My Mother Says That Fanfiction Doesn’t Count As Reading Because “it Isn’t Nearly As Good As The

my wife✨

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Look buddy, i’m just trying to make it to Friday.

this is one of the best things I’ve ever read

criminal minds episode

[suburban house in the dark]

Woman: hey I’m getting some wine okay honey

Man: okay

[spooky music]

[someone comes up behind the woman and slits her throat with a fork]

[powerpoint transitions between clips of the cast, theme song plays]

[picture of FBI Quantico labeled “FBI QUANTICO”]

[inside FBI Quantico]

Reid: did you know that prince removed one of his ribs to suck his own dick

Prentiss: DiD yOu Kn—shut up

Reid: okay sorry

JJ: hey everyone we’re starting. get in here

Everyone: [gets in there]

[sitting at the table]

Hotch: 😠

Reid: 🙂

Morgan: 🤨

Rossi: 🧐

JJ, showing a PowerPoint presentation of dead bodies: the UnSub is killing people with spoons. But now he has used a fork

Morgan: his MO changed…that means…

Rossi : we need to act fast. He’s getting sloppy

Reid: ☹️

Hotch: 😠 wheels up in 20

[everyone starts to leave]

Prentiss: hey wait Reid

Reid: what

Prentiss: do you want to talk about it

Reid: next time why don’t you just ask me if I want to gouge my eyes out with melon ballers because that’s how much I don’t want to talk about it. That’s how avoidant I am. God I wish I had a father [leaves]

[scene of plane flying]

Hotch, voiced over: “What would you do if you did not know how to what okay and. — The Bible”

[inside plane]

Reid: did you know—

Morgan: DiD yOu kNoW— shut up you little twink. You’re so gorgeous I just wanna rub my hands—

Reid: wh—

Hotch: let’s focus please

Garcia, appearing on the computer screen: hello all of you slimy little cum beasts

Rossi: 👁👄👁

Morgan: hey sexy

Hotch: 😠… what do you have for us

Garcia: I obtained a record of all forks bought in the past week

Hotch: great work. thank you

Morgan: god i just wanna fuck your brains out

Garcia: fill me with your mixed babies

Hotch: [disapproving glance]

Reid: 🤭

[meeting the local cops]

JJ: hey I’m agent jereau we spoke on the phone

Cop: oh hey sexy you didn’t tell me you had huge naturals and a slim thick ass when we talked on the phone hahaha let’s go inside we’ll get you set up

[several minutes of poking around at crime scenes]

Hotch: okay. Let’s present the profile

Morgan: are we ready for that

[zoom on Hotch’s face]

“No”

[black screen where there would have been commercials if you were watching this on CBS but it’s 2020 and you’re watching it on Netflix so there are no commercials so you’re forced to see your reflection and think about the fact that you’ve been watching Criminal Minds for six hours straight]

[in room with the cops]

Hotch: it’s a white male in his 30’s

Cop who is racist: you sure

Prentiss: hey shut the fuck up please. It’s a white male in his 30’s and his dick don’t work so he’s decided to kill everyone who looks the same as his mother because he blames her for his dick not working

[more poking around at the most recent crime scene]

Morgan, climbing up a tree or something in the yard: so I’m the unsub. Where can I see inside the windows without being seen

Prentiss: you look dumb as hell up there just so you know. You look like a fucking freak just so you know

Rossi, from inside the house: hey guys I think found something

[commercial break]

so maybe this week hasn’t been so bad now that Dynamite is out and these cute bebes are smiling

BTS ♡ dynamite MV

it’s all i want at this point

what if we all fell in love with each other while looking for a dead welsh guy?? jk,,,, unless??

i feel like i’ve come across a national treasure

when she says she doesn’t send nudes

yes.

My infatuation with Matthew Gray Gubler has hit me like a steam train and I love it

i’m just sayin

Me: *sits down across from the Merlin writers* Right guys, some amazing writing here, but I've got a few issues with it...

Me: Now, Lancelot dying, wasting a good character there, he's not really dying for a great reason, missing out in all the fun adventures he and Merlin could have together given, ya know, he knows about the magic

Me: Which brings me to my boy Elyan, again great potential to have nice character arcs with Gwen, some family backstory to flesh their characters out, also, his death doesn't contribute anything to the plot, ya get me?

Me: Okay, and Gwaine dying at the end. Now, Elyan was tortured by an Aether by Morgana and lived so why would Gwaine die here?

Me: Finally, and this a biggie- Arthur dying. We don't see Albion united, we don't see magic returned...The whole prophecy is just lost if he dies right at the end

Me: I guess what I'm saying guys is, are all these character deaths really needed?

Merlin writers:

this is my new favorite post ever

I’ve been thinking a lot about 306 and like?? did Bakugou get a letter? It’s not like Midoriya HAS to tell him about OFA so like if he got one what did it say? or did Midoriya just totally ghost him lol

we are all sad little clowns 😔

every day. every single day i sit here and i wait in my silly little clown shoes for any news about a julie and the phantoms season 2