Guys, I Figured It Out. The Subtitles Are So Bad Because They Let The Demons Type Them.

Shoutout to Leia Organa for showing almost no fear when facing down Vader and Tarkin at age 19, but screaming bloody murder when she sees a suction dinosaur-space rat (aka a mynock) through a space-proof window at age 21.

Shout out to Leia who in the EU, specifically studied history and art to screw with the Empire because those were subjects being actively suppressed. (This is why I headcannon Leia as an artist btw). Imagine being this petty. Iconic.

I just wanted to touch on these two lesser-discussed aspects of Leia. Honestly, what an icon.

Write it shitty, write it scared, write it without a clue but don't you be so spineless and have an AI write fanfic for you.

Things I've learned about gen-ai while stealing and re-drawing over screenshots I've found over the last week:

A single prompt uses about 500ml of water... with thousands of new prompts made every second... holy fucking shit.

It doesn't follow a single rule of art. No rule of thirds, no guiding lines, no colour theory... it's uncomfortable because lacks any kind of human perspective on what constitutes art & connection.

About 20% or more of your daily feed includes some kind of AI garbage that doesn't do anything to improve your experience. It doesn't need to be there.

It fuckin' sucks.

Princess and the Scoundrel Thoughts

Spoilers ahead:

First of all, the title and cover of this book are ridiculous. The art is pretty, but the pose looks like a cheesy romance. I think they’re paying homage to Courtship of Princess Leia, which while that story is hilarious, is one of the worst Star Wars books ever. But we get the Dathomir witches so it’s fine I guess.

On the other hand, Princess and the Scoundrel, is one of the best Star Wars books. Despite everything, despite all of the obstacles this book had from the beginning, it succeeds as having some of the best and most subtle character work in the entire franchise. Which is hilarious, because this book literally only exists to market a hotel. But Beth Revis said, “yeah, but what if it was good and I actually tried?”

Now, Beth Revis has clearly read COPL. You can tell and it’s kind of hilarious. For example, in COPL, there is a really long scene where Han plays sabacc (space poker) during a bout of insecurity and wins a planet to give to Leia and he uses THE MILLENNIUM FALCON for collateral. Han Solo would never do this. Now in PatS, Han plays sabacc while Leia is working to help her out by gathering intelligence. One of the players mentions that he wants to kidnap Leia (not knowing who Han is), and Han almost murders the guy. It’s awesome.

Here’s the thing, you can tell when Leia is being written by a woman instead of a man. In COPL, there is one moment where it’s brought up that if Leia marries Isolder there will be a planet for the survivors of the Alderaani genocide, but it’s only mentioned a few times and not by Leia. So any opportunity for a duty vs love internal conflict is not used. Her conflict is “Han and I are distant and space Fabio is hot so…”. Then HAN KIDNAPS LEIA USING A MIND CONTROL GUN. And she doesn’t murder him. So…I don’t care about this relationship anymore because both of them suck and it isn’t even clear why Leia falls in love with Han all over again.

Beth Revis gives Leia a very multi faceted internal conflict. Part of it is her dealing with her feelings about Vader, about being part of a team, and her guilt over Alderaan. It doesn’t take up too much time, but they inform a lot of her character.

Now, in a different canon book, that came out previously, it was mentioned in passing that Han and Leia got married on Endor. Now, at that point in both the EU and Canon, Han and Leia have been forcibly separated for a year and only actually got together a little bit before that. So, that’s really weird. But Revis is stuck with this. So she says to herself, “Why would they do this? Why would they move this quickly?”

And she remembers that this is Star Wars. They are living through war, they all almost died, and just spent a year forcibly separated. And they’ve decided that they’re done wasting time. Han just kind of…proposes and Leia (in typical fashion) debates for a second before deciding to take a leap of faith for love. It’s genuinely very, very sweet. Despite the title and cover this is not a romance book. There is no “will they won’t they” bullshit. Thank. God. They just get married and it’s really happy and Lando pranks Han into dressing nice, and it’s great. Then it’s a Star Wars adventure featuring Han and Leia.

That’s not to say Han and Leia don’t have any tension between them. The difference is it’s interesting. Han and Leia, especially her, do not know how to fully let each other into their lives. It isn’t that Han forgets for a bit that he married a very driven woman. He absolutely knows. His frustration stems from the fact that they are literally on their honeymoon, and Leia keeps leaving to work, because that is all she knows how to do. It is how she has coped with her trauma for three years. On the other hand, Leia feels like she is solely responsible for saving the galaxy, and that Han doesn’t understand that. Both sides of this argument are understandable. The book switches between Han and Leia’s perspectives. There are no stupid cutaways to Luke or space Fabio, there are no space witches. It is a focused relationship/ character study of Han and Leia while they’re on a decently interesting mission.

And the build up to the fight they end up having, is great. It’s a slow build up, you can feel their mutual frustration, and once they have the fight it is very cathartic. They don’t fight for the entire book either. They flirt and tease and have real conversations too.

So, after this huge fight, Leia is trying to divert the cruiser they’re on to this other planet, and Han finds out and helps her. Together, they succeed, but Leia is confused. They haven’t made up from their fight yet, and she asks why he helped her fight to go on a mission that’s going to take up more of their time. And Han says, “You’re my wife. If you’re running a con, I’m going to help you.”

Now, this might just be one of my favorite lines. Beth Revis understands that Han Solo is very loyal to the few people he cares about. He loves Leia, it’s why he goes back for her on Hoth at his own risk, why he saves Luke at Yavin and on Hoth. (She also understands the little bit of dorkiness Han Solo has beneath the posturing, up to the point that she gives him a sweet tooth.) Neither of them are overly mushy, they just love and respect each other.

There’s this great symbolism with their wedding rings. They’re made of hardened amber by the ewoks, and their fragility is a constant reminder of Han and Leia’s issues. They crack under pressure, and have to be maintained carefully. They eventually end up breaking under immense water pressure, but Han gives Leia a new ring (the one she wears in the sequels) reminiscent of the amber ones, symbolizing that they’re coming out stronger. It’s so sweet, and while it’s a little bit on the nose, it’s a great literary technique.

He’s acknowledging that he recognizes this part of Leia’s character, Leia realizes she needs to also put him first. In the aftermath, they both feel bad, apologize, and resolve to work on their issues together. And when they make-up, it feels real. This runs through the entire book, and the way it ends is really satisfying. Now, we know what happens to them in the sequels, so we can see how this conflict may come back into play later and lead to their eventual separation in canon. But, it’s also easy to see a different path where they work through these issues and live happily ever after. It’s just ambiguous enough to be read as either a prelude to eventual tragedy or the beginning of a long, happy life between two complex people. (I prefer the first one, but whatever).

Other things I liked:

- Han proposing. It’s literally that “I want you” “For what?” “A really long time.” quote on the internet.

Han: I want you.

Leia: Me? For what?

Han: Forever. Marry me.

- Leia tells Han about her true parentage and he just does not care. Like, he’s sympathetic towards her feelings, but is like, “why would this impact my love for you?”

- Leia finally lets herself do something spontaneous.

- Luke and Mon Mothma ship it.

- This quote:

Leia: About time.

Han: For what?

Leia: You once promised me a good kiss. I’ve been waiting.

- The conflict on Madurs is also pretty interesting. Leia is unwilling to let another planet die, giving an insight into Leia’s feelings about Alderaan, especially since Madurs values art like Alderaan.

Honestly, I want Beth Revis to write the canon “trip to Bespin” book.

Also…

This book kind of implies that Leia is bi? There’s a scene where Leia is remembering a conversation with her mother. So, when Alderaanian royals get married, their parent straps the ceremonial Rhindon sword (also used during their coronation) around their waist before the wedding.

In the flashback, Breha specifically says “whoever you marry” and “your husband or wife”…

Some people may say that it’s just ‘forced inclusion’ but that’s boring. Now, in the EU, fanon, and canon, Leia always puts emphasis on how close she and her parents were. This is something that I don’t think is ever particularly well illustrated, especially in canon. In parts the Kenobi series (she gets better later) and Leia, Princess of Alderaan, Breha in particular comes off as really unlikable.

But, if Leia isn’t over romanticizing (and there’s no indication that she is), she was really close to her parents. So, it stands to reason that her mother would know her sexuality. They at least seem really accepting in this passage, so it doesn’t seem like something Leia would keep from them.

I have no other evidence, and as far as I know, Leia is always seen in romances with men in both canon and legends, but in this context, it is a very interesting hint of something new about her character.

Appreciation post for all the beginner artists who work hard despite the AI ​​looming over us. You are fabulous. You are precious. Keep up the hard work, you are needed.

Okay, the next installment of Domestic Burlesque is up. This deals with some heavy elements so mind the tags. Please tell me what you think!

On Crowley’s Misunderstanding

Good Omens Season 2 Spoilers Below:

In episode 2 when Crowley asks Nina about Maggie she says, “Not a thing. Definitely. We’re just friends. Actually we barely know each other.”

This is verbatim what Aziraphale used to say about Crowley. And Crowley, who misinterprets the understanding between himself and the angel, says “Got it.”

He doesn’t get it. Yeah, it’s an excuse but it doesn’t mean “this is the person I’m deeply in love with, I just can’t say it”. It means, “We have some kind of deep connection but we haven’t worked it out yet”.

And Crowley just doesn’t seem to get that heaven is still a big part of Aziraphale.

He rejects Aziraphale too. Aziraphale asks him to go to Heaven with him and Crowley says no. And we the audience understand why, but Aziraphale doesn’t.

They’ve clearly never talked about any of this before.

Plus, throughout the entire season, he doesn’t seem to consistently know where Aziraphale’s loyalties are.

He says “the existence I have carved out for myself.”

Aziraphale is the one to say “I thought we carved it out for ourselves”.

Crowley straight up says that Aziraphale only calls when he’s bored, when he needs to gush about his good deeds, or if he needs something.

After meeting Muriel, Crowley says, “I don’t know how your lot have stayed in charge all this time.”

My point is dolphins that they need to communicate!!! Both of them are at fault for what happened, and yet how could they possibly know any better?

Incorrect Shakespeare Quotes: Much Ado About Nothing 2

Benedick: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?

Benedick: Hey Beatrice, can you give me the opposite of these words?

Benedick: Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down.

Beatrice: Never, Going, To, Give, You-

Beatrice: The fucking satisfaction.

Benedick, very tired: Can I sleep in your bed?

Beatrice: *half asleep* Benedick, this is a queen-sized bed. That means it’s for *gestures vaguely to themself* the Queen.

Benedick: *venting endlessly to Beatrice about their week*

Beatrice, every once in a while: *in a monotone* Wow, that is so wild.

Benedick: Beatrice, can I ask you a question?

Beatrice: You just did.

Benedick: Okay, can I ask you two questions?

Beatrice: You just did.

Benedick, frustrated: OKAY, CAN I ASK YOU FOUR QUESTIONS?!

Beatrice: You just did.

Benedick: When?!

Beatrice: Just now.

Beatrice, to Benedick: I'll be under the mistletoe when you start feeling desperate!

Benedick: Valentines Day? I'm ready. *Sprays an entire can of AXE body spray on themselves*

Benedick: Tommorrow's garbage day.

Beatrice: I can't believe they made a whole day dedicated to you.

Beatrice: I love the term 'partners'. Are we dating? Are we robbing a bank? Are we the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit? Who knows.

Benedick: We have a problem.

Beatrice: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.

Benedick: So... what would you do if you were in bed with me?

Beatrice: Depends. Is your bed comfortable?

Benedick: Yes.

Beatrice: I'd sleep.

Benedick: I left instructions for everyone while I'm gone.

Beatrice: Mine just says "Beatrice no."

Benedick: I want you to apply it to every possible situation.

Beatrice: I want to kiss you.

Benedick, not paying attention: What?

Beatrice: I said if you die, I wont miss you.

Beatrice: A fistfight CAN be romantic.

Beatrice: I've met a lot of pricks in my time, but you, Benedick, are a fucking cactus.

Benedick: You know, when I first met you I thought you were a real bitch.

Beatrice: What changed your mind?

Benedick: Oh, I still think you're a bitch. I've just grown to like that about you.

Benedick: I’m in love with you.

Beatrice: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.

Benedick: I know.

Beatrice: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

Benedick: Even Beatrice and I have been getting closer. The other day, they gave me half of their sandwich.

Beatrice: I mistook them for a garbage can.

Leonato/Don Pedro: Woah dude, premarital handholding? That’s just not cool or groovy.

Beatrice : Of course I have a lot of pent-up rage, you fool! I've been the same height since I was twelve!

Beatrice/ Benedick: Not to be nsfw but I want someone to hold me while I sleep.

Beatrice : If karma doesn't hit you, I fucking will.

Don John: If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think my body will shut down.

Beatrice : I love sarcasm! It’s like punching people in the face, but with words!

Benedick : My heart is guarded but like… very poorly. The kind of guards that would let 3 kids in a trench coat into an R rated movie.

Beatrice : I'm not funny, I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.

Benedick , at Hero’s funeral: I need a moment with them.

Everyone: Of course. *They leave*

Benedick , leaning over Hero′s coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you’re not dead.

Hero : Yeah, no shit.

Beatrice , to Benedick : How do you tell someone politely you want to hit them with a brick?

Beatrice : If I may interject...

Benedick : Oh, awesome, Beatrice was eavesdropping.

Benedick: Can I bother you for a second?

Beatrice: You're always bothering me, but go ahead.

Beatrice: Hey, Benedick? I need advice.

Benedick: I’m pretty useless at giving advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment instead?

Beatrice: My hands are cold.

Benedick: Here, let me hold them.

Beatrice: My lips are cold too.

Benedick: *covers Beatrice's mouth with their hand*

Not me restructuring “Very Blue Lives” on ao3 again…

TMMM Incorrect Quotes Part 1

Yeah…I discovered the incorrect quotes generator. I know some of these have been done but…

Midge: I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you...

Lenny: Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me, and no take backs, honey.

*

Lenny: I would never say that my partner is a b**** and I don’t don’t like them. That’s not true… My partner is a b**** and I like them so much!

*

Midge: I have feelings for you.

Lenny: Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?

*

Lenny: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.

Midge: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.

Lenny: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??

Midge: Is it working?

*

Lenny: I want to be with you for the rest of my life.

Midge: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal.

Lenny, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.

*

Lenny: I’m in love with you.

Midge: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.

Lenny: I know.

Midge: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

*

Midge: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake.

Lenny: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear.

Midge: ...

Midge: You mean ring bearER, right?

Lenny: ...

Midge: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

*

Midge: Are you ready to commit?

Lenny: Like, a crime or a relationship?

*

Lenny: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?

Midge: Peonies, why?

Lenny:

Midge: Were you going to get me flowers?

Lenny:

Midge:

Lenny: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

*

Lenny: Midge, you love me, right?

Midge: Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.

*

Lenny: So... what would you do if you were in bed with me?

Midge: Depends. Is your bed comfortable?

Lenny: Yes.

Midge: I'd sleep.

*

Midge: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?

Lenny: It was autocorrect.

Midge: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."?

Lenny: Yes.

*

Lenny: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-

Midge: I wrote you a poem.

Lenny, already crying: You did?

*

Lenny: Midge is playing hard to get.

Lenny: Little do they know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

*

*Lenny comes home absolutely drunk, undresses, and stands in Midge’s bedroom.*

Midge: Babe, are you.. coming to bed?

Lenny: No thank you, I’m sure you’re lovely but I have a girlfriend.

Lenny: *Lies on the ground and falls asleep*

Midge: ...

*

Lenny: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out!

Midge: In a dating type of way, or an assassination type of way?

Lenny: I don't know, surprise me!

*

Lenny: Come to dinner tonight. I can’t cook, but I’ll bring plenty of free wine.

Midge: Marry me.

*

Lenny, throwing their head into Midge's lap: Tell me I'm pretty!

Midge, lovingly stroking their hair: You're pretty f***ing annoying, that's what you are.

*

Lenny: My crush isn’t picking up on my hints.

Midge: What hints have you given them?

Lenny: Well, I think about them a lot.

Lenny: And sometimes I even think about talking to them.

*

Midge: Ugh, crushes are so dumb.

Lenny: I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid.

Midge: But you’re always acting stupid?

Lenny: ...

Lenny: Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.

*

Lenny: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.

Midge: Wow. They sound stupid.

Lenny: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense.

Midge: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”

Lenny: I guess you’re right. Hey Midge, I love you.

Midge: See! Just say that!

Lenny: Holy f***ing s***.

Midge: If that flies over their head then, sorry Lenny, but they're too dumb for you.

Lenny: Midge.

*

Lenny: Midge and I are no longer dating.

Midge: Lenny, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.