Mom Come Pick Me Up, I'm Scared.

I have now officially used tumblr (and YouTube comment sections) to build up my self confidence. I'm now half way between a cuck and a god, there is no better way to exist than now.

I love the fact that I’m using this cesspool of chaos and showers to build up my self confidence. 

Just realized I could post my slightly terrible poetry on here

Because I wanted to show you

I'm never sure if people believe me when I say I'm empathic because I can be quite the dink. But just look at me. I'm a doofus. I just put my large stuffed animals (whom I always sleep with) on the ground, gave me a pillow and wrapped em in a balnket.

I had a nightmare a few weeks ago about some murders, and usually that freaks me out for a while and I can't sleep. So naturally I turned him into a character and made him kiss other boys. It's to the point I was making pintrest boards for him and his boyfriend, but it's late, and now murder is scary again and I can't sleep.

Where are the rushed diary entries, as you run with friends to a playground. Where is the harsh, impulsive attitude. When did it all become so soft? This is not at any fault of light, but at the fault of us for not properly documenting the dark. Early morning is not complete without the stinging cold air, tea is not without it's bitterness. When did we start writing only the delicate? You cannot comprehend love without the suddenness of it all, no matter how slow you can try to take it there is the unmistakable surprises love must give someone. Without the impulsivity, the dark, the sudden, everything becomes diluted. And much less true.

I hate when I find the dumbest game and get so entranced. Like it's such a simple yet captivating thing but it would be so embarrassing if someone saw me playing it.

Me having three separate conversations with my friends on discord on the same server:

General chat: Me - I'm extremely depressed

Friend - me too lmao

Images: Friend 2 electric boogaloo - look guys a women

Friend - pretty lady

Friend 2 electric boogaloo - woman*

Me - it's a women

[my] room: Me - look upon my good boy waffles and weep fuckoos

Friend - good boy

Friend 2 electric boogaloo - good cunt

I need both so we can learn guitar together and then go on road trip or illegally hop on a frieght train to travel across the country playing and writing song

i need a friend who knows how to play guitar so i can jam along

The ticket is always blank

I feel as though life has been passing me by

It feels like I'm at a train station

Watching the trains pass

Wonder which one was mine

It's hearing a busker's guitar, calm peaceful

We stand their in our own melancholic solitude

Not daring to look up

Buried in our own self doubt

It's watching clouds roll over blue skies

It's watching the seconds tick

Waiting for the clock to fall

And my body to decay

It was laying in the grass

Trying to become a bug

It was standing in the rain

To become a puddle

I think of these things

These thoughts of death that plague my brain

I watch another train go by

The next one, I think,

I'll get on

Me: why can I never find people who think like me or even similarly? Why do they always say some bullshit??

Also me: actually likes learning and school, anti capitalist who wants to build community, teacher pet, autistic, very queer, calls out people when to they say bigoted shit (and very bluntly), asks a lot of questions, intrups people in the middle of sentences to ask said questions, has a very crude and raunchy sense of humor,