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If I Could Start Again

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Summary: Sometimes closure is all you need.

Warnings: Some angst

Word count: 1120

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I love ur

I love ur too lols 😎/j

Can I request a Natasha x Avenger!Fem reader where Natasha has gotten into a habit of sleeping over at reader’s room 4 times a week and one night, she has a nightmare and reader is there to comfort her and then feelings are declared because they both like like each other and reader would say as she holds Natasha in her arms, “You are never sleeping by yourself again so long as I’m here…”

What Dreams Are Made Of

pairing: natasha romanoff x reader

warnings: nightmares, death

summary: You comfort Natasha after a nightmare because even the toughest people need solace

word count: 3.7k

a/n: thank you anon for requesting this! i really enjoyed writing this so i hope u like it too :) also huge shoutout to @didujustcallmedumb for giving me some ideas, encouraging me to write this, and also reading it over <3

There were many perks of having your room be closest to the kitchen. For starters, you always had easy access to a late night snack, and also, you were always first to try Wanda’s cooking whenever the delicious smell drifted through the air.

But it also meant that everyone walked past your room whenever they needed to go to the kitchen, whether it be for an early breakfast or for a simple glass of water. You didn’t think it’d be a problem, until you realized you did in fact live with a team full of superheroes who each did not have the most friendliest of pasts, meaning nightmares were a common occurrence.

You often heard footsteps pass your door in the middle of the night followed by the soothing sound of water flowing from the sink, though it was rarely loud enough to actually disturb your slumber.

Tonight was one of those nights. Light footsteps padded down the hallway, and you could fairly hear the squeak of a cabinet, the one that stored all the mugs if you had to take a guess. Of all the people in the compound, at least those currently not on a mission, you only knew one who drank their water out of a mug: Natasha.

Clicking on your light, you pulled back the covers, shivering slightly as the brisk cold air hit your bare legs. You slipped on a pair of Rudolph slippers, which Pietro had gifted you ironically for Hanukkah, and made your way into the kitchen.

Upon your entrance, Natasha looked up, setting her mug down on the counter, and offered you a tired smile. “Sorry, did I wake you?”

“No,” you lied easily, stifling a yawn as you moved to seat in the stool across from her. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“Something like that,” she shrugged nonchalantly before sipping her drink.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Natasha stared at you, the inner turmoil clear in her eyes. “Not really, but thank you.”

“Of course” you smiled, as you slid off your seat to grab some water. Knowing the former assassin like you did, you had a feeling she probably wouldn’t be going to sleep again tonight, even if she retreated back to her room. As you filled your glass, an idea popped into your head.

“Do you wanna, um, maybe you wanna—,” you stuttered, a slight blush creeping up your neck. “Do you wanna sleep with me?”

As soon as the words escaped you, your eyes widened, and Natasha raised her eyebrow, a smirk playing on her lips.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” you shook your head. “I just meant sleep in the same bed, actually sleep, because I know I always sleep better when I’m not alone, and I mean when I’m in the presence of someone else not that other thing. I’m just going to stop talking now.”

Natasha chuckled at your rambling. “(Y/N), I know what you mean.”

“Right,” you looked down bashfully.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to go back to sleep and I don’t wanna keep you up.”

“Don’t worry about it, Nat,” you internally rolled your eyes at her predictable response before putting on your best pout. “Please, for me?”

Unable to resist, your puppy eyes being one of her few weaknesses, Natasha playfully rolled her eyes. “Alright.”

You beamed as the two of you made your way back down the hall and into your room. As you entered, immediately heading back to bed, Natasha stopped to look around, and you realized this was the first time she’s seeing your room.

As if she could sense your nervousness, which she probably could, Natasha slowly walked towards you. “It’s nice,” she motioned to the space around her. “Very you.”

“Thanks?”

“It’s a compliment, (Y/N),” Natasha assured with a slight chuckle, as she pulled back the covers to slip into bed.

“Oh, sorry,” you felt your cheeks warm. “Thank you.”

“I should be the one thanking you,” she yawned, as you both laid down, sinking into the mattress.

“Don’t mention it, Nat,” you rolled over to turn the lamp off. “Get some sleep.”

“Goodnight, (Y/N/N),” Natasha mumbled, her eyes already closed.

“Goodnight,” you returned softly, briefly admiring the sleeping woman before letting slumber take you as well.

—

The next morning, you were slightly disappointed to wake up to a cold bed, though you couldn’t say you were necessarily surprised. You knew Nat was not one to share her feelings with others often, so you had a feeling that last night was going to be a one night thing.

Feeling the heat radiating from the floor, you leave your slippers behind and head into the kitchen, following the wafting scent of pancakes.

“Morning,” you greeted Sam, Wanda, Steve, and Clint, who were all eagerly awaiting the other woman’s homemade breakfast.

“Good morning, (Y/N/N),” she chirped, turning around from the stove, still holding the spatula.

“Hi Wands,” you smiled, pecking her cheek before reaching around her to grab a mug for some coffee. “Where’s Piet?”

The three of you were like three peas in a pod ever since the twins joined the team. You had been quick to forgive them after everything with Ultron, as you weren’t one to hold grudges.

“He had to leave for a mission with Tony and Nat earlier,” she explained, turning her attention back to the skillet.

“What? Why wasn’t I called?” you turned to Steve, confused as to why Natasha, your usual mission partner, was sent out but you weren’t.

“They needed Pietro’s speed, so I swapped you two and you’re going tomorrow,” the captain informed, before adding with a knowing smirk, “Besides, Natasha can handling herself.”

“I know,” you grumbled under your breath, still slightly irritated.

“Speaking of Nat,” Sam butted in, a devious glint in his eye, “I saw her leave your room this morning. Fun night last night?”

All heads whipped towards you, and Wanda turned around so fast that a half-cooked pancake went flying through the air.

“What?” you coughed, nearly choking on your coffee. “It’s not—we didn’t—nothing happened.”

“Like that’s believable,” Sam snorted, hiding a grin behind the rim of his cup, as the rest of the group chuckled under their breaths.

“I’m being serious, guys,” you insisted with a whine. “She just stayed over because I was having trouble sleeping.”

So you bent the truth slightly, but you didn’t want to say anything about Natasha that she didn’t want the team knowing about.

“Okay, we believe you, (Y/N/N),” Wanda winked at you, knowing your harbored feelings for the redhead. “We’ll drop it,” she raised her eyebrow at the guys, daring them to protest.

“Right,” Sam nodded, while Steve and Clint just shook their heads, amused by everybody’s antics.

“Now come on,” Wanda placed a plate full of pancakes in the middle of the island, “let’s eat.”

You spent the rest of the day doing the usual training and paperwork, and though it was no mission, you were completely exhausted by the time your body hit the mattress. Your body was sore after Steve and Wanda put you through the wringer during training, and while Natasha was your usual sparring partner, at least she didn’t have magical powers that could practically throw you across the room.

Picking up your book, you slump back into your pillows and pull up the blankets.

Almost fifteen minutes later, you hear a soft knock on your door. As you finish the page you’re on, you call out to the person behind the door, “Come in.”

“Hey,” Natasha’s raspy voice causes you to put your book down and look up.

“Hey, Nat,” you greet, as you pat the spot next to you, inviting her to join you. “How was the mission?”

“It was fine,” Nat responded succinctly, and you knew not to ask further. Despite your indirect invitation to join you, she made no movement to accept. “Um, do you think I could, uh, sleep here tonight? Again? With you?”

Softening, you took a second to relish this moment of vulnerability and to observe the other woman. Despite clearly being worn out from her mission, slight scratches and heavy fatigue decorating her features, she still had a radiance to her that awed you.

“Of course you can,” you scooted off to the right side of the bed and pulled down the blankets for her. “Get in.”

Natasha sent you an appreciative smile before sliding off her slippers and getting under the covers. Shutting your book, you put it on your bedside table and rolled not your side to look at her.

“You sure you don’t wanna talk about it?”

Still on her back, Nat was staring at the ceiling, and if her eyes weren’t open, you’d think she’d fallen asleep already. “It was a tough one,” she huffed, shifting on her side so her face was inches from yours. “We were outnumbered right from the get go. And it should’ve been an easy get-in-get-out intel collection but our information must have been wrong.”

You knew there was something more that was bothering her because, usually, Natasha wasn’t fazed by unexpected surprises or missions going awry. But you patiently waited for her to continue, wanting her to open up to you on her own.

“They had kids there, (Y/N),” she revealed breathlessly. “Kids.”

You cringed, knowing all too well how difficult cases with captives were but even more so when they were children.

“You did your job, Nat,” you soothed reassuringly. “You got them out. You saved them.”

A moment of silence hung over your heads before she closed her eyes and turned onto her back, “I know.”

Watching the other woman, you couldn’t help but twist your lips, not knowing what to say to ease her worries. “Get some rest, Nat,” you switched the light off. “Tomorrow’s a new day.”

—

Your phone alarm woke you up the next morning, and you mentally cursed yourself for forgetting. Groggily, you opened your eyes and shut it off, checking the time.

5:00 am.

You glanced over your shoulder to see if Natasha had woken up, but the redhead only stirred slightly before falling back asleep.

Sighing, you quickly jotted down a note for her, telling her that you had to leave for a mission, before getting dressed and gathering your things to head down to the quinjet.

When Natasha awoke, three hours later, she frowned at the sight of your empty side of the bed. Before she could get too upset, she spotted a small piece of paper on your pillow.

Nat—

Had early an early mission. Sorry I forgot to tell you.

Hope we’re still down for training tomorrow?

See you later :)

—(Y/N)

Natasha’s lips twitched upwards, her heart swelling at your adorable smiley face. While the former assassin knew she had feelings for you, ones that went beyond teammates or even friendship, she didn’t want to get hurt. After everything with Bruce, the will-they-won’t-they back and forth, Natasha wasn’t ready to put herself out there again, no matter how much she wanted to.

—

You, Steve, Clint, and Sam returned later that evening, and you wanted nothing more than to take a steaming hot shower and collapse in your bed. But before you could do just that, Wanda stopped you in the kitchen.

“Where are you going?”

“To bed?” you furrowed your brows, unsure as to why your friend was depriving you of cleanliness and sleep.

“You haven’t eaten,” Wanda stated as if it was obvious, nodding to whatever, you had to admit, smelled delectable.

“But—,” you went to protest but the brunette was quick to interrupt.

“(Y/N),” she raised her brow and dangerously tilted her head, “you need to eat.”

“Fine,” you relented, sagging your shoulders in defeat. “At least let me shower first.”

Wanda nodded before calling after you, “You better be back out here in thirty or else I’m coming to get you.”

Nodding, you knew your best friend was not messing around. As you entered your room, you were already working on unzipping your suit and unstrapping your weapons. Though you were tired, you were still alert enough to sense someone else’s presence.

You snapped your head up, grabbing the knife still strapped to your thigh, only to see Natasha sitting against your headboard reading a book, her body covered by your blanket.

“Jeez, Nat,” you clutched your chest, “you scared me.”

“Sorry,” she smiled sheepishly.

“What are you doing here?” you asked, as you moved to peel of your mission attire.

“Well,” Natasha hesitated briefly, “I was wondering if I could sleep here again?”

Closing your dresser drawer, you turned around to face her, but before you could answer, she continued.

“You don’t have to say yes or anything. It’s just I find that I sleep better here that alone in my room, but I don’t wanna bother you or disrupt your space, so if—“

“Natasha,” you chuckled, interrupting her rambling, “of course you can sleep here.”

You saw her let out a small breath of relief, causing the corners of your mouth to curl upwards.

“I’m gonna take a shower and then go eat some dinner, if you want to join me,” you explained and pointed to the bathroom door, before your eyes widened. “I meant join me for dinner not in the shower. Wanda’s cooking and she’s making food and I’m sure she made plenty for everyone if you want to join? You don’t have to. I don’t know if you already ate but—“

“(Y/N/N), don’t worry. I knew what you meant,” this time, it was Natasha’s turn to interrupt you. “I ate earlier but thanks.”

Nodding awkwardly, you turned on your heels and headed into the bathroom. The streams of hot water did wonders for your aching muscles. Before you could get lost in your thoughts, you felt Wanda poking around in your head.

“You better hurry up, (Y/N),” she projected. “Your food is getting cold.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” you muttered under your breath. Wanda rarely used her powers on you, and you knew that when she did, it was always out of good intent.

As you dried off, you realized you didn’t bring you pajamas into the bathroom with you. “Crap.”

Trying to sneak out into your room without Natasha noticing was an impossible mission, but one you desperately attempted. You slowly turned the handle and peeked through the door, making sure the redhead’s attention was still on her book. As you tiptoed out, hair still wet and in just your towel, Natasha looked up, her eyes widening and lips parting at the sight of your bare skin.

“Sorry,” you grimaced. “Forgot my clothes.”

When Natasha didn’t say anything, too stunned to speak, you gave her a tight smile before scurrying back into the bathroom. Once you were fully dressed, you came back out, still in the process of drying your hair with a towel.

“Sorry about that,” you apologized again.

“It’s not a problem,” Natasha smirked, having recovered from the initial shock.

“Right,” you let out a nervous chuckle. “Well, I’m just gonna go eat dinner now.”

You turned to leave before you could embarrass yourself any further. As you shut the door, you could faintly hear a small laugh from the other woman, causing you to shake your head amusedly.

By the time you finished dinner and dessert, which Tony had so graciously dropped off after his date with Pepper, it was already pretty late. So you were not surprised to see Natasha already asleep, curled up under the covers.

Careful not to wake her, you slowly got into bed. As your weight caused the mattress to dip, Natasha rolled over, immediately seeking out the warmth of your body. You tensed, as she unexpectedly nestled into your side, her head resting against your shoulder and her hand finding the exposed skin just beneath the hem of your pajama shirt.

As you moved your arm around her, bringing her closer to your body, you relaxed and subconsciously combed your fingers through her red locks.

Turning your head slightly, you took a moment to admire the sleeping woman. For someone who’s front was so stoic and hard, Natasha’s features were inherently soft: the natural plumpness of her lips, the way her eyelashes curled on their own.

Looking at her now, you felt as you truly saw Natasha, completely stripped of her Black Widow facade.

“You’ll never have to sleep alone as long as I’m here,” you whispered. “Sweet dreams, Nat.”

You pressed a quick kiss to the crown of her head before letting your head hit the pillow. As you closed your eyes and drifted off to sleep, you missed the small sleepy smile forming across Natasha’s lips.

—

A couple of days later, you found yourself on a mission that required all hands on deck, meaning the entire Avengers teams was out in the field plus Fury and Hill over the comms. Though difficult, the firing HYDRA soldiers were nothing you or anybody else couldn’t handle. Everything was going pretty smoothly.

Until it wasn’t.

As you and Natasha were running back to the jet, a stray HYDRA soldier fired twice, once in your thigh and once in your back. Immediately, you fell to the ground, writhing in pain.

“(Y/N)!” Natasha screamed before spotting the man who shot you and aiming her gun at him. You knew he was dead; Nat never missed. Rushing over to you, she kneeled by your side, frantically trying to find your wounds amidst all the dirt and blood that covered you.

As she pressed hard onto your abdomen, you grunted in discomfort.

“I know,” Natasha soothed with a sniffle, desperately trying not to cry, but you could see the tears clouding her green orbs. “I know it hurts, but you’re gonna be alright. You’re gonna be okay.”

Feeling yourself weakening, you put your hand on top of hers. “Nat,” you sighed, and she met your eyes, “we both know that’s not true.”

“No,” she shook her head desperately, “you’re gonna be fine.”

“Natasha,” you said as firm as you could muster, “I need you to know…”

As you trailed off, Steve’s voice came over the intercoms.

“Romanoff, (Y/L/N),” the captain yelled, “there’s a bomb set to destroy the base. Get back to the jet. Now!”

“I’m not leaving her,” Natasha cried.

“Natasha,” you gasped, “you have to go.”

Shaking her head again, she cradled your face, not caring about the blood that stained her hands. “No, I’m not leaving you,” she said with fierce determination, a trait you always admired of hers, though dare you call it stupid stubbornness at times.

“Please,” you coughed, blood dripping out of the corner of your mouth, “for me.”

Your last words came out so weak that if Natasha wasn’t inches from your face she wouldn’t have heard them. As she realized that your breathing had stopped, a sob escaped her lips.

“I love you,” Natasha whispered, resting her forehead against yours, briefly forgetting the fact that she was in the middle of a battlefield. “I’m sorry I never told you.”

“Natasha!” Steve yelled in her earpiece. When she didn’t respond, too stuck in her grief, he called again, “Natasha!”

This time, she got to her feet, as she wiped her nose. Running as fast as her feet could take her, knowing she had little time before the bomb was going to go off, Natasha couldn’t stop the tears from blurring her vision. As she saw the figure of the jet in the distance, the bomb exploded, her ears ringing as she went flying.

Faintly, she could hear her name being called from her team. “Natasha!”

“Natasha!”

“Natasha!”

Natasha’s eyes flew open, almost expecting herself to be in the med bay, but was startled to see your concerned expression hovering over her.

“Hey,” you offered her a worried smile, your hands still resting on her shoulders. “You were having a nightmare, a pretty bad one by the looks of it. Are you alr–“

Before you could finish, Natasha leaped forward, wrapping her arms around you. “Oh my god,” she sighed, relief evident in her voice. “You’re alive.”

Pulling back from her, you tilted your head. “Of course I am, Nat.”

“But I saw you,” Natasha shook her head, unable to stop the break in her voice. “I saw you die right in front of me.”

“Oh, baby,” the pet name slipping out naturally, as you pulled her back into your body, cradling her head soothingly. “I’m right here. You hear that?” You asked, knowing her ear was right over your heart.

“I’m still alive.”

Moving to sit upright, Natasha sniffled and wiped her face. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” you softly tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. As your finger tips lightly brushed her cheek, Nat lifted her head to meet your eyes.

“(Y/N),” she whispered, thinking this was as good a time as any.

“Yeah?”

“I think I’m falling in love with you,” Natasha revealed, causing you to bite back a smile that was threatening to take over your face. “I think I have been since the first day I met you. And I realized that life is too short to be holding myself back from what I want, especially in our line of work.”

As she searched your face for any response, you grinned, eyes shining with adoration and relief. Surging forward, you cupped her cheeks and brought her in for a tender kiss.

Natasha immediately reciprocated, and your lips melted together beautifully. Before you could get lost in the taste of her, air became a necessity and you both separated, breathing heavily.

Leaning her forehead against yours, Natasha gently wiped a stray tear that had fallen down your cheek. “Why are you crying, detka?”

“I’m just so happy,” you giggled and nuzzled your nose against hers.

“Me too,” she beamed, smiling against your lips, kissing you once more.

As the two of you fell asleep that night, your limbs tangled together, you thought to yourself,

This is what dreams are made of.

———

taglist: @when-wolves-howl @xxxtwilightaxelxxx

Natasha Romanoff + text posts

Control Me

Pairing: Natasha x reader

Summary: You wanted to help Natasha gain back control so you let her control you

Warning: 18+ smut, restraints, face slapping, finger fucking, oral, dom/sub ish - Reader and Nats first time

A/n: This wasn't supposed to be smut, but it turned into smut *shrugs*

I didn’t have much time to edit so hope there aren’t too many mistakes

3,964 words | Masterlist

——————————————————————————

When you met Natasha you thought you had her all figured out. She was confidence personified walking around the compound as if nothing could touch her. It wasn’t until the two of you became close that she started to show more of herself. Her playful side was your favorite.

The team was shocked the first time they saw Natasha hug you. She wasn’t known to be a cuddly person but you knew the truth. Natasha loved to cuddle. When she felt distressed or frustrated, she would come to your room, crawl into your bed and hold you. The first time it happened you thought it was a dream. When you asked her if she was ok, she simply nodded and confessed that you made her feel safe. You could relate, she made you feel safe too.

You were currently in the common room when Natasha came through the elevator looking the most exhausted you’ve ever seen her. She had been away for a week on a mission with Steve and by the grunt he gave you as a greeting, you knew it must have been physically and emotionally exhausting.

The redhead could barely keep her eyes open as she waddled over to you and collapsed on the couch, planting her head in your lap.

“That bad huh?” You asked Steve.

“Longest mission of my life.” He mumbled, “You got her?”

“Always.” You said, caressing her back.

You let her sleep while you finished your movie, turning it down to the lowest volume so you wouldn’t disturb her. Her soft snores made you grin knowing she would deny them once you teased her about it.

“Nat.” You whispered, lightly nudging her as the credits rolled.

She grunted, burying her face in your stomach.

“Five more minutes, milaya.”

“It’s been an hour, love. I know you would rather be in bed. Unless you want Thor waking you up at five am.”

She looked up at you pouting knowing you were right. You wiped away loose strands of hair as they tickled her nose and tucked them gently behind her ear.

“Can you stay with me?” She asked.

“I wish I could, but I have to be up by five too. You need to rest.”

“I don’t care.” She said, sighing.

“You’re a light sleeper, Nat. You’ll stay up with me and feel grouchy all day.” You chuckled.

“You’re right, you’re right.”

Natasha pulled herself up and stretched her aching muscles. Dirt and grime painted her neck and arms, and dry streaks of blood mapped her torso.

“Maybe take a shower before bed yeah?” You teased.

She scoffed nudging your shoulder but swiftly smelled herself groaning.

“I’m taking a vacation.” She grumbled.

You went your separate ways once you reached your floor. Natasha gave you a hug goodnight and you settled into bed. You wished you would have said yes to staying with her but you knew it was the right thing to do. When the redhead didn’t get proper sleep it was dangerous for everyone around. The last time it happened, Thor almost needed a new cloak and Tony a new pair of hands.

The night went on and you found yourself unable to sleep. It was hard when she wasn't next to you. You haven’t gotten much sleep when she was away when you think about it. You checked the clock groaning when you saw it was one am. Training day was the worst to wake up to. You shifted trying to get comfortable when suddenly you heard a bloodcurdling scream.

A chill ran down your spine as you rushed to Natasha’s room. What you saw when you opened the door broke your heart. You’ve seen her vulnerable but you’ve never seen her look so fragile. She was shaking, beads of sweat dripped down her forehead as she clung her knees to her chest rocking back and forth. She hadn’t noticed you yet and you treaded lightly so you wouldn’t alarm her. Her eyes were wide and barely blinking as she stared at the wall. Her bottom lip quivered as silent tears ran down her cheeks.

You felt guilty that you hadn’t stayed with her like she asked. From what you’ve seen in the past, her nightmares were bad but this one was different. You’ve never heard her scream like that before.

“Nat.” You whispered, sitting slowly on the edge of the bed.

Your worry grew as she continued to stare at the wall. Natasha was always aware of her surroundings. The fact that she still hadn’t noticed you let you know she was still trapped in her mind.

You slowly rubbed her back, knowing it was something she liked when she was upset. She visibly started to shake and your heart ached in your chest. Your strokes became firm as you guided her back into reality.

“Natasha, it’s alright. It’s ok, you’re safe.”

Her green eyes snapped to yours and she jerked away from you. She shook her head as she ran it through her damp hair.

“What are you doing here? You shouldn’t be here.” She stammered.

“I heard you scream. I just wanted to see if you were ok.”

“I’m fine.” She said, looking away from you.

You sighed moving closer to her. It was rare that she ever shut you out, but when she tried it was usually about her past. It took her a long time to open up to you about it, but even when she did she didn’t say much. Only enough for you to understand the horrors she faced there.

“You’re not fine and that’s ok.”

She licked her lips standing up from the bed, turning her back from you to take off her damp shirt. Her hands were shaking as she shuffled through her dresser to find a new one and put it on.

“I don’t want you to see me like this.” She choked out.

“We’re best friends Nat. I think we’re past that.” You said, trying to reassure her.

She turned around, folding her arms and silent tears fell from her eyes. You’d give anything to make them go away. To make her feel better.

“Talk to me please.” You pleaded.

A storm swam inside her eyes as she looked at you. Your breath hitched only ever seeing them this way when she faced an enemy.

“I had a nightmare - about the red room.” She said, chewing her bottom lip, “how they would make us do certain things in training.”

You pushed past the anger you felt. This wasn’t about you, but you silently vowed to destroy that place when given the chance.

“Was it about the other girls? How they made you-

“No.”

You shifted on the bed, swimming through your mind trying to figure it out. Widows were known for two things, death and seduction. It suddenly clicked and your stomach twisted in knots knowing what it had to be about.

“It’s ok, Nat. I understand.” You whispered.

Her eyes narrowed and she stalked towards you.

“Do you?” She demanded.

“I know you Nat, you hate not being in control. What they made you do with those men-,” You paused taking a beat as her eyes shone with aching vulnerability as the storm subsided. You didn’t need words for her to know you figured it out, “That’s when you felt the most out of control, isn’t it?”

She nodded, wiping away her tears.

“I hate that it affects me this much. It’s just a dream but it’s like I’m back there, underneath them.” She whimpered.

“Come here.”

Natasha took a deep breath, walking closer to you. You held out your hands and you sighed in relief as she unclenched her fists and rested them in yours.

“What do you usually do when you wake up from them? How do you gain the feeling of control back?” You asked.

She shrugged, looking at your paired hands.

“Before I met you I’d usually wait until it passes.” She said, “It takes a while then they feel this real.”

“Holding me helps?” You asked.

“Yes. It- It doesn’t take away the feeling entirely but yes, having you in my arms helps.”

You squeezed her hands rubbing the back of them. Natasha was the most important person in your life and all you wanted was for her to be ok. You had an idea but you weren’t sure how to suggest it. You were lost in thought not noticing how Natasha stared at you, searching for what could possibly be on your mind.

“What is it, Y/n?”

“I - um, I have an idea, but it might be too weird-

“Tell me, please?” She asked.

Her eyes pleaded for anything to help make it better. You nodded, shifting at the anxious bloom that arose in your chest.

“You could control me.” You whispered.

Natasha’s breath hitched and your heart hammered in your chest as you watched her process your words.

“You mean dominate you?” She asked, her lips were parted and you shifted on the bed.

“Yes. I - I was reading this book on bdsm-“

Her snort interrupted you and you narrowed your eyes feeling embarrassed.

“Shut up.” You mumbled.

“I’m sorry, dorogaya. Continue, please.”

You smiled shyly, clearing your throat.

“There was a chapter that talked about how it can be akin to therapy. That it can help people who feel out of control in their workplace or life in general, gain some of the control back. Same for someone who's always in control, it can be a release for them to give it away.”

Natasha took in your words, really thinking about what you said. You swallowed thickly watching emotions play out on her face and you started to think you shouldn’t have said anything.

“Ok.”

You blinked, staring up at her not knowing if you heard her right.

“Ok?”

“I want to try it.” She said.

The flush on her cheeks made your heart flip in your chest.

“Ok.” You whispered.

“Alright, I um - please tell me if it’s too much or you change your mind.” She mumbled, and you could see insecurity swimming in her irises.

“I promise, Nat. I trust you.”

You looked at her openly wanting her to see that you were really ok with this. She nodded sharply and you let go of her hands.

You sat and waited, watching as she flexed her jaw and licked her lips. You would have waited all night as she processed. This was about her. You would let her go at whatever pace she wanted.

“Take off your shirt.” She husked.

You swallowed thickly, taking it off, and shivered as the cool air raised goosebumps on your skin. You were left in only your underwear and you blushed as she took in the white cotton topped with a pink bow.

“Lay back on the bed.”

You did what she said, your breathing shallow as you watched her eyes change. They were hard and focused as they raked over you.

“Hands above your head, and don’t make a sound. If you do I’ll stop.”

You nodded, squirming as she grabbed a piece of rope from her closet. She tied you to the bedpost and tugged making sure you were secure. You pulled at them, a twisting feeling in your groin arose at how vulnerable you were for her.

The bed dipped as she crawled on top of you and you gasped seeing arousal in her eyes.

“What did I say.” She growled, smacking your thigh.

You bit your lip to stop from whimpering and tried to show on your face that you were sorry.

Her calloused hand traced up your thigh making you shiver. She stopped at the fabric of your underwear, pulling it away from you only to let it go with a snap. She traced up your stomach, leaving a trail of goosebumps, and cupped your breast roughly in her hands. You felt heat between your legs as she squeezed the soft tissue, humming as you tried desperately not to make a sound.

Her eyes stayed on yours as she pinched and pulled your nipple, already hardened by the chill of the air and her previous touch. Your mouth opened, no sound escaping as she added more pressure before lifting her hand to wrap it around your throat.

“You’re being so good for me.” She cooed.

You licked your lips, watching as she traced the movement with her eyes.

“You like being a good girl for me?” She asked.

You nodded, squirming underneath her. All you wanted was to help her gain back control but you had no idea it would feel like this giving it away.

She raised her body, hovering over you. The fabric of her shirt made you shiver as it scraped against your overheated skin. She ran her free hand up your thigh cupping your center.

“You’re so wet for me, detka.” She husked, pushing the fabric to the side.

You bit down on your lip, knowing by the end of this you were bound to draw blood.

The weight of her hand left your throat and in one swift movement, she ripped the fabric off of you, tossing it to the side.

Her hand returned to your throat and she increased the pressure as she traced your slit up and down collecting your wetness on her fingers. She ignored your clit and you wanted to beg her so badly to touch it.

“What is it, pretty girl?” She cooed.

You clenched your thighs as she teased your opening. You bucked into her, your walls clenching when she grazed your clit.

“Hmmm. Is this what you want?”

Her thumb pressed into your sensitive nub, circling around it in slow languid circles. You closed your eyes nodding when she pushed down adding more pressure.

“Look at me.” She demanded.

You opened your eyes, your mouth open wide as she quickened her pace.

“You want me to fuck you, detka?”

You would have screamed yes if it were allowed. The way she was making you feel made your head spin.

“I bet you do. You like being tied down underneath me. That’s what made you so wet isn’t it?”

Her moan took your breath away as she pushed past your barrier with her finger. You moved your hips against her and tried desperately not to make a sound.

“Look at you fucking yourself on me. I never took you for a whore, Y/n.”

A whimper ripped from your throat before you could stop it.

Natasha glared down at you, removing her hand from your throat to swiftly slap your cheek. Her face was hard and intimidating as her gaze burned into you.

“You get one more chance. Do you understand me?”

You nodded frantically, thankful she wasn’t going to stop.

“Good girl.” She taunted, adding another finger.

Your walls clenched around them, trying to suck them in deeper.

“You’re so tight.” She moaned.

You threw your head back, clenching your hands into fists as she started fucking them inside you. She didn’t hold back as she pounded into you. Your breast bounced and the bed creaked with every thrust she made.

“You feel so good.”

You wanted to tell her that she did too. The heel of her hand pressed against your clit and you lifted your hips meeting her thrust for thrust. She fucked you like she knew exactly what you liked and she felt better than any toy you’ve ever used.

“You’re doing so well, detka. So good for me.”

Natasha watched as tears sprang from your eyes as you tried desperately to be quiet for her. She curled her fingers feeling your walls flutter around her and she knew you were close. The feeling she had fucking you like this was unlike anything she’s ever felt.

“Look at me.” She demanded.

Your eyes snapped to hers and your hips stuttered as her thumb flicked your clit. You tasted iron as your teeth clamped down on your bottom lip.

“You’re so close aren’t you.” She cooed.

You pleaded with her in your eyes, nodding as she curled her fingers again, hitting the spot that would normally make you cry out.

“You don’t get to cum until I tell you to.” She sneered, “but I want to hear you beg for it.”

You opened your mouth then closed it shut, afraid that she would stop even as she said those words.

“It’s ok, detka. Let me hear those pretty sounds. I want you to beg for me to let you cum like the good little slut you are.”

You moaned, relieved you no longer had to hold it in.

“Please Nat, please let me cum, you feel so good, please.” You choked out.

Natasha moaned, fucking you harder as sighs and whimpers fell from your lips.

“Do you think you deserve it?” She taunted.

“Yes.” You whimpered.

“I don’t know, pretty girl. You’ve disobeyed me twice already.”

“I’m sorry, I’ll be good, I’ll be so good for you, please let me cum.”

You felt your walls clench around her as the words fell from your lips. You’ve never been this turned on before.

“You’re so sweet, dorogaya,” she said, smirking down at you, “so pretty when you beg.”

You lost rhythm in your hips, feeling the coil inside you tighten. You desperately wanted to cum for her. You were dripping down her hand, the sound of how wet you were filled the air making blood rush to your cheeks.

“Please, Nat.” You whimpered.

“Ok detka. Be my good girl and cum for me.” She demanded.

You screamed her name as your body came at her command. The euphoria you felt was borderline overwhelming as your orgasm crashed down on you. Your walls clamped down and fluttered around her fingers trying to suck them in more as she slowed her pace. You whimpered as she removed her hand from your throat to caress your cheek.

Natasha smiled down at you as she pulled out her fingers and sucked them in her mouth moaning at your taste. You blushed, as she licked them clean.

“Delicious, detka.” She said.

She removed her shorts and underwear in one go and you drooled at the sight of her. You could see her slick on her thighs and you couldn’t believe you were the cause of it.

“Open your mouth and stick out your tongue.”

You whimpered, doing what you were told.

She shifted above you, placing her thighs on either side of your head. You moaned at the sight of her parting lips as her wetness dripped on your chin.

“You made a mess, detka. Clean it up.”

Her hips lowered and you moaned as her center lowered onto your mouth. Her taste was tangy and uniquely hers as you ran your tongue up and down her parted folds. You circled around her clit, moaning as you sucked it into your mouth lathing it with your tongue.

“Fuck Y/n!.”

You tugged your wrist wanting to touch her and whimpered when they met the resistance of the rope.

“You want to touch me don’t you?” She teased.

You nodded as she chuckled darkly above you.

“That slutty little mouth of yours is touching me detka.” She moaned.

You whimpered, letting go of her clit grazing it between your teeth. You lowered your tongue to her opening, teasing it as she thrust down against it. She looked down at you, grabbing ahold of your head as she narrowed her eyes.

“Inside.”

You pried her open with your tongue, whimpering as she sunk down on you. You curled it, wanting to feel as much of her you could and Natasha cried out, bucking against you.

“So good, detka.” She moaned, rolling her hips.

You shuddered as she used you to get off. Fucking your face with abandon as her free hand held onto the bed frame. Her walls were tight against your tongue and you knew she was going to cum. Her whimpers and moans made you clench your thighs. You wanted to hear these sounds for the rest of your life.

“Fuck, fuck, Y/n!”

Her hips stuttered and her slick dripped down your cheeks and chin as she came around your tongue. Her hips slowed dragging out her high and you licked every drop you could as she rubbed herself all over your face. When her movements stop, she grunted lifting off of you and shifted down to straddle your hips.

You knew you were smiling like an idiot when her jaw twitched to stop her from smiling back.

She leaned over untying you from the bed and you sighed as blood rushed back to your aching limbs.

“Are they sore, dorogaya?” She asked, rubbing them.

“Only a little, but not a lot.” You mumbled, shyly.

Natasha kissed your forehead and lifted off you, disappearing into the bathroom. You blushed when she came back with a wet towel. It was warm as she traced it against your face and body cleaning you up. She was so attentive it made your heart flutter in your chest. You whimpered as she parted your folds, still sensitive from how hard she fucked you.

“Shh, you’re ok, kotenok.”

Your blush deepened at the nickname she gave you shortly after the two of you met.

“There, all clean.” She whispered.

She threw the towel to the side of the room and laid down beside you cupping your cheek. Her eyes were soft as she looked at you. All the pain from before was completely washed away and you melted at her smile.

“It helped?” You whispered.

“Better than I imagined. Was that ok for you too? I didn’t do anything that made you unconformable did I?”

“No. It was nice.” You said, licking your sore lip.

“Nice?” She teased.

“I - it. It was good, Nat. Really good, but I didn’t want it to be about me.”

“It was about the both of us, detka. You’re the most important person in my life. I know that this was to help me gain back control and it did, but during I just really wanted to make you feel good. Like it felt for me.”

“I didn’t know it would feel like that.” You said.

“Neither did I. I thought I was going to cum just making you cum. Hearing you beg was the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced.”

You blushed, trying to duck your head into the pillow but her hand stopped you.

“I um- it made me realize a few things about myself.”

“It made me realize a few things too.” She mumbled.

“Like what?”

“That you’ve been more than just my best friend for a long time.”

Natasha looked at you with so much love it made your heart ache. You felt the same and wondered why it took you both so long to get here.

“Can I kiss you?” She asked.

You melted at the shy look in her eyes and nodded not being able to speak.

Her lips were soft as they melded to yours. You wrapped your arm around her waist pulling her closer to you as she deepened the kiss. She was soft and gentle as she cradled you in her arms. Taking her time as she explored your mouth with her tongue.

When you both pulled back to breathe, Natasha looked at you shyly.

“Um, can we do that again when I have another nightmare?” She asked.

“Nat, you can control me whenever you’d like.”

She smiled brightly kissing you softly before laying on her back to pull you into her arms.

“You’re calling off training tomorrow. I’m going to hold you for as long as I want and if Tony has a problem with it I’ll dismantle his suit again.”

----

Hope you all enjoyed it!

Masterlist

HI HAPPY NEW YEAR- mediocre nat and r having a night out and r saying goodbye after nat drops her off but not saying she loves her and nat is like ?? hello??

hello thats very cute and in character but i am so tired ive been ready to collapse for like over a day so whatever tf im writing after this is what ur getting

This Friday date night goes a lot better than Nat's McDonald's fuckery from last week. You take her to that bar she likes near work, paying for the french fries you shared and the first two rounds. There was some game playing on the TV that you don't really follow but Nat clearly does because she laughs every time one of the teams fails. You don't think she really has a sports team she roots for and she admits she just picks the one with nicer uniforms to care about anytime sports comes on the TV.

When her team of the night wins, she plants a kiss on you that has someone at the bar hollering. You wince when she pulls away to glower at the man.

After that, you'd looped your arm around hers and you'd had a nice walk through the park. Skipped rocks in the pond. She had done a better job. In character, of course, but annoying nonetheless.

Tomorrow, she leaves for a mission, so she has to head to the tower tonight to pack up her gear and you've got an empty house for the foreseeable future.

It's sad.

You spend the car ride to your house gripping her hand and staring at the streetlights. Nat turns up the radio and taps the steering wheel to the beat of the song.

Nat leaps out of the car the moment she pulls into your driveway while you twist around to grab your tote bag from the backseat. When Nat comes and opens your door for you, you smile and take her hand.

Still, there's a sense of melancholy falling over you already. You sigh for the fifteenth time tonight and Nat just squeezes your fingers.

"I'll be back before you know it," she says into your shoulder while you fish your keys out of your bag.

"Now I have to take the bus to work," you say, sullenly.

"Tony would probably get you a car service if you asked."

You huff. Sometimes, you can't tell if she's fucking with you or if she's really that dense. One of the downsides of how casual the two of you are with each other, how often you poke fun at each other.

"What?" she huffs when you stomp to the living room to throw your bag on the couch.

"Now I have to fuck myself if I get horny." You spin quickly to glower at her. "And don't even say anything about Tony. We both know you'd probably commit some sort of atrocity if I ever did that just because you're emotionally constipated."

Nat scowls too. "Pot kettle black much."

The both of you squint at each other for a few long moments before you give in--always you first--and cross the distance to where she's leaning in your doorway.

Nat watches, impassive, as you pick up her hands. Lets you tug her closer to your body. "You know I own a cellphone, right?"

"Phone sex?" you mumble into her shoulder. "On the job?"

You can basically hear her eye roll. "No. You are so not getting off while I'm gone. But you don't have to act like I've got a terminal illness just because I'm going on a business trip."

Business trip. As if her business trip isn't some life-endangering superspy mission in god-knows-where, Europe, involving superhumans and, like, missiles.

"Come on," she says, pulling back so she can bump your chin up with your linked hands. "Send me pictures of your meals or whatever the hell normal people do."

"You'd just leave me on read," you grumble.

"I'll send you pictures of MREs so you can ignore me too." She's aiming for levity.

You are too down in the dumps to do anything but force a tiny smile and lean in for a quick kiss. She has to go soon. Too soon.

Nat tilts her head to catch your eyes. There's a hint of concern on her face. "Back before you know it."

"Don't break into my house again," you say, hoping your smile is more convincing this time. She's a superhero. No need to worry about a clingy girlfriend.

"No promises." She presses in for another kiss before stepping back, releasing your hands. "Bye, baby."

"Okay," you say with a heaving sigh, leaning on your door. Usually, you would watch her get in her car, wave at her through the window, and then disappear down the street.

Today, Nat does not move an inch. Looks at you expectantly.

She raises her eyebrows. "...bye."

You frown. "Bye?" you say slowly.

Still, she waits.

"Don't die," you offer. No movement. "...I would be sad."

Nope.

"I might even cry."

"Jesus," Nat growls out, spinning on her heel and storming off your porch. She's actually mad. You can tell.

You fumble with the door, making sure it's unlocked, before chasing after Nat. She's already at the wheel by the time you're knocking on her window.

She gives the wheel a look so searing, you're surprised it still has the gall to exist. Then, she rubs at her eye with an aggravated fist. Then, the window rolls down and she looks over at you with a tired look.

"What did I do?" you ask immediately, hands curling over the car door.

"Nothing."

You reach out to touch her cheek, something inside your chest aching something fierce when she flinches. "Nat," you say softly, voice thin from how much this hurts. Unexpected hurt, really. Pot kettle black, indeed. "Come on."

"I," she starts, stops to wince, continues with more gusto: "I will miss you."

"I'll miss you too," you reply quickly, hand tilting her face to look more fully at you. "If you died, I think I would never recover."

"I won't die," she murmurs into your palm, eyes pinned on you now.

"Promise?"

Nat smiles, a small roll to her eyes. "Sure, I promise."

"Okay." You nod, tipping onto your toes and tugging her face in to meet you in a chaste kiss. "I love you, okay? If you break your promise, I'll kill you."

Nat looks at you like you've hung the moon and the stars in the sky. Disguised, of course, by a wry shake of the head. "Haven't broken a promise to you yet. Won't start now. But also that made no sense."

"Get off my property, truther."

Nat grins, then, yanks you in for another hard kiss before letting you back up a few steps.

Her taillights disappear around the bend. Your heart feels heavy in your chest. She'll be back before you know it.

GL Webtoon Masterlist

Hello, welcome to the post where I share girls love (yuri/wlw) comics you can read on the Webtoon app! Some are focused on romance while others are more plot-heavy.

Links are included. Personal favourites are marked with a heart emoji.

I do not to include webtoons that are discontinued, on hiatus, have not been updated in a long time or have few episodes, but other than that, feel free to make suggestions and I will add them to the list. 

Side note for those who are new to Webtoon, series on Webtoon are divided into canvas and originals. Originals are published by authors that are employed by Webtoon. Canvas series are self-published, so sometimes they update irregularly and might end up being discontinued, unlike originals. Sometimes Webtoon picks up a popular canvas series and employs the author. The series then is re-released as an original.

Hope this helps, please enjoy!

Keep reading

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

Learning (To Trust Your Touch)

Taglist: @lynxwhispurrs

Summary: When an unexpected touch brings a realization to light, Natasha does everything to show her favorite person that it's real.

A/N: This was inspired by @missmonsters2's "Words Beneath Your Skin', a beautiful piece of art I"m not worthy of with my touch starved ass. I wanted to add my own little spin to it using my favorite assassin :3 Thank you again for giving me permission to do this <3

Warning: Open ended quote that might be interpreted as abuse. I'm not for sure, but just to be safe.

Natasha noticed.

To be fair, she is a assassin turned avenger. She notices a lot of things.

Natasha spent lifetimes learning about the human body. Where to break, where to shed blood most, vital areas that deliver poison faster than others….the list can go on.

She saw it when you visited her room. A part of the problem.

You were still new, not to the team, but to the compound. And even though everyone was mostly in and out on missions, your presence was very welcome to many.

Especially to a certain feline.

Liho was never one to welcome strangers, but your small peace offering of expensive canned tuna definitely made an impression.

Soon enough, you began to feed Liho, and her owner. Leaving small meals for both of them to find, and to keep finding you to ask for more.

You become both their favorites. And being a favorite of Natasha did allow certain perks.

“Found those limited edition chips you wanted.”

“Your shoelaces are untied,”

“Wanna go shopping?”

“I restocked the snack drawer and charged your computer.”

She pays attention as you start to settle into your new room. How you grab small snacks instead of sitting at a dinner table with the others, how you wrap yourself in a blanket when you’re in an empty living room. What snack you like best after a training session.

They’re small things, and to her credit, she was really just trying to say thank you for feeding them both. Thank you quickly turned into dates you thoroughly enjoyed.

It’s how you ended up in her room for the first time.

“I bought a few too many snacks at the store,” was the best excuse she could come up with, and she thanks whatever god there is that you bought it with that smile of yours.

Natasha’s room was interesting, simplicity mixed with sparks of modern and rustic all in one. Splashes of red and white mixed with shades of black.

“It’s pretty,”

Natasha gives you the smallest of smiles, genuine and true. “Thank you.”

Her bed is even softer. The mattress invites you, and you immediately burrow into the blankets like it’s second nature.

Meow

Liho follows suit after you open up your bag of potato chips and nestles in a spot close to you, and that night black tail swaying in pure bliss.

Then it happens.

Natasha looks at you, green eyes spotting remnants of chips resting against the corner of your lips. It doesn’t bother her, quite the contrary, you look absolutely adorable.

She brings it to your attention with a small chuckle, and hovers a finger over her face to point out the crumbs. Your focus on the movie, and perhaps looking a little too much at Natasha’s eyes and not her cue for you to wipe your face makes you brush away the opposite cheek.

A laugh escapes, and you wonder what’s so funny before she takes action herself.

Then she sees something.

How your eyes widened when you felt it. Hearing your heartbeat damn near thump out of your chest. Seeing the muscles tense up at the exact spot where the assassins hand brushes against your cheek. Feeling your face heat up at the intention, or even the very contact itself.

It’s how Natasha has her epiphany.

That you weren’t comfortable.

-

No childhood was ever really perfect, but coming to the root of it…was it really even normal?

Sure, your parents maybe made a few mistakes, but they gave you something, they gave you life. That’s probably the best gift they could give you. You didn’t need affection.

Right?

The memory of last night comes, how she…did that. Touched you. Lingering for only a few moments to the point where you thought you saw trees in those forest eyes of hers.

You look away from it, and she retracts, eyes quickly turning apologetic before you excuse yourself..

God…gardening was supposed to relax you. Not reminding you of the memory of a touch setting you off.

You gingerly touch the potting soil you laid out, placing a little in your hands and gauging the rich dirt. It’s not like grass, rooted to the ground. It’s flexible, vulnerable and-

Meow?

“Liho?”

You dust your hands off, and allow them to hover over the feline. You feel like a ghost, so close to her, but yet-

“Your momma must be mad at me, hm?”

Meow

“I know…not the smartest move to avoid her.” You allow your fingertips to ghost over the fur slowly. “I just…”

Liho makes an effort to listen. To stay as a friend, as a ear to listen.

“I don’t know.”

It’s an honest answer. One that makes Natasha’s heart break a little inside as she waits for you to finish your session with Liho.

She thinks about it for a moment, as she makes her presence known after you stop talking. A small wave and a soft “Hello” before she scoops liho in her arms and away from you.

The words slip out before you can think.

“Please…wait.”

Natasha stands still, liho jumping out of her arms in an instant and running back to your side. Natasha looks to the empty spot next to you in the green house, and when she looks at you this time, it’s different.

You see her ask. Green eyes waiting, despite everything inside her wanting to embrace and comfort you, for permission to get close to you.

You nod, and it’s the best decision you made today when you see her get comfortable on the ground.

“I’m sorry.” She starts. “I never meant to make you feel like I was going to hurt you. I would never hurt you.”

She feels like it’s her fault. For making you like this, so scared of this, of-

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Her eyebrows knit together, and she frowns as Liho makes her way to the redhead and nuzzles her thigh.

“What happened yesterday? Did I make you feel uncomfortable?”

You place your hands on your lap, the texture of your blue jeans giving some imitation of stimulation. The feeling is awkward and does little to ease your nerves, it’s baffling that jeans don’t have any other purpose than being expensive, but Natasha’s hand makes you stop.

Her hand is right in front of you. The early afternoon sunshine rests on her palm, extending towards you. She makes a conscious effort not to touch any part of your body, no matter what this urge is consuming her from the inside out.

Natasha only looks at you, and keeps her hand extended.

It’s another question.

I want to understand…please talk to me.

You take her hand, and allow your fingers to trace the lines on her palm before taking another step to full on hand-holding.

“It’s not you.” You shake your head. “Never you.”

She’s relieved, and quietly thanks a god as she looks at you. As she searches for those answers with you.

“I just…it felt so…different.”

She quirks an eyebrow at that. Before gently squeezing your hand. “Different how?”

“It felt…” You bit your lower lip in thought.

So soft, and gentle…how the warmth of her fingers rested on your cheek, her thumb swiping away the crumbs, how you felt so safe keeping eye contact with her when those few seconds felt like an eternity.

It felt like you wanted so much more of it. That..that touch.

But it’s wrong, in your mind.

It’s wrong to yourself to yearn for that feeling, to want it and to never let it go. To cherish its warmth like a fire on a cold winters day.

You find yourself not answering it. That feeling that keeps yelling at you to indulge in it.

“It felt so…new.” You explained. “Like it wasn’t going to leave. Like it was safe.”

Natasha nods. “Did it ever feel safe before?”

She waits for your answer, and feels the warmth of your hand slip away from her.

“Not everyone is like you,” You whisper. “Not everyone is good.”

She gets it.

-

Natasha never felt like this.

So determined, so hellbent on showing you something you’ve been denied for so long.

Take it slow, she reminds herself.

Natasha starts small. Hand and eye contact. A good start.

You see her extend her hand like she’s did in the green house during breakfast oneway, her forest orbs looking at you with that question.

Do you want this? It's okay if you don't.

Your decision is like that game show with the music for the final question. You’re over and under-thinking, worrying and doubting.

But she stays still and true.

You take her hand as many times as she extends it, and every decision getting just a little shorter than the last. She sees you start to intertwine your fingers with hers eventually, and the eye contact remains through it all.

You find yourself looking at her eyes so much. Sometimes it’s to check if she changed her mind, or if you did something wrong. But she brings you back with those green eyes of hers, an affirmation that it’s okay.

You're safe with me

She builds a foundation this way. Natasha slowly starts to stay a little longer by your side, she finds you starting to look for that feeling. She builds from hand holding, to sparring together, and from that, hugging.

She loves it when she gets to hug you.

The feeling of safety always washes over you when she wraps her arms around you, like she doesn’t want to let go. The subtle squeeze she gives you proved her point when Bucky called her out on it.

She didn’t want to let go. She never does.

Natasha slowly and consistently continues to build that foundation, and takes it at your pace. She’s patient, and attentive.

It gets longer, the contact.

You start to hold Liho for longer periods of time as Natasha sits next to you when you watch movies. Your fingers grazing over her fur as the assassin watches with adoration.

Hugs quickly became late night cuddling, and god it was heaven for you both.

You allowed yourself to initiate small touches. Brief hugs with the team as a greeting whenever in passing, high fives when Bucky says something funny at lunch, actually going to lunch instead of hiding in your room.

You became a permanent guest at Natasha’s bed, and you began sitting a tiny bit closer to her every time. Sometimes you’d lay on her lap as she braided your hair, others would be more comfortable sitting positions if anything else.

She sees a shift of sorts when you’re in bed with her one night.

The television show was long forgotten about ten minutes into the series, and she sees your crinkled brow under the covers. You’re not frustrated, far from it actually, and she’s relieved when she hears your heartbeat is steady.

Your body moves on its own accord. Gently shifting your position to sit up. Natasha immediately locks eyes with you, and turns down the volume with her other hand.

“Can you hold me?”

Her answer is a smile, and her eyes softening before meeting your own.

"May I?' She asks.

You give a nod, before she adjusts herself. Her movements aren’t as quick as her reflexes, she gives you the opportunity to see everything she’s doing, and the power to stop this.

You feel her hands brush against your sleep shirt, the warmth leaving as soon as it came. Her movements stop, as she gives you a moment to take in the result of her ministrations.

She’s under you, so many strands of red hair you try not count splayed all over her pillows, her hands hovering over the small of your back. Her eyes never leaving yours for a second.

“Is this-“

Her breath hitches when you take the initiative. Your hands find hers like your life depends on it, and she feels your body relax under her when you find the missing piece.

You see her look at you, and there’s something different about her.

You're beautiful

You both move in sync, you reach down as she rises to connect your foreheads together.

“How does this feel?”

Natasha’s voice is a mere whisper in the dimly illuminated room. Her raspy tone is prominent, calming, and intoxicating all at the same time. Hands ghost against your waist, holding you steady.

You lean in closer, your lips inches apart from hers.

“It feels like you..”

It does, everything feels like Natasha. From the way she holds you, to how she’s kissing you right now in this moment.

Her lips are velvet against yours, full of devotion, and adoration just for you. You take it all in, you feel it all in the kiss, and it’s euphoric.

It feels so…good, and warm, and soft and safe.

And you never want it to stop feeling this way.

You both pull away, and Natasha gives you a different smile, one that’s like the sun.

“It’s real…” she whispers incredulously. “This is real.”

“It is.” You whisper

It truly is.

You both find each other’s hands, and press your foreheads together.

Natasha squeezes, ever so softly.

“It’s always real when I’m with you”

Iron Man 2 was funny as fuck like imagine you’re battling a terminal illness and at the end of what is arguably the worst week of your life some guy shows up and is like “we’ve been conducting a secret job interview for a position you didn’t apply for and we’ve decided to reject you” and you just go “alright fuck you too then” and revolutionize the energy business.