, simply watching the rise and fall of your chest. was it creepy? maybe a little bit, but you always looked so peaceful, and it relaxed jinx in turn. she'd made a promise to herself one of those times that she would protect you. if any harm even tried to come your way, she'd stop it. you're hers now, and she protects what's hers.

"nothin's gonna hurt you," she'd murmur, brushing a stray strand of hair behind your ear. the gentle flutter of your eyelids, the way your lashes cast a soft shadow on your cheeks and your face would scrunch up every now and again while you dreamt. it was the little things she loved about you, really. "not while i'm here. i swear it."

and with that, jinx was careful to keep you out of danger. jinx is far from safe in her day to day life. she's a pyromaniac of sorts, constantly getting into fights, causing explosions, running from enforcers. but that's her life, not yours. she's a violent criminal, the mad bomber. but to you she's just jinx, the woman you love, and she can't stand the thought of you putting yourself in the same situations she does.

her mind goes to the worst-case scenario, every single time. if she even thinks of you fighting alongside her, she immediately thinks of you getting hurt. even hallucinates the images at times- you bleeding out in front of her. you collapsing, the air sucked out of your lungs while she watches you cling onto what life you have left. it's too real to her, and she can't bear even the possibility.

she knows that you want to protect her. but jinx is a big girl, she says, and she can do these things herself.

until she can't.

you'd been at your apartment, a run-down place that barely qualified as a living space. but it was home, and it was safe enough for you. you'd spend more time in your girlfriend's hideout than not, but your place is much closer to your workplace. it's always a bittersweet farewell, but you both know it won't be long until you see each other again.

slipping off your shoes at the door and tossing your hair, you'd made your way to the bathroom to wash up before doing it all again tomorrow. stupid manager, having you work the closing shift then opening right after. it keeps rent paid, though, so you can't complain too much. you were in the middle of brushing your teeth when you heard the familiar sound of explosions and gunshots. living in zaun, those become background noise- but knowing who your girlfriend is, it always stirs something within you. more often than not, she's caught up in those situations.

you spit out the toothpaste in your mouth before going to a window to see if you can spot anything, and to your surprise, you do. you can see tiny, almost miniscule-looking figures in the distance and clouds of smoke from explosions. you can hear the sound of bombs and gunfire getting louder, and you can see pink smoke. a telltale sign of jinx's presence. but as the fight continues, your worry deepens. she can handle herself, she says. that's always what she says. and somehow, this is the worst fight of hers you've witnessed. you have to do something.

with a quick motion, you slip your shoes back on and swing the door open to run towards the scene. is it dumb? probably. will you regret it? almost definitely. but you can't just stand there and listen to the constant explosions, twiddling your thumbs.

the dimly lit streets of zaun stretch out before you. neon signs illuminate sidewalks, and besides the commotion of the fight, the only other noises are chatter from passersby and the hum of machinery. normally it'd get under your skin, but now you wished the only things you could hear were clanging metal and drunken laughter.

you're quick on your feet to weave through various streets and alleys. all you have to guide you is sound, but the noises keep getting louder- that's a good sign, surely. a bridge, that’s where the noises seem to be coming from. firelights? smeech’s goons? enforcers? you’re not sure exactly who’s after her, but that doesn’t exactly matter either.

the scene comes into view after a few moments, and sure enough, it’s worse than you could’ve pictured for yourself. almost an entire dozen of enforcers attacking jinx from all angles. she’s holding herself up, that’s for sure, but she won’t be able to for much longer. they’re getting behind her, under her, using tactics they don’t expect her to predict. it’s both smart and terrifying how calculated they are. they’re that dedicated to taking jinx down.

"jinx!" you call out, seemingly into a void. "jinx, i'm here! get down!"

she doesn't turn her head, only continues shooting. the sharp click of the trigger rings through the air while you inch closer to her, and it seems hopeless. she has fully armed enforcers surrounding her, and you've seen that look in her eyes before. she's exhausted, but she's still fighting, because that's the only choice she has left at this point. it's either she fights until her last breath, or she gives into the pilties- and she'll do anything to ensure she doesn't give into them.

"jinx, please!"

you're inching closer by the second, until you're almost directly in front of jinx. you weave between a gap in enforcers and grasp your girlfriend's trembling shoulders.

"move!" she yells, before trying to push you away from her. you'd never seen her so defensive, and part of it scares you. the way she wants you gone.

"no! i'm not going anywhere, jinx, not unless you come with me!"

"i got myself into this mess, i'll get myself out."

"gods damn it!" you groan, shaking her shoulders- though she's still trying to escape your grasp. she's dodging bullets to her neck, shoulders, her head with quick precision. "you can get out of this! just come home with me, please!"

she wants to, you can tell that she does. but that stupid fucking pride of hers won't allow her to, and you'd be cursing her if you weren't fearing for the girl's life right now. if you weren't barricaded by armed enforcers, you'd be dragging her by the wrist to your apartment and reprimanding her for her recklessness.

jinx is fighting an internal battle as well as the external one. going back home sounds amazing right now- but she doesn't exactly have a choice, does she? she's shaking her head and using her revolver to take hits- until she feels your body jolt against hers. and then her torso is soaked with blood- your blood, you're collapsing to your knees in front of her, and your forehead is pressing against her stomach.

you're like dead weight against her, and it's happening faster than jinx can even begin to process.

"oh, oh-" she drops to her knees, and takes both of your cheeks in her hands before she looks you in the eye. you're still breathing, although you look as if you're hanging on by a thread. "baby, oh- please, hang on, i'm so sorry,"

with what strength you have left, you slowly shake your head, and your eyes connect with jinx's own. that magenta gaze you've grown to adore over the past few months. one others feared, but you'd come to know as sanctuary- especially in moments like this. you've got enforcers yelling at jinx to let go of you, still trying to take her down. and even though you feel like every breath may be your last, you feel so safe with her.

"don't be sorry," you breathe out. "this was my doing."

it's then that she can see the life drain from your eyes. jinx collapses, and she wails. a guttural scream from the depths of her chest, loud enough for the whole of zaun to hear her. she's unabashed, she doesn't care what happens, who hears her. the dearest thing to her has just been so cruelly ripped out of her grasp.

hot tears stream down jinx's cheeks, and she holds you closer than she's ever held anything before. maybe, just maybe, if she holds you close enough and she cries enough, you'll come back to her. the blow couldn't have been that serious, right?

but the longer you go without responding to jinx, the more it cements for her that this is it. you’re gone.

she’d said once that everyone who gets close to her dies, that’s all she’s ever been used to. but somehow, when you’d met, she’d thought you’d be the exception. surely the gods wouldn’t be so heartless as to take you, too. but she was sorely mistaken.

✧.*

jinx doesn’t feel complete after she loses you.

she feels as if somebody’s carved a piece of her heart out and stomped on it, ruining any hopes of ever being whole again. how could she be whole again, when her better half isn’t here anymore?

days blur into night, sunrise into sunset without jinx noticing. she drags her feet from job to job, she can barely make eye contact with anyone. her tone is painfully flat and trying to get through conversations feels like one of most daunting tasks- even sevika is starting to notice. people know what happen, of course they do.

when the usually cold mad bomber begins to catch feelings for someone and forms an attachment, people start to notice. and when the person she cared for so deeply was killed, they’d noticed just how much more violent she’d become.

not only towards others, but herself. she’d usually had some kind of safety on the weapons she created, but why would she now? why would she keep up the railings she’d put in her hideout to keep you from falling? she’s lost everything she cares about, the one person who saw her for who she is and loved her despite it.

and you didn’t even get a proper burial. who knows where your body is now? is it still on that platform, with people stepping over it like you’re nothing? she can’t bring herself to visit it again, not after seeing you like that.

jinx sees no point in living any longer. there’s no reason for her to keep going if she doesn’t have your love, your warmth. she’d give anything to hear your voice ring through her ears again, or to make you laugh. she’d sacrifice herself in a heartbeat if it meant she got to feel your fingers intertwined with hers again. to feel the soft plush of your lips against her own.

she's more reckless. violent, unhinged, chaotic, all of it. if the people of piltover thought that jinx was bad before, they're all fearing for their lives now. what does jinx have left to lose, now that she's lost you?

the hallucinations grow more frequent, and the voices become louder. it's torture for her. normally, you'd be here to comfort her and anchor her back to reality, but you're not. she's on her own, to deal with all of this by herself.

"please," she murmurs into an empty hideout. tears running down her cheeks, stained black, such a goddamn mess, but she can't stop. "just come back. if you're out there, please, i can't... i can't do this without you."

but it's then that she hears heavy footsteps approaching behind her.

"go away."

"you're gonna want to hear this." sevika. what the hell is she doing in jinx's hideout at this hour?

"i'm not interested," jinx bites, tugging her knees to her chest and shaking her head. "get out. i'm in no mood."

"she's alive."

"no, she's not. she's dead, sevika, i saw her!"

"yeah, and i just saw her too. in a hospital bed, alive." sevika counters. jinx still can't bring herself to look at her. this must be some twisted joke, right? surely. the woman was finding humor in her pain and wanted to rub it in her face. "they said the bullet went in through her back, punctured her lung, barely missed her heart. exited through her chest. she's got a collapsed lung and she's in a hell of a state, but she's alive."

jinx turns her head over her shoulder. thick brows furrow, and her eyes are blown wide. the whites of her eyes are bloodshot from just how much she'd been crying, and she looks even more pale and sickly than usual. if she'd been paying attention, she'd be able to notice the glimmer of... concern in sevika's eye.

"you're serious?"

"i'm serious."

✧.*

jinx nervously clutches a bouquet of wildflowers to her chest. a rarity in zaun, but she'd gone to the ruins of the commune to pick a few for you. she's standing outside of the door of the room you're held in- in piltover. even though they were the ones responsible for putting you in this situation, they were compassionate enough to at least recognize that they'd fucked up. they were after jinx, not you, and it was wrong of them to try and take you down.

would they stop trying to get jinx? absolutely not, but they'd realized their wrongdoing.

here goes nothing, she supposes, before twisting the doorknob.

the image of you in bed, hooked into various machines and looking like a shell of the person she knows hits jinx like a bag of bricks. the color has drained from your face. you're staring up at the ceiling, and the only things moving are your fingers from time to time- though, she supposes not much moving can be done when you're recovering from a near-fatal gunshot wound. your head slowly turns to the direction of the door, though, and it's then that jinx sees you smile.

her heart stutters in her chest, and she bolts towards your bed.

"oh- oh, gods, you're alive, you're..."

"i'm alive," you affirm, though your voice is weak. your breath is shorter, but you still have it- and that's something, isn't it?

she sits down on the edge of your bed, tentatively taking one of your hands into her lap. she doesn't want to pull too hard for the risk of hurting you further, but jinx needs this. she needs to know that she isn't dreaming, that you're here in the flesh with her and you're okay.

"i didn't know what to do without you. without you around, your- your love," she murmurs, rosy eyes locked with yours. you can tell from the tremble in her voice that she's close to the point of tears. "i... i thought you were gone."

"i thought i was, too," you whisper, giving a weak squeeze of jinx's hand. "but i'm still here, somehow. i missed you."

"i missed you so damn bad, babe, you don't know- i'm never letting anything happen to you again, and that's a damn promise. okay?"

"okay. and i'm not doing any stupid shit like that again either."

it's bittersweet, but jinx is so unabashedly happy in this moment. she leans over you, searching your eyes. your chapped lips, your tangled hair, your dry skin- but you look more beautiful than you ever have before to her. you're alive, and you're hers. she leans closer, her lips barely brushing yours, before being interrupted by the doctor entering the room.

"we're going to pull her from the room to run some tests for a while, miss."

"damn it."

Sob

Remember how you looked like?

Just a very short 2 panel comic I wanted to draw based on this tweet!

‧₊˚ The Science Behind @luckykiwiii101's Distraction Technique *ೃ༄

Relaxing °. *࿐

Relaxation techniques are more effective when the body is at ease. A comfortable position minimizes physical distractions and prepares the body for a shift into a relaxed, meditative state, which is essential for reducing stress and activating the parasympathetic nervous system.

The Alpha State °. *࿐

Alpha Brainwaves: The alpha state refers to a brainwave frequency range (8-12 Hz) that is associated with relaxation, creativity, and heightened suggestibility. Alpha is a common state for the brain and occurs whenever a person is alert, but not actively processing information. You can increase alpha by closing your eyes or deep breathing and decrease alpha by thinking or calculating. ଳ Sub band low alpha: 8-10: inner-awareness of self, mind/body integration, balance ଳ Sub band high alpha: 10-12: centering, healing, mind/body connection

Counting and Visualization: Counting down and visualizing numbers can help quiet the mind, reduce external distractions, and induce relaxation. This repetitive task shifts attention inward and promotes alpha wave activity. It activates areas of the brain linked to visualization, like the occipital and parietal lobes. Adding another layer of mental activity, further grounding you in the internal, relaxed state.

Distraction Through Visualization °. *࿐

Distraction vs. Focus: The paradox here is that by intentionally distracting yourself with a scene or an internal activity (like playing a song mentally), you stop focusing on the external world (the "3D"). This detachment from external stimuli is key to shifting into an altered state of consciousness.

Default Mode Network (DMN): When you visualize or let your mind wander, the DMN, a network of brain regions activated during rest and self-referential thought, becomes active. This helps in decoupling from immediate sensory input and encourages a meditative or void-like state.

Letting Go: The act of distraction prevents overthinking about reaching the void, which can be counterproductive. When you're engrossed in a scene or mental song, you're no longer "trying," which facilitates a natural shift into the void.

Induce Pure Consciousness °. *࿐

Guaranteed Results: The process relies on reducing external focus and internal resistance. The void state is associated with a deeply relaxed state of consciousness, where mental barriers (ego) dissolves. This does not mean it's a deep meditative state, it's just "pure consciousness" as its name suggests.

Neuroscientific Basis °. *࿐

Relaxation Response: Inducing the alpha state triggers the relaxation response, reducing stress hormones (like cortisol) and increasing focus.

Cognitive Load Diversion: By distracting the conscious mind with visualization or mental activities, the subconscious becomes more accessible.

Hypnagogic State: The method resembles techniques used to enter the hypnagogic state, a transitional phase between wakefulness and sleep, where visualization and suggestion are potent.

Please KILL ME (reader) with jinx there *bats eyelashes* you choose if reader actually survives or not I trust your FANTASTIC writing skills. I just really want my baby girl to be sad about her s/o dying/almost dying. XOXO *sends*

of course! thank you for the request <3

summary; jinx’s girlfriend gets caught in crossfire, and she doesn’t make it. jinx’s grief and eventual hope.

characters included; jinx

tags/warnings; angst, reader (nearly) dies, mentions of poor mental health, hallucinations, descriptions of war/combat, descriptions of gore, suicidal ideation, (kinda) happy ending

men dni.

jinx didn’t feel complete before she met you.

she was living, sure. she had her gadgets and bombs to keep her company, as well as silco and sevika. were they the best friends for a young adult? maybe not- and sevika didn’t really qualify as a friend. but they were what she had, and she wasn’t going to complain.

but the second she spotted your face in the streets of zaun, jinx knew she’d found something, rather someone special. that first conversation she had with you felt so natural, your voice like sweet honey to her. a melody unlike anything the girl had felt before, something she could listen to for weeks on end and never get bored of. the little gestures you made when talking to her- hell, even the way she introduced yourself to her. she'd heard your name for the first time and thought it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever hear.

even after you parted, jinx couldn't get you off of her mind. you'd only met once, yet your name was a constant on her mind. she wasn't one to form connections like that, especially not emotional connections. something about you was different, though, and jinx just couldn't help herself. she'd met with you over, and over, and over again, until she finally had the nerve to ask you to be her girlfriend. and to her shock, you'd said yes.

since then, jinx has loved getting to know every little thing about you. the things that make you laugh, the habits you can't break, little details about your past that seem insignificant, but are everything to jinx. every day she learns a new quirk that only deepens the girl's love for you. her love.

before she'd met you, she didn't know if she'd ever find love. she didn't think she would, or could for that matter. she'd accepted that romance wasn't something in the cards for her- other girls? sure. but she wasn't cut out for it. who could love her, after the things she'd done? yet you showed her things she didn't know were possible.

jinx often laid awake with you while you slept, simply watching the rise and fall of your chest. was it creepy? maybe a little bit, but you always looked so peaceful, and it relaxed jinx in turn. she'd made a promise to herself one of those times that she would protect you. if any harm even tried to come your way, she'd stop it. you're hers now, and she protects what's hers.

"nothin's gonna hurt you," she'd murmur, brushing a stray strand of hair behind your ear. the gentle flutter of your eyelids, the way your lashes cast a soft shadow on your cheeks and your face would scrunch up every now and again while you dreamt. it was the little things she loved about you, really. "not while i'm here. i swear it."

and with that, jinx was careful to keep you out of danger. jinx is far from safe in her day to day life. she's a pyromaniac of sorts, constantly getting into fights, causing explosions, running from enforcers. but that's her life, not yours. she's a violent criminal, the mad bomber. but to you she's just jinx, the woman you love, and she can't stand the thought of you putting yourself in the same situations she does.

her mind goes to the worst-case scenario, every single time. if she even thinks of you fighting alongside her, she immediately thinks of you getting hurt. even hallucinates the images at times- you bleeding out in front of her. you collapsing, the air sucked out of your lungs while she watches you cling onto what life you have left. it's too real to her, and she can't bear even the possibility.

she knows that you want to protect her. but jinx is a big girl, she says, and she can do these things herself.

until she can't.

you'd been at your apartment, a run-down place that barely qualified as a living space. but it was home, and it was safe enough for you. you'd spend more time in your girlfriend's hideout than not, but your place is much closer to your workplace. it's always a bittersweet farewell, but you both know it won't be long until you see each other again.

slipping off your shoes at the door and tossing your hair, you'd made your way to the bathroom to wash up before doing it all again tomorrow. stupid manager, having you work the closing shift then opening right after. it keeps rent paid, though, so you can't complain too much. you were in the middle of brushing your teeth when you heard the familiar sound of explosions and gunshots. living in zaun, those become background noise- but knowing who your girlfriend is, it always stirs something within you. more often than not, she's caught up in those situations.

you spit out the toothpaste in your mouth before going to a window to see if you can spot anything, and to your surprise, you do. you can see tiny, almost miniscule-looking figures in the distance and clouds of smoke from explosions. you can hear the sound of bombs and gunfire getting louder, and you can see pink smoke. a telltale sign of jinx's presence. but as the fight continues, your worry deepens. she can handle herself, she says. that's always what she says. and somehow, this is the worst fight of hers you've witnessed. you have to do something.

with a quick motion, you slip your shoes back on and swing the door open to run towards the scene. is it dumb? probably. will you regret it? almost definitely. but you can't just stand there and listen to the constant explosions, twiddling your thumbs.

the dimly lit streets of zaun stretch out before you. neon signs illuminate sidewalks, and besides the commotion of the fight, the only other noises are chatter from passersby and the hum of machinery. normally it'd get under your skin, but now you wished the only things you could hear were clanging metal and drunken laughter.

you're quick on your feet to weave through various streets and alleys. all you have to guide you is sound, but the noises keep getting louder- that's a good sign, surely. a bridge, that’s where the noises seem to be coming from. firelights? smeech’s goons? enforcers? you’re not sure exactly who’s after her, but that doesn’t exactly matter either.

the scene comes into view after a few moments, and sure enough, it’s worse than you could’ve pictured for yourself. almost an entire dozen of enforcers attacking jinx from all angles. she’s holding herself up, that’s for sure, but she won’t be able to for much longer. they’re getting behind her, under her, using tactics they don’t expect her to predict. it’s both smart and terrifying how calculated they are. they’re that dedicated to taking jinx down.

"jinx!" you call out, seemingly into a void. "jinx, i'm here! get down!"

she doesn't turn her head, only continues shooting. the sharp click of the trigger rings through the air while you inch closer to her, and it seems hopeless. she has fully armed enforcers surrounding her, and you've seen that look in her eyes before. she's exhausted, but she's still fighting, because that's the only choice she has left at this point. it's either she fights until her last breath, or she gives into the pilties- and she'll do anything to ensure she doesn't give into them.

"jinx, please!"

you're inching closer by the second, until you're almost directly in front of jinx. you weave between a gap in enforcers and grasp your girlfriend's trembling shoulders.

"move!" she yells, before trying to push you away from her. you'd never seen her so defensive, and part of it scares you. the way she wants you gone.

"no! i'm not going anywhere, jinx, not unless you come with me!"

"i got myself into this mess, i'll get myself out."

"gods damn it!" you groan, shaking her shoulders- though she's still trying to escape your grasp. she's dodging bullets to her neck, shoulders, her head with quick precision. "you can get out of this! just come home with me, please!"

she wants to, you can tell that she does. but that stupid fucking pride of hers won't allow her to, and you'd be cursing her if you weren't fearing for the girl's life right now. if you weren't barricaded by armed enforcers, you'd be dragging her by the wrist to your apartment and reprimanding her for her recklessness.

jinx is fighting an internal battle as well as the external one. going back home sounds amazing right now- but she doesn't exactly have a choice, does she? she's shaking her head and using her revolver to take hits- until she feels your body jolt against hers. and then her torso is soaked with blood- your blood, you're collapsing to your knees in front of her, and your forehead is pressing against her stomach.

you're like dead weight against her, and it's happening faster than jinx can even begin to process.

"oh, oh-" she drops to her knees, and takes both of your cheeks in her hands before she looks you in the eye. you're still breathing, although you look as if you're hanging on by a thread. "baby, oh- please, hang on, i'm so sorry,"

with what strength you have left, you slowly shake your head, and your eyes connect with jinx's own. that magenta gaze you've grown to adore over the past few months. one others feared, but you'd come to know as sanctuary- especially in moments like this. you've got enforcers yelling at jinx to let go of you, still trying to take her down. and even though you feel like every breath may be your last, you feel so safe with her.

"don't be sorry," you breathe out. "this was my doing."

it's then that she can see the life drain from your eyes. jinx collapses, and she wails. a guttural scream from the depths of her chest, loud enough for the whole of zaun to hear her. she's unabashed, she doesn't care what happens, who hears her. the dearest thing to her has just been so cruelly ripped out of her grasp.

hot tears stream down jinx's cheeks, and she holds you closer than she's ever held anything before. maybe, just maybe, if she holds you close enough and she cries enough, you'll come back to her. the blow couldn't have been that serious, right?

but the longer you go without responding to jinx, the more it cements for her that this is it. you’re gone.

she’d said once that everyone who gets close to her dies, that’s all she’s ever been used to. but somehow, when you’d met, she’d thought you’d be the exception. surely the gods wouldn’t be so heartless as to take you, too. but she was sorely mistaken.

✧.*

jinx doesn’t feel complete after she loses you.

she feels as if somebody’s carved a piece of her heart out and stomped on it, ruining any hopes of ever being whole again. how could she be whole again, when her better half isn’t here anymore?

days blur into night, sunrise into sunset without jinx noticing. she drags her feet from job to job, she can barely make eye contact with anyone. her tone is painfully flat and trying to get through conversations feels like one of most daunting tasks- even sevika is starting to notice. people know what happen, of course they do.

when the usually cold mad bomber begins to catch feelings for someone and forms an attachment, people start to notice. and when the person she cared for so deeply was killed, they’d noticed just how much more violent she’d become.

not only towards others, but herself. she’d usually had some kind of safety on the weapons she created, but why would she now? why would she keep up the railings she’d put in her hideout to keep you from falling? she’s lost everything she cares about, the one person who saw her for who she is and loved her despite it.

and you didn’t even get a proper burial. who knows where your body is now? is it still on that platform, with people stepping over it like you’re nothing? she can’t bring herself to visit it again, not after seeing you like that.

jinx sees no point in living any longer. there’s no reason for her to keep going if she doesn’t have your love, your warmth. she’d give anything to hear your voice ring through her ears again, or to make you laugh. she’d sacrifice herself in a heartbeat if it meant she got to feel your fingers intertwined with hers again. to feel the soft plush of your lips against her own.

she's more reckless. violent, unhinged, chaotic, all of it. if the people of piltover thought that jinx was bad before, they're all fearing for their lives now. what does jinx have left to lose, now that she's lost you?

the hallucinations grow more frequent, and the voices become louder. it's torture for her. normally, you'd be here to comfort her and anchor her back to reality, but you're not. she's on her own, to deal with all of this by herself.

"please," she murmurs into an empty hideout. tears running down her cheeks, stained black, such a goddamn mess, but she can't stop. "just come back. if you're out there, please, i can't... i can't do this without you."

but it's then that she hears heavy footsteps approaching behind her.

"go away."

"you're gonna want to hear this." sevika. what the hell is she doing in jinx's hideout at this hour?

"i'm not interested," jinx bites, tugging her knees to her chest and shaking her head. "get out. i'm in no mood."

"she's alive."

"no, she's not. she's dead, sevika, i saw her!"

"yeah, and i just saw her too. in a hospital bed, alive." sevika counters. jinx still can't bring herself to look at her. this must be some twisted joke, right? surely. the woman was finding humor in her pain and wanted to rub it in her face. "they said the bullet went in through her back, punctured her lung, barely missed her heart. exited through her chest. she's got a collapsed lung and she's in a hell of a state, but she's alive."

jinx turns her head over her shoulder. thick brows furrow, and her eyes are blown wide. the whites of her eyes are bloodshot from just how much she'd been crying, and she looks even more pale and sickly than usual. if she'd been paying attention, she'd be able to notice the glimmer of... concern in sevika's eye.

"you're serious?"

"i'm serious."

✧.*

jinx nervously clutches a bouquet of wildflowers to her chest. a rarity in zaun, but she'd gone to the ruins of the commune to pick a few for you. she's standing outside of the door of the room you're held in- in piltover. even though they were the ones responsible for putting you in this situation, they were compassionate enough to at least recognize that they'd fucked up. they were after jinx, not you, and it was wrong of them to try and take you down.

would they stop trying to get jinx? absolutely not, but they'd realized their wrongdoing.

here goes nothing, she supposes, before twisting the doorknob.

the image of you in bed, hooked into various machines and looking like a shell of the person she knows hits jinx like a bag of bricks. the color has drained from your face. you're staring up at the ceiling, and the only things moving are your fingers from time to time- though, she supposes not much moving can be done when you're recovering from a near-fatal gunshot wound. your head slowly turns to the direction of the door, though, and it's then that jinx sees you smile.

her heart stutters in her chest, and she bolts towards your bed.

"oh- oh, gods, you're alive, you're..."

"i'm alive," you affirm, though your voice is weak. your breath is shorter, but you still have it- and that's something, isn't it?

she sits down on the edge of your bed, tentatively taking one of your hands into her lap. she doesn't want to pull too hard for the risk of hurting you further, but jinx needs this. she needs to know that she isn't dreaming, that you're here in the flesh with her and you're okay.

"i didn't know what to do without you. without you around, your- your love," she murmurs, rosy eyes locked with yours. you can tell from the tremble in her voice that she's close to the point of tears. "i... i thought you were gone."

"i thought i was, too," you whisper, giving a weak squeeze of jinx's hand. "but i'm still here, somehow. i missed you."

"i missed you so damn bad, babe, you don't know- i'm never letting anything happen to you again, and that's a damn promise. okay?"

"okay. and i'm not doing any stupid shit like that again either."

it's bittersweet, but jinx is so unabashedly happy in this moment. she leans over you, searching your eyes. your chapped lips, your tangled hair, your dry skin- but you look more beautiful than you ever have before to her. you're alive, and you're hers. she leans closer, her lips barely brushing yours, before being interrupted by the doctor entering the room.

"we're going to pull her from the room to run some tests for a while, miss."

"damn it."