*the Camera Looks Over To Sirius (who Can Also Speak French) Trying And Almost Failing To To Laugh*

Lemons of the world UNITE!

Sirius: blood whores

James: transparent hooker

Remus: just call them by their actual names!

James and Sirius: ok……moon slut

*Time skip to later that night with everyone but James*

Remus: I call the record player

Sirius: aww I was going to call that!

sirius: what happens when you die?

james: idk, you go to heaven?

sirius: no i mean do i get your stuff?

Both at the same time: PETER!

*James and Sirius sitting in jail together*

James: So who should we call?

Sirius: I’d call Remus, but I feel safer in jail

James: Yeah, I would call Regulus but I don't think I'll make it through the day alive if I do that

regulus: i will never hit my kids. but i might occasionally flip them off when they aren't looking

Theater people understand this

*2 hours later*

[crisis counselor running from the room screaming and crying]

mcgonagall: I think that went well

mcgonagall: you scored a 25/27 on your mental health questionnaire

remus: so that means i’m good at mental health right?

[crisis counselor enters room]

remus: ah fuck

Let’s go people!

in the past 48 hours we’ve had boris johnson resign, shinzo abe assassinated, bong bong marcos get covid, and the presidential palace of sri lanka get stormed by protesters

bring out the guillotine, besties! waiting to see whose head (of state) rolls next

‘Trinkets and their meanings’

This headcanon means so much for me you don’t understand