Friend: "I Don't Feel Like Watching Another Doctor Who." Friend: *sees It's A Weeping Angel Episode*

What would Scooby Doo?

"How would you feel about some popcorn?" "My feelings for popcorn are eternal."

My parents did that with me, and I turned out fi- oh. Oh yeah.

Why is there not an ice cream delivery service?

I demand answers.

“Love is influenced by no consideration, recognizes no restraints of reason, and is the same nature as death, that assails alike the lofty palaces of kings and the humble cabins of shepherds; and when it takes entire possession of a heart, the first thing it does is to banish fear and shame from it.” - excerpt from Don Quixote, by Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

Anyone who makes pot candies but doesn't market them as "lollipots" is wasting an opportunity.

you can’t masturbate away the depression but that won’t stop me from trying

*Looks at my own butt in new jeans* "I would hit that."

I wanna hear a gay guy sing "I Kissed a Girl," like he's secure in his homosexuality, he just had a bi-curious moment. "I kissed a girl, and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick. I kissed a girl, just to try it, hope my boyfriend don't mind it. It felt so wrong, it felt so right, don't mean I'm in love tonight..."

Love is knowing your person would snort coke off your boobs if they did coke.