Man I Need To Draw A Piece To Thissss

Don't mind me cotl fandom , just couldn't keep this post in the liked section only

Stolas just standing there and letting blitz hug him in the end is all good, right? He is just sad because of octavia and accepting that blitz is there with him right?? It's not that he regrets chosing him, right??? (I just need affirmation)

You know what? I've found myself needing reassurance about this too. So let's take a moment to look at the facts together, shall we?

(This reply turned out way longer than I expected it to 😅 sorry!)

Fact #1 - Stolas is still coming to terms with the consequences of his actions. He spends the whole episode finding out just how much his life has changed. Learning how to navigate groceries, and laundry, and meals, and having a job, and worrying about money.

Mid-episode, he has a breakdown where he truly questions if everything he gave up was worth it just for a fantasy. At this point in the episode, he still hasn't realised how much he means to Blitz. As far as he's concerned, he did all of this for someone who doesn't reciprocate his feelings. But by the end of the episode, though, his feelings have settled enough to understand and express what he has known to be true all along: that saving Blitz was the right thing to do.

What Stolas regrets isn't saving Blitz's life, or even loving Blitz in the first place.

What he regrets are the choices he made that led them to this. He feels guilty for selfishly (or, rather, naively) playing out his fantasies. He's the one who established the deal, who let Blitz illegally use the book for many months, who wasn't always sensible about how he expressed his love for Blitz publicly and despite being married, and who allowed himself to ignore the reality of his situation so he could live in his own, personal romcom—all of which ultimately led to the events of Mastermind and the loss of Via.

And all the guilt and regret he's grappling with (however justified it might be) is exacerbated by fact #2, which is:

Fact #2 - Stolas is off his medication. He's been off it for a month now. Symptoms of depression (especially untreated depression) include mood swings, irritability, self-hatred and low self-esteem, passive/active suicidal ideation, pessimism and hopelessness about the future, catastrophising, black-and-white thinking, and anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure and to find joy in things—and people—who used to bring you it). All symptoms Stolas exhibits throughout this episode.

So, even if he shows a lack of emotion toward Blitz at times, or irritation to seemingly minor things like low doors or "secretating" or Karen's behaviour, even if he acts regretful and angry and desolate... a lot of these emotions and behaviours are a result of his depression, and not of actually hating the life he chose.

Fact #3 - Stolas loves Blitz. He always has, and always will. I could point at a thousand different moments in the show when Stolas' love for Blitz has transpired, but I'm going to leave it at his line from Mastermind: "I would rather be dead than live life without you by my side."

Even after everything they've gone through, even now that he's taken Blitz off his pedestal and can acknowledge that Blitz can be a fucking idiot... Stolas simply does not want to live a life without Blitz. It has always been Blitz. It will always be Blitz.

Stolas loves Blitz.

Fact #4 - Stolas kissed Blitz. Before he truly hits rock bottom as a result of Octavia cutting him out, Stolas is so ecstatic that Blitz cares, that Blitz was willing to go to such lengths to save his life, that he can't hold back the need to kiss Blitz mid-air. Suddenly, none of his earlier frustration matters. Nothing matters expect for how elated he is that Blitz loves him back. So he smiles and he pulls Blitz into a kiss because he can't bear not to kiss Blitz for a moment longer.

Look at this man. Look at how happy he is. Because it's always been Blitz, and maybe it was a fantasy for a long time, but it doesn't have to be anymore. Maybe this can be real now. He's so happy he (and I) could cry.

Fact #5 - Stolas didn't deny loving Blitz. When Via said "You don't love me, you love him," the script very purposefully did not have Stolas go "no, no, Via, that's not true—" or say anything else that might make Blitz doubt, even for a moment, that Stolas loves him. Because that much is true. He does love Blitz. He just also loves Via. Which brings me to:

Fact #6 - Blitz knows Stolas loves him. At no point throughout the episode does Blitz doubt, even for a second, that Stolas loves him. And we know this because Blitz's walls remain down at all times. If Blitz doubted he was loved, if he had even the slightest of reservations, those walls would come crawling back up whether he wanted them to or not. It's what he's been trained and conditioned to do—it's how he's kept his heart safe ever since the accident.

But now, he knows his heart is safe with Stolas. He believes it enough to not depend on his walls to feel at ease. He believes it enough to let himself take care of Stolas and be soft with Stolas without the slightest trace of hesitation.

Look at Blitz's face. This is the face of a man who knows that even if Stolas isn't okay right now, things will get better. And when they do, they'll both still be in love with each other. This is the face of a man who can't wait for something beautiful to flourish between them, but who is in no rush to get there. He knows the road ahead is hard and painful, but he has faith in Stolas. In both of them.

Fact #6 - Stolas was happy to share a private, romantic dance with Blitz. Despite everything going through his mind, he found comfort and happiness in dancing with Blitz; in getting to have this little moment with him.

He found relief in the fact that Blitz stayed with him this time, even after Stolas told him, once again, that he didn't have to stay.

His reaction to Blitz initiating a dance between them is genuine surprise, immediately followed by an enamoured little smile at the mere notion that he gets to have this, now.

And, as they dance, he keeps smiling and leaning into Blitz, going as far as to manage a deep, heartfelt laugh at Blitz's words. This, for an unmedicated, depressed person going through one of the worst days of his life, is huge in itself. It shows that, even in the worst of times, he finds undeniable comfort and happiness in Blitz.

And, after their dance, Stolas looks at Blitz with a sobriety and soft sort of realisation that shows he's finally coming to terms with the fact that this is real. After everything he's lost, after all the fantasies he hoped for for so long and believed he'd never have, he finally gets to have this.

Despite the pain he's going through, Stolas looks at Blitz and sees the man he loves.

Notice how Blitz's eyes trail down to Stolas' mouth. And Stolas realises. And doesn't move away. Waiting, expectantly, for Blitz's next move, fully expecting it to be a kiss.

But then Blitz hugs him instead, and Stolas doesn't hug back.

And it's not because he doesn't want to be hugged by Blitz. It's not because his feelings for Blitz have changed, or dimmed, or disappeared. It's not because he regrets loving Blitz, or saving him. It's not because he doesn't want to have a close, healthy, loving romantic relationship with Blitz.

It's because of facts #1 (he's grappling with so much guilt and coming to terms with the consequences of his actions) and #2 (he's experiencing symptoms of unmedicated depression). And, above all, it's because of fact #7, which is...

Fact #7 - Stolas doesn't know how to be loved. Stolas has never had support. He has never had a shoulder to cry on, or someone to hold him when he needed it. When he's feeling vulnerable and broken, he defaults to hugging himself as a way to self-soothe, because that's the only comfort he's ever known.

And because he's never known comfort from others—because it was never allowed or safe for him to need or ask for comfort from others—all Stolas knows to do with his vulnerability is hide it. So much so that, the two times we see him begin to break down in front of Blitz, he either portals Blitz away or masks his tears and pain immediately. Even as he drunkenly rambles about wanting to be held, he still makes sure not to appear like he actually needs a hug.

So when he finds himself being held by Blitz in a warm, comforting hug, Stolas doesn't know how to respond. Because he's never had this. He's never had an opportunity to learn how to exist in someone's comforting embrace, how to interact with this kind of physical contact. He still has to learn how to feel safe between arms that aren't his own.

Simply put, Stolas still doesn't know how to hold Blitz back.

That doesn't mean Stolas doesn't want or need physical comfort. He needs it desperately—everyone does. But wanting something and knowing how to actually have it are two very different things, and Blitz knows that better than anyone, because he's wanted Stolas for a very long time, but didn't, until very recently, know how to feel safe accepting Stolas' love.

And that's why Blitz is completely understanding of the fact that all Stolas can do, all Stolas has the ability to do, is stand there and let himself be held, and let his emotions go through him. In, and out, with every breath, with every second. And get slowly acquainted with what being comforted by the person he loves feels like.

Thirty-something years of trauma can't be undone in a single hug, or a single conversation, and it's going to take time for Stolas to learn how to be present while in Blitz's arms, and how to return that emotional closeness.

But Blitz has faith in him. Blitz is willing to be patient and soft with him while he gets better. Blitz is ready to meet Stolas where he's at, because he knows, beyond a trace of doubt, that they love one another, and they're going to be okay. Even if Stolas doesn't know it yet—even if we, the audience don't know it yet—Blitz knows.

And that's just going to have to be enough for now.

And because this post got completely away from me, I shall conclude by quoting their song, because it summarises their story better than I ever could:

Truer love is hard to find. ❤️

YEAAAAHHH RIDE THE CYCLONE REFERENCE WITH COTL LESSGOOO

And I'm askin', "Why, Lord?"

If this is how I die, Lord

Why be left with no family and no friends?

rebloging this now bc i never truly appreciated the artist ability to replicate other artists' styles

Hi *steals all your Goats*

23 goats of friends, mutuals and artists that I admire (all in my basement :>):

Artists whose goats I stole:

First panel: @ccarmody101 , @hopediamondart , @maydayaj , @ch3rryy-art , @arinfunky , @leamur-did-it

Second panel: @soulless-catss , @anomaly-art , @albaake , @stychu-stych , @rataartista (on Instagram: @m0ssers_ , @im.panic7 , @kyovitz)

Third panel: @aveloka-draws , @thewallshaveeyes , @k4ychiko , @xmajordumps , @naricats , @myballsitchaurghouchie , @bamsara (an the person close to the last artist: @snowfrostcosplays)

Some time ago I was curious about how it would be to imitate the style of artists that I was meeting within the CotL fandom, among them several that made me really interested in the game back in the day.

But I didn't want to do Lambs, as usual... How about goats?

We must give value to this ball of chaos.

I MISSED THE BABY SHOWER NOOOOOOO

Welcome to Lamb's baby shower, this is an event that takes place before Lari's birth, Lamb and Narinder's first born!

During this event I'll open the Cheeps ask box for 3 days, it's up to you to send fun gifts for the Lamb which I'll be replying to with their reaction and cute drawings!

Anon will be on if you're shy as well

"How do I send my gift?"

Simple! just send in an ask like "I gift the Lamb a lifetime supply of diapers" or "Congratulations leader! Here's my gift of a delicious snail pie!", the gift can be absolutely anything! You can roleplay as a follower, your own OC, or just say a random gift, Images are also permitted but not necessary, Keep in mind I'll be drawing out the asks.

"Are there rules?"

There are only two rules for this event: To keep things SFW, and to not name Lari. We may know about all the cheeps right now, but this is set before Lari even had her name decided, so to keep things making some sense, just call her "the baby" :3

You are allowed to send more than one ask!

Event timeline

The askbox will be open from the moment this post is sent, it'll remain open for 2 more days, today counting as the first, and will close December 4th around 6 PM GMT -3, I will start posting the reactions to the gifts on Dec. 5th and by the 9th I should be done posting them all

I'll try to get to all asks but it'll depend on how many I can physically complete, it depends on how many asks I get

I've been planning this little event for a month now, so do have fun with your asks <3

WHAT THE HELL THIS IS SO PRETTY???

IM- I HAVE NO WORDS THAT ARE ENOUGH TO COMPLIMENT THIS MASTERPIECE

THIS LAMB IS GONNA BE THE CAUSE OF MULTIPLE WARS IN THEIR LAND FROM THE AMOUNT OF PROPOSALS, BC HOLY SHIET THAT IS A GORGEOUS BEAST

THIS IS THE PIECE THAT STARTED MOVEMENTS

STARTED WORLD WARS

IM REALLY TRYING TO COME UP WITH DESERVING COMPLIMENTS BUT IM FALLING SHORT FROM HOW GORGEOUS THIS IS

The one you'd call "My Queen".

HAHAHHAHA SURPRISE, I POST IT NOW >:)

No tomorrow, NOW AHAHHAHAHHAHAHAH— Don't explode) @aychama (read to the very end)

close up look

Visit patreon for good quality. I remind you: it's absolutely free.

My ugly like ass sketch and one of my wip's (all wip's you can find in my #art wip)

Narinder's life reaction:

this cat is broken now, go bring a new one

OUUUGH MORE THAB AU LESSGOOO

THE STYLE CHANGE FROM RENDERED TO FLAT IS SOOOO SSSERTFTSSESWWA THE EMOTION

THE BACKGROUND, KITBY BEING HELD AND TUCKED IN

oughgghh pain in that indoctrination platform panel i love it smmm

poor poor lamb-bam :(( i wanna give them a hug (also who's that he ??👀👀)

also that second to last panel - they're such a cutie patootie i love them sm

yeaahh no. let's not think about the kitty rn >.>

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Big fight is over, big emotions got out... Time for a party =D There's still stuff to prepare though, and talk to be have...

I'm going to stop complaining about how much time it took to finish the update- They will come out when they are ready, and I'll keep doing weekly update =D I'm happy with how the comic came out! And I hope you'll enjoy it as much as the THaB team does =3

"You are like the sun"

-trod!Narinder

woe, narilamb be upon ye 🫴🏽

posting this to pretend that i don't have several WIP on my ipad begging to be finished (they will never be)

close ups

Holy shit??

You will never be part of this world, Lonely God

Based on Gustav Klimt's painting "Death and Life"

HELLOOOO ??? THESE ARE SOO PRETTY??

The Bishops

OOOOUUUGHHH

i will literally never get over narinder being shamura's favourite btw.

do you think shamura had times where they forgot what had happened? they become so accustomed to his presence, even if it waned in the centuries past the religious purges, that their first thought is to try to find him. a strange sort of sickness crawls through their skin and clenches at their lungs as they search and only find rooms that have been entirely rearranged and every aspect of narinder scrubbed or scorched or scratched or or or just seemingly erased from existence. and when they finally gather the courage to ask their other siblings just what exactly is going on, they're met with "you forgot again, didn't you?"