You Would Too If These Were Your Coworkers

Random Headcanon: That Federation vessels in Star Trek seem to experience bizarre malfunctions with such overwhelming frequency isn’t just an artefact of the television serial format. Rather, it’s because the Federation as a culture are a bunch of deranged hyper-neophiles, tooling around in ships packed full of beyond-cutting-edge tech they don’t really understand. Endlessly frustrating if you have to fight them, because they can pull an effectively unlimited number of bullshit space-magic countermeasures out of their arses - but they’re as likely as not to give themselves a lethal five-dimensional wedgie in the process. All those rampant holograms and warp core malfunctions and accidentally-traveling-back-in-time incidents? That doesn’t actually happen to anyone else; it’s literally just Federation vessels that go off the rails like that. And they do so on a fairly regular basis.

Star Trek can make as many new series and movies as they like, and still nothing will ever truly beat the golden awkwardness of this one shining minute of dialogue.

The snw body swap episode definitely had a little bit of that ridiculousness I’ve been missing from most new star trek, I hope they do more of it

What if Scotty is not actually Scottish, though? 

Like, what if his name just happens to be Montgomery Scott, so all of his friends started calling him “Scotty,” and then every time he was introduced to a new person, they would be like “Oh, are you Scottish? My uncle was Scottish!”

And finally, he just gets sick of explaining the situation, so he starts replying with “aye, laddie!” But then it turns out that the person he said that to was Captain Kirk, and he doesn’t want to admit that he lied to his new commanding officer, so he has to keep speaking in a ridiculously over-the-top brogue and commenting constantly on how much he loves drinking Scotch, and by the time that he realises that Kirk would have found humour in the situation, he’s in too deep and can’t stop pretending, and it gradually just becomes his normal speech pattern.

Then, years later, the Enterprise is being inspected by a Starfleet engineer who’s actually Scottish, and Scotty takes him on a walking tour of his warp engines and is all like “Auch! Here be me wee bairns!” and the other engineer is just like “what the fuck is wrong with you?”

I take the fact that James Doohan is Canadian as evidence of this theory.

Sometimes a family is a starship captain with a death wish, a dad-joke cracking commander with marvelous facial structure, a severely telepathic space pixie, a space troll who cooks, a Serious grandpa who pretends like he doesn’t tell bad puns on the sly because he’s Serious, an underappreciated Handsome Boy, a history nerd with a car fetish, an angry smart lady who would LIKE EVERYONE TO STOP TOUCHING HER STUFF THANK YOU VERY MUCH, an asshole opera singer, and a recovering former cult member that everyone has a crush on

Janeway and Chakotay alone on a planet. What could happen 👀

(yes, I'm finally watching Resolutions)

5 minutes in and these two are already bickering about interior design and lack of bathtubs

Not to start drama but…you can’t tell me that one of these is not more visually interesting than the other.

fake star trek ads for class!

my question is why did tom never create a holodeck arcade?? or like... bowling alley?? that seems so him??? can you imagine that... seven tries bowling and literally can ONLY get strikes. and tom is like tch yeah of course i can do that! but he literally cannot hit a single pin... but then for whatever reason he can play skeeball like NOBODY’S business.

an arcade date with b’elanna where he secretly replicates whatever she buys with her tickets?? and brings it to her the next day??? also obviously weekly ddr competitions. janeway is the leading champion there, but tuvok’s been known to “bust a move.”

harry would probably be really good at like, claw machine games? he strikes me as a claw machine game kid. also like pacman. b’elanna really likes those games where you sit inside a little dark booth and shoot things. TOM PLAYS THOSE MOTORCYCLE RACE GAMES... but chakotay somehow beats him EVERY time. but that’s okay because chakotay’s usually following janeway around and playing 2p games with her.

seven can and will DESTROY you at any kind of fighter game, but generally chooses to stand behind people and watch what they’re doing instead. neelix is running around making sure everyone’s having a good time (and occasionally jumping in to play ddr) and the doctor, KNOWN to be extremely competitive and has a need to be the best, is uncharacteristically sitting at the bar drinking some fancy fizzy drink the whole time. except for when HE decides to get in on the ddr, and puts the captain to shame in a single game. although if there’s any kind of golf game, he’s there.

and lastly, naturally, bumper cars. tuvok wants nothing to do with it, but neelix begs him to join. tom and b’elanna are menaces they WILL bump into you and they WILL send you spinning into oblivion. janeway chases tuvok specifically, tuvok wishes he was not present. neelix is just roaming having a good time. the doctor is trying to pose as much of a threat as tom and b’elanna, and eventually surpasses them to become Bumper Car King. harry and chakotay just kinda spin around and are happy to be there. thank you for coming to my ted talk

I love you hard science fiction I love you hard fantasy I love you stories that explain exactly what happens and why I love you logical progressions I love you magic treated like science I love you detailed explanations of fantastical situations