Jae-五宝: 节日快乐 ：） 2017的最后几天希望依旧被照亮  

[Image description: a huge whirlpool of blue water with white waves and ripples. It looks like the ocean is draining out like someone pulled the stopper out of a huge bathtub. End of image description.] VORTEX DAYS A vortex day is a day where one appointment suck all your energy up for the entire day before and after. For example, today I went out for Japanese class which I really enjoy, but from the moment I wake up I have to start fighting with my own irrational negative thoughts that say: “No, it’s too difficult, it’s not worth it, no one will miss you if you don’t go, just stay home.” Then in the midst of this tug-of-war, practical preparations have to be made: my hair is a mess; where the heck is my hairbrush? Oh no, better feed the cat first. I should wash my face...but ugh, no, I don’t want to see how ugly I am. Let’s have a Klonopin and sit down for a while. Oh no, I fell asleep! I’m already late! Rush out the door tripping over things and cursing like a sailor. I do enjoy Japanese class, but when I get back the rest of the day is devoted to recovery. Curl into a ball, pull my hat over my eyes, twist and turn my tangle toy into and out of a thousand knots. Light my butterscotch scented candle, turn on the humidifier, turn on the air purifier and the white noise machine. Ah, finally I’m back in my space capsule. Expeditions to Earth take a lot out of a fragile alien visitor like me!

Fact

real intimacy

I love when you become so close with someone that you can see parts of each other in one another and you begin to say the same things and steal lines from one another and have a similar sense of humor and can exchange an inside joke with just a glance you don’t even have to talk because you have such a strong connection with them and you can sit in comfortable silence but also talk for hours it’s really hard to find that kind of compatibility

I want that shirt

I sent a message last night about my new Autism Shirt™ and thought you’d like to see it

Kay: !!! it looks super soft and comfy!!! I also like the colors. They go well with your skin tone. SIDE NOTE IT THAT A HARRY POTTER POSTER IN THE BACKGROUND??? You’re a good bean, and I support you. I hope you get a lot of comfy flannels in the future.

[Image description: A flower garden is surrounded by a high brick wall. We see a door in the wall has swung open, but perhaps usually the door is kept closed and locked so that the garden is private and secret. On the ground in the garden there are bright red flowers on the left, and on the right a mix of pink and purple flowers. The brick wall is covered with green-leafed vines. The door is painted light gray, but the paint is old and faded.]

When I go out into the world where the so-called normal people live, I sometimes feel resentful that I have to remain silent about so many things that interest and appeal to me. I feel I have to remain silent, because if I talk about these things I may get enthusiastic and go on for too long, and other people will find this annoying. In any case, they don’t want to hear about them. When I get enthusiastic, I get hopeful that they too may find these things interesting, but I am almost always disappointed. So it’s safer to be silent about them.

On the other side, I feel disdain for them and I also feel sorry for them. I think: “I have a secret garden with so many beautiful flowers in it, and it’s visited by honey bees and butterflies. And my cat is there too, playing in the grass. You people have no idea what you’re missing!” 

In a way, the fact that the garden is secret makes it more beautiful and more cozy to be in. But to be honest I do sometimes have daydreams about having a friend to share it with. 

This post is based on the idea for The Secret Garden, a book by Frances Hodgson Burnett, first published in 1911.

“be softer with you. you are a breathing thing. a memory to someone. a home to a life.”

— Nayyirah Waheed (via wordsnquotes)

The whole world is exhausting. Constantly trying to deal with sensory input and confusing scenarios is energy consuming but the most tiring part is having to pretend that you aren’t finding any of it difficult.

It’s okay to need to show the fact that you are struggling. Autism, isn’t shameful and we should not have to hide it.

amen

I would rather let a “special snowflake” into the autistic community than exclude an autistic that needs support and cannot get a clinical diagnosis. I would rather validate ten “special snowflakes” than invalidate one autistic who needs support and cannot get a clinical diagnosis.

I would rather welcome a hundred “special snowflakes” without question than force an autistic to disclose their entire life to me just to get the support they need when they cannot get a clinical diagnosis.

I would rather help those that don’t need help, than deny help to those that need it.

Love this drawing, especially the expression on the face

Hi what are raptor hands? I see people talk about this in #actuallyautistic, and I'm not 100% what kind of hands it refers to. (I love your detailed and thorough answers to everything, btw.)

Hi, I’m glad you appreciate how many words I need to answer even the most basic questions! (half joke)

Interestingly enough, my icon here is a drawing of myself with raptor hands. 

Raptor hands (also called raptor arms, meerkat hands, and many other things of this format) are a way of holding one’s hands/arms at rest. It’s when a person has their arms in a resting position where their elbows are bent. 

A common way that this can look is that the hands are right at chest level, and loosely hanging down. The hands don’t need to be as high though for me to still consider it raptor hands. Elbows at a right angle such that the hands are hanging down from around the waist still strike me as being a bit raptorish in this sense.

The reason this is talked about in the actuallyautistic tag is because autistic people tend to be the ones who do this naturally. I’m not sure what causes it, but a lot of us find it much more comfortable than having our arms hang down to our sides. I have a friend who tries to hold her arms down to her sides, but because having them bent is so much more natural feeling, her elbows are still a bit bent, and so when she walks you can see her arms bending away from her a bit. It’s actually how I first thought to ask if she’s autistic too (she is). 

Here’s the original drawing I did that I turned into my icon, since I think it’s a good example. (Copic markers and a pigma micron for the line art)