A Reflective Poem On Mamá Filled With What I Wish I Could Say
A Reflective Poem on Mamá Filled with What I Wish I Could Say
TW: Grafic Topics
Growing up is so weird because what do you mean my mother is a bio essentialist.
Granted I should’ve seen that coming with the Wicca stuff and the “divine feminine” and the needing to know all my friend’s bio genders and blatant misogyny to other women but like, I’m trans. She named me Sean because it’s my dead uncle’s middle name. She helped me learn how to dress masculinely. Why is it now I’m getting told to “ditch the facial hair” and that I “shouldn’t start testosterone now” and I “should tone down the eyeliner”.
Mamá you filled my head with stories of you being goth in the 90s and showed me the metal cds you got then. Why can’t I do that? Why do you have to look and me and see nothing but a mess of emotions? Will it still be that way when my voice drops? When my facial hair grows in? When my name is changed? How “inate” are these traits you’ve put on me? And why do you keep them there? You don’t even know who I am and you act like you know everything. You don’t.
Growing up is weird bc what do you mean my mom is a narcissist?
Everyone said my dad was one, and they were right, because I ended up being one too. The all-importance, the thinking you can do no wrong, that masculine snark that everyone takes as confidence, I thought it was his, and it is his, it’s mine. It’s the one connection I still have with my dad, my window of understanding of who he is and was, and why he made those decisions at my age. Why I’m never going to be like him
But Mamá what you have is worse. Your narcissism says you can never be wrong. That I in my 19 years of life can never know as much as you do. But if I told you of the clubs and the drugs and the queers I love and the friendships that I hold dearest to my heart you’d never trust me ever again. The shame you carry with you is harder than any shoe thrown in a frightening joke. Mamá I know you lie about my dead uncle. And I know it’s not on purpose, he was absolutely like me. He partied so hard and loved so feverishly that you didn’t know the full extent until he died. He had to die for you to know him. I know he hid from you the way I hide from you, out of self preservation because your way is the all knowing, the divine, and god forbid you learn the nuance of life
Growing up is weird because what do you mean my mom is bisexual
She told me about it when I was 12 and came out to her. She was the first person to explain trans people to me. Maybe that’s why she hates me being trans, I don’t do it in her definition. I was too young, I was too feminine, and even now the heels and the skirts and the wigs and the endless eyeshadow pallets are a testament to how I’m not the “right kind” of trans. Does she know it’s not because I’m secretly going to “switch back” to being a girl. Does she know that I do drag. Does she know about my three drag dads. Does she know about the trans women I cry to when she says I don’t have my life together. Does she know why.
Mamá I will never tell you why. I will never tell you about being groomed and trafficked and drugged with a fake prescription and doing all the house work for a woman I was terrified of. You met that woman. I said she was my roommate. But even if you knew the truth you wouldn’t have helped me. You would’ve shamed me. That’s all you ever do, that’s all you’re ever filled with, and no matter what happens to me it’s all you have to offer now. The shame for my clothes for my hair for my body if you ever saw it for the parts of me you can’t see and never ever will
Growing up is strange
Because what do you mean my mom is abusive too
She was never supposed to be that
Mamá do you know that I want to die?
More Posts from Seanheexsists and Others
Reminder that every TERF supports mutilation of intersex children, it is inherent to their ideology.
Hey I remembered that y'all had asked about DIY HRT and Lily Alexandre posted a video just yesterday with a pseudo guide to how to do it safely.
https://youtu.be/o2Ggwe2j0Gc?si=b2PWkNHvpvZE-g65
Please if you check out this video, download it and rip it as well. Who knows how long we'll have access to it.
holy shit this is awesome, thank you so much!!!!!!
this is the ONLY way certain people can access HRT and i want to make sure those individuals stay as safe as possible. while it's best to try to get it through a medical provider when and where you can, not everyone has this option. thank you so much.
as suggested, download this video. i have downloaded a copy. if the video does go down, i will be happy to find ways to get it to people who need it. preserve this information. nobody deserves to go without lifesaving hormones.
Texas is still the only state in the USA that has clinics with comprehensive Healthcare for intersex people btw. All yall "let's abandon Texas and Florida" bitches don't have half the backbone of queers living in those states fighting for queer rights
hey everyone… i hate to make another post like this but every opportunity i’ve had to make money has been pulled out from under me for one reason or another. my house burned down this january, and it drained my savings account pretty much dry. i have stable housing with a neglectful and emotionally abusive family. so, not incredibly stable. i was hospitalized right before the fire for a chronic condition that worsened bc i avoided treatment that i didn’t want to pay for. the hospital bill was obviously higher than i could pay, equal to like a months rent. i’ve been bouncing around locations, couch surfing, neglecting my schooling while trying to make myself available for gigs and employment that has been promised to me but every time im told i have a job something goes wrong and all of a sudden they can’t hire me for one reason or another. it’s really fucking frustrating. if you have spare cash, it would mean a lot if you could sent it my way so i can pay for hrt, get new ids, replace things from the fire, and hopefully i can lower my medical debt so it becomes manageable to pay.
paypal: cottontailcandies
cashapp: $loosherbun
venmo: maplelove
The situation is catastrophic now in Gaza after the heavy rain and winds this week. Did you know that families in Gaza are sheltered only by some pieces of nylon and that the cold is very severe? My family is suffering from severe cold.
There is no shelter to protect them from the bitter cold. Their help will save my family’s lives from starvation and may help them flee Gaza soon after the crossings are opened soon.
I know that most of you are desperate and bored of constantly asking us for help. But how many times do you see the world and governments that did not look at us with mercy?
Only people with compassionate hearts like you help and sympathize with the afflicted.
Your continued support saves the lives of all my families. Support link here
Save the life of the Balousha family here
Thank you all for your help in reblogging and thank you for your donations that give us hope I am grateful to all of you 💝
Update! Luigi's Attorney Dickey confirms that his "outburst" where he tells the cameras that this is unjust, was because he was never read his miranda rights and was under the impression at that time that he was being denied the right to a fair trial, an attorney, or any legal representation.
He is angry and terrified in that footage because they have failed to follow basic procedure to inform him that he has any rights at all. This is a major red flag of police corruption. This is UNACCEPTABLE and further means any interrogation they did of him is unlawful, and inadmissible in court.
hello y'all, i know right now in the west where most of the tumblr userbase is it's christmas time: the season of giving, where people acrossthe world are buying many presents for their beloveds and decorations as well like christmas trees and lights in preparation for festivities. yet meanwhile, in the birthplace of christ himself, the man that this holiday celebrates, the palestinian people are suffering calamity and tragedy beyond anything any of us can comprehend. around the day people come to celebrate a mother's birth of a very special child, thousands of actual mothers and their children are experiencing the horrors of war.
one such mother and child is suad ahmed and her child khaled. khaled was born during the midst of this war, and as a result cannot grow in the safety and health a child deserves. he's currently very ill with a respiratory illness and his body, not even fully developed yet, fights so hard to live. i cannot imagine fighting for survival before even being a year old..
the best, most meaningful gift you can give to anyone this christmas, is support for the mother and child under war. this campaign is literally their lifeline, as all proceeds go to necessities like tents, clothing, food and water and baby formula. so please give what you can and share.
$41,002/$42,000
let's help her get to her short term goal!
When you see a really good post but there’s some form of guilt tripping to reblog it added on at the end
(ID: A screenshot of Marge from the Simpsons looking dismally at the camera with one arm raised. A caption underneath her reads “It’s true, but I’m not reblogging it.” End ID)
Also I've said this before but advertising is an industry that should be considered as pointless and harmful as fossil fuels.
He/Him, Transmasc Dyke, 19yo A personal blog of mine to document my journey on testosterone, plus other shenanigans:))
217 posts