Confessions Of Memories. | • 3.

18.08.23 | Lotte Williams, PT II - Characteristics

🎤: The second and last part to Lotte's slideshow/Infoshow! ✨I personally loved designing this part of her. Usually, my characters are quite extroverted, but she's an introvert-leaning ambivert, so it made me think about her hobbies and thought process better.

Hot people?

Hot people. 😌

Here's the high quality version! 🩷

It's available on the Bungo Stray Dogs Wiki!^^

I'll get straight to the point. there is this official art from bungo stray dogs that I've been looking for everywhere but I can't find a high quality version or a complete version. it's the one where all of the agency members are holding one piece of atsushis clothing. basically the art on how atsushis outfit came to be. I can't find it anywhere- well okay I can find it places but I don't know where to find the full version- so if any of you could help me out and give me a link for Pinterest or whatever then I'd appreciate it

thank you! ♡

Taking a brief pause to just say my heart is with the people of Ukraine right now, and I wish all of you well.

❤️

🥀

"Is There Anyone Else You Can Call?"

UHM this has been in my drafts for a while so ‼️ Enjoy‼️ I haven't edited this and haven't really looked this over either so 🧍🏾‍♀️ This is from months ago, I don't have any other written pieces in drafts DJDJ

A white ceiling. How crude. 

"Sorry, miss? We can't reach your emergency contact. Is there anyone else you can call?" 

Ah. The only remaining contacts were those that she hadn't talked to in a decade at best, forever at worst. The rush of noise blinded her ears, as she hopelessly ran through names. 

"... Dazai Osamu." She sighed. Should she cry at her stupidity? Or should she cry at her misfortune? 

Could she even cry, in this state? The physical cauterised her emotional wounds, a gentle but unnerving ease that she succumbed to, becoming a shell of herself. 

-

Like a doll with a soul, she woke up. The scratchy fabric brushed against her thin fingers, her hair still tainted by her own blood. Lotte suddenly regretted her actions - perhaps she shouldn't have called anyone at all. What could they do for her? Sleep restlessly as a sign of affection? 

She sighed. The gothic hand of sorrow that stitched her emotions tightly had fallen limp, reducing her to a needy child. A craving so disgusting, a gentle love she so wanted, for someone to waste and kill their time by her side. 

In spite of her childlessness, she could tell he would never arrive. He could never love like that; he wasn't that person. There was no space for her, and for him there was none either. 

The room was so white it looked blue. The walls stared back at her, the click of shoes passing the doors, an overwhelming sense she was alone. All of her contacts were dead and useless. She had become - no, made -  an insentient doll, one that could not be remembered with fondness. 

"Lotte?" His voice called out. That annoying and wretched man had appeared once again, despite her best assumptions. Why had the heartless brang her comfort?

Dazai walked closer, calling her name once again. Her eyes grew hot, her nose flaring. She sobbed, her body like a plastic bottle, sniffling and gasping as if she was drowning. 

"There's other ways to tell me I smell bad, okay?" 

"It's not that!" She said through her unpaced tears. 

__________

Confessions Of Memories. | • 7.

1. | 2. | 3. | 4. | 5. | 6. | 7. | 8.

Days had started overlapping with blurred faces and rotting emotions that dried on the hill that was her memories. Her feet could only remember one dance, and that was to shuffle around the room of scrolls and books. Her mind was clattered, rearranging the books in pointless positions.

"You've been so mindless, gosh! Take a week off, that should be enough." Her co-worker sighed.

Please don't fire me.

I'm ting my best. I promise.

The sun made its way down the sky as she left, leaving her key with them. Her body was as heavy as broken heart. Her eyes were burdened with bags of dis-ease, yet empty with confusion.

One person was to be forgotten, yet they kept disappearing. No matter how many wishes of her mother's she pushed herself to fix, she was still left forgotten.

She slid the door open, letting her hair down. She glanced at the hairpins, hopelessly rolling them around in her hands. The house smelt of burnt rice, the flowers that grew outside dulled without water. Maybe she could tidy the house.

But she couldn't bring herself to do it. Her body just felt too heavy.

"Jiji? Are you there?" Xiao asked softly, peering his head through.

He saw her, quietly glancing at the window he was perching on. He exhaled in relief, his eyebrows relaxing.

"What's wrong?"

"I wanted to come and personally thank you, but you weren't there."

"Just, my memory has gotten foggy."

Are you beginning to forget me?

"Ah." He stopped.

"Yeah."

His hand clenched, his lips twitching with a frown. His heart choked in his chest.

Summer.

The hot night wafted the area with a starless night, and a lonely moon. The wind brushed his scent onto her. She smiled, despite her chest aching. The emotional agony was sitting at the back of her mind, the dull reality of her eternal life being paused by his presence.

He brushed kissed her forehead, as if to kiss her doubts away.

Of course it could never work.

But, she'd like to pretend. The temporary feeling that grew, only had so much space.

"Please stay, Xiao."

"Call my name, whenever you need me." He looked at her once more, his hand resting on her head softly.

With that, the wind that burst around her left only a hint of him in the room. Once again, she was alone.

Her bed made her hostile. What nightmare was on the menu tonight? Whether it was marble or molded faces, she didn't want to see it. What could she do? Beg?

"Mei?"

"Who else brings you to the beach?" She chuckled.

"This is your favourite moment at the beach, isn't it?"

The sun spiralled into the ocean, the sky tinted with setting grey. The sand was cold, and damp. The small rocks were littered across the vast area. Her face was missing once again, but she could see her expression.

It was smothered.

"You have a good memory." Mei pranced.

"Sometimes,"

Sometimes I can't remember want I want to.

"Sometimes?"

"It feels like a curse."

"How can having a good memory be a curse?"

Li looked felt her eyes burn, as she grabbed Mei's arm, her grip pleading.

"Because whatever I remember never makes me happy." She sniffled.

"It's tiring. I'm forgetting everyone. I don't want to. I don't want to!" Her voice was absolute, the beach dead with her resolve, Mei silent.

She sighed, patting her head.

"How much happiness are you going to sacrifice?"

You don't have to live like this.

-

here is a link to the gofundme for the funeral of delaina yaun, a victim of the shooting in atlanta, and another link to the gofundme to support her family, she is survived by 2 children and a husband. (these are both verified by gofundme.)

here is a gofundme link for elcias hernandez ortiz, who was shot but is currently in intensive care as i write this. he was the only survivor of this attack. his family will need help paying for the medical bills. (cnn includes this link in an article about the attack.)

if i find any more links to the help out the victims friends and family i will add them.

thank you for donating if you can, and thank you for sharing. everyone please stay safe.

#StopAsianHate #StopAAPIHate

Sonya?? 👀 As in, Crime and Punishment's Sonya?? 👀👀👀👀👀👀

Sonya!!