You Know All Those Humans Are Space Orcs Posts About How We Anthropomorphise Inanimate Objects? Next
You know all those humans are space orcs posts about how we anthropomorphise inanimate objects? Next time a computer asks me to confirm I’m human, I’m telling it about Fang, the small paper shredder at a neighbours house I met while helping her with organising and ended up feeding him different things over the course of a while bc there was that much to get rid of and if he ate too fast he overheated and had to be given time to calm down.
I cannot stress enough, he was not my paper shredder. He was the size of a waste paper bin under a desk, really simple. He was not named Fang by his owner. I have never not referred to him as Fang.
I spent a couple hours with Fang one day in the summer. It’s been years, I still think about Fang fairly regularly and consider getting a paper shredder like one might consider getting a dog. The worst part is everytime I get to that point in the line of thought, I think it wouldn’t be the same because it’s not Fang.
So I get emotionally invested in things quick.
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“…why?”
“I’m telling you, they make the best bread I’ve ever had in my fucking life.”
“Can I help?”
“So you’re a villain, but you only want to take over this small village?” “Yep.” “You don’t have any plans to take over anywhere else?” “Nope.”
Oh. This is it?
I don’t want to be left behind. Please.
please don’t leave me too.
i dont want to be alone.
After being a superhero for decades and experiencing many awful events, you make a horrifying discovery: you don’t age and will never be able to retire
so my siblings look like twins (they are not) and once again my bullshit brain was like hmmmm batfam. So here. Have some Cass and Tim twin content. Featuring my siblings’ and I’s answers to:
”are you twins?”
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Tim: we used to be.
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Cass: Legally? No. Biologically? No. Genetically? Also no.
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Tim: you can see her too?
Cass: *fucking disappears*
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Tim: we are, but we were separated at birth so she’s older now.
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Cass: That’s a long story. So here it is! It all started in the summer of 1783…..
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Tim: well, not until after the accident.
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Cass: After the witch got us, no.
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Tim: She’s actually a failed clone experiment. Or was that me? -
Cass: he’s actually adopted but we are biological twins.
- Tim: yes but we have separate fathers. - Cass: *Ditto from Pokémon sounds* - Tim: Well you see I was an only child for 15 years but around 1444 I was standing in the swamp, covered in frogs, but these frogs had human eyes. They also had human feet but that’s not relevant to the story— that’s when the biggest, Jeramiah, started to speak… - Cass: father actually summoned us from hell so we’re not related in any way except that we both possessed the same body for a while until Tim got a separate one. - Tim: I had one but she died five years ago this very day. She died in a tragic bathroom accident. Fell in the toilet.
