Charlie Is Such A Great Contrast To Benoit Blanc, Because While Blanc Is All About Elaborate Whodunnits

Star Wars 💫

Bringing you tired space dads barely coping with their magically precocious children since 1977

Ranking the Kens in Barbie based on overall ‘kenergy’

1. Ken

- little cowboy hat

- doctor who

- just misses his best friend barbie 🥹

8.5 out of Ken

2. Ken

- less fun lil cowboy hat

- gets to be douche bro president Ken

- related to Chris evans maybe?

- gives Ryan gosling a lil kiss

5 out of Ken

3. Ken

- back flipping Ken

- excellent dancer

- gives serious steal ur girl energy

- possibly the most sexually aggressive of all the Kens (I am referencing his interactions with Ryan Gosling Ken exclusively, the energy was palpable)

- served some mad cunt

9 out of Ken

4. Ken

- possibly my favourite Ken

- always has Ken’s back

- very goofy dancer 💜

- played drums when all the other Ken’s played guitar

- recipient of the holy pimp coat

- almost certainly in love with his best friend Ken

10 out of Ken

5. Ken

- THE Ken

- he’s kenough 🥲

- lost interest in the patriarchy when he found out it wasn’t about horses

- instigated the greatest out of nowhere dance number in a film I’ve ever seen

- buuuuuuuut also enslaved a bunch of women so…

-10 out of Ken (still love him tho)

Coming back to this because these are all the other musicals that should be recast with muppets:

1. Rent

Everyone is a muppet except the evil landlord, self explanatory, done. (I don’t know enough about rent to cast this one tbh but I think Scooter would be an excellent mark)

2. The Phantom of the Opera

The count is the phantom (join me in a fantasy world where the muppets and Sesame Street gang cross over- or it could also just be Gonzo I guess I like the idea of him as a homewrecker) miss piggy is Christine, kermit is raoul and the only humans are Meg and her mother. Additional cast members could be scooter as the stage manager, per the usual, Fozzie Bear as that one Italian opera singer but instead of singing he just wants to tell his jokes, Gonzo as Carlotta in a wig and statler and Waldorf as themselves heckling the opera

3. Jesus Christ Superstar

Hear me out ok, this one may be controversial, but miss piggy is Jesus, the slightly jaded, undeniable star of the show, and kermit is Judas, undeniably in love with her, but tired of her hogging the spotlight and feels she’s turned her back on what the muppets are really about. Beaker is Peter because he also looks like he would nope out when shit goes down and deny miss piggy, and Mary Magdalene should be played by renowned Broadway actress Philips Sousa because I just think that would be really cool if she hasn’t already played that role

4. Sweeney Todd

In which the animal plays unhinged sweeney todd, judge Turpin is Sam the eagle, miss piggy is Johanna, kermit is Anthony, and miss Lovett is played by Janice, who while I think lacks the manic energy needed for the role, would be a good chilled out foil to animal and bring a new flavour to the character of the crazy character who’s so deluded they make their actions seem almost sane

5. Little Shop of Horrors

I’m sorry I know I keep casting them as the two leads but kermit and miss piggy were born to play Audrey and Seymour, it is a pair that cannot be topped. The only change this makes to the original is that we all know miss piggy takes no shit so I think the stuff with the dentist (still played by Steve Martin because you can’t improve upon perfection) is a misinterpretation and she actually beats the ever living shit out of him for disrespecting her. Rizzo the rat should play the slimey businessman who buys Audrey Two, Statler and Waldorf are collectively mr mushnik, the chorus should also be human but I think the piece de resistance would be the Swedish chef as Audrey two and all the world is his chicken, and all the world should be deeply, deeply, afraid.

Tell me in the comments if I missed anyone or you have any casting ideas yourself!!

This has definitely been pitched before, but petition for a remake of les miserables where everyone is a muppet except Javert

I relate to Steven Grant, because I too, am a coping mechanism for a mentally ill forty year old man

Of course Selina is into Battinson he literally has the personality of a wet cat

I was today years old when I found out Mike White of White Lotus fame is Mr Schneebly

Ok I’m scared. My follower count keeps going up. Every time I log onto my account, another hundred followers. Soon it will be up to 2000. Who are you people? Are you bots? Demons sent to torment me with your presence without ever liking my posts?? I thought I had all the trappings of fame but my audience turned out to be a stadium full of empty seats.

We need an equivalent of legally blonde for every movie genre. Give us gritty police dramas with a new generations of Elle woods learning to batter drug lords with phone books. A murder mystery but the detective is an unsuspecting sorority girl who loves pink and think poroit is a kind of shampoo but turns out to be frighteningly adept at solving clues. Just an army of gorgeous women in cute little outfits proving to the world why barbie is an expert in every profession

Kenneth Branagh has the opportunity to do the funniest thing possible

Spoiler Free Review of Sunrise on the Reaping from someone who just stayed up all night to read it and is now broken emotionally

Suzanne is not fucking around anymore. This book is about so many things but the thing that stuck out most to me was the rage I think dominates this prequel more than any other book in the series.

When the news came out a book about Haymitch was coming after years of fan requests (and a film to be developed in tandem) I’ll admit, I had my doubts.

But what Collins delivers is more brutal a gut punch than I think even the most hard core fans of this series were anticipating. In the wake of political unrest across the US and world wide, in an era of disinformation, she tells the reader clearly to look and think for themselves, and shows the atrocities that can come when we do not.

This book is about anger and injustice and it does not try to convince its reader otherwise. At times you can feel Collins shaking the reader by the shoulders: ‘See?! See what happens when you blindly accept what they tell you? See what you let them take?’.

Fans familiar with Haymitch will not be surprised by a lot of the major beats of this story but the focus on propaganda still leads to some interesting reveals. This is the goriest of Collins series and in many ways I think will be the hardest to adapt, perhaps her own rebellion against the industry that continues to profit off her work and contort her message