There Are Like 5 Rules To Follow In Order To Survive A Bunch Of Creepy Mosters And Entities Who Want

It has come to my attention that people have been using my mspaint doodle as a reaction image- and I'm flattered however I realized I didn't sign it so I made a signed version. Use this one instead please and thank you!!

Drawn while listening to Malevolent, but can apply to a wide variety of horror podcasts or listening experiences. I'll tag a few for safe measure

Wait wait wait, so you're telling me, that not only did Stan win the Tumblr Sexyman contest on Weed Day, BUT HE ALSO SOMEHOW KILLED THE FUCKING POPE?!

I keep seeing stuff about the magnus protocol on my dash (which I am refusing to listen to because the memes have told me that jmart are still alive there and that isn't very narratively satisfying to me, no shade to yall or jonny yall can have fun w/ it) and apparently the antichrist and his plus one are a computer virus or something....so I guess you could say they're....yk.....a trojan........just like.........just like in season 4..........when jon and hello jon apologies for the deception but I wanted to make sure you started reading, so I thought it best not to introduce myse

WE GOT THE WHOLE ARCHIVAL STAFF LETS GOO!!!!

Look at my children! MY PRECIOUS CHILDREN!!!

straigbt up "under it" and by "it" well lets jusr say, my blankeys

‼️TMA MAG 200 SPOILERS‼️

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I am, in fact, very normal about this podcast (:

TMA is something I’ve never seen coming. The rapid 180 degree changes, the whiplash from which hits you hard, makes you fall out of your seat and stare in the middle of the wall, wondering “..what just happened..”

Never have I ever been so inspired, driven by something so invigorating, so potent in its way of conveying emotions.

So many days have been met with lost eyes, absolutely aghast at what I just listened to. So many nights and unwise decisions to listen to one more episode, just one, and then dozing off with the first glimpses of dawn

I regret nothing. Not the tears, not the pain, not the time. TMA, thank you for introducing me to the part of me I didn’t know I had.

And close-ups!!

(departure from my usual content, apologies for the self-indulgence)

SPOILERS FOR THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES - SEASON FINALE Lyrics under the cut:

Find a Leitner when you’re eight  Take a job at a spooky place Start smoking again way too late Run back toward the worms to grab a tape Dumb ways to die So many dumb ways to die Spun by the eye-eye-eye So many dumb ways to die Wander tunnels after dark Chop a fractal table into parts Let yourself be framed Shake the hand of an angry living flame Dumb ways to die So many dumb ways to die Spun by the eye-eye-eye So many dumb ways to die Don’t let Michael Crew be polite Find yourself facing Daisy’s knife Get skincare advice from a plastic face Decide Distortion is a good escape Dumb ways to die So many dumb ways to die Spun by the eye-eye-eye So many dumb ways to die Steal a ghost from the hunter’s den Bring a bunch of C4 to The Stranger’s dance Let a man dig in your chest You know, who said you need all your ribs?  Dumb ways to die So many dumb ways to die Spun by the eye-eye-eye-eye So many dumb ways to die Walk into a coffin to save someone Look into the heart of a blackened sun Gouge out your eyes in a half-baked flight plan Step into the Lonely cuz it’s taken your man And when it all comes down the that last ending At Martin’s hand, it’s quite possibly The roughest way to die The roughest way die Roughest way to die-ie-ie-ie So many dumb- So many dumb ways to die Be safe around webs. A message from the Archives.

Jonathan Sims. The archivist. The bringer of the apocalypse and an avatar of the eye.

Found the merry go round in the london zoo thrilling. THRILLING.

I love this man.

run for the door, you'll be okay, don't be afraid to say my name

"what even happens in the magnus archives" Everything Happens In The Magnus Archives. it's all in there. you name something that is in any way scary or unpleasant then it's in there somewhere. if you have a niche phobia or recurring nightmare of any kind, no matter how obscure you may believe it to be, then one day you are going to queue up an episode and listen to the intro music play and then they'll read out the title "episode 42069, catching you in 4k" and recite your own personal worst fear Directly into your ear canals, in exactly the words you would use to describe it. the sixth episode is about exploding worm sex that kills you. and then there are 194 more episodes after that.