You're not straight, you're just bi-curious.
I wanna hear a gay guy sing "I Kissed a Girl," like he's secure in his homosexuality, he just had a bi-curious moment. "I kissed a girl, and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick. I kissed a girl, just to try it, hope my boyfriend don't mind it. It felt so wrong, it felt so right, don't mean I'm in love tonight..."
"I'm not shy, I have social anxiety." -Me to other people "...unless I find you attractive, then yes, I am also shy." -Me finishing the sentence in my head.
This is of course customizable for the type of privilege you're viciously attacking this poor, blameless person for, instead of spending more of your time and energy giving them the education you clearly owe them, like you're supposed to.
Is there a word for "suspicious yet thorough enjoyment of compliments which causes intense self-consciousness?" There needs to be.
"I can't sleep. I feel like I should do something productive, but what?" *looks around at clothes-strewn room* "What could I possibly do in the wee hours?" *Walks past exercise gear to put another plate on the pile* "My only option is to fuck around on the computer."
A new fun thing I started doing: eating ice cream while reading particularly toxic "thinspirational" vitriol.
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I've seen a lot of things going around about how people should go to prison for claiming rape and then saying it didn't happen. Reminder that victims are often coerced into "taking it back." In the many cases in which the victim knew their rapist, they are often guilted into saying it didn't really happen. Even without such overt pressure, victims will sometimes say it didn't happen simply because of how much they wish it didn't really happen, and how much they wish they didn't have to deal with the fallout. The psychological trauma that can follow denying your own sexual assault is tremendous. Don't make it worse for closeted victims by calling for prison sentencing.