49 I Don't Feel That Anxious All The Time, Maybe I'm Just Used To It After 19 Years

last night I had a dream that there was a tumblr update and the only thing it changed was that for two minutes straight you could sprinkle shredded cheese on other blogs and their posts, and everyone's dashboard was just pandemonium as everyone cheesed each other. two minutes of abominable amounts of shredded cheese raining from the dash. tumblr at its finest. get cheesed

Imagine explaining braces to an alien.

Alien: this "lemonade" smells like it'll melt my skin. Will this melt my skin?

Human: probably not. Though it did dissolve the glue on one of my braces when I was a kid.

Alien: for me to understand how fully horrified I should be right now I need to know what "braces" are.

Human: oh, people that have the money for it get a bunch of metal put in their mouth to move their teeth into a perfect row. It's a very painful process that usually takes years.

Alien: metal??? On your face bones??? And it hurts?? Doesn't this impede your ability to eat??

Human: well yeah there are things you can't eat when you have them. And some foods you just stop eating because it gets stuck in your braces and it's really gross to get it all out. I still don't eat much bread. Certain foods can break the braces, so you weren't supposed to eat those

Alien: EATING could break the painful metal in your mouth???? WHAT KIND OF FOOD DO YOU PEOPLE EAT???

Human: well lemonade just dissolves the glue

Alien: WHAT?!!! And you want me to DRINK this?? No!! Now I know what people mean when they say you can never understand deathworlders. You people are nuts! I am never eating your substance dissolving, metal breaking food. Fuck that.

Human: alright, I'll drink yours *chugs the lemonade, much to the alien's fascinated horror*

Alien, whispering to themself: deathworlders are insane

#this had to be done

I'm havin the time of my life

You’re married to your phone background/lockscreen how fucked are you

Never ever be normal about fictional characters but please GOD be normal about the people who play them, I am begging you

Do you ever wanna pull a grown man around by his scruff? Like hello? There is a reason I'm walking where I'm walking, get back in line

When vampires are portrayed as mainly preying on women that's so unrealistic like I'm sorry but they're too careful especially around strange men. Dudes are much easier. You could literally lurk in a bush in the park at night and call out "whoa look at this fucked up looking squirrel" and have 3 grown men climb in immediately

Is it more awkward for me to stay on the couch as my sister and her husband argue about how to parent their children or would it be more awkward for me to get up and leave?

(we are all literally 5 feet away from each other)

prelude (2/2)

read the first part here

Not to slut shame but some of you could definitely be sluttier