Spagetti-without-h - Ok

kenny ortega invented codependent homoerotic friendships in 1992 and we should thank him for that

Guys, My cousin knows nothing about the life series but has heard me ramble about it so much they know most of the plot and have a VERY basic understanding of some of the players personalities. So today they decided to write a Crackfic and I haven’t stopped laughing.

Peak fiction right there.

So my Batfamily brain rot is back (not that it ever really left) and I just had a thought like…

If you’re a henchman/criminal in Gotham, seeing your life flash past your eyes is gonna be a somewhat regular occurance but… what if like… the thing that truly made a henchman’s heart fall to his ass was when they hit Robin just a little too hard and this 10 year old kid just starts crying and goes ‘Daaaaaadddd!’

That’s the moment when they truly think they’re going to die because said dad, the kid is calling for is a 6’6 demon from hell who’s all muscle and shadows and vengance and a lot of Gotham still thinks he’s a cryptid

The henchmen all drop their guns and try to calm the kid down but it’s over in 5 seconds flat. Batman breaks several bones before speaking to Robin in the softest voice they’ve ever heard him use and the criminal world, who was already a bit hesitant to fight a kid have even more reason to take it just a little easy on Robin.

And like, I can picture different reactions with every Robin.

Like, for Dick, he’s ten and we all know he was the most violent Robin second only to Damian so maybe when he’s ten or eleven and has calmed down a little, a henchback who still remembers what a little shit he used to be decides to get back at Robin, slips on a pair of brass knuckles and BAM

And then, little Dick just stares for a moment in shock, cheek already starting to bruise, the criminals he’d been fighting all stay still because it was a nasty punch and then…

“Daaaaad!!!” He cries out in a whiny voice that reminds them that Robin really is just a kid and it all clicks into place.

Even Bruce wasn’t expecting that, Dick has just started calling him dad and he still isn’t used to being called that so to hear his kid calling for him in the moment where he is startled and hurt and a little scared… the henchmen don’t even have time to react and they wake up in the hospital with concussions and maybe a few broken bones.

It doesn’t take Dick long to calm down, it was mostly that the hit from a random henchmen really startled him and got him right in the cheekbone. But Bruce still finishes patrol early and Dick still hides under Bruce’s cape all the way to the Batmobile.

Then comes Jason and Jason was such a sweet kid, I headcannon he was the one that called Bruce dad the most often while being Robin. So one night during patrol maybe he finds himself fighting Penguin or Two-Face and it’s been a long night and he has an exam the following day and Bruce is fighting another villain at the other side of the warehouse

The point is, the henchmen and Two-Face start landing hits on eleven year old Jason in his gut and at some point he loses sight of Batman fighting on the other side of the room. Jason gets scared because he’s never really fought without Batman and while he knows that Bruce is still in the warehouse, he can’t see him and the handle of a gun hits the back of his ankle and he falls and he sees Two-Face or Penguin or one of the henchmen getting ready to grab the front of his uniform and beat him up and…

“Daaaaddd!”

The criminals freeze for a moment. They’ve heard the stories of what happened the last time a Robin called scared for dad.

They’re fucked.

They all drop their guns and try to get Jason to calm down, but he’s crying just a little bit and calls again, his voice breaking and despite having been at the other side of the warehouse just a second ago, Bruce somehow drops from the ceiling and it’s over before the criminals can keep pleading with Robin to calm down.

Jason tries to apologize for ‘acting like a baby’ but Bruce is having none of it and carries him back to the Batmobile and Jason is happy to just hide his face in Bruce’s cape because he knows his dad will always be there to save him.

Then comes Tim.

And Tim gets found out while doing reconnisance and somehow he finds himself face to face with Bane who manages to wrench away his bo staff and Tim is just eleven and he is scared because Bane doesn’t look like he’s going to hold back

All Tim knows is that the crack he hears must surely be his ribs either cracking or breaking and he can’t breath and he can only muster enough air for a single word… and he calls for his dad through tears and fear

And at this point… at this point Batman has already lost a Robin, Tim may not be his legally but he is his son just as much as Jason was

Bane spends a month in the ICU

Tim is embarrased that he reacted like that. He thinks it makes him less of a Robin to called scared for Batman… for dad.

So Bruce tells him of the other two times it happened. It’s one of the first times he’s spoken about Jason to Tim so bluntly.

Then comes Stephanie.

Stephanie never calls Bruce dad when she’s Robin. She’s not his daughter and he’s not her dad. They’re not sure what exactly they are to one another.

As far as Bruce knows, Stephanie’s version of Robin never called out to him when she was scared.

What he doesn’t know is that it did happen. Just once

It was the last time she was Robin. When Black Mask had her and she thought she was going to die

At some point while bleeding and feeling nauseous and so scared she could barely hear anything that wasn’t her own heart beating wildly against her chest… she called for dad. Not for Arthur Brown, but for Bruce

Black Mask laughed at her

Stephanie never tells Bruce

And finally… Damian

Now, we know Damian would probably never be startled enough to call for Bruce out of instinct, so I can see 2 scenarios in which this could happen.

First, he sees another kid do it. He sees a kid close to his own age laughing and playing, then tripping and staying quiet for a split second before crying out for mom and dad and he just… assumes that’s something kids do when scared and hurt and startled and does it mostly in an attempt to be a little more ‘normal’

Or, my favorite scenario… he hears of the other times it has happened. He overhears maybe Dick remind Jason of what Bruce did when Jason called out to dad as Robin. Tim maybe jokes that a Robin calling for dad is still the villains’ greatest fear

So Damian stores that knowledge away as a battle strategy just in case he ever needs it… and maybe a small part of him wants to put it to the test, to see if his father would protect him as brutally as he’s protected the Robins before him

So some random night during patrol, he’s up against several henchmen, a few of them grab him from behind, trying to hold him down. Damian is fighting against them when one of them swings a cylinder of metal that Damian thinks might’ve been meant for the plumbing and…

The henchman breaks Damian’s nose, there’s blood dripping down his chin and staining his uniform

Now… it is most certainly not the first time he’s broken something, he’s more than used to the pain, in fact, he barely feels it. However, it gives him a chance to put his little theory to the test

And so Damian allows himself to sound like the ten year old that he is and in a whiny, teary voice, goes… “Babaaaaa!” (Bonus points if it’s the first or second time he’s called Bruce baba instead of father)

What Damian didn’t take into account though, is that Batman and Robin aren’t the only ones on patrol that night. They made a big bust. The biggest part of the operation was over but they were still fighting a few stragglers. The whole fucking family is here.

And they all hear his cry.

Damian doesn’t think he’s ever seen a fight end so quickly. The henchmen only have a split-second of surprise before vanishing, being tackled or shot or having knives buried on their shoulders by his siblings.

The one that actually broke Damian’s nose is being beaten up by Nightwing, Damian doesn’t think he’s ever seen Grayson so angry.

A shadow kneels in front of him, father. Baba. He’s checking Damian and Todd is right at his side, both speaking in hushed tones, checking his injuries and wiping the tears that usually came with a broken nose.

And now… Damian is used to his father and Grayson treating him like a child, trying to be as soft as they can with him. Even Cain does it to some extent.

But… having Drake wrap an arm around him, calling him baby when knocking out one of the criminals that had hurt him ‘that’s my fucking baby brother!’ and continue to hold him later into the night on the couch, having Brown willingly give up all the snacks she keeps in her utility belt and promise to take him to Batburger the following day for milkshakes because he was ‘a champ’. And Thomas wraps his favorite blanket around Damian while they’re fixing him up.

Todd decides to stay the night at the manor. Which he never does. They all decide to spend the night at the manor when Damian still sniffles on the Batmobile and they have breakfast all of them together. Which Damian isn’t sure has ever happened before and Cain gets Alfred to make pancakes with chocolate chips instead of blueberries.

They call him baby in hushed whispers but for once, it doesn’t bother him even though it really should

But most of all, Bruce refuses to let him go for a good five minutes after he first cries for him. Smoothing down his hair and whispering that it’ll be okay and just being soft in a way Damian has never seen before.

He sleeps between his Baba and Grayson and he knows that Todd and Drake and Cain check in on them at least twice in the night for some reason.

And he realizes it’s… it’s nice. Maybe this really could be an effective battle strategy to be employed again someday.

AITA for not telling my fiancé I know he’s queer? 

I 20s (F) have a 20s (M) fiancé, V, and he’s been talking about this terrible secret he cannot tell me and he keeps almost starting to come out and then backing out. The issue is V and I were raised together by his parents, and my surrogate 40s (M) father and (now deceased) surrogate mother arranged for our marriage back when we were both children. They thought it was the best for us and at the time we were too young to realize the implications and had no reason to reject to the match. When we were teenagers our mother was on her deathbed and she told us again that she wished for us to marry, and of course we both agreed. However, V is also best friends with a 20s (M) guy called H, and they were nearly inseparable as boys and teens. They also went to university together and shared an apartment but V had to come home due to family reasons. Lately he’s been going out all day and coming home at night hours later. He insists that he’s fine and that we all leave him alone and not worry for him, but I think he and H have been sneaking around. He even delayed our wedding day by arranging a trip to go to England alone with H. It’s exhausting for all of us and I think I should just tell V I know and support him and that we can call off the marriage, but I’m not sure that’s the best course of action? I’m completely fine with not marrying him - he always felt more like a brother to me anyway - but I worry it might come off wrong. The worst part is he’s really beating himself up about it. He’s so guilty it’s beginning to take a toll on his health. I don’t care if he has a boyfriend I just want him to be happy.

EDIT: nvm he built an 8ft creature in his dorm

DC fanfic recommendations

(feel free to send in/share more to be added!)

read at your own risk! pay attention to tags!

- if the link doesn't go through, it likely means the work is restricted (requires being logged into an account to see)

- if you're the author of any of these and would like your work removed from the list, please let me know <3

Bat Centric:

A Minor Occurrence - TheJBomb [one shot / 3.5k words]

"The Batfam meet the Justice League with less grace than a hippo in roller skates."

Alley Business - thetiniestteapot [series]

Jason interacting with Crime Alley

And Suddenly I See You - AnIrishRose [series]

"A series of one shots exploring how the Batfam would react to Bruce bringing Helena Wayne to their universe."

forward motion 'verse - Shleapord [series]

his name was king - TheRessurectionist [one shot / 2.5k words]

"Everyone knows who the butler is."

Nature and Nurture - lurkinglurkerwholurks [multichap / 109k words]

"In which the writer explores some classic tropes, indulges in some Batfam feels, and explores the effects of nature and nurture on the psyche of one Bruce Thomas Wayne."

one shot, two shots in the night - discowing [multichap / 14.6k words]

"'A Shot in the Dark' remains on our bestseller list for the fourth week in a row! Read our review of brucewayne's tell-all memoir.."

Runaway Robin - DangerBeckett [multichap / 11.5k words]

"..Robin might have found Tim once, but no one ever looks for Tim a second time. Robin can think whatever he wants. They'll never see each other again. (They see each other again)."

the apex predator - poisedwalrus [one shot / 1.8k words]

"Dick shows Damian Mean Girls. It does not go well."

The Wise Men Of Gotham - husborth [one shot / 2.8k words]

"Jason has an argument with Bruce. If it can be called an argument. ... If it can be called Bruce."

welcome to the land of no brain cells - Ms_Trickster [series]

Red Raven - PlotlessWanderer [multichap / 261k+ words]

Tim-centric "Or; A different meeting in a different time and place has enormous consequences)"

5 Times Tim Spends the Night at Wayne Manor + 1 Time He Comes Home - motleyfam [multichap / 48.6k words]

"...'Tim Joins the Family Early' AU, told through a series of sleepovers--most of which are unplanned."

New Wave - yellow_caballero [multichap / 103k words]

"In which Stephanie Brown rocks the radical nineties and becomes the first Robin, ruining Batman's life and giving Tim Drake a hobby."

You know that soil cannot spoil your white hair. - briarsdesires [one shot / 581 words]

"John and Jason talk about magic. It doesn't change anything."

JT's Auto Shop - foxykyuu15 [multichap / 197.8k words]

"(Jason hadn't wanted to get involved with the Bats this time around. He wanted to clean up the Alley, work on cars with Santa, and maybe smoke some weed and drink some beer on the weekends when he wasn't out doing crime-lord shit. Fuck.)"

Jason and the Three Terrors - Cdelphiki [multichap / 201k+ words]

"One moment, Jason was peacefully sleeping, perfectly content with his life with the League of Assassins. Okay, so maybe not content content, but he wasn't unhappy, either. Then Talia woke him up at 2am, threw three children at him, and told him to get them to America and far away from Ra's al Ghul. What the fuck."

Time (to Protect You) - Blueseabird2 [multichap / 89k words]

"Losing Damian not only hurt beyond measure, but also made Dick the last Bat standing. He had nothing keeping him in a broken world so goes back in time with only one ally (Damian begs to differ) and no plan except to protect everyone he can, at any cost."

and in their dreams they dreamed awake - wesslan [multichap / 55k words]

"Tim doesn't sleep much, and as a result he hallucinates sometimes. He keeps hallucinating a pair of green eyes in the dark."

Jason Todd: Regular College Student - AddictedApple [multichap / 51k words]

"(AU where, at the end of his League of Assassins training, Jason decides to go to Metropolis for college instead of going back to Gotham for revenge. Things spiral from there. The title is so sarcastic by the way. There's nothing regular about Jason Todd.)"

The D-Word - AutumnHobbit [one shot / 5.6k words]

"'See, Tim?' Jason called over his shoulder sardonically. "Dad agrees with me." He turned back to his food for a moment before the thought suddenly occurred to him that the Cave had gone near silent."

Overcoming Our Antecedents - Batbirdies [multichap / 31.4k words]

"This is just a temporary problem that needs to be contained until they can change Jason back. This is not a repeat of events already passed. This is not a second chance."

poison oak - lothIoriens [one shot / 11.5k words]

"Or, Dick saves Jason from the vigilante life. In turn, Jason saves him back."

See Life As a Worthy Opponent - TriviasGhost [multichap / 45k+ words]

"Or, Tim wakes up in a Gotham where he never existed."

A Hundred Days to Become a Wayne - maccreadysbaby [series]

"In which the son of a vengeful business man is used as a tool to destroy Bruce Wayne and his family, taking Batman and the rest of the heroes with them. But said business man didn't really count on the kid becoming part of their found family."

That One's Jason, Right? - batsandthebirds [multichap / 11.3k words]

"Or, Dick and Jason get de-aged by some magic, assumptions are made, and those assumptions are very, very wrong."

Would you hold my hand if no one's home? - Solar_level [multichap / 27.6k words]

Harvest - coyote_nebula [multichap / 30k words]

"Bruce knows how Jason died. Bruce knows how Jason returned to Gotham. He knows very little about what happened in-between. When Clark Kent prevails upon him to complete the corn harvest at the Kent farm, Bruce is forced to make peace with his own shortcomings to be the father that Jason needs him to be."

IF EVERYTHING IS TEMPORARY (I WILL BEAR THE UNBEARABLE) - orpheusaki [multichap / 8.4k words]

"Or; a ten step guide of things not to do when you're sent to the past, by Bruce Wayne."

Your Name Is Tim - alchemistsarego [multichap / 16.9k words]

"Your name is Tim. You are safe here. If you are scared, that is okay. If you do not remember anything, that is okay too. Call any of these numbers, they will answer and explain everything."

IRIS Log #1548 - deadchannelradio [one shot / 8.5k words]

"(01:25) Red Hood: Shut up. Put some fucking respect. On my name. Start fucking copying me. I just got thrown fucking. Um. 40 feet. Into a fucking uh. What's it. Ditch. I'm still fucking conscious. (01:25) Batman: Red Hood, do not move, we're en route- (01:25) Red Hood: What'll I win if I stand up. (01:25) Batman: (Loud) Do not stand up."

Arkham Knight Verse - Ghxst_Bird [series]

"Jason finds the younger Arkham Knight version of himself held captive by the Joker below Arkham. He’s not going to leave him there."

Catch Me - lurkinglurkerwholurks [one shot / 1.3k words]

"His parents were falling in front of him, and he couldn’t catch them. This had happened before. He knew what was coming. He couldn’t stop it."

May Tomorrow Never Come - lurkinglurkerwholurks [one shot / 3.5k words]

"Jason clawed his way out of the nightmare like a drowning man."

HOPE THE LOVE WE SHARED CAN RESURRECT THE LAST. - orpheusaki [one shot / 5.4k words]

"(Jason survives Ethiopia and returns home; this is the beginning.)"

the living sea of waking dreams - r_astra [multichap / 22k words]

"The telepath flips through Jason’s memories like cards in a Rolodex, rooting around for every terrible thing that’s ever happened to him."

nightmares and daydreams - r_astra [one shot / 4.3k words]

"...Past the ringing in his ears, someone is swearing. Deep voice. Angry. That’s probably not good, but there’s something more pressing: someone’s trying to get his helmet off."

Loading and Aspect Ratio - JUBE514 [one shot / 45k words]

"A world where nobody has wings, but people think they do, and that changes everything."

General DC:

in the shadows - Kieron_ODubihir [multichap / 12.2k words]

Living Slow - kathkin [multichap / 50k words]

"In the face of an extraterrestrial threat they don't fully understand, with all their usual hide-outs compromised, the Justice League are forced to go to ground. Fortunately Superman has a remote location where they can regroup. Less fortunately, it comes with some baggage."

Sorrowful and Immaculate Hearts - Unpretty [series]

"A DC universe where moms are awesome and raise their kids right."

straight on 'til morning - merils [multichap / 102k words]

"Kon hasn't been a kid in a long time - he's not stuck at sixteen anymore, and he hasn't been for years; he's twenty-three and living his best life. But the past has funny ways of coming back to haunt everyone when they least expect it, and there's no predicting the storm on the horizon for him. It starts simply, as do most things. Jon turns sixteen."

like lifting a veil - merils [one shot / 5.3k words]

"There's only one thing more embarrassing than having a breakdown over something as stupid as a couple of accidentally-dropped eggs on your dead mom's birthday: doing it directly in front of your best friend."

Crossovers:

*HP/DC* Black Magic - DragonflyxParodies [multichap / 44k words]

"Jason Todd is the unlucky recipient of one letter from Gringotts, concerning a will reading. Things spiral."

*Marvel/DC* Leap of Faith (Catch Me, If You Can) - alighterwood and ErinWantsToWrite [multichap / 253k+ words]

"Peter, like any 14 year old superhero, really wants to catch a break. He's just a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, nothing special. Well, only if you don't look at his biology ever since the radioactive spider bite. [...] And the fact that he was randomly kidnapped one morning on his way to school and now he's in an alternate universe with a bunch of different superhero that keep stalking him. He thinks they mean well, but they're really weird. Besides that Red Hood guy. He's pretty cool."

thank you to everyone who sent recs in! list will be updated accordingly if there are more recommendations <3 (would love some more gen DC fics as well as things more focused on the girlies)

I belive Kadabra is by far the best pokemon, it has a perfect design. It is far superior to any other pokemon. If I could make one pokemon real it would be Kadabra. Kadabra is so perfect nothing made before or after it is ever remotely good. Abra and Alakazam have nothing on the perfect and amazing Kadabra. It is the most perfect thing ever created. I belive human beings were made for one thing and that is create the perfect creation that is kadabra. Kadabra is art. Kadabra is perfect. Kadabra is life.

Pokemon detected:

I belive Kadabra is by far the best pokemon, it has a perfect design. It is far superior to any other pokemon. If I could make one pokemon real it would be Kadabra. Kadabra is so perfect nothing made before or after it is ever remotely good. Abra and Alakazam have nothing on the perfect and amazing Kadabra. It is the most perfect thing ever created. I belive human beings were made for one thing and that is create the perfect creation that is kadabra. Kadabra is art. Kadabra is perfect. Kadabra is life.

Sableye !

saying “i want him” about the character but not in a romantic or sexual way . i just Require him i need to Obtain him

A gothic literature hyperfixation has possessed me so I made this

(This took way longer to make than it reasonably should have)