Losing Oneself

Good morning. Do you know when you will finish the Garik story?

Hello, thanks for the message. I've been trying to remember and jot down my memories. But it's taking time. I think I've published two more parts since you messaged me. Kindly take a look and let me know your comments. Will wait for them.

Inhibitions

It has been universally preached and practiced that a woman’s breasts are erogenous zones and provides pleasure when stimulated. No doubt about that. What they haven’t told however is that, men’s breasts (or if the men have an objection to use of that word, then chest) are probably as erogenous as a woman’s.

It is so common to see a full bodied, hulk-of-a-man cringe, croon and squeal in expression of his pleasure when I have loved his chest or nipples. While a 69 provides more opportunity to make love to them, it is not the only time when I could pleasure my partner on his chest. There are times when I have been mounted by some really powerful, masculine bulls in missionary position and he having started the motion. His wide chest would hover all over my face (usually the bulls would be taller and larger bodied than I am and so would cover my entire body under his), I may have attempted a soft ‘bite & hold’ with my mouth on his chest. Inevitably I would hear him whimper and temporarily freeze his powerful thrusting in a rush of pleasure while i have continued to ‘hold’ his flesh without releasing it. The only simile that comes to my mind is a wild mountain river suddenly freezing for an endless moment, before it regains it’s power and flows again.

Maybe it is the societal pressure that lays down the doctrine that ‘men will pleasure a woman’s breasts’ and shies away from the fact that men derive as much, if not more, pleasure from having their breasts/chests loved by their woman that makes men hesitate to accept this fact. Nipples on men may be redundant from a functional perspective, but I can lay a safe bet that no man would want to miss out on the pleasure of his woman loving his nipples. The inflated male ego dissuades them accepting the fact, but that doesn’t change the truth. It’s time men shake these inhibitions and openly admit to their woman to make love to his chest.

(PS) This is one of my older posts which the angry Tumblr ‘Gods’ blocked because they judged that the adults were not supposed to see nude photographs of other consenting adults. So to appease the Tumblr Gods, here is the text of the post, sans the photo.

How my stag possessed me - Part 4

Contd from Part 3...

I smiled over the phone and said, “good-boys deserve good fucks”. “Yeah, and good-fucks deserve a good side-fuck, and that’s where i come to their rescue” he said. “So that tells me you are experienced in being a good side-fuck. How many conquests before me?” I asked. For a moment he seemed to be embarrassed to answer such a direct question. He then said, “Did you feel even for a minute yesterday that I was even trying to go for a conquest”? I answered, “well, not really, I think I felt automatically drawn to you”. “Exactly, look I’ll be honest, you aren’t the first ‘wife’ i have undressed with, and probably you won’t be my last either, but it’s true I have never felt this strong a need to own a wife like I am feeling for you right now. Like you said, I feel an a natural instinct to mate with you, to have my seeds inside you and probably you also felt that” he said. I admitted that it was indeed the case. He felt that probably he had been a too much extra direct and to put me at ease started talking to me on general topics of since when married, bf-s before marriage etc.  I guess we talked for close to an hour over the phone that day. He hung up with a promise to call me the next day.

 Since then we stared having our calls daily after my husband will leave for office. Over a period of time our discussions on a daily basis migrated from general topics to sexual preferences, sharing previous experiences of each other, what we liked, what we didn’t etc. He started asking me out for dates. I knew I wanted to go with him, but I still had to fight the biggest enemy whose presence was unknown here-before, my conscience. It isn’t the first time that I am asked out by a man, not the first time that I will be undressed by a man who I have just met, but what made the difference was that all my previous experiences were when I was still unmarried. Now I am married and it would put the label of a cheater on me if I indulged with a man other than my husband. I was yet to learn the principle of separating pleasure for my body from pleasure to my heart. I realized it won’t be easy. It’s one thing to feel attracted to a man and to know he is equally, if not more, willing to reciprocate the need for sex, but quite another when it came to execute the idea. I found it extremely difficult to reconcile myself, and whenever R would approach with a ‘plan’ to make it happen, I would chicken out making some excuse about being busy etc. Pretty soon, our calls continued in the evening or in the nights when my husband would be working late in office and R would tell me to help him masturbate while he talked to me. He would ask me to feel inside my panties to check how wet I am, and I would be surprised to see that my panties have been soaked talking to him. Almost a month had passed and we would have talked on almost all weekdays. He kept planning, “meet me at the hotel”, and I would respond, “no, I could be seen there by others”; or he would say, “come over to my house, I stay alone”, and I would say, “R, I am extremely scared to go to anyone’s house, I am a married woman and our society may not take it kindly and start wagging their gossip tongues”; he would suggest, “let me know when i can come over to your house”, and I would respond, “no no, not here, what if A returns all of a sudden and finds you fucking me”...i think you got the drift. In short, I inevitably came up with an excuse to not make it happen because although i really wanted to have sex with R, but my conscience held me back even tighter. I could sense that this was upsetting R also and he was getting increasingly desperate. And now I felt not only frustrated at not being able to get myself fucked by R because with every passing day my desire to get myself done by him increased, and now I was feeling guilty also that i was denying a man, R, his right to enjoy a woman, me.

To be continued...

Wife Sharing Trying To Convince Your Wife To Have An MFM? Show Her This Article The Hotwife Phenomenon - The New Threesome By: Dr. Sherry Lee, Ph. D. From: Psychology Today (Dr. Lee has lectured and published in the area of analytical psychology, and she developed one of the first electronic systems for the quantitative analysis human behavior. She started her counseling work by leading gestalt therapy groups. Apart from this, her several decades of professional experience has been largely limited to urban, affluent, female subjects.) What Has Spurred the whole Hotwife Phenomenon? Although motivations for the Hotwife phenomenon actually cover a wide spectrum, here we’ll cover a few of the most common. First let’s get this out of the way. The Menage a’ Trois is out, it’s yesterday’s news, and most women are glad to see it go. Why? Because for at least the last hundred years or so we women have had to indulge this male fantasy (usually with our best girlfriends as the second woman) and frankly guys, we’ve had enough. No, we don’t really like to perform oral sex on our best friends just because you think it’s hot, sorry. We’re not lesbians and even though it looks like we like it in every porno you’ve ever seen, the last thing that turns us on is watching you, our boyfriends/husbands screw another woman right in front of us. We just aren’t wired to like that. It’s biologically programed into us not to like seeing our mates mating with other females. On the other hand, we women know that a lot of you men out there DO like the idea of watching us, your girlfriends and wives, get it on with another male while you either watch or better still, join in. Surprised? You shouldn’t be. Polls show that more and more women, especially those in their late thirties and older, who are passed or passing their child bearing years, say that the threesome they do find extremely exciting is the kind of threesome so called “Hot Wives” are having and that’s the MFM or Male-Female-Male threesome. These women are hitting their sexual prime during their late thirties and early forties and many of them like getting attention from younger males. These women don’t want to cheat on the men they love, they want to have their boyfriends and husbands to let them be the sexual creatures at the peak of their sexual powers that the media has falsely convinced men happens when women are in their twenties. It’s just not true. While many males my be suffering from a drop in their testosterone levels in their forties and feel like their sexual peak is a distant memory, the women in their lives are just getting warmed up, maybe even hot! What is a Cuckold? A husband who is a cuckold is aware of his spouse’s activity, most likely actively encouraging it and derives sexual pleasure from it. Biologist Robin Baker speculates in his book “Sperm Wars” that the excitement and stimulation of the cuckolding fetish emerges from the biology of sexuality and the effects of sexual arousal on the brain. Baker believes that when a man thinks that his female mate may have been sexual with another man, the man is prompted by biological urges to copulate with the female in an effort to “compete” with the other man’s sperm. While this is just a theory it may help explain the desire by many men to have their wives sleep with other men. He may value the relationship and not want her to jeopardize things because of the deceit and secrecy that normally accompany affairs. In short, he wants to know about and approve any extramarital sex, and even have some control over it. The cuckold husband wants his wife’s sexual encounters with men to be for sex only, with no marriage-threatening emotional entanglements. The mass media often cast beautiful and desirable women as both sexy and prone to sexual liaisons. Whereas this type of woman used to be considered a “fallen woman” or even a “whore,” in some minds she now seems to represent an enticing new standard. Some women used to brag about how they could avoid marital sex, and despite the views of some radical feminists, such women are now suspected as being man-haters, latent lesbians, or simply having personal problems. Now, many women find a certain excitement in being viewed as sexually liberated. For some, especially some older women, there may be a certain ego gratification in still being viewed as being sexually desirable — even discretely promiscuous. While holding to the security of her primary relationship, she may revel in experiencing sexual freedom. At the same time, some cuckold husbands want their wives to appear ladylike on the surface (in public.). But, among the majority of these men, they want they wives to be known as “hot”, “sexy”, and “not hung up about sex,” or even “great lays.” Although this type of wife was once considered a threat to husbands — and it still is to most — the more psychologically secure males believe that a healthy and well-adjusted (and desirable) woman enjoys sex, and has the right to be just as open about it as men. Also, the husbands involved often pride themselves in being secure enough to handle a hotwife. He may even brag to another man about how his wife loves sex and can’t get enough (which, not coincidentally, may be very much in contrast to the attitude of that man’s wife). Implicit in the comment is that the husband has no problem with this, and that, in fact, he thinks his wife is very “hot.” In most cases sex within a Hotwife marriage is just that. Hot. Women in the Hotwife lifestyle report having higher than average self esteem, they report far fewer incidences of infidelity on the part of their husbands, an above average libido, and overall feelings of being attractive, especially to younger males. Many women realize that other women regularly enjoy “good sex,” and although many wives have grown ambivalent about sex within their marriages and are reluctant to try new things, these barriers frequently fall with the expectations of new sexual partners. With new men there appears to be unspoken desire to “not disappoint” and “to be good in bed.” Even though she may have started to have doubts about her sexual desirability, as a hotwife she will find that men are again interested in her. For some women this can constitute a kind of new “sexual awakening.” This transformation can be quite disturbing for a husband who isn’t prepared to handle it. But for those men who have always thought that their wives were not only devoted to them but should be admired, even lusted after by other men, it is a dream come true. Contrary to the most commonly held belief that all cuckold husbands are by default the submissive type with a small penis inferiority complex, most of these men are actually extremely confident in their masculinity and their “manhood”. They also report having no desire to have sex with other women. Their hotwife is almost always the sole focus of all their sexual fantasy and activity. In my experience, this may be the only class of men who can actually be believed when reporting this. In some circles a woman may wear a bold ankle bracelet on her right ankle to tell men “in the know” that she’s a hotwife. (At the same time, most women who wear ankle bracelets do so without realizing the possible significance.) Once seen as a hotwife, she may flirt with select men, making it clear that she’s available for sex. Women As Sex Objects? Many women feel that being a hotwife turns a woman into a sex object. This seems to be primarily based on the premise that enjoying sex is a masculine prerogative. However, more and more women are finding that this is not so. Most women have lived their lives trying to act “like proper women” and shunning men “who have one thing on their minds.” Now, according to one woman, “I let guys know I like sex.” Thus, she may soon get beyond, “what other people will think” and concentrate on the pleasures of the sexual experience — in particular, experiencing regular orgasms. This is often bolstered by the excitement that surrounds the culturally taboo aspects of a married women having sex with other men. Usually it’s the Husband’s Idea All of this notwithstanding, the cuckold husband/hotwife phenomena is typically the idea of the husband who not only knows about the high number of female affairs, but is even sexually excited by visualizing another man having sex with his wife. According to one husband, “I had to really change my view about how a wife is supposed to be, especially with guys finding out she’s ‘available’ even though she’s married to me. But now I really get off on having a woman that guys think is hot and who they want to have sex with. Fact is, instead of being embarrassed or defensive, I brag about how she loves sex, and then I casually mention that this sure makes her a lot different than most wives. In a very good way.” According to another husband, “…as far back as I can remember in our marriage, I’ve always been turned on and excited by the idea of encouraging her to let guys give her all the sexual attention she can handle. …She and I feel closer and more attracted to each other because of all the attention she gets from men. Especially the younger guys. They all think she is hot and they’re right! My wife feels that as long as we are together when she’s with another guy, everything is OK. It’s a huge turn on for both of us.” From her husband’s perspective, he has long ago ridded himself of the “fallen woman baggage” that pervades most of our culture, the fact that his wife is pursued by men, makes herself available to men, and sometimes has sex with other men, introduces a bit of competition for her. This can strengthen the husband’s resolve to “treat her right” although most husbands with hot wives already have a sort of “wife worship” fetish you might call it. They tend to buy their wives pretty clothes, take them out, and tell them how attractive they think they are and make them feel that they are attractive to other men. He may fantasize about a powerful (safe) man sexually awakening and dominating her, and forcing her to break free of sexual inhibitions. Some husbands know how exciting a new sexual partner and experience can be, and want to offer some other men this experience with their wives. A husband may also fantasize about having a wife that is, to a degree, driven by both a physical and a psychological need for sex. Visualizing or seeing first-hand other men meeting this need in her —but only with his permission— may excite him. The Woman’s Perspective Women have a different perspective on being a hotwife, of course. According to one woman, “I’ve got a sense of freedom in enjoying the company of men and not being paranoid about a jealous husband, or even being worried about what people will think. If I want to have sex with a guy I find attractive, all I have to do is tell my husband and I have the freedom to do it. For me, having my husband there is a huge part of the turn on. Knowing it excites him makes it more exciting for me. Of course I’m excited that a younger, good looking guy wants me and thinks I’m hot, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. But just sleeping with another guy without my husband feels more like cheating than a turn on. Some women go on dates without their husbands and a lot of husbands are OK with that. For me, I want my husband with me. I want him to see me being taken by another man. It’s really hot, for both of us.” At the same time, the hotwife does not want jealousy or resentment to ruin her marriage or threaten the unusual freedom she enjoys, a freedom she knows that very few husbands would be willing to grant. Therefore, she needs to be careful to be totally open and honest to her husband about her lovers. This means that there will be no secret conversations or secret meetings with men. It may also mean that the husband may want to approve of the men she has sex with. The cuckold husband may want his wife to announce her sexuality by wearing revealing clothes. For example, he may accompany her to a night spot in a distant city and have her dress in ultra-revealing clothes or tell her to go out without wearing any panties. This can serve to get them both used to the resulting male attention. Rather than being jealous, having a wife that is seen by other men as sexually “hot” may provide him with an ego boost. (Dare we suggest that for some men hot wives are replacing hot cars as a source of pride.) Thus, while the male and female motivations might be quite different in the cuckold husband-hotwife phenomena, the ultimate goal can be the same. The husband will have to deal with meeting men who have had or want to have sex with his wife. To compensate for any suspected loss of his virility, the husband may remind others of his own previous sexual escapades. At the same time to prove his lack of jealousy, he may freely admit to men that his wife regularly enjoys sex with different men, and he may even subtly offer her to select men. According to one man, “I like to set things in motion like that just to see what happens.” The Quintessential Issue What may seem desirable for the husband or wife while under the influence of testosterone, libido or fantasy, may later seem like a huge mistake. The result may be regret and marital estrangement. Clearly, the cuckold husband/hotwife idea is at odds with cultural conditioning and human tendencies toward jealousy and possessiveness. Although these traits may not be desirable, they are the norm and must be recognized. Even assuming that both partners are okay with going in this direction, most of society isn’t. With most people there is still a sigma associated with a promiscuous wife and a husband that lets his wife have extramarital sex. Most people who find out about this will respond negatively toward both partners. This can be a problem in a work environment where “character” is a part of job performance and promotion considerations. (A common male chauvinistic attitude with roots in the “wife as the husband’s property” notion says that a husband should keep his wife “under control,” and if she has affairs she definitely isn’t “under control.”) While many couples are able to keep their sexual activities private, they may live with the fear that they may be found out. At the same time, self-employed people who live in large urban areas, or people who work around like-minded individuals probably won’t have this concern. All this being said, given the ever-increasing number of affairs, and the emerging attitudes about condoned affairs in countries such as Japan, one wonders if somewhere down the road to cultural enlightenment U.S. society won’t be ready to accept open relationships. We seem to be in the early stages of that now. Although the transition will certainly be bumpy, if we are able to shift our emphasis to love and commitment to hold relationships together, rather than the refutable doctrines about sexual exclusivity which simply cater to jealousies and insecurities, it would not only eliminate much heartache, but it would remove many of the “justifications” for dissolving relationships and an ever increasing divorce rate.

WOW…great insight! (via wifesahottie)

A very interesting read. Helped me gain clarity in my actions and conduct.

Hi Shefaali,

Thanks for sharing your stories here and as I saw others posting, I am glad you came back as well ;)

Your writing style is very engaging and I love reading your blogs and you are a very good writer (even if you just dump your thoughts :p).

And I just wanted to ask if you enjoy being the center of attention for multiple men together? :)

Hello,

I really do not know if I ever got to answer this ask. I am thankful to you for the kind words. There have been times (not very frequent though) when I was fortunate to be the centre of attention of more than just one man.

Where you now

At the most perfect moment of my life.

Probably the best photo I would ever see posted here...

And yeah please also let me know the meaning of mini death please.

The mini death that I mentioned on my profile, if you want to understand, please google La Petite Mort.

Dear lady you are a jewel in the crown of all womanhood. When your followers brashly ask you for sex you rebuff them in the most gentle and respectful ways possible. You are a woman who TRULY loves men in every possible way. I have no question for you, merely applause.

Response:

I am fairly inexperienced to the ways of life. There is but one thing (amongst few others) that I realized about how to deal with most situations. In most cases people instigate and want me to react so that they can react again. An easier (and usually more polite) way is to bring myself out of the situation by not getting into an argument at all.

Only yesterday morning, I received a ‘warm’, ‘welcoming’ message which simply stated ‘GM chut’ (for those not from India, the chut is one of the many cruder Indian words for what the westerners refer to as the pussy or the cunt).

It is obvious that my learned reader has probably read a few of my posts and assumed he could refer to me by that name. But does that affect me? It is his perspective of who he felt I am, and I haven’t been contracted to set the public’s perceptions. Who knows whether my own perception is right or not? If not then who am I to correct others’?

I am thankful for the kind message that you have sent me here and I wish you a very happy day.

The Wall

During the days before my ‘initiation’ as a courtesan, I had a brief affair with my husband’s reporting manager. My husband at that time was working with a different organization from the current one, and his boss developed feelings for me. Both my husband and his boss were around the same age and it was common for us to be invited to his house on weekends and vice versa. We were both married. Yet, his boss would not let go of a situation to be with me and compliment me enough to get the message across in no uncertain terms of his longing to be with me. I tried to ignore because I didn’t feel the same way for him.

I think he understood that, and it might have propelled him to intensify his efforts to win me over. There was an increased frequency of him making my husband travel and then drop in at our home to enquire if everything is ok etc. Courtesy demanded I be a gracious host to him, being a guest and of course my husband’s reporting manager, and not to mention the nice host that he is when we are over to their house. Although I tried to refuse help, there came a time when refusing would gradually take the colour of being impolite. I started interacting with him, allowing him to come to the stores with me to help me shop and help me with some domestic duties. With time, I actually started reciprocating his self invites to our home and found myself wanting him to come over to spend some time with me while my husband would be away. To summarize, I think I was witnessing a voluntary crumbling of the conscious wall of defence that I had built around me to prevent him from penetrating it.

Yet, penetration is what he achieved, from a willing woman who just needed persuasion to let her be taken. He was patient, scheming and eventually won over the wife of his reporting junior. The first time he established his ownership over me, when he was done after what seemed to be quite a while of being in private with each other at my home, and left for his home a happy man, guilt overcame me. Over time he naturalized me to overcome my guilty conscience. Our (my husband’s and mine) visits to his house as a couple-friend went on and I at times found it difficult to be natural around his wife. My husband’s travels reduced because his boss knew he owned his wife by then. Our ‘affair’ continued till they were in India.